I trained good today,I am satisfied with that
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weird, yesterday at night in the bed i was hopful for tomorrow(today) and today in the morning i was at bad position emotionally, i just walk and get some insights thought(i think i should walk more) now( 19:06) im more calm, but little exhausted and i have some pain at my back of my head(neck area,base of my head) i took pain killer. I’m in a bit of a complicated situation. I have problems, insecurities that bother me that I have to deal with, but i have bigger problem and more important which is university exam, and giving problem in the morning it was this. this shoulde be my biggest priority now, in my mind there should be firstly exam. but other problems make it hard to focus on this. and if i dont focus on my lessons it will be pain in the ass.
but when i thought about exam thing, and i was avoiding from this topic, it’s threatens my existence, and before exam this my current exam not going uni preparing exam for the second time actually puts me very bad position because now im not attending life as if im in masked depression im in comfort zone. this situtaion is complex i dont wanna talk anymore but i gain some insights about exam, i dont know im more relaxed but still i have to work and I saw that I exaggerated some things a lot.
and gym… its good for now.
showers I take after gym training feels my self like reborn. but i should reduce the time for gym+shower. i add new move to my program, behind the body cable lateral raise,i like it. generally i love shoulder moves and theres a thing about makes me little confused about shoulder press, some people say your back should be flat when doing shoulder press but im doing incline machine shoulder press so in natural position arch occurs and flatting back doesnt feel natural. and im archin my back when i do shoulder press, will it be problem damage my spine i dont know but i feel im doing best move when i do arch. and i still i have pain at my right biceps when i do curls, i dont understand i have this for months.
and to reduce the shits in my mind i shoul do microcosmic orbit meditation i will try to do this in the morning.(still i cant breathe propberly fuck it)
and i should reduce the daydreaming, when i felt bad i was fantasizing girl i saw on yt(beatiful one) but is should stop. im tricking my mind with this, and most of the time for avoiding, it feels good time to time but its not real. i mean maybe its not bad dreaming positive good things for feeling good, but dreaming somebody idont know its no good
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Turkey is amazing!
When I think of turkey: lol
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i wanna write more about this, i always told my self i have to be in top 100 or i will finis iwont get what i want. and this is more about choises i took on the exam path, and it includes some risks own risks, i dont want to expalin why beacuse it could be compicated to tell. but today i thought about this of course its not the case, but still be in top100 have much more benefits,priveleges. if im not in the top 100, i might struggle bit economcially but ill get to that later.
i did some calculations, its not hard to be in first 3-5k students and in that ranking i can go to university i want but its not class(major) firstly i want(I don’t really want that either.)but its not that much problem
in that ranking probably i would go to philosophy. i can go to good law school 
but i dont want it . problem at here about economics, the university in istanbul so it will expensive, finding a place to stay might be a problem, the rents in istanbul skyrocketed. actually everything in turkiye increased a lot inflation over %100. at before students didnt think bout these, they didnt have to. but okay what can i do for, being in the top 100 coulde solve many problems but i should very hard for this. but let examine other situation what if i cant be in top100, well then most likely it means i have to work additonally to school. i dont know what will happen idont want to school but i must to do this i cant hide from life anymore, enough. I don’t remember exactly which book this is from but it leads to this sentence: hiding like a turtle in a shell is not living at all. A true warrior must have heroic courage. even if it is absolutely risky, it is living life completely, fully, and wonderfully. i shouldnt hide anymore i have to be bold. and one thing that litte bothers me earthquake issue but i mentioned this at my previous posts it doesnt make me anxious but little(very little) bothers me.
so if i cant be in top 100, with not too much but steady work i can be in first 3-4k students and i can go to unviersity i want which is Bogazici University but not claas(major) i want but it’s not too much of problem, problem is money but still iwill go there. the thing i should think what will i do get here. what will i do at university. i wanna build my thing my empire but first i should find sometihng i love to do(of course not now at uni) and then get knowledges,skills and then create something valuable and you could sell and make it profit, i dont know what will happen actually its too early to talk about this, but if i go to uinvertsity but proabaly i would run Emperor and Hero to build rock solid foundation and to build a legacy in gretater scheme.
but if i work little harder i can be in easily firs 1k students it actually creates 3rd way but i dont wanna get into this now post will be long and talk to this now useless.
