Foxdie's (first: QLQ + AscensionQ) QL + Primal Seduction + Dragon Reborn

Journals - Major Programs
#326

QL ST4 - 2nd Rest Day (14 days done)
Dragon Reborn ST3 - 2nd Rest Day (9 days done)
Primal Seduction - 2nd Rest Day (5 days done)

Let’s talk a bit about today.
I went out with my usual group and we drank. I got drunk or almost drunk.
There was a girl I liked there, we talked and flirted a bit. Things were going fairly well.

I noticed one thing: I’m afraid to physically touch women. I feel uncomfortable doing it and the only way to do it safely to me is to make up silly excuses. Then there are times like today where I played games like thumbs fight or others that seemed like a good excuse to try physical contact.

Let’s go back to before.
After a while I drank I started to be more assertive in my touch and also in talking and flirting with this girl. I have to admit that even though I was extremely tipsy, I still felt the fear inside me.
We then sat together to talk with my hand on her shoulder and then without any sense I took her by the hand. At that moment inside of me I was really afraid and my fear was that she would pull her hand away from mine.
At that moment I thought about kissing her, I thought of any way to do it but my brain was K.O. and nothing came to my mind, at the same time, besides the fear that she would raise her hand, the fear of kissing her was added: “What if she refuses me?”, “what if she turns around while I try to kiss her?” "Did she sit here next to me because she’s just kind and didn’t know how to say no to me? ".
After these paranoia a friend who was with us broke in and started breaking and touching and hugging her. I wanted to curse him.

Somehow then he left. He had been trying with her all day, hugging and touching and despite seeing that she didn’t like him she didn’t try to push him away, so during the pre-kiss situation I got that paranoia about the fact that maybe she was with me because he didn’t know how to say no to me and only did it as a gesture of kindness.

After the clingy guy left we had some time to laugh and joke while I was still thinking about how to kiss her. Then one of her friends who was a little drunk broke in and she told her to come and sit “among us”. There I thought “among us? Ah here is the proof that she is looking for an excuse to break away” and so I got up pissed off and walked away.
Later I said goodbye and I went home and there I felt an infinite frustration and bitterness for not being able to do anything.
I always have the habit of comparing myself in these cases with others men who in this situation would have immediately managed to get what they wanted and I gave myself incapable and good for nothing.

What I have learned from today is that:

  • I still have too many internal conflicts regarding being with women
  • I’m afraid to touch women
  • I’m afraid to be direct with women. To express my feelings or my sexuality
  • I am not sure of myself with women and I always believe that I will not make it
  • I don’t think I’m good enough for a woman I like and when I compare myself to other men who are capable I feel inferior to them

P.S.: this is my day 20 of no PMO

edit:
Looking back … having been tipsy I have been physically too invasive and direct and this may have made her uncomfortable. When we talked it seemed to please her. She laughed, joked and flirted subtly.

Maybe next time if I see her again as normal something could happen. Who knows.

I also noticed that I have a lot of shortcomings on the practical side:

  • I don’t know how to touch a woman or start kissing her
  • Sometimes I don’t know what to talk about
  • I don’t screen women to get them to qualify for me
  • and more…
3 Likes
#327

Man you are doing great be kind with yourself. Within a 5 days of running PS you went from blaming women to wanting to change yourself to be better to actively puting you out there. These are the normal steps to be better at getting women. You are doing great. Keep using PS it’s healing you and coaching you. You were obviously too much in your head because you reached a milestone but next time you will do better. :+1:t2:

3 Likes
#328

You think so? Thank you really.
Sometimes I’m blind to see changes and improvements for the too many worries that I have.

1 Like
#329

Random Thoughts:

  1. I agree with @Psiklou. You’re doing great.

  2. Humans all have issues. That includes women and men. The girls you’re talking to have as many issues as you do. Our issues all manifest differently. Some people’s issues don’t make it hard for them to play with and enjoy physical touch. That does not mean that they don’t have other ones. People who do not have your issues have other issues.

Which brings me to:

  1. You may want to be prepared with an exit strategy, not just an entrance strategy. I don’t know if you’ve thought about this, but just in case you haven’t, I’m mentioning it. See, the thing is that you’re putting a whole lot of emphasis on understanding what you’re doing right or wrong. That’s good. It’ll help you to develop what you want to develop.

But see, here’s the thing, women actually want to be connected too. Humans like connecting. People are actually around you thinking of how they might be able to connect with you too. It might not seem like it, but that’s just because you can’t read minds. (I guess we should probably be glad for that.)

All of this means that: you are definitely going to have a girlfriend. Right now, that might look to you like the holy grail. But, it’s going to happen.

AND

it’s going to be a problem (sometimes). Other times it’ll be awesome.

This might sound crazy, but you’re going to want to leave her sometimes.

