I think that instead of transitioning to Mogul you should transition to Ascension. More specific to career growth and inner growth,… Less focused on business growth. I think being chained down to a job you hate while running a build a business sub might be causing you some of this recon. You might be getting even more depressed because your subconscious is focusing on business while your day-to-day is totally taken up with work.
2 Likes
Day 71/180
I am going to continue with AM + Stark. I will run subs on Mondays and Thursdays to allow for more Integration time.
I feel some inner power growing inside. I just feel odd. I don’t think that switching my job would solve my problems. I think my internal issues run deeper than that. I have been trying to out run them so when I stand to embrace the issue it’s like a freight training smacking me.
I notice since I ran Stark again I am becoming more interested in movies, books and story driven TV shows. This happened when I was on it before. Interesting.
1 Like
72/180
I think a big reason that I have so much pain is I put too much pressure on myself which causes a lot of paralysis.
I prefer The Fart of Yore by Eww Tzu (the 13th Bantam translation by Lefrak Constantine)
(i’ve acknowledged the problem and am getting help)
3 Likes
Day 74/180
Dread of going to work returned. I had a solid weekend though. I am working on my fear of failure. Diamond had a good impact over the weekend with the wife. Over the weekend my parents and some of their friends visited and he we got in to a bit of a discussion and you could clearly see generation gaps in ways of thinking. Normally I would avoid conflict, but I stood my ground on what I believed in without taking anything personally. The other person not so much. Just because they are older they think they get to always be right. Not so.
Worked on a retirement plan with a financial planner. More adulting.
5 Likes
Day 75/180
I actually just sat down and read a book instead of doing something (I wrote someone at first haha) while listening to a book on audible.
Adding Stark really changed up my life, I’m not sure what direction it is pulling me yet.
I am starting to feel the foundation of AM.
Just patiently/impatiently waiting for AM, Stark or Emperor as a ZP sub. I’d even settle for RICH.
I feel much better now that I have lowered the loops to twice a week. You never realize how bad a haze and overloading is until you are out of it.
4 Likes
Actually so true. Someone put this in the official FAQ
2 Likes
76/180
I seem to have a big lash of reconciliation that hits after a therapy session. I had trouble sleeping last night and feel hopeless and depressed this morning.
I learned that I have Avoidant - Fearful attachment style which is literally the worst one out of all of them. FUCK ME. At least it’s nice to put a reason has to why my brain is the way it is and why I have such a rough go at things. So it’s good to know why the fog is in my brain, now I just want to clear the damn fog. Hopefully knowing helps, know thy enemy kinda thing.
2 Likes
Day 77/180
Got some good action done for my social media part of my business for December…
I even created this photo. I am really proud with how it turned out!
6 Likes
Looks like a pumpkin potion!! Perfect for the season
Day 79/180
I noticed that recon seems to hit harder in the morning on the second rest day for some reason. It’s like the mind has truly shut off so the scripts start executing the new neural Pathways.
Enjoying the less social anxiety from Stark and enjoying it rather than being bored.
2 Likes
Day 82/180
Wow 8 days to halfway point 3 whole months of sticking with AM!
I added inner Circle on Monday and completely forgot I ran it until in therapy I discussed my desire to be part of a group and close friends like I had in robotics and scouts.
So my assignment is to find groups that I want to become a part of. This really meshes well with my stack of AM Stark and IC.
Feeling pretty good today. Nice to finally get out of the mental valley I was in.
Tried an failed to create a cobbler cocktail recipe. Got some ideas for another attempt. Having fun with it.
2 Likes
83/90
I notice I have an itch to join a Dungeons and Dragons campaign. So I messaged a friend who is DM about joining his group online.
Since my business is going to be fantasy and cocktail creation. I am going to build two different social groups. One the fantasy nerds and the other people that enjoy alcohol and cocktails. These are two sides of my nature that I will specialize in to create the business of my desires by taking those two worlds and putting them together.
2 Likes
Day 84/180
So my gameplan for life is to get really good at cocktails and really good at dnd/Fantasy world. My business will be the combination of both worlds but I will allow myself to hyperfocus on one or the other and use Stark to become the best in my field in both areas. I know many things say choose the one thing, but I think this is a good thing for my mind.
Yesterday I accidentally clicked the 1 click buy now button on my kindle app and I ended up buying a book that was perfect for learning cocktail creation. Pretty cool for an accident.
1 Like
Day 90/180
Kinda hard to describe how I feel. I am just so proud to get to this milestone 90 days with AM.
I do feel a bit more confident than before 90 days. I still have a lot way to go. I keep checking ZP thread waiting for the public release. Until then I continue the grind.
Been focusing a lot on dnd. I wonder why Stark brought me to actually jump in and explore this world but I absolutely love it. Not sure how I am going to make a profit yet, but I am trusting the process.
7 Likes
Day 95/180
I feel a pull in my brain towards success but my actions do not reflect it.
2 Likes
98/180
I had very intense wild sexual dreams last night that were very vivid.
I notice I have a lot more confidence in myself. I am getting more and more comfortable in my own skin.
3 Likes
Day 102/180
Really ready with everyone for ZP preview to come out. I feel my life is about to pop off but not sure in what direction. Taking what life gives me, not forcing anything and when an opening appears readying myself to take decisive massive action. A lot of patience right now. And for once I feel like I am making the right set up moves.
I feel my life has been a lot like the packer game today. Solid defense lack luster offense but not forcing anything until the time is right. Victory will be assured.
3 Likes
Day 105/180
I had a pretty rough day at work in terms of concentration. We have to keep track of our time now for a month and it has really put a lot of pressure and stress. I have such an up down relationship with work that is mostly down. I just feel so frustrated sincei don’t really no what direction I want to go.
Day 106/180
Another day of hating working under someone else. I hate how my boss’s boss is such a fucking micromanager. I am SO ready for ZP.
Diamond Ultima really initiates a lot of playful sexual activity with the Mrs. It didn’t lead to sex and I didn’t feel like it had too, but it was just a lot of making out kissy grab assy teasing fun while playing video games together.
2 Likes