I should read less I loaded myself with informations and I’m receiving less insight i should’ve give myself more time and think. But it was non related my lesson, I should start immediately but this topic taken my lots of time
My current stack is
Phoenix,limitless and paragon I should help subliminals to work better faster.
And I had to drop KB so I’m not doing any sexual transmutation I feel horny time to time I should be careful I have to Chanel this for gym and lesson not to jerk of to chicks on phone to fucking pixels. And while I was running kbst-1 with phoenix I had no urge to fap no never it was amazing. But I jerked of in rest days. first it was not a big deal but i jerked of again one week later and I felt bad, guilty(I was not running KB) and I’m sure it’s slowing my results, I didn’t jerked of to pron I jerked of to girl but it still bad.I last did it on Monday and I don’t want to repeat it again, now I’m good
seems like evrytihng absurd. i feel pressure of lust in my mind whne you donot sexual transmutation this happening and by sexual transmutation i mean spiritual things like pranayma qi gong etc through them actually your transforming lead to gold. im trying to study again but I get distracted easily, its boring but i have to do there are 125 days to left and time is passing qucikly, i dont wanto fail i dont want to feel desperate, helpless.
beacuse my curren academic sitatiuon I feel as if I’m in limbo as if im not living actually. I feel trapped and sometimes it’s very overwhelming. the only way out of this is to get a good ranking in this exam, a very good, i want to be in top 100 but i dont feel anything towards this goal. i wanna destroy this system fuck. but also this situation create comfort zone for me, so this why iam running phoenix but as it is said these are not magic tools, or more accurately these can help to create magic but still youre creating this not sublliminals they are working through you. what will happen if you have so many problemy so many things to get handle? it will take time. so actually im not waiting miracles from subs because i know this about me. and due to the situation I’m in in my life i cant fully accept myself, this hardening everything more. first i have to accept myself, but I can’t help but think if I lose that menans high chance iwill ordinary life. i won’t have the things I want. idont want this
it looks like i have not strong subconscious frameworks, not powerful beliefs, i have to fix and win exam but as i mentioned above ive limited time, but still i can do this i shoul i have to this also i have subliminals, im not alone.
and im go to bed late for a few days. i have to find optimal time to go to bed and waking time. whats annoying me if i go to bed late or early im leaving the bed at same time araound 9 am. from my previous expereinces best sleep time for me like 5-6 hours but if i go to bed at 11.30pm i will wqke up at 5.30 am and its early everywhere is dark.
and im thinking subconscious mind but what is come to my mind about this a block box.
i know even if i dont know consciously what is my exact problems im overlooking them but if i delve to this iwill be distracted from studying again.
i want to learn how to defend myself physically asap. i have to be physically strong have to defend myslef i have to be like warrior without this i dont think i will be mentally stong
i feel disconencted probably im in recon but I want to have control over my life, I want to hold the reins.
I don’t want to be dragged by other things but its not happening only through wanting
fuck society they have no standarts, we need to riot, they are stealing our lifes from us, they dont want us to be powerful, glorious they dont want to realize our power potential, they want us to be weak and working for them like rats. what will you do furkan will you lose.
-man i’m so bored with this life, fuck everyhing fuck everyting that brings me in situation, I don’t want to struggle anymore i dont want to fight anymore. And you know what? i dont beilive inmy self i dont believe i will be succesful, i dont believe i will be succesful at this exam i dont believe i will be in top 100. and actually i dont think this recon, it is how it is. i dont wanna be part of this life.
and from my chidhood i never feel im part of it this world. Sometimes I silently want this life to end
I did pmo yesterday and today too, fuck it. I should change this… Ego this holding me back trying to keep me stagnant trying to keep me away from change and he’s successful too.
And some worries or insecurities about sex lead me to pmo, I should handle this
Im back from gym, I had pain while doing m.shoulder press I have this issue for a while and its kinda annoying and I had pressure in my back while doing triceps push down. Maybe I should do military overhead press but I’m afraid of hurting myself.
I wanna go to Istanbul for uni. But there are lots of speculation about possible istanbul earthquake, I’m not scared but little uncomfortable but like 1-2 months ago I listened to another geologist and what I heard reassured me. Because this guy speak more truthfully than the others. What the other geologists are doing is fear-mongering. Man, it’s almost evilish. And these geologists are most popular ones, the ones people mostly seen on TVs and trust. And people see them as respectful professors, i was like that, too. And there are other things behind it, like politics, like rent, deceiving people,unfair gains. Why these prefessors doing this because popularity?
And it affects people’s psychology negatively, people become very anxious. Already we had massive 2 earthquakes, this days it’s anniversary.
i don’t believe them but time to time(it could be from pmo(most likely) i weakening myself through this) I feel uncomfortable, then i need to listen the one i trust but it takes my time
Actually, I don’t think I can win the university I want in Istanbul, it seems difficult to win there in the conditions I want. i wanna be in top 100 because if i achieved this i will get scholarship, And it’ll be my free place to stay. If this doesn’t happen, I will have a very difficult time financially. And then I can’t go where I want. I should have gone to university 2 years ago and I can’t wait any longer I don’t know what will happen I feel hopeless
I was doing spinal breathing Lesson 41 - Spinal breathing pranayama - Advanced Yoga Practices Int. and I get self conscious about my breathing I normally breathe abdomen but when I do this I mean when I expanded my belly I started breath towards my chest (to up)(I think when I’m doing I’m breathing more fully) do you have any thought, is this harmful or wrong?
What is the end goal? Uniting with everything being the one, returning the source or some shit like this and be god? Returning where we come from? Does it mean we will lose our identity, if there something like this I don’t want I don’t care.
I don’t know sometimes some thoughts like this come and go
Reading more and knowin more right now distracting me
Wow, my push-ups have improved. I just did 50 easily, normally I would do 20-30.
But still I have pain so I’m not pushing hard myself.
And man I have breathing issue for 2-3 days. I can’t breathe from the right side of my nose. Fuck it, I hope it gets better soon
my mind triyng to trick me keep distracted me, it does this cuz i doesnt want me to change, i could go to watch porn or mindless scrolling but i noticed i didnt do this things i studied little,its hard to sudy for me right now, but I have to work in such a way that success should be inevitable. but its not just p*rn or scrolling. My mind distracts me the most with thoughts, this is the most tricky parts.