Furkan's Journal

Journals - Major Programs
#402

Today I was feeling moody but i completed a work about that my studying i have been procrastinating. it was important because i was delaying this because of fears of my ego i realized yesterday and completed today. But i have to keep going it.

What I’ve been thinking lately is: for true progress i have to transcend ego whether in my studies or other areas of life. i see a lot of negative influentions of my ego on my studies. This is whats holding me back. i need to find a way to accomplish this. i need to make comfortable myself

@AnswerGroup when will zpv3 be released?

#403

I will run all subs before going to bed, that’s better for me

#404

i was reading something and there was a part talking about karma, karmic situations etc i liked the book but thing about karma felt dogmatic i didn’t like it. maybe because i didn’t understand and actually i didn’t make research about it rn I don’t want i can’t take my time for it

#405
#406

idk if it is from recon but imfeeling likeshit

#407

İ went out for a walk(at night) i began to walk fast and then suddenly i started to running. it was weird. as if it was out of my control

#408

Maybe i started running because at that time i was listening phonk music

#409
#410

i studied good yesterday. For me the key is strengthen belief that i can achieve, otherwise why would i work. i have to believe this deeply, in real sense. i should work on why do i think i can’t achive? i should truly believe i can make it. i should think day by day otherwise worries starts to build up. So my aim should be maximize my daily performance for now.
Thinking everyday as if your last day, helps it. ideas from hagakure effect on me about this. Maybe i should re read again. And I’m not making specific program now. I’m trying to make it my best but again for this i have to believe myself truly that i can achieve. For this i have to complete my works in a week about that, i don’t want my ego to hold me back so i should complete this asap. maybe it sounds selfish but I’m thinking I’m deserving this uni this achievement I’m watching student who go there and they have nothing than better than me, they’re not smarter than me but what I’m seeing is they believed themselve and beacuse of this worked hard.

And before increasing my working hours, i should my increase my effeciency and for this when i sit chair I should %100 focus on my studies but i can’t make this properly now. Because irrelevant thoughts are popping in my mind, daydreaming etc i should stop this it seriously reduces my productivity.

And today I got out of bed late and i was little groggy. when i arrived gym some redpill thoughts popped in my mind, toxic shit. i tried not react. And now I’m realizing better, when my focus shifts away from myself my future this type of thoughts come to my mind, unuseful negative distractive thoughts.

#411

I’m moody and trainin day again
And also today it’s first day of the new cycle my stack same EB, KB paragon. i actually ran EB more than 2cycle but i don’t count them because they were messy so it will be 3rd cycle of EB but still i didn’t see much effect. But thing that i noticed about that in the morning, I’m not journaling about EB. And for KB St1 iam thinking running this for a long time around 4-6 cycle. KB at 1 includes everything that i want from KB. And seems like subs don’t work fast for me so i need more cycles and journaling, i was ignoring journaling, maybe i am writing about my life at journal(offline) but I’m not writing specifiely about subs

#412

i was writing about something about myself my plans future, exam etc but then my past failures came to my mind, high school entrance exam…

actually it wasnt a failure for most of the people i was intelligent becaus i won that school but it wasn’t my goal at that time i worked hard but I didn’t exactly get into the school I wanted. And today thoughts came to my mind when i was journaling in my private journal(interrupted) that i won’t win again, like im gonna study hard but again i am not going to win the school that i want. idk.But i think a lot has changed since then. I thought I’d gotten over it. Fuck i don’t wanna deal with this, i don’t remember details. i have to focus present, now. I’m losing my faith in myself.
But what happened in the past happened because it had to happen that way

#413

DRLD would be helpful for this but i can’t drop any subs rn

#414

I’m not listening any sub for nearly 6 days but i feel like as if I’m recon,shitty, hopeless

#415

I don’t have urge to watch prn. For a long time

#416

it would be good if i can run le or a productivity sub i actually very like QL but i have neither the money not the space for it. For me EB is some sort of productivity sub, alpha productivity sub.

#417

going to gym at noon interrupts my studies, actually conflicts with my studying hours because of this i decided to go gym at evening but man first it was busy than i thought, strange types and it stank. i had pains this this demotivated me and i quit training after shoulder and chest moves. it would good if i could train evening, but compensate today ill train tomorrow morning.
I don’t know which time is best for me to training, now. But i won’t trainin if it’s like every evening. Around 1-2 pm seems like best time to train for me but also i feel like this decrease my study efficiency, conflicts with my studies. i need to balance . i don’t want my training to conflict with my studies. i have to solve this cuz I don’t want to quit gym

And for pain i have to do my stretches regularly in the morning and i have paragon in my stack so.

#418

iwas watching blue eyed samurai but it wasnt for me too much sexual stuff

#419

for a few days i feel my self more joyful maybe beacuse of gym idk, idc

#420

DRLD and QL are totally worth it. Get them in the future when you can.

#421

i went to the gym, study before and after gym i take 3 hours long exam and time 12am still i feel energetic but i have to go bed.
But still there are little things that annoy me