05.02.2025
Cycle 2
Listening Day 1
Paragon 3:00 AL 3:30 KB1 4:00
Paragon puts me in a tight spot. Discovering the effect on my prefrontal cortex lead me to using it.
But I have a full 3 stack already.
Do I pause QL1 or switch those two every cycle until I make them into a custom?
Just checked today, the custom would cost me 177€, so it’s doable. I’m only waiting for the release of the Experimental Adaptability Module.
If it’s necessary with the new Paragon in the custom. I have an open ticket about this question.
Since I’ve been back on ‘Ascended Love’ since the beginning of the year, for a few days now, I’ve been consciously noticing when I’m stressed. It’s not perfect yet, but in the past, when my fiancée told me I was stressed, I’d always deny it because I simply couldn’t perceive it consciously.
For example, today I was grocery shopping under a bit of time pressure. I darted through a massive supermarket to find everything on my list as quickly as possible, rushed to another store and the bank, and made it back home in a record time of 74 minutes. On the drive home, I realized just how stressed I actually was—I’d rate my internal stress level at a 10/10.
I did a short meditative exercise to let the stress drain away, and afterwards, it felt like it was down to a 3 or 4. However, when I asked my fiancée, she said she still perceived me at a 7.
This leads me to believe that I’m not yet sensitive enough to perceive stress when it’s below a certain threshold (like 3-4).
Then tonight at the gas station, I fell back into my usual hyperfocus combined with time blindness. Instead of completing my tasks in a timely manner, I spent my time on my phone and ended up having to rush through the final hour.
My internal stress level hit a 10 again. This made me wonder: Am I subconsciously creating this stress for myself because I actually need it? But if so, for what? Does stress trigger a dopamine release?
I think this panic, born from procrastination, and the success of finishing my work in time gives me a huge dopamine burst.
But that’s not really good. Slowly I start to realize that I’m burning myself by keeping the engine in the red the whole time.
But thanks to this new development, I start to notice my stress. And over time, I think, I’ll be able to notice this better and better until I’m able to prevent it. This seeing my Stresslevel the first time in my life (as far as I can remember) is a invaluable first step.
Edit
Lol. This was meant to go into my Journal 

