i think I’ve lost my connect to spirituality, I don’t think life is easy and simple as they portrayed to be.
I’m trying to find meaning, god. But I don’t know and I’m not sure
I was stressed bit today but exams were easy so far. But also next week there are lesson that I didn’t study because they were online people say they are easy but we will see. I want to keep my GPA high.
And also I’m thinking doing Erasmus exchange but I’m not sure about that for now. But it would be good probably learning new places and it’s opportunity to improve my English. And also it would look good on my CV. But probably I don’t want to get out from my comfort zone
But about exams there are things that got me thinking, they are not hard but I’m making it hard because I study late. Probably with this way I’m making it challenging for myself
im at library but i dont have desire to study next week in 3 days i have 5 exams but i dont have desire to do anything, this is the problem i have with lessons, and i mentioned this problem at above posts. untils its become hard to do, i dont study or the do thing but when i realize i will be fucked if i dont do the job then i work. but why?
and also i have to say its a very unluck day with full of shit
and i was arguing yesterday with the guy in my dorm i couldnt articulate my thoughts and it got me off, we are talking about human nature etc, and he only talks about sociology i talk about evolution and he is acting like smart ass, he use flashy words bring the conversation to always marxist ideas, sociology habitus, social roles and he deny the natural sciences. and he says oh dude i know this conversation way more better than you ive read hundreds of books i dont talk from what i read from online like you… yeah sure body it pissed me off when i arrived the dorm i will fuck him with my ideas, logic but I know he will try to overlook all of this again, and plus he is k*rdish i dont trust them.
bro why you deleted the post i couldnt read in the forum there are not many insightful posts and there are it get deleted lol
i feel bad probably it’s recon but I feel bad
I’m am so stupid and smart. IAM gambling.
Break free. I don’t push myself in a intellectual way, to be articulate I should read. But mostly I have e books I don’t have money to buy lots of book especially english ones because they are more expensive than the usuals even normal books are so expensive, thanks to e*dogan.
And also I’m student I have school and mostly I feel tired mentally. I wish I had a home near to costs or bosphorus and have money to do whatever the fuck I want, a beautiful library, some peace and that’s just it.
And I will go to dorm now I couldn’t study at all at the library. Because of my mood. And probably I will not study at the dorm either, but today at least I should do something so when I get the dorm I will open this topic will give piece of my mind to the guy and kick him in the butt. And also I should look for some bourdieu, Weber Marx etc but at this time I will bring him to my area.
Although today was bad for me weather is so nice and it’s Saturday university is quiet, I was moody and I went to the something like terrace in my school and from that point I was able to see bosphorus
Everything changes so quick.
I have to admit this life is not for me.
Maybe it’s about the life in general or the place I live in or both. And not having financial freedom sucks i guess. And I don’t know myself and I find myself complicated like there is a castle I have to conquer to understand myself
i feel so tired, and I’m just lying on my bed probably I will not study tomorrow too
True, lol.