It’s late. I have to go to bed. maybe tomarrow i would write about my sleep hygiene and about breathing. but like i said i cant hide anymore.
ahah Tarkan, megastar of Turkiye and in this clip, he’s like running wanted
thank you for your kind words, Turkey is amazing but it has not been ruled properly for a long time.
and if you liked turkish songs you could look at this series, i’ve been listening this series heavily recently
it called “Play for Nature” an organazition to make awareness for nature, they choose one or two song for the videoclips but have various artist, insturments.
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I just did microcosmic orbit for 10-15 minutes I’m doing it for 3-4 days. And even in the first day in the beginning of the mediation, when I said I’m in the universe, universe or infinite love or the universe send me healing energies etc I felt so good. I feel this in the beginning of the every microsmic meditation And it’s more easier than normal mediation for me, more enjoyable.
And I began to do scripting method, manifestation thing, Im doing this for 5-6 but i almost feel nothing when I’m doing it
We are spirits bounded to this universe of matter. You can choose to feed this world or to leave it
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I feel so fucking bad…
I did shoulder and chest movements and left the gym without finishing the training, now
i will take a shower and will do some meditation.
There are so many things in my mind
Actually this exam not just testing your academic knowledges actually it tests your ability of managing moment, I realized that today. Managing the moment it’s all part of the exam. And this exam cycle man… I have to take this serious again, but I don’t feel anything toward this even I feel no worries.
I want this process remarkable I wanna remember this time proudly, I have to put necessary work, I should deserve this, my feet should be on the ground. This exam, study actually need for me but I underestimated this for 1.5-2 years, maybe still I underestimate it .
Now I’m more calm but still I should deal with them
And when I did meditation I felt uncomfortable and I stopped at 10 min, I hope this doesn’t happen again
I had a little trouble with my breathing today.
I wanna ask you something, does anybody know this
Well like one week ago I got conscious with my head-neck posture and when I fully straighten my head I noticed that my tongue goes to roof of my mouth so it’s mewing thing I tried this like 2 years ago but I quit because I had troubles with that, it doenst give trouble rn but I don’t wanna deal with that now I just wanna focus on my works.
And I read that when your doing mewing if your tip of your tongue touches your upper front teeth, it can be problem, so if I don’t do mewing but if my tongue touches to my teeth, would it be problem? does anyone know this? I actually don’t think it would be problem because then it would mean that many would have problems, but I don’t totally know.
Is it okay to not doing mewing and allow my tongue to touches teeth(I don’t press my tongue). I don’t wanna think about my tongue position all the time.
I would be grateful if someone could answer
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Thank you, it looks like a nice thing but I can’t afford it right now
Today I overexposed myself by mistake it was probably rest day but I listened paragon and phoenix I have tensions in my neck. And i feel bad but good thing I am away from pmo for like 16 days. And I did microcosmic meditation but I did little because I wasn’t in comfortable situation
I actually was in a good-neutral mood, but fuck it, I have pain now and little feel hopeless
@AnswerGroup
If I forget to listen sublimal, let’s say for a 1 or 2 listening day, should I extend the cycle to 22-23 days, or keep it 21 days
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Depends on you. One could need 2, 3, 6 or even 12+ months until they are satisfied. If you feel there is less processing and you want to continue, then go ahead and listen.
If you feel processing is still happening and you want to clear it out and move on, then don’t listen.
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wow, do i understand right,can I extend a 21-day cycle to months even years without giving any washout?
(I started writing this about 5-6 hours ago, I don’t feel what I felt at that moment but I have to finish what I started)
fuck, today was training day i went to the gym doing wrist training than one set shoulder press then sit for a while but i didnt find the strengh- i left the gym. there was some thoughts that bothers me, things that lowered my confidince. i dont know, this thoughts occured yesterday, while when i daydreaming(I told myself before that I have to stop this) just a one detail but it fucked me up i dont even understand its not a new thing, its a thing that i was normally doing but idont know its weird, and it’s confusing me im not in positive state i cannot think positive things, probably im overestimating but still it annoys me, irritates me, This is what happens when I let go of the reins of my mind, actually it doesnt sound as a bad thing but i should’ve be focused. this is escpaing from real life reality, i wrote before that im fantsasizing a girl(romanticly) and i should stop because this kinda stuffs hinder your progrssion but last time i wasnt fantasizing a girl etc but the thing confused me, I should have been focused on my duties. in order to win this exam i should create a new person old furkan cannot win this the exam is bridge. daydreaming is coping mechanism, i actually abuse my imagination power with that i shouldve use this for real life for real goals not for a imaginary fake life, daydreaming is dangerous thing, mind cannot differantiate the real and unreal(imaginary) …