Yesterday all night I cried like a baby reminding myself that who I am, the nice guy that I am, has brought me only trouble and disappointment. But it was a bit gratifying to recognize the truth of who I am and the pain I felt and still feel motivates me to change.
It’s true: Nice Guys always finish last.
Dude! Stop! Just stop!
I’ve been here. You’ve been told to do X and you’ll get Y.
Love, sex, attraction doesn’t obey “logic” or “rationality” or “fairness”.
It’s a myth you have to be mean to have women chase you hard and lust after you.
TBH I’m guessing you’ve been hurt emotionally in similar places I’ve hurt emotionally.
How about continuing to run PS at three times per week. Maybe Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. My guess is PS is bringing this shit up.
Next what is your plan for having women in your life? Girlfriend? Wife? Casual sex? ONS? FWB?
One more thing. DR I think is working well on you man so give yourself credit.
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It’s so frustrating…
No problem I can do it.
I want a girlfriend.
A lot of shit is going in the surface. It’s heavy.
I understand. I’ve been there. For 2 weeks on DR I literally felt my stomach was going through a dough mixer.
If you need more rest days, take them.
As for a girlfriend, what all have you done in terms of relationships, dating, PU? Seminars? Videos? Home study courses?
PS Books by Dr. John Gottman might help.
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I read some seduction material and interacted with some girls who go out with me and my group.
I’ll search for him, thanks. 
Here might be some ideas:
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Thanks for the ideas are very useful I will make good use of them.
QL ST4 - Day 14
Dragon Reborn ST3 - Day 9
Primal Seduction - Day 5
I am yearning more and more to become a bad boy, an asshole (or call him a strong man) and completely destroy my old self, all of which is motivated and stimulated by anger and frustration.
I feel deep inside that I no longer want to be disrespected or seen as a pussy by both men and women. My kind attitudes and funny mood are misinterpreted and seen as a sign of weakness.
I can no longer allow it.
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I understand. I’m glad to hear you are tired of being overlooked or disrespected, and that you want to feel, exist, and be perceived as strong.
Have you ever read the book “No More Mr Nice Guy”?
I think this is part of PS bring up things, and DR stage 3 pushing you in a certain direction.
I think you also deserve to congratulate yourself. From my perspective you’ve gone from blaming women, to examining yourself. This is not an easy transition to make.
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I had read it once, yes.
I’m growing a lot yes. Thanks for the encouraging words.
Okay how do you want to be the type of man that you think will attract the type of women you want?
A man who doesn’t care too much about what other people thought, self-confident and a little arrogant. Not taking a shit from women or anybody else. But the best thing would be to pursue your life goal by not giving a damn about everything.
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Perhaps did you mean NOT giving a damn about everything?
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Alright have you read “When I Say No I Feel Guilty” by Manuel Smith?
Yes exactly.
No I haven’t. What it’s about?
Assertiveness and how people try to manipulate you and how to respond tactfully yet hold your ground.
How to be strong without being mean.
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It seems an intetesting book I’ll check for this too.
QL ST4 - 2nd Rest Day (14 days done)
Dragon Reborn ST3 - 2nd Rest Day (9 days done)
Primal Seduction - 2nd Rest Day (5 days done)
Let’s talk a bit about today.
I went out with my usual group and we drank. I got drunk or almost drunk.
There was a girl I liked there, we talked and flirted a bit. Things were going fairly well.
I noticed one thing: I’m afraid to physically touch women. I feel uncomfortable doing it and the only way to do it safely to me is to make up silly excuses. Then there are times like today where I played games like thumbs fight or others that seemed like a good excuse to try physical contact.
Let’s go back to before.
After a while I drank I started to be more assertive in my touch and also in talking and flirting with this girl. I have to admit that even though I was extremely tipsy, I still felt the fear inside me.
We then sat together to talk with my hand on her shoulder and then without any sense I took her by the hand. At that moment inside of me I was really afraid and my fear was that she would pull her hand away from mine.
At that moment I thought about kissing her, I thought of any way to do it but my brain was K.O. and nothing came to my mind, at the same time, besides the fear that she would raise her hand, the fear of kissing her was added: “What if she refuses me?”, “what if she turns around while I try to kiss her?” "Did she sit here next to me because she’s just kind and didn’t know how to say no to me? ".
After these paranoia a friend who was with us broke in and started breaking and touching and hugging her. I wanted to curse him.
Somehow then he left. He had been trying with her all day, hugging and touching and despite seeing that she didn’t like him she didn’t try to push him away, so during the pre-kiss situation I got that paranoia about the fact that maybe she was with me because he didn’t know how to say no to me and only did it as a gesture of kindness.
After the clingy guy left we had some time to laugh and joke while I was still thinking about how to kiss her. Then one of her friends who was a little drunk broke in and she told her to come and sit “among us”. There I thought “among us? Ah here is the proof that she is looking for an excuse to break away” and so I got up pissed off and walked away.
Later I said goodbye and I went home and there I felt an infinite frustration and bitterness for not being able to do anything.
I always have the habit of comparing myself in these cases with others men who in this situation would have immediately managed to get what they wanted and I gave myself incapable and good for nothing.
What I have learned from today is that:
- I still have too many internal conflicts regarding being with women
- I’m afraid to touch women
- I’m afraid to be direct with women. To express my feelings or my sexuality
- I am not sure of myself with women and I always believe that I will not make it
- I don’t think I’m good enough for a woman I like and when I compare myself to other men who are capable I feel inferior to them
P.S.: this is my day 20 of no PMO
edit:
Looking back … having been tipsy I have been physically too invasive and direct and this may have made her uncomfortable. When we talked it seemed to please her. She laughed, joked and flirted subtly.
Maybe next time if I see her again as normal something could happen. Who knows.
I also noticed that I have a lot of shortcomings on the practical side:
- I don’t know how to touch a woman or start kissing her
- Sometimes I don’t know what to talk about
- I don’t screen women to get them to qualify for me
- and more…
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Man you are doing great be kind with yourself. Within a 5 days of running PS you went from blaming women to wanting to change yourself to be better to actively puting you out there. These are the normal steps to be better at getting women. You are doing great. Keep using PS it’s healing you and coaching you. You were obviously too much in your head because you reached a milestone but next time you will do better. 
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