I’m able to better understand my mode of operation with this sub:
For me, it is the belief that I am not my thoughts. I am the observer behind my thoughts.
My thoughts can be anything from shallow to visions of grandeur.
Whatever it is, I don’t have to act on them. Likewise, I don’t have to beat myself up just for having random useless thoughts.
So even if my thoughts say that I can’t do something, even if it says the exact opposite of what I want to hear, even if its a critic of whatever I do, even if it says, just give up, it’s useless to even try.
I know NOW thats its just gibberish. Even if its echoed in my own mind. In the end its still just useless words. I don’t have to act on it.
Just follow my rational plan to reach my goal and don’t worry about whatever thoughts are running around in my mind.
I went through something very similar and in my case, the “nervousness” got cleared not by substitution of what Regeneration chucked out, but when I realized that I didn’t need to put anything back in.
I needed to be in peace with emptiness, or should I say perceived emptiness, because I understood that what I was dissolving, was not true about me and I didnt need a new idea in its place… just to be comfortable enough, until I was able to remove enough ideas, so I could clearly see what was always there, hidden behind concepts, expectations, memories, etc.
This is like Peter Levine’s Somatic Experiencing. He has the same technique , to experience a feeling , while feeling safe. But Regeneration does it 1000x better.
I’ve been kind of confused with regeneration lately because I’m feeling things and memories more clearly. And it feels really bad, but at the same time my mind is like but surely it didn’t effect you that much right? And I just don’t have an answer.
It’s like I learned to separate myself from these things and never think of them again but it’s not like they were ever resolved.
Just to be clear: I never felt really bad. The nervousness was just very distinct from recon or overload I experienced before. It was a slow, continuous buildup, no wild emotional fluctuation like I get with recon. It was kinda existential, but not (yet) threatening if that makes sense. (It is difficult to put the emotional developments into words.)
I am good now. Regeneration is off the stack for a while. The nervousness receded as slowly as it came up.
In certain ways I am a control freak. Deconstructing a personal world is not necessarily hard, but it will take me quite a while. Some spaces can and should be empty. It all just needs time to settle.
Most of the stuff chucked out I only ever realized when I found an “empty space” by chance. (mostly missing emotional triggers)
I swapped Regeneration for an old feelgood custom.
[A couple of disclaimers: It was my first encounter with Regeneration, still a bit raw in the integration phase, emotionally tinted. The following are just a couple of personal reflections and unfinished thoughts.]
Regeneration’s mechanisms are strange: Hardest work ever done by the subconscious, but no recon, no backlash. One doesn’t even feel the emotional movement, that would normally trigger the survival instinct. But at a certain point you feel how much has changed. And the scope can be a bit scary.
Very curious how the new anti-recon aspects from Regeneration in other programs will feel like. I suspect they could work even faster and more forceful. Regeneration chucks out the bad stuff and relaxes, but there is no archetype or concept for input on the new personal, inner world. (Might be different for GLM with its stoicism.) I can feel regarding the empty spaces an “And Now What?” attitude from the subconscious.
That’s not bad at all IMO. The input now will probably take hold much quicker and stronger than before Regeneration. It’s a pretty unique chance with the subconscious asking (?) for input and building blocks. That’s something that never happens naturally. This IMO changes how subs can work completely.
Just going by my gut: Ideal now would be a very light sub with very narrow focus and maybe even best without NSE. (Because it feels like there is an actual subconscious “opening” and one doesn’t need working on skills or a different backdoor, just what to put in.) Something like Libertine or (old) Love Bomb or a tiny, one note MDFY custom.
I am not advocating to go back techwise but in this open, receptive phase of the cycle this might be what could work best.
Or it might all just be the subconscious asking in a sneaky way for less change and work. But it feels very receptive right now.
Hope all this doesn’t read to rambly and makes a little bit of sense.
Not sure what happened but I have to go down to 30s of exposure again for Regen.
I’m definitely digging deeper, challenging long held beliefs, and restructuring the entirety of what life actually is. But that on top of needing to go in and work a regular job is causing a type of strain in my life.
It feels like I’ve gutted and torn apart a falling apart house, but I haven’t made it hospitable yet. So I don’t have a home to live in. That’s the best analogy I can give.
I feel like I have to trust the process of all this because what I was doing before wasn’t getting me very far in terms of happiness.
This has been my whole life existence. It was unconscious at first, but starting to be clear when I look at my life as a kid till now. Especially on DR: R
I’m curious to know how it would affect other subs in a stack. Like does it make a stack more efficient and with greater results
edit:
I’m kind of curious because I know before, healing would take precedence in a stack and the rest would follow but with the new tech, I’m wondering how it would affect everything else.
How would regeneration heal a title like wanted, primal seduction and/or emperor
like if you struggle with certain aspects of either sub, like fat burning, socializing, approaching women, being productive, self worth, would Regeneration heal these aspects of the sub and to what extent
edit:
I ask because sometimes I feel like I’m building a castle on sinking sand and until I heal these aspects, I can’t express the sub to its fullest. It’s almost like my brain is filtering out what it believes is possible through my current belief system.
