Finding my True North


I don’t think this alpha. This is something those fake wanna be alphas would do. Someone who’s secure with himself doesn’t look down on other people like that.


@afc22 exactly. A man , woman, trans, or whoever that is secure in themselves isn’t rude , critical of , or a bully to anyone else.


@mecharc thats inspiring.

This is the thing @jcast, these men ARE super rude and dismissive of anyone not on their “level”. But they would call it “banter”.

Just for context, these are racecourse customers with tons of money to burn. They’re also 6ft, 200lbs. Society would deem them alpha.

I agree, however it seems like the loud, impatient, aggressive and impulsive alphas get a lot more success than others.

Guys, help me out here: are those traits really alpha or does it take it too far? Is it something to aim for?


Sounds like that arrogant bad boy beta male type that people mistaken as alpha. It’s a false confidence that they display. They are actually fear driven. They operate through manipulation. They lie and wear a mask.

The bad boy beta is not the same as the driven alpha. The bad boy is the beta who compares himself to others and does whatever he can to make himself superior, to bring himself above others. There’s a false sense of confidence. It looks like confidence, but it’s actually arrogance. The bad boy beta is going to deny faults. They can’t tolerate rejection. No beta can tolerate rejection because they think that it means something is wrong with them .

They brag about themselves, because they’re building themselves up. They are attempting to make themselves superior. In their world of comparison, they need to be better than everyone else. That’s the bad boy beta.


I can relate deeply to the spirit of what you’re asking, @Michel. I think this is an age-old question, and that’s because it’s a good question.

I think it goes deeper than whether or not those 6 feet and up, 200lb guys are really alpha.

Basically, we’re talking about confidence, the sources of confidence, and the expression of confidence.

The short, easy answer is, (to quote the cliché): ‘There’s levels to this shit’

By definition, ‘alpha’ means those who are in the top, first, or vanguard positions. How you got there, and how you behave when you get there, may vary.

Are all kings the same? Are all Olympians the same? (I mean the athletes not the gods.). My guess: there will be certain traits in common, but beyond that we’ll find quite a lot of individual variety.

Think of it this way, if all alpha were really 6 feet tall and rude (in other words, if all alphas were the same) they would sound more like boring drones than kings.

Not learning, not growing, just copying others or living by lowest common denominator norms and impulses. That doesn’t sound very inspiring or impressive.

But no, I’d say what really makes someone a confident leader is that s/he is sufficiently comfortable holding or wielding power and authority. That’ll be the common trait. Beyond that one point, we can expect personality traits, past experiences, values, culture, education and so on, to result in different styles of leadership.

But none of that, also, is the deepest question here. The deeper question ( in my opinion) is, ‘being around guys like that challenges me and raises up some uncomfortable feelings. In light of this, 1) can I be alpha? and 2) does that mean I’ll have to be like them?’

My opinion is 1) yes and 2) no.

You’ll do it in your own way, because you’ll fucking make it happen. That more than anything else is what makes you alpha. When the winds of resistance or discomfort blow in your face, you’ll say ‘yeah. okay.’ And you’ll keep walking. In the way you’ve chosen to walk.

At some point, you’ll find that you’ve ascended another tier. Those 6 ft tall rude guys won’t impress you or bother you as much as they once did.

(But at that point, you yourself may need to remind yourself not to be rude.)

Cultivate kindness that is based on empathy and intelligence, rather than kindness that is based on fear. Otherwise, the moment you’re a little less afraid, you’ll turn into a great asshole (and, worse, you’ll lose your sense of your own direction).


Can I hug you? I found so many inspirations and joy from your journey @Michel

Same with you, I am on the same journey with Emperor + Regen.

Thanks so much for sharing your evolution man.


Tried Regen + Elixir Yet?

and Maybe Ascended :3


I wonder if it just me but I jerked off and get so horny from Emperor V4, I wonder if it’s the reconciliation, but I jerked of more often than before even sometimes twice a day, before Emperor I did that like twice a month.


Maybe try lessening the loops for Ev4? I’m currently running 3-4 loops of Ev4 and don’t feel as horny as when I ran it 10 or more.


DAMN Man I learned more from this realization itself than my entire life understanding social dynamics, this is a big revelation for me!!

Man, you should write a book, this by itself is worth reading hehe


I tell you Man, I am reading your story like I am re-watching the transformation from Walter White to Heisenberg

While at the same time I questioned myself “is this really what I want?”

I do feel most of em are good changes though and it doesn’t change who you really are, a good person, trying to do good in the world, while dancing along the way.

Kudos to you and your journey man, I am glad to be here for the past 90 mins plus reading your success stories.


Yes, I do think that most of the behavior you listed is stereotypical alpha behavior. The thing is however, that there are of course no clear rules for when you are an alpha. Because of this I don’t even like the use of the term alpha. I think the term is restrictive, the only reason why I use it is because of it’s convenience.

I don’t think you should ask yourself “what behavior should I adopt”, instead ask yourself “what behavior do I want to adopt”, what man do I want to be. This way you don’t have to ask yourself whether or not this behavior is “really” alpha. You just adopt the behavior you want, most of the behavior/traits you choose will probably be alpha anyway. This way you make sure you will stay true to yourself and you don’t just choose to adopt behavior because it’s supposed to be alpha.

Just my 2cents.


@malkuth, you brilliant individual. You precisely pulled up the subconscious question that I couldn’t voice out loud directly.