At those times, you may find yourself thinking something like; ‘I wanted a girlfriend so much when I thought I couldn’t get one. But now that I have one, I don’t really want it so much anymore.’

I can predict this not because I’ve met you or met your next girlfriend. But because I’ve met humans. And this is generally how we are.

Starting out a relationship with a desperate desire to connect makes it even more likely that this will happen sooner or later. it skews our ability to evaluate things very accurately.

And don’t misunderstand. I say you’ll want to leave her. But you’ll also love her and want to stay with her. Sometimes at the exact same time.

Think about the last time you had to skip food for a long time. Can you remember how it felt to be really, really hungry? Now think about when you finally got some food. How long after you started eating did it take for you to stop feeling hungry?

Well, you’re hungry right now. For approval, affection, and connection. For romantic connection. And believe it or not, you’re going to get it.

You are valuable. It doesn’t really matter whether you believe it or not. It’s just true. You have the ability to make someone else feel important, connected, loved, approved of; and so much more. And those are things that people want. And you have that! You already have it.

The reasons you’re feeling awkward or whatever now are not because you are lacking value. It’s probably just that you’re unfamiliar and unaccustomed to energy exchange. People are always exchanging energy with each other. Some of us are more comfortable with that; some are less.

Your comfort with this has nothing to do with your value. That is an utter illusion.

Imagine if you had 10 large suitcases packed with US hundred-dollar bills. But you found yourself in a country that used Euros or one that used Japanese Yen. it would be awkward for you to use your money there at first. You’d need to find a place where you could do currency exchange.

This is not because you’re lacking value. In fact, from your suitcases, it looks like you may be a hundred millionaire.

Now imagine if in this situation, you started to get very hungry. So you went from restaurant to restaurant asking to buy food. hahaha.

At first you just offer the regular prices, $5 US for a decent meal. But everywhere you go they say, ‘we don’t accept that currency’. So gradually, you start to offer more and more of your money.

At this point, your millions of dollars seem completely worthless to you, because no one is accepting them.

Finally, you are so hungry that you find yourself at a McDonald’s where you offer one of your entire suitcases (i.e,. 20 million) just so you can get a simple hamburger and fries.

hahaha.

Obviously not wise, right? But can we blame you? You are freaking hungry!

In fact, what you need to do is to find a bank, maybe get a trustworthy guide who can help you through the steps of establishing a bank account and having an easy way to change your vast fortune between Dollars and Euros or Yen or whatever. Once that simple step is accomplished, you’ll be able to not just buy a hamburger. You can operate your own McDonald’s franchise if you want.

At no point in that process did you have to feel bad about yourself or curse yourself or whatever. You also didn’t need to run around proudly yelling ‘I’m a millionaire everyone!’ You just needed to be familiar with how trading and exchange work in that context, and then find a suitable, comfortable enough way to make it work for you.

After that, it’s up to you who you choose to reveal your value to. But to the people who matter (and that includes you), it will be obvious.

The point of the whole metaphor is that you are already an emotional, psychological, spiritual millionaire right now. Not because you’re perfect; but because of the value you can bring to another person’s life. You just need to get familiar with appropriate ways to trade and exchange energy.

This was originally going to be really short, @FoxDie. I promise. I made the mistake of adding water, and then it just started expanding.

I didn’t express it completely, but this is getting ridiculous; so I’ll stop here.

2 Likes
#330

I really thank you for this abundant post. The metaphors you have done really give an idea of ​​what I am doing and what I should be doing.
I often belittle myself and not give myself credit because of the negative habit of the past. But since I arrived here at Subclub I have made so many improvements and although I sometimes do not recognize those improvements to myself, when I look back I find them! So thank you again.

Yes you are right. I have always had this habit of sometimes seeing the people around me as perfect figures without problems where they succeed where I cannot. It’s a lack of self-esteem or a victim mentality perhaps. I am trying to solve this problem and many others.

I will give my best to improve myself more and more, every day.

1 Like
#331

Sure, me too.

I think it’s because you only have access to your brain and nervous system and not anyone else’s. They feel pain, embarrassment, longing, and the rest of it. But you are most strongly aware of your own. I’m most aware of my own. It’s just life on earth. If I can feel my pain, but not yours, then even though I know better, a part of me kind of feels like I’m the only one who has pain. It’s an illusion that we have to deal with.

Anyway, thanks back to you as well.

You may have noticed that people generally give the advice that applies to themselves. My post is no exception. I tried to write it to you; but I’m sure it’s more than 50% about me. :rofl: (Maybe twice as much as 50%.)

If perfection were a requirement to get into a relationship, then the world would be filled with much better relationships, no? :sweat_smile:

1 Like
#332

Yes you are right, thank you again for helping :smiley:

1 Like
#333

Please re-read @Psiklou and @Malkuth posts again. They are right on.

