I woke up today with sensitivity in my chest/lungs. I’ve been having a light cough too. I wonder if this is related to yazooneh and his experience on LotS. I mowed the place today but this started when I woke up. Mowing didn’t make it worse either.
I’m feeling more soreness on my right arm, above elbow. From my work, this area is usually aggravated but comes and goes. Today it’s been overly noticeable. I hope these two issues are signs of healing/shifting.
It’s been a great washout so far, 3 more days to go.
I’ve had a nice blossom of discipline. I’m still at 146lbs but I’ve definitely added some muscle. Getting into more of a routine and consistency is improving.
I’ve been feeling parts of my body healing, changing. Been dealing with some light pain in one area that I think is being worked, as I haven’t felt this discomfort in a long time. Organ healing scripting from LotS for sure.
I’ve become more interested in addressing problem areas too. I asked my chiropractor earlier this week about hip alignment, feet position, lower back ect. I’m starting to understand what I need to do.
I’m much less talkative and do not partake or really even entertain gossip at work. I’m quite happy with how things are developing. I’m not disinterested, just detached and I love it.
Neurofeedback therapy is getting better too, this week has been one of the “best” weeks I’ve had since starting. 11 sessions so far.
It’s funny how this stack has affected my desire for subs. I used to have a long list of future subs I wanted to run and now there is not that many I would even try. Not sure if this is a good or bad thing but I feel more discerning and clear on my goals and what tools would help vs. what I think looks good to run.
2:30am
Workout finished. I feel a lot more discipline these days on washout. Shorter loops seem to yield better/consistent results. I ran full loops on the first cycle for full export, the rest of these cycles will be script maintenance. 3 to 5 mins twice a week.
Discipline - doing what you hate to do but doing it like you love it.
2nd cycle
Monday
Glm - 3 mins and LotS - 3 mins.
I was planning on 5 mins, however at around 2:43 of Glm I felt sensations and an almost intuitive “that’s enough” manifest, so I stopped at 3 mins. Funnily LotS had no such response though I kept it at 3 mins as well.
I’ve had a big increase in interest towards exercise during my washout. Posture and stance seem to be in my awareness most often as well. Spent a lot of time reading/watching exercise vids. I’ve also been more consistent in my actions. I’m actually annoyed by the fact that I’m wanting to work out but I’m still sore from saturdays session. That’s really unusual for me.
I thought about adding Spartan to my stack this cycle but things are going great already, why bring recon and increase processing now. It was more of a “more of a good thing” thought vs. I need more from subs thought.
Everytime I exercise and realize how out of shape I am, there is little to no negative feedback within me. It’s also reassuring or hyping myself up. Not sure if this scripting is in either sub or from my DR days but it helps a lot. It was always too easy to find excuses, now I’m just looking for the next opportunity to grow, to be better.
Man, I just don’t sit anymore. I can hardly sit at work, end up pacing around or doing squats when I can.
When I do sit, I’m very conscious of my posture and start feeling grumpy that I end up standing again. It’s very noticeable and consistent. If I’m bored at home or have down time, I end up doing planks, hollow body holds or squats. Loving it
The amount of sheer optimism I have towards myself is fascinating. I seem to feel this quiet, internal sense of “let’s grind”. I call it optimism towards myself because I don’t know how else to explain it. It isn’t drive or passion, it doesn’t have urgency but it’s self existent, ever going.
It’s like there’s an internal hype within me, constantly propping me up, telling me how much opportunity there is, how great I can be if I choose to capitalize on it.
Glm is…building something awesome within me. 
Wether or not I’m getting the results I want, regardless of the time it takes, even seeing myself where I am for now hardly phases me. I just keep moving forward. I’m not quitting.
Internal power: leveling up
For some reason today I was thinking about this girl I used to have a connection with. I started looking at old pictures and playing with junior then I’d stop. This happened two or three times earlier.
Then I started doing some bodyweight training, it seemed I was subconsciously/manually transmitting sexual energy. Instead of the urge to deplete my energy in a release, I utilized it to strength train.
I won’t lie, I’m usually always in favor of Pmo/Mo but since starting this stack I have had no release. I’ve been on unintentional no fap for over a month. Today was the 2nd time that I’ve had the urge to play with my junk but I never go beyond. I feel like each time I get a sexual urge, it’s an opportunity to overcome vs. Indulge. And each time I successfully overcome or transcend the base Instinct, I become stronger.
I realize that it’s 90% mental, 10% physical in life. I love these subs (all of them) as it allows you to tear down mental weakness and rebuild a mindset that facilitates mastery of self.
Mastery of self is my goal. I don’t much care for the external right now as much as I do the internal. As the external is the expression of the internal.
And looking at myself, It’s obvious my internal has been and is currently subpar. It’s changing for the better though, slowly each day thanks to SubClub.
In relation to the girl in the post above, all I keep hearing in my mind is “don’t give value to people who don’t value you” and “don’t waste energy energy on those who don’t want/appreciate it”
I must be reconciling a conflicting belief. Today’s been reminiscent and semi-emotional. I think I’ve over given in life and that’s seen as low value and I have under received in life which is the result of low value perception.
This girl is just one example but one that manifested today’s struggles. Does Glm instill value for yourself? It’s easy to understand the concept on paper but it’s not ingrained deeply as I’ve seen myself in times past compromise/give away my own value to get some perceived thing of value in the external world.
To be a self contained, self sustaining unit of value. To be whole, complete. To feel rejection, in any form and think “thier loss” instead of chasing perceived value and supplicating because you don’t see or reject your own value.
This has LBH vibes. Weird, but interesting day. Good lessons.
I keep hearing that working out your legs releases more or produces more testosterone in the body.
If this is true, that might explain yesterday’s random sexuality challenges. I did do some moderate leg work yesterday morning before sleep. Makes sense, now I’ll be more proactive in the future.
