I was planning to go gym today but it seems hard to go, i hope I can go
And tomorrow there is a event for new ones, getting know each other etc I don’t want to go but it might be better for me if I go
I’m still unsure about what to do. What to think, what to feel. I feel my self vulnerable if we are in a war.
Yeah I have some plans in my mind but it’s not certain yet, because there are unknowns.
I should solve this girl issue should reach a conclusion. Right now she is at the events I’m at too.
I can’t see her directly. Still she is in my head. but I don’t want to be affected by her.
But still I don’t know what to feel about her. And i think also this highly related with the situation I’m in its not only about her. I think because of the situation I’m in is more important, maybe i shouldn’t be with girls in this area of my life. But also sex, connection and love is important too. But in my situation this things create conflicts. The needs and the resources I have. I don’t know. Yeah maybe I’m thinking a lot and I’m at too much in my head, buy also it’s highly possible some idiot can be with her because he is idiot and less thoughtful.
Yesterday I read a writing from a woman she was saying it’s more easy to be with gorgeous woman than mid-beatiful. That they get less approaches because people think they are too good for them or they couldn’t get them.
Maybe I could get her, I’m okay with my handsomeness not I’m a model with blue eyes and blonde hair but I’m okay. Let’s say I get her what will be happen, let say everything went good but what will I do when it gets to sex, the only thing I can do for this go to hotels etc but I need a good one for safety and it means more money and I’m a student. But still this is a choice. But would it be sustainable I’m not sure. And I don’t have friends to stay at their home yet.
But why I do need her specifically? I thought about dreamed about her it was my mistake, do I really need her, or why do I feel like this. Maybe I thought I can’t find a beautiful girl like her easily again, beauty is not the only standard of course but I’m talking about aura, sweetness and innocence in general.
Actually in the university my mood was more stable, my mind was more stable and clear.
But in the dorm I watched porn I dont feel bad but it would be better if I didn’t indulge it but my porn consumption is way less than I was in home.
The thing that’s made me confused right now is Ive bought a coat recently as far as I remember the salesman said it was wool and when checkout out of curiosity just before it turned out thai it’s %65 polyester %35 viscose. I like the coat but this situation is not nice because I paid more money for non wool coat, I could buy wool coat with this money from other shops, but I liked this one more, maybe I might go to shopping mall again but I can only go on Friday.
And I was complaining that I stay at dorm and it’s impossible to bring a girlfriend here etc. But if I thought again, approximately 5000 stay at this place, and probably most of them have girlfriend or willing to have girlfriend but why it creates more problem for me? Because I think too much sometimes or because of lite perfectionism?
The main thing I lack rn is connection
It’s a normal day so far not bad weather is nice not sunny but good. I’m chic today. The guy I just met at yesterday in the classroom said you are so class after a hello. And I will study a bit if I can, today lesson was easy, they bored me
Yesterday I ran KB1 and GLM so my stack is rn:
Ascension, paragon, KB and GLM but maybe I could run paragon at less frequent
I have khan also, I was thinking today what would be if ran this, but I think right now I should go with Ascension. But also I’m wondering about WB too I’m at uni, what would its effects.
I shouldn’t think and fret about girls who even I don’t know. And I should be less rigid. Because I was think relationship= sex immediately. I’ve came to this conclusion after talking with my friend yesterday.
But I was more thinking about sex today
Even at library I feel horny probably because of KB
I’m so horny, that’s okay, my will is good.
Lol, wise words.
Probably I’m in recon, I don’t feel good, the things that didn’t bother me in the past, now they bother me
Probably I will go to dorm early, I have laundry, should I work out today? idk I don’t have much energy, but tomorrow will be tiring too I should go to shopping mall. So probably I cannot work tomorrow too and Im not sure whether I’m fully recovered
Why we live
I’m studying uni at a metropol city, im coming from a small town but here, there are less beautiful girls then I thought
Have you considered scaling back? You’re running 4 titles, which isn’t recommended, and one of them is is artisan title.