Foundation of Freedom (AM for 180 Days)

Day 1/180

I am going to run an experiment of the one sub theory to get somewhere fast. I really need a sense of direction in life, I feel completely lost and need to pull myself out of a long slide starting in college. It’s been too long since I have been overall satisfied with my life.

My experiment is to run Ascended Mogul with boosters as needed for 6 months. I am going to treat this like an experiment to hopefully help me avoid switching to a new fucking title every 3 minutes.

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WARNING DARK POST

Day 2/180

Had a hell of a night in terms of lack of sleep due to a family emergency. Didn’t get to bed till just before the sun came up. Woke up with a title wave of recon. So it’s confirmed lack of sleep does that.

Listened to Sanguine as a booster. I need a lot more self confidence and joy in my life. My work and college completely destroyed any happiness I have and has a way of seeping into every part of my life. My first part of AM project is to refrained my life life with more of a joyful confidence lense regardless of what I am doing.

While listening to Sanguine, I felt myself wrapped up in a loving blanket. My inner dialog began to tell myself to chill out and calm down. I realize that I take life too seriously. I think viewing it as a game was damaging to my mental health. My current thinking is its more than a game it’s an experience. Like going to a concert or traveling or having fun with friends.

I felt an ecstasy of golden light flood into my heart in a way that is indescribable out of nowhere.

I had a big backlash from my subconscious mind. A wave of depressive thoughts rose to the surface of my mind. I allowed myself to feel it and gain some realization that I used to think all of my problems stem from me hating my job and any job. But deep down my problem is the fact that I hate myself, and feel unworthy to exist. I know factually this is wrong, but emotionally it is how I feel. This discovery although not very positive it feels good to get it off my chest and know that right now I view myself as a complete piece of shit, but I can focus on how I would like to view myself and make those changes.

Started reading The Magic of Manifestation by Ryuu Shinohara.

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That’s incredible!

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Day 3/180
Had some wierd but intense dreams last night. I can’t remember what they were about, but they were stress filled and intense. Got ready way before we needed to leave the vacation condo so at least that was pretty stress free. I had a good night with family last night.

I feel a bit lighter in terms of my feelings about myself. My wife made me say 3 good things about myself before I went to bed. Its our 1 year anniversary so that’s pretty nice.

I am seeing a bit of spike in my anger levels. This worries me a bit which is why I stopped the first time I tried AM. I do not wish to turn into a douchebag. I will continue to monitor this.

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Congratulations, man :confetti_ball: Sounds like you have a supportive woman by your side. That’s great.

Haven’t run AM, but I had a similar thing happen with Emperor. If I remember correctly, it’s listed as a symptom of recon on the support page. I remember having to take extra days off in the beginning to get back to feeling not irritated at everything :sweat_smile:

How many loops are you running? Have you considered taking a day or two extra for processing / rest?

Hang in there while it integrates. You got this. :muscle:

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I am doing the wvery other day at 1 loop like the official recommendations and running Sanguine everyday to help with recon also like the official recommendations. It’s good to know that, it is a side effect of reconciliation and won’t be a permanent thing.

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To me this a shiny bright post, not dark. You are becoming more and more aware, and you are bringing the light in, and that light will shed away all that’s not the truth :slight_smile:

This one is big! If you happen to feel down, just go back and re-read this one to yourself :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: :+1:

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Day 4/180

My body was shaking as I felt really uncomfortable energy pulse through my body and had some euphoric emotional pain that felt like it was bubbling to the surface.

When I woke up this morning I felt an intense pool of burning uncomfortable energy in my chest. I am working on trying to allow the feeling to express itself so that it can be released.

I was practicing not taking life so seriously during work. I was far behind for bring gone a week but I worked to let myself be okay with it. I used sanguine as a booster and this is a real life saver. A lot of my bad decisions were based in fear and hatred of myself. Once I begin to remove these two elements of my life my decision making will get better and more decisive.

I was kind of productive at work but got distracted by Spotify.

Day 5/180

Woke up with a little less pressure on my chest this morning. I don’t really remember my dreams but have notice that they were less intense than normal.

I notice with sanguine that gets helping me focus on good feelings. Bad feelings come up but I am learning to feel them and then direct my attention to a warm feeling. I have been underestimating the power of sanguine.

When I have lacked confidence and happiness, I am unable to see how important those things really are to personal growth. Many books say it’s important but cannot seem to convey how extremely important is to train your brain to feel good without drugs/alcohol. I feel becoming lighter with myself and thus with the world.