That’s reassuring to know that there are “levels to this shit”, as YouTube “gurus” would have you believe in a 2D simplified seesaw.

I also wonder if these 6ft rude guys are stuck in their own social bubble and are acting out the lifestyle expected of them at the level?


What I’ve seen so far (over the past month) I really didn’t like. Therefore qualities like empathy, kindness, mentoring, respect - but with a “don’t fuck with me” vibe.


@Stellarhowl glad this journal is giving you inspiration! Eager to read your successes.


My best friend from childhood was always an alpha/sigma kind of guy. He didn’t shy away from conflict, remained cool under pressure/tension, was an athlete. Those (apart from the athlete bit) are the basic alpha qualities, I think. He also grew up to be 6’7 (by the time he was 15 or 16, if I remember) whereas I peaked out at 5’8. When we reached young adulthood, it was really instructive for me to be around him. I hadn’t realized that women would really throw themselves at people, because I hadn’t had that experience in that way apart from very isolated incidents. (But why not? Nothing wrong with exploring something that she thinks she might like.)

At the same time, I didn’t find him to be horrible, and he had/has many qualities that I think are worthy of respect. There are certain aspects of scarcity that I think he just would not understand since he’s never experienced them. I wouldn’t call him an asshole, although he can be one sometimes. That seems more or less like most people. I think he’s pretty cool.

So that was always an interesting case study throughout life. Like ‘oh, I guess life can be like that’. haha.

When you’re younger, you kind of project everything about yourself onto the people you see. It’s hard to really approach someone as a completely separate person. So you assume that ‘if that person has what I want, they must be happy. Because I imagine I would be.’

Something seems to happen, to some degree, with the passage of time and with personal change, etc. Sometimes you find yourself approaching yourself and others as separate ‘souls’ (for lack of a better word). ‘Your journey is not my journey.’ That kind of thing.

I’m sure that I can probably be envious, but I think it would be more of a feeling like being drunk. Like an altered state that occurred because certain parts of my perception and judgment just turned off. But I’ll bet it could probably still happen. Hopefully, I won’t need to find out. Because that feels like a totally wrongheaded place. (haha. now, i’ll probably end up experiencing it tomorrow or something.)

I don’t want to succeed as you, that wouldn’t be me succeeding. I want to succeed as myself. I’m the only person who can do that. So, while I can and do feel the bite of lack or of frustrated desire. I also know that no one else has ever succeeded as me, because no one else has ever been me.


We’re all here just trying to figure it out with the internal and external resources that we each have available. That is just the human condition. We like to tell ourselves stories to feel more control, etc., but this seems to be the basic case for the human. It (the human condition) is not even that bad if one can learn to be philosophical about it. Fight to build up a little ironic self-awareness and so on.


Been an upsetting few days, largely due to a number of factors:

  • My work has dried up due to the current circumstances. All work at events, hotels, hospitality, food and drink places have been cancelled.
  • Work has not been paying me either, which added to the stresses of trying to buy food.
  • The people of my city have decided to panic buy, rinsing off the shelves of essential goods. They’ve also resorted to behaving like animals, ignoring their fellow man and forcing their way in the supermarket

I’ve completely disconnected from the news and turned to meditation to transmute this massive social fear. This is an opportune time to go within and finally deal with the last of the childhood trauma triggers, along with laying down empathic boundaries.

Readded Admiral and Commander, so it’s back to Kommander Khan Korrupt


Khan Kan Korrupt

Day 57

Coronavirus. I would not wish it on my worst enemy. Imagine progressively not being able to breathe, but in slow motion. That right there.

Been reflecting on the past month on ST2 and what makes somebody alpha male. Observing the behaviour of the nouveau riche at the races, I’ve decided that "alpha male" is some surface level bullshit designed to lure unsuspecting young men into chasing female validation.

Self respect, individualisation, purpose and healing is more important than peacocking for vagina.

I’ll still be listening to ST4 in a few days, however the current quarantine circumstances lend more towards spirituality than “getting laid”.


Khan Kan Korrupt

Day 59

Last day of ST2.

Been playing around with healing sessions with YouTube, came across one which specifically dealt with parental narcissistic abuse and victim patterning. As you know it’s been the story of my life, trying to get over it.

I can say now that I’m finally healed. I’ve done it!

Narcissism is just weird.

Why go to insane lengths to just prove your “superiority”? Destroying a child’s confidence, stunting his growing independence, beating him down, all for total mind and body control.

I hope Sub Club in Q has quantum healing and light codes in its modules. So much potential.


Khan Kan Korrupt Komplete

Day 62
Cabin Fever

Not entirely sure how much of Khan will be effective whilst still under lockdown. Still, several months of “advanced” programming will come in useful once the pandemic status clears.

I’m still feeling alright with regards to dealing with outside arseholes - the quantum healing of narcissistic abuse is done - but employing the skills to bat away a mufugga aren’t quite there yet.

Working in a hospital as a junior volunteer, dealing with exactly the types of psychopaths previous. Now there isn’t the emotional historical charge left to “react like a bitch”.

Memory of abuse
I’m kinda at a loss - my life was defined by abuse. That’s gone now. Now I have to relearn how to exist in a “new timeline”.
Learning how to say "go fuck yourself" to anyone who steps on me, who wants to take out their shit on me, who disregards my worth.

ST4 here it comes.