Furkan's Journal

Journals - Major Programs
#1227

I will give some rest today I will do some light work and planning. the teacher who I follow on yt said, this exam is, complex creature(me) versus mundane exam he said when a complex being(human) try to make ordinary thing then it creates dissonance. You want to do interesting things but the exam want you from mundane ordinary things.

It is right. You have to do clichés.

I will plan my now and next months. Need some clarity. I gonna break the cycle this time, the losing cycle. I wanna to be the 1st student out of millions.
What is my advantage now: I have time, have some experience from last exams, I am smart (I think lol).
Yeah I count to this, because at my last attempts I even hadnt finished the subjects. I didn’t complete math, science, social etc and I know when I study I can solve even hardest problems etc and i know from past I have good memory for the lessons. I didn’t study any history for years but in the exam I did 7/10.
But now I have time, but I have to find balance because now I only study math-1 but there are other lessons I will increase the numbers gradually.

But outside the lessons biggest thing that it can help with my process would be solving limitations around my sexuality. It makes pressure on me even sometimes I don’t notice it. I would be happy if I solve this.

But this process my exam process is interesting road.like hero’s journey. And god help me with this one.

#1228

My stack is Limitless, Love Bomb, Khan Black. I will keep this for a while. When I finished this in the summer(next) i want to run RoS maybe alchemist and Love Bomb or Khan Black. Then maybe focus on romance when I go to the university.

I don’t have money but making customs with Ros, LB, KB or alchemist would be interesting, or wealth customs probably after running eog. Sex or romance customs
For example for romance: Wanted, Heartsong, Love Bomb cores.
For Sex: Sex mastery, Primal Nights, Diamond(or Divine one.) And if it’s possible adding KB cores to this would be complete killer. In the Diamond’s core it doesn’t write it’s major core but in the Divine it writes, is it mistake?

#1229

fuxk fuckit time is 9:21 and waste too much time, i see mokey viruse thing and lookd for this and it took my time, i filled anger when it happen sometihn like this prob 2 hours later im going to gym need to study and also search for some movements in the gym, i should learn how to do deadlift squat etc todya. i will do new program and i need to give 1-2 weeks rest. and i have fucking neck pain, stiffnes

i dont feel good.

for the virus thing, i got two shots from covid vaccine, did weaken my immune system? probably it was part of the plan, it seems that this is never go,ng to stop covid,monkey virus etc. so i must you must to gain power(realize) over our realities. we have to be mentally strong.

#1230

Back from gym, it lasted long because I tried to do dips, squat, deadlift. Dips easy but I notices that when I do this I feel pain at my right elbow.
Squat, I noticed that my knees will be problem this I will try leg press instead and then maybe squat. Also for my knees I did atg split squat I hope this one will help.
Deadlift; i’m unsure about I did some but I’m not sure that it was correct I will ask this to the trainer.
And I’m gonna give like 2 weeks rest now.

I want to do deadlift properly two-3 weeks later.

The Bad new is I lost my one of my earbud I went to the gym again but I couldn’t find,
But I have one pair too.

Also I started to get sunlight around 15-20 mins in the day when I don’t go to gym

#1231

Time I should think about this, loose my belifes

#1232

“It’s not that we have little time, but that we waste a good deal of it.” - Seneca

#1233

Yesterday I did pmo, the one before that at the same day I ate ice cream and it felt me lazy, yesterday I ate ice cream and it happened I don’t say it was solely because of ice cream but I need to be careful, because it breaks my momentum towards to my lessons, and it lowers the quality of my thoughts maybe this is the biggest damage, and it harms to neurotransmitters, this chemicals change the how you perceive the things.
But positive after the pmo(it was night) i stuided to until i slept.
i studied today also. But i should study more.
And i should decide to what I’m gonna read beside my lessons. At this time im gonna read some parts of the power of subconscious mind.

#1234

i studied a lot for a few days, i think i overloaded to my self. i should give rest but smartly. i don’t know why but mine natural tendency is working without rest but it’s not possible and it’s harmful.

Also it’s the first day of listening, i listened love bomb but i don’t feel good. And i noticed that i was wanting more sweet things than usual.

#1235

it’s a new day but i don’t feel good, maybe I’m in rcon it was full loop of love bomb, i don’t know what subs doing for me except giving recon. i don’t want to do anything today

#1236
#1237
#1239

i want to give rest but I didn’t plan this, and how can i give rest effectively maybe even asking this is wrong but idk

#1240

i did pmo again i don’t know what to say, i don’t feel bad beacuse of it. But when i look to this i actually fight against it, this is why i relapse. Maybe i should accept this fora while, not porn but I should allow to my self to masturbate.

It’s look not related but today I was thinking running wanted. I don’t get too much result, actually I don’t feel but I always thought that wanted it’s for me.

Maybe this can give me the results i want I run love bomb for months to develop self-love, but maybe running wanted can give me the results i want.

#1241

Earlier this year, I had a chiropractor tell me to not do deadlifts.

1 Like
#1242

If you’re concerned about this there are some supplement/detox protocols from Dr. Ed Group or Dr. Henry Ealy.

1 Like
#1243

Thank you for the recommendation, I actually not too much concerned I didn’t feel any bad thing after vaccine, but maybe later I can look to this, and also afaik vaccines “wear off” by time

#1244

I can’t do properly do deadlift now but when I arrive the gym ten days I will try again anyway, becaus this moves look like crucial for the program and I don’t know which move I can replace it.

But why chiropractor did tell this to you, do you have any knee issue or it was general statement??

1 Like
#1245

There are some people who have thought that perhaps 30% of those shots/vaccines were placebos.

Good question! I do not have any knee issues. I think she was telling me as a general statement.

1 Like
#1246

I think she said bcs when you do it in bad form you can easily get injuried your self (especially the spine) with deadlift
other than I don’t see any problem with move it self, in a bad form you can injury yourself with every exercise.
But I wonder what are hers exact reasons.

2 Likes
#1247

I picked schopenhauer’s book from my bookshelf -which I read before-, some short sentences, yeah there are brilliant things but also some pessimistic loser, things. “If you don’t want be unhappy don’t want to be happy”, cowardice. But there are brilliant things too. I need Nietzsche but I don’t want to read on phone, I don’t like to read books from digital.
But I should focus on my lessons first, no nietzsche

1 Like