I am learning that foundation is really important at this stage of my life. I keep trying to skip steps and not allow the process to take place. (Hence the switching of subs constantly) which really spun my wheels so I just kept doing massive burnouts. I really think that AM will help me build up that foundation as many people have stated on here.

An insight that I may have found is that I might have a knack for setting up systems and processes to make my life easier. I enjoy automating things. (I could do better on the execution aspect). I wonder how I could explore if that is true and how to monetize it. I think I also enjoy strategizing as well.

I’m having more fun doing stuff like unpacking, jamming out to music and taking life a lot let seriously.

After therapy my ADHD went into full throttle after talking about it in therapy. It’s also didn’t help that we had severe thunderstorm that knocked the power out. So we played games in the candlelight.

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Day 6/180

Woke up around 3 am so unbelievably horny but managed to get back to sleep on and off the rest of the night.

I notice my brain is starting to miss the destructive thoughts that were a part of my mind before I began sanguine as a booster 6 days ago. It keeps trying to being me back there through triggers that would usually throw me down, but there impact is less now. I notice destructive thoughts come and go like waves in the ocean.

I find it easier to focus on warm fuzzy feelings, despite uncomfortable ones showing up. It’s almost like a constant meditation in my mind but instead of focusing on my breath I am guiding my mind to focus on feeling good. This was foreign for me before subclub.

A big realization came to me today. I cannot seem to actually start a business because I have been fighting success every step of the way and I make all the wrong moves. I have such an intense fear of failure and being stuck at my current job forever that I have trapped myself into a loop of fear and failure. I am afraid to step outside my comfort zone. I hate how others have power over me so much that I am afraid of asserting any personal power.

All of my fears, aspirations, action and lack of action are all directly linked together. I noticed while listening to a business podcast fears that were coming up. I noticed how much these fears have controlled me and led me to be atrocious as creating a business. I also have noticed that many if not all of my issues in life are directly correlated to what my fears are which trap me in a never ending loop. As I wrote this I felt an intense burning sensation in my heart.

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Day 7/180

Whohoo completed 1 week without switching. Big small victory! I am so unbelievably horny this week which is something I would not expect from Ascension Mogul.

I notice at work I am dictating my time to me more meaning usually if someone needs something, I always use to drop whatever I was doing and immediately go help them. Now I say when I complete the task I’m on then I will help you out. Causing less stress for me.

I identified a possible product to create. I am going to give myself a 6 month grace period before I am allowed to buy anything related to this project to see if it is something I want to do long term. This will also teach me patience. I need to figure out how to differentiate myself from the competition.

Despite not entirely happy with my ebook, I released it to the public. This is my first product I have created and released.

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Day 10/180
My happiness over the last 10 days has increased making life a lot more enjoyable even doing things I don’t enjoy. My ADHD after coming terms with it has spiked a bit and is starting to settle down. I don’t fight it like I used to by am learning to guide it towards something productive.

I feel like I am at a crossroads with my business life. I can choose to go towards my fantasy cocktail business which is already up and I have released a product for free, to a infotainment business, or get my CFA (Certified Financial Advisor) license.

My current thinking is to stick with the fantasy business and use infotainment as a hobby not a business and maybe there since it’s low stakes I can choose to learn how to develop a social media presence for my fantasy business

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Day 11/180

Nothing much to report. Woke up, went to work, cooked dinner, did some things on the to do list. Played video games, went to bed.

Noticing a guilt over playing video games since that is time I could have been spent building my business. I always have motivation when I should get to bed and get some sleep.

Putting this here to make sure my ADHD doesn’t derail me on an actual solid plan.

I am on thought of how to get the best results while minimizing pain is to figure out your current #1 goal. Make sure this goal is a SMART goal (Specific Measureable Attainable Relevant Timely). Pick 1 sub with a booster for that goal and run it until you complete that goal.

Once that goal is completed you can change your stack entirely or select another sub to go beyond your first goal. It’s like building a system to achieve your overall vision.

Example:

My vision is to own my own online business that I jump out of the bed to start and work on and have a great team around me. Also so that I only have to work only 20 hour weeks and am location independent. NOTE: I Want to become a better lover as well but I need to focus on 1 thing at a time.

My first goal was to release a product to the world for free to break that barrier of not creating and publishing something.

Now my new goal is earn $1 online through my established business that hasn’t made any money yet by 180 days.

