Furkan's Journal

Journals - Major Programs
#1776

I’vekinda started to grow distant from the people in my class in the university, I mean I fell myself very alone in this classroom I find most of them uninteresting and boring.

And I’m trying to distance myself from that girl; I wanna be indifferent towards her. By thinking about her and wanting her, I’m disrespecting myself. She doesn’t want me.

Does she bother me rn? Yes. I see, she talk with other guys in the classroom, maybe she talks them friendly manner, we were speaking like that before the asking out I made but I think even if she sees them friendly the guys probably feel something to her I don’t trust guys.

And I don’t want to think about this. I don’t want to think about her. it feels kinda pathetic.

#1777

The situation about this girl hurts my pride; while I care so much about her, I’m almost nothing to her. it fuckin hurts I’m not gonna lie.

it makes me feel weak. She lives her life like any other person, but what I’m doing?

Nothing. I have no social life. I need to change this.

Why I have to deal with this? Why I am thinking about her? Why? I should have better things think about it. Better things to do. But I’m thinking about a girl who I’m nothing to her.

I only feel a bit better when I go out and explore the city (Istanbul), but even fir this I have to make plans because it’s a big city.

#1778

I need to make some plans. I want to spend as less time as possible in the dorm

And I want more positive mindset.

I need calmness and order in my mind

#1779

Love…

Yes, there are lots of things to I handle. But I want someone to love. I kinda feel if I have to heal from everything then I have to wait for forever. I don’t want this, I’m fed up. I’m human too, I’m 23 and I had no relationship, I don’t know what is wrong. I don’t think I’m ugly or I have terrible character. The ones who have relationships are not ultra super chads. And I don’t think they are infinitely better than me.

And about the girl in my classroom, she was acting as if i hadn’t existed but yesterday we caught each other’s eye twice. I don’t say she wants me now, but I don’t know. This situation bothers me. There are guys around her, and I don’t like it tbh. I don’t say she is flirtatious, maybe she talks them friendly but I believe some of them likes her romantically. They disguise as friend, no backbone but still they are talking to her not me. I’m really fed up with this situation.

#1780

i need something excites me, school makes me feel empty. Lessons are boring.

#1781

i have to find someone better than her. Someone who is better match for me. Because even if I found someone now, I might still be thinking about her.

I don’t want this. And I don’t want to be obsessed about a girl especially if the feelings are reciprocated

#1782

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@Forum_Ambassadors what is this guys, the system has been treating as if I’m a new member.

And now finally I can post without an approval

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#1783

You were flagged too many times by others. The system automatically places people in that status until it is manually removed. I don’t know why you were flagged, but since your recent posts had no issues, I restored your Trust Level. Please be cognizant of what’s being posted.

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#1784

What? Flagged for what?

I think this flag system needs to change.

#1785
#1786

I’m leaving the school rn and some good thins happened and also there were things which disturbed me again.

First, when I was walking towards to school I was thinking I should attempt to some research project, because when I graduated I want do master at abroad. So it would be look great on my CV.

And I arrived the school, I was sitting at the bank a teacher was standing near me and it started conversation with me said I have nice bag, lol. Then asked me what are my future plans. I said I want to do master at abroad. And he gave me some advice, most of them were things I know already. But I should give some attention to this research thing. I think a good GPA is not enough. I should do different things than the other people. But I don’t know what to do actually. I will ask this situation to some of my teachers, but I worry that attempting to research project might influence badly my GPA.

And the thing which disturbed me. I was sitting at the classroom and then the girl i liked came to classroom with a guy(friend?) and they sat down next to me. in this situation there’s nothing much thing to do for me. But I don’t like this situation. I don’t want to be victim, loser of this situation.

And the other situation beside school. One of the problem with me actually I wasn’t seeing this as a problem but for 23 year old male especially when it comes to relationships I’m very innocent and inexperienced. Maybe this is good thing for women( it might change for different cultures) but for male I don’t think so. But to change this what can I do, I feel locked trapped.

They will say talk to more women, it’s easier to say, rn I don’t have a interest to woman rather than this girl. But yes I want to change this. I don’t want to be obsessed about her especially while she doesn’t like me.

And let’s say I find someone I want to go things further, sex etc. but I’m still little confused about STDs especially about hpv and it holds me sexually.
I’m not sure whether I should get vaccinated(hpv vaccine) or not. it’s kinda heated topic. Some say you should do it’s safe but some say it’s harmful and it can cause serious side effects. And even if i want to get vaccinated, I should pay for the vaccine and it’s not cheap especially for a student. But if it’s need to be done I will do it, but still I’m not sure and even if I decided to this process will take some time.

And what I’m gonna do when I’m vaccinated, will I do mindless, casual sex? I don’t want this, then should I really get vaccinated. Maybe I will get vaccinated for nothing.

#1787

@SaintSovereign @qOS in my situation (romantically) and especially if you consider my situation with this girl would you recommend me to run new heartsong? Or would it make worse?

qOS Question and Answer Thread
#1788

Yeah I did pmo, I don’t how can I call myself good person when I’m indulging things like this. I’m not say I’m a bad person but I don’t know.

I don’t want to give my energy and time for things like this. Actually I’m not saying this just for pmo.
it applies to this girl. I should do more productive instead of thinking and analyzing her. I should focus more on my lessons and future.

But about my life for a very long time, I feel like I’m kinda depressed not major, but it’s like hidden depression running at background of my life. it never goes.

And also I want to say I’m running subliminals like 3 years I have no idea how time passed quickly. But what changes I saw from subliminals? I don’t know.
I can’t say physically I saw great changes, and still I have not much idea how physical shifting works I will ask to support again. And mentally, even if there have been some changes, it’s hard to notice them. First I can’t see myself from outside and second most of the time it’s subtle. Yeah for this a person keep a journal regularly but I dont do it regularly, just time to time. But sometimes when I read my journal(offline) I see some things changed but also some problems stills continue.

Can I say, I saw great results from subliminals? Probably not. I mean look at the situation I’m in, I’m constantly thinking about a girl who doesn’t care about me. This shouldn’t be the case.

I should ask myself, why I couldn’t see great results. A person might say you didn’t take enough action but I don’t know, in my first years I would say yes you are right but right now I’m at college and I’m trying to find my way trying to make things happen. At least I’m willing. I want to subliminals help me along the way. Make things more easier maybe fast and effortlessness. And also after 3 years I stared question their effectiveness for me

#1789

i did pmo again I’m wasting my time

#1790

The healing track could help you get over her, but if you’re hoping it’ll help you get with her, then not likely

1 Like
#1791

Actually I’m not sure whether should I run Heartsong or not.

And if I decided run it, which subliminal should I drop?

Currently I’m running Khan ST1, Wanted and GLM

To be honest I would want her at least I’d like to know her. But mostly this is not gonna happen so at least yeah i want to get over her, I don’t want anyone to have influence on me like this especially when it’s one sided.

#1792

Ask yourself why you’re running each sub and if you’re capable of acting toward your goals. Case in point, can you achieve your Wanted goals if you aren’t interested in talking to women? I get that you want the subs to help you along, but you have to help them through constant action.

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#1793

Actually I want to talk women but I have to create opportunities for this. So I think maybe wanted might help me to manifest this kinda things. And last for a few days I’m more open to people in general.

And other than, I run Khan because I want real changes now. I want to rank up as a man. I want real progress, I’m fed up with mild results.

And I run GLM to be more centered and of course for masculinity development.

#1794

Your GLM and Khan goals align well that you get more mileage out of a two-title stack. Double down on personal development. Worry about women later.

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