Last night I approached 9 women. Only 1 I was interested in. The others had some issues that made them in my mind unavailable for what I would be wanting. What was going on with the other 8? Health issues. Difficulties connecting with others. Pessimism. Things like that.

Remember you got the forum and DR to help you on.

The big thing is you are taking responsibility for yourself. Now also remember as @Psiklou and @Malkuth pointed out, women have their own issues. Some of these issues might make it difficult to be around them. There are others out there who are better for you.

Whereas you can work on any nervousness and self-doubt you have, they are responsible for what ever issues they have. If those things might interfere, well, you’ll likely get better at spotting it and moving on more quickly.

4 Likes
#334

How much wisdom in these last few posts that I am reading that they can really help someone grow by seeing the problem from other perspectives.
Your reasoning is correct. Not all women are for you and everyone has their own personal and social problems. I will always keep this in mind, it is a milestone. It’s about seeing who fits you the most, like the pieces of a puzzle.
At the same time I will focus on myself to resolve and dissolve my inner problems and conflicts.
Thank you!

1 Like
#335

How about printing out the above posts from the most recent 24 hours that you might want to read daily for a few weeks?

Do you think that might help?

#336

They can definitely help. I’ll take a screenshot of them and keep them on hand in time of need.

#337

QL ST4 - Day 15
Dragon Reborn ST3 - Day 10
Primal Seduction - Day 6

Today I stayed at home and I wanted to study but for the whole day I continued to postpone and postpone. In the end I did not study anything and I have been feeling great anxiety in my chest ever since.

edit:
I am doing two loops of QL ST4. I’ll reduce it to one for now.

#338

I think that is wise.

If you need to go to 1 loop of each program for 3 times a week, you could try that.

1 Like
#339

certainly. I’ll experiment a bit to see how many loops are best for me.

1 Like
#340

Remember though you’ve been listening less at times, you’re still making great progress.

1 Like
#341

Yes, thank you :grin:

#342

@FoxDie

I wanted to post something to you. A thank you and appreciation to you.

At one point you seemed angry about or at women, and I cautioned you about what might be a better approach. You listened. You implemented. You have been benefiting.

Now recently there was someone here who was ignoring valuable insight, input, and wisdom. He was encouraged to seek other ideas and options. Rather than focusing on healing, he decided to go out and find sex.

He seemed to be in need of healing. Impatience. Lack of self-awareness. Poor social judgment. Anger.

He got punched or threatened with assault at one point. He repeatedly was rude towards people on this forum.

Thank you for re-evaluating and listening and trying out other options. I think a number of months ago you decided to walk a different path that has led to a better outcome for yourself. I realize it’s not all roses right now. But I think you exercised wisdom by delaying your gratification so to speak.

2 Likes
#343

It is I who thank you for the help and guidance you have constantly given me, and I also thank all those who have followed me on this journal and have given me advice to improve myself.

2 Likes
#344

You are welcome. You earned it!

1 Like
#345

QL ST4 - Day 16
Dragon Reborn ST3 - Day 11
Primal Seduction - Day 7

Today I wanted to talk about a few things:

  • First of all, I just finished listening to QL ST4. Today I did it differently, I turned up the volume a little. Typically I listen to it at a fairly low volume, but today by increasing the volume I felt a feeling of hyperactivity and in addition my reading speed increased suddenly (essentially my eye was able to capture a greater group of words during reading and this speeded up the process itself).

  • the other thing I wanted to note was some of my bad behaviors that I have noticed and want to change and which I hope the subs will help me get along. The list of things is as follows:

  1. I can’t keep my eyes on strangers. This is sometimes not limited only to strangers but also to people I know. I feel uncomfortable keeping my gaze and I feel like looking to the side or down ----> it’s a thing to improve.
  2. I have been doing sleep schedules that literally suck for some time now. I go to sleep at 4 - 6 A.M. and I wake up every day at 1 - 3 P.M. in a sorry and tired state.
  3. in situations where there is social pressure, I let myself be panicked and my brain cannot reason normally.
  • I also talk about other positive things instead.
    My mindset is turning more and more into that of a bad boy. I make a premise here: I have noticed that fully embracing the concept of the bad boy is toxic, so the best thing to do is take only the positive qualities of the bad boy.
    In short, it no longer happens to me to fixate on a girl and see her as the only divine being in the world (I’m not 100% sure, but in the future I will be able to notice it even more).
    My attitude is turning more from kind to flirty (meaning I playfully tease girls as if they were my little sisters. But steal this thing get me worry because I don’t want to offend anybody or to piss somone off).
    I also believe that my mind is opening up more to my sexuality and therefore to the idea of ​​just having sex with a girl.
    There are probably other things that are being born inside me but I will see them over time.

I would also like to focus more on the external part (outer game) because so far I have limited myself to my inner game and internal fears and improvements.

1 Like