My subliminal listening schedule is run Ascension Mogul for 180 days with a booster (60 days each Sanguine, LDU, RICH). If I don’t complete my goal in 180 days I will extend it to another 180 days. After a full year of listening and still not completed it’s time to go back to the drawing board and devise a new plan.

Once this experiment is done and I have completed my goal I plan on adding inner Circle to build a team around me once my mind has adjusted to AM way of thinking.

Too many people shoot for the stars in a rowboat and hope to hit the moon and don’t even build a rocket to get there.

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Day 12/180

Noticing myself take a lot more initiative than I used too. I am becoming more and more confident that I can do certain things that I typically would have crippling self doubts about.

Even my wife is noticing how I am much more okay with going out to places like night markets that I would typically be forced to go kicking and screaming, but am now more amenable to doing it.

I am so much more happier especially with every run of sanguine. I know I was planning on switching boosters but it’s hard to put a price on being happy for the sake of being happy.

Creating my business is slowly forming out of desperation of need to leave my job and more coming out of a desire to create something fun and special that I can be proud of.

Worked on my business in small chunks and played some video games with friends. Actual felt pretty solid about my progress today.

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Day 13/180

Starting to feel some reconciliation. I woke up in the middle of the night at like 4am and could not for the life of me get back to sleep. I felt very intense sensations that are hard to articulate what they felt like. It felt like there was an alchemical change going in my body and it was so intense that it woke me up instead of the usual insane intensity dreams.

Had an all hands meeting at work which confirmed the stupidity of working in the government.

Had an okay night. I got drained by being in a huge crowd of people expecting after rough day at work.

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Day 14/180

Yesterday was kind of rough. I seem to get really bad reconciliation on my off days. However I still managed to work a little bit on the business.

Once I ran sanguine this morning I felt a bit better. My libido is through the roof lately even though my wife and I make love regularly. I am hoping to transmute this excess energy into my creative efforts.

Everything I come up with ideas and a solid plan of action, there’s a pesky voice in my head screaming STOOOOOPP and I feel a bit of anxiety. I used to think of this voice as a voice of reason, but now I have learned to hear the voice out and then quietly tell it to shut the fuck up or I will blast you with a curse. This shows I’m learning to move past my safe cocoon zone.

In my therapy session the biggest take away is I need to really spend some time on self compassion. I guess based on my other posts here that is quote obvious especially since I said at one point that deep inside me there is a deep unwarranted self hatred. I will have to work on this as I continue my other goals.

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Day 15/180

I notice as I work on self compassion in my meditations a lot of buried unnecessary pain and burden that I have been carrying around and that beyond the self hatred there is a pure loving presence deep within me. I also feel a lot of pressure and pain in my heart area when I work on this.

What they don’t tell you: Learning to love yourself after years of absolutely hating yourself without realizing it is super painful. It feels like the emotional equivalent of a detox. My heart hurts so much and I am randomly tearing up and have trouble focusing die to the emotional distress I am feeling. It’s like my mind and body want me to take a hit of self hatred to feel better which is a confusing thing to think about.

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What a blessing to have found this journal. Love this!

I wonder if your horniness might actually be from the boosted mood that comes from Sanguine. Have you considered that? I’m thinking it could be about sanguine because one of the big killers of your sex drive is stress, whether that’s chronic stress directed at your partner directly, or even just more indirect stresses that accumulate during the day. Meanwhile, feeling happy is a great thing to “share” intimately with your partner.

I suffer from ADHD like you and the way that you’re phrasing this as an “experiment” is excellent. I started listening to AscMog, got great results, and then immediately switched off of it, lol!

I think Ascended Mogul will absolutely help you start a business. Obviously, taking lots of action will be more important, and maybe the first thing that AM will inspire you to do is start learning like crazy about business and how to run one (before you actually do).

Since my Custom is AM + HOM, you’ve inspired a lot within my own journey as well.

I have already been thinking about making sure that AM is the driver, and having my stack looking something like this.

Mon - AM, SalesMasteryQ (Custom)
Tue - Ultima of choice
Wed - AM, SalesMasteryQ,
Thurs - Ultima
repeat one day on one day off forever, washout once every 45 days.

Since I think that so much of my distraction comes from negative emotion, Sanguine sounds like an awesome booster, and it helps with recon too.

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I have figured out that the simpler the stack the better. As well as figure out your number 1 goal that you need to accomplish. It’s easier to take focused action than trying to desperately take action all of over the board. Sanguine has helped a lot in the action department because it’s easier to take action when you are not full of doubt.

I am glad this journal has helped you!

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