Long story short I’ve learned my grandmother spiritually bypassed, she in turn taught that to my mother, and my mom taught it to me. We are a generation of emotionally messed up individuals thinking that our purpose on earth was to transcend these problems or learn from them vs you know practicing basic emotional regulation skills and resolve internal conflict. Oscillating between excessive passivity so the world just blew us around like a paper boat or exerting tremendous mental energy trying to contain emotions that weren’t properly validated. There was no grand meaning, the grand meaning was a cope for the fact the basic foundation was never there in my family lineage. And the amount of crap “wisdom” that got passed down, yeah.
I’ve since let go of all the new age crap. I think I consciously decided to do that when I was 25. But it lingered in the back of my head, like a bad record.
I realized why it was so appealing to me. All the mangled new age teachings gave you this comfort that you could actually control every aspect of your life. In contrast to stuff that happens outside of your control, the universe is a tornado and it can chuck debris at your head at times that’s just the nature of things. It’s better to learn how to roll with the punches when that stuff inevitably happens vs deluding yourself into believing you can control it. The desire for control is just a lack of trust in myself, my ability to hold space for myself, and deal with the challenges of the world.
Not sure how many times I’m gonna wake up in my life, but this is yet another moment where I have more clarity on my overall life. I think there’s even more there I don’t see yet. It’s all ugly as hell and frustrating, but it’s better than the deep dread I felt for years for no reason other than existing. At least now I can see how most influences in my life growing up weren’t particularly healthy.
Have a good day