Its true, working out your legs increase testosterone.
Every time after leg day i feel it in my body.
Yeah true, do not skip legs, unless you want to 
Had an awesome workout earlier before work. Now that I’m at work, I’ve been doing split leg squats using the chair I used to sit in, lol.
The mindset Glm is helping me build is so awesome. Emotional discipline is A+, I’ve needed this sub more than I ever realized.
I’ve been a depressed, angry, trauma filled beta baby for the past what…20 years +. It feels good to be on the right track.
I was never good at push ups, I had so much tension in my body from childhood trauma, hypervigilance and B.S. that exercise just didn’t do much or made things worse.
About 3 weeks-ish ago I was doing 10 decent push ups. Now today I hit 13 push-ups with great form, full scapula protraction/contraction. So things are improving. (I’m basically starting from zero)
I’ve gone from shaking/barely getting 30 second hollow body holds to about 2 mins now with added moves with legs during hold.
Weighed myself earlier and I was 145lbs. Not a huge drop but I’m putting on muscle too. I’m actually planning on going low carb next week to see how it goes.
Mood: Strong Optimism 
I think I got off Ascension and/or GLM too soon.
Will be running one or both more.
1:30am - Thursday
Glm - 3 mins and LotS - 3 mins.
I almost forgot it was my listening day. Things are just going great. I want to run Ascension and Spartan, I keep going back and forth but ultimately I ask myself why. Results are great right now, recon is low. I just seem to want more while realizing I’m right where I’m supposed to be.
The efficiency of a 2 sub stack outweighs a 3 sub stack in my opinion. Two loops a week yields better results than every other day. In my limited experience so far. I had a custom all made, sitting in my cart for weeks and I just don’t feel I need it right now. The more time I give this stack, the stronger I get (mindset) and the urgency for the custom wanes.
Momentum vs. Rushing. Luther expressed what I was experiencing well on his journal by my question. I think we easily get caught up in running titles thinking it’ll solve our problems asap. Time and growth…sticking to a stack, any stack for many cycles will do more than running 9 subs in 3 stacks for a few cycles. I personally don’t like the “try everything” approach. Figure out your needs, identify the subs that will address things you struggle with, listen, take action and commit. Voytek understands, his “missing links” approach is right on.
I think patience is a lost art in today’s world. I could always use more patience.
@Palpatine which one did you enjoy more, ascension or glm. Was it difficult differentiating between the two in your stack?
I honestly can’t say as I’ve never run them apart from each other. I like the overall effect from them together, though.
I stacked them with EoG1, and can’t point yet to many things from EoG1, as money is a deep issue for me I think.
But with even just Ascension and GLM, I got more “alpha”(?)
Walking different, strengthening and exercising my will more. Meaning I set a goal then go do it. I say I’ll do something, then I go do it.
Got more attention from this girl I call Annabelle on forum…where we didn’t talk a lot before, then she suddenly was going out of her way to say hi to me. (She works at the grocery store).
I’ve also never run GLM by itself before. I’d always stacked it with Commander prior. (Search “steak dinner equalizer” haha).
Now i’m wondering what Ascension, GLM, Commander would be like…
This? Hmm…I understand the “amping up” feeling. I’ve been calling it internal hype but I guess we are saying the same thing. So Glm definitely amps, and wether it’s commander or ascension, it only gets better from there 
Yeah. There’s a scene in the movie when Teddy/Nicolai is actually eating steak in a nice restaurant. Shortly after having done some gruesome stuff.
Here’s what I think(?) is my original entry Le Journal de Palpatine™ (2021) - #590 by Palpatine
Another bit from the movie, but with Robert McCall (Denzel) doing what must be done
Man, after my neurofeedback session Friday, I feel like I’ve gone backwards. Irritating, now I have to wait until Friday to fix it.
Dopamine seeking behaviors
Broke no fap (four times today)
Bought outshine fruit bars for a junk food fix (could be worse)
Shit motivation for productivity and exercise.
Lower mood/emotional immaturity, borderline victim mindset vibe.
I’m forcing myself to do some lifts, half ass is better than nothing. This weekend just feels uphill. Weak mindset since I woke up Saturday. I felt awesome last week and now I’m here…pissed. even my muscles feel sore yet I’ve hardly worked out since Friday.
I doubt this is reconciliation as it all started after therapy, unless the brain wave training facilitated some thing that opened up all this crappy stuff.
Man, I just want to rewind to last week. I only posted this crap for consistency and transparency. Don’t like making negative posts.
Maybe tomorrow’s loops will break this spiral.
Workout done, moving myself out of this trash day. You won’t always feel good, that’s not an excuse. Just go through the motions and resist comfort and temptation as those do not move you forwards.
Pacification is weakness
3:10am - Monday
LotS - 5 mins and Glm - 5 mins.
Switched sub order today, probably doesn’t matter. Went to 5 mins over 3 just to see if the extra time would help break through the bullshit weekend I’ve had.
I find myself watching calisthenics videos and anything on masculinity. I’ve become a sponge. It’s funny being 38 and there are days I feel like a lost kid looking for a role model/father figure. Could be masculinity healing recon?
Some days I feel disempowered and make stupid choices, other days I feel on fire and empowered. The ebb and flow of life…
Weighed myself a few hours ago, 144.4lbs. Granted that’s not a dry weigh upon waking but I’m still heading in the right direction it seems.
I can’t think of any other goal that is more important other than building masculinity and becoming fit as it’s a reflection of my inner state and I’m tired of losing in life.
Went from 13 max to 14 push-ups, too much extra bodyweight is not helping. I need to get something for pull ups again. Strict 40 hrs at work has been screwing me for a month. No budget for shit but that’s another problem for another stack.