Finding my True North

[AMASH]

@subliminalguy

And to be honest, I’m realizing that part of me is holding on to them–like it’s my (sick) comfort zone and identity.

This is a very deep and important realization. It’s KEY for your future change.

@subliminalguy

I’m not sure how to do this separation thing.

I believe, when you dig deep down, you’ll find this may be related to a deep trauma that paradoxically comes from the fight of a Need for Love with the Fear of Being Loved.

You’re not alone in this. 2020 is your year of true transformation.

Too many years were spent with unhelpful patterns running our lives. It’s time to free ourselves from them all, so that we’re light and open and can live a life of our own, a life we can be proud of and be the person we want to be living it.

[Malkuth]

Wow @Michel, just need to recognize and acknowledge you for a moment here.

Those are some incredible change-processes!

Did you say this is your second run-through with Khan? Could you briefly recap your listening history?

(Month 1 ??, Month 5 ??, and so on). haha or don’t if you don’t feel like it right now. Not trying to punish you for making progress.

[Michel]

Could you briefly recap your listening history?

Rebirth + Ascension September
Khan ST1 ST2 ST3 until December
Started Regeneration December
Ascension + Regeneration January
Back on Khan ST1 + ST4 since February

[Lion]

Way to go, @Michel!

[Michel]

Thanks, @Lion

Shit is getting easier

[SubliminalUser]

Looking forward to seeing the benefits of the other stages myself, @Michel!

[Michel]

Khan Kan Korrupt Komplete

Total Breakdown
Day 32

There was a time where I thought I would never ever get over the past, be stuck forever in primal anxiety and terror, my real self forever lost in codependency.

That time is over.

The past is done. It happened. It sucked ass. I’ve lost money, people, opportunities.

But I would sacrifice all that for the strength, power, sexuality and real self purpose that Khan gives me.

That which is true, stays. That which is horseshit, falls away.

[subliminalguy]

It’s good to hear you @Michel. I remember when you when you were still grinding against the same 'ol, same 'ol patterns and beliefs about yourself and people around you. You’ve definitely changed.

You rewriting yourself encourages me greatly. I love reading your posts since you share your thoughts and feelings freely, without accepting the same 'ol shit treatment–from yourself, or from others. You’ve made great progress mentally and emotionally, and the fruit is seen in your writings.

Keep kicking ass. It’s a selfish like of mine, but I value your posts. Not everyone grabs onto this change so intensely. I read here and say “it is possible to change!” I’m still slugging through some mental bullshit today, but thought I’d let you know I’m encouraged to see you still moving forward.

Thank you

[Michel]

@subliminalguy that means a lot from you. Thank you.

[SubliminalUser]

I love this entire post. Like @subliminalguy, I’m also going through some internal BS, some of which are the result of long-standing patterns. That you have you been able to overcome exactly that with the help of Total Breakdown is inspiring and helps me continue to push forward on my own journey.

[Michel]

Khan Kan Korrupt Komplete

Total Breakdown
Day 35

After dabbling in the other stages, I’m switching to a more intensive playlist of ST2 + PCC. ST1 cleaned me out, now it’s time to turn the screw.

Immediate results:

• Two hot to trot gym bunnies hanging close near my squat rack, with one other doing squats and looking vaguely in my direction
• More energy. Lots of energy to workout.
• Emptiness from ST1 bring filled with power
• Less tendency to hide/retreat/look away. All of me is on display, some won’t like it, I don’t give a rat’s ass
• Assertive at the gym. They don’t like it…
• Touch more swagger
• Asked my new work rep her (work ) number straight up

I know I could have gone with ST4 but the reprogramming stage is important to me so that the Khan can steadily grow, rather than rush into it.

So far, Khan is working perfectly as it should have been back in the day! Lots and lots of childlike enthusiasm. Love it.

[Michel]

Khan Kan Korrupt

ST2 Total Reprogramming

Some early results

• Big shift in seeing the world. Now cleaned out of negative beliefs I’m now approaching the world like the 6 year old I was before.
• Enjoying the little things: being at the coffee shop, having cake and chilling
• A change of focusing inwards THEN looking outwards. Giving permission to say “how do I feel?”
• Inner critical voice (internalised voice of the abusive parent) permanently silenced and replaced with a kinder version
• Lost motivation: The fear-based motivation to achieve big things has also gone.
• Looks like art really isn’t a strong passion of mine at all. I’ve come to accept that the breakdown of my career and art friends was for my benefit.
• I don’t know what my real passion is.
  Cannot plan for the future if I don’t know what I’m supposed to do…

Women and wealth will come easily to you:
Not sure about that, but at least two women sat opposite me on the train: one brunette trainee nurse and a blonde 9/10 on the train. Little signs, together with the two gym bunnies just happening to work out close to me. One to keep an eye on.

[subliminalguy]

• Lost motivation: The fear-based motivation to achieve big things has also gone.
• Looks like art really isn’t a strong passion of mine at all. I’ve come to accept that the breakdown of my career and art friends was for my benefit.
• I don’t know what my real passion is.
  Cannot plan for the future if I don’t know what I’m supposed to do…

As long as I’ve been money-focused (a few years now) fear has often been a prime motivator. EOG ST2 specifically focuses on one’s life goals, so hearing you point this out had me thinking about it.

But fear…fear still lingers. I’ve hidden behind so many masks, and while I write now I’m realizing an excitement going forward, yet fear is diligently trying to hold its ground. Something I heard in a Jordan Peterson video yesterday was nice guys often don’t know what they really want since their whole life has been spent making others happy. I’ll put that video here.

I’m with you though. I’ve made my life based on other’s imagined preferences. My own…I’m still learning. I’m grateful I’m here

[Michel]

@subliminalguy Too damn agreeable…

Khan Kan Korrupt

Day 39

Honestly I’ve lost count of tracking the days. Having to look back and figure out where I am on this journey North.

I will say this: healing and breaking down is fundamental to having any kind of success with these subliminals. Far too many want too quick results with women to cover for their past. I’ve still have work to do on just getting from “adult child” to adult and Regeneration and Khan ST1 are two solid platforms for success.

---

Korrupting the Workers
In yet another work situation with an asshole boss, this time using shaming rather than using the threat of violence to get compliance out of staff. But thanks to Power Khan Korrupt, I largely kept my cool (mainly by complaining out loud - nice guys usually hold their emotions in and blow up).

However towards the end of a VERY long shift this boss started really laying on the parent > child communication style thick. Illogical and highly emotional.

Instead of wasting my anger, I decided to use PCC verbal judo by repeating back the boss’s shaming catchphrase "it doesn’t make sense" to her every command. When something went wrong, I said out loud “that didn’t make sense…”. A big metal panel fell to the floor, I said out loud "that definitely doesn’t make sense!" to laughter.

PCC allowed me to push back against her attack by subtly mocking her whilst engaging all of the workers against the boss using humour and sarcasm. At one point she reacted “do you all think this is funny???”

A co-worker of mine also used the same tactic: telling me (regarding customers complaints of beer) “it’s flat”. So we backed and forthed jokingly “it’s flat”, “you’re flat”, “the water’s flat”. “this job’s flat…”

A few people noticed how good I was with my work, calling me master and innovative. I just wished my bosses would also notice and cut some slack… And i wish I would just accept compliments graciously…

All this nonsense is usually indicative of working in the wrong job. So time to sit that out in the coming weeks.

Oh well, onwards and upwards.

[Michel]

Khan Kan Korrupt

Day 44

Quick results roundup:

• Getting into good random conversations with strangers whilst travelling by train to and from my second job, which is temporarily half way across the country
• Forced to behave like an independent adult and to stand alone and rely on myself whilst venturing out of my comfort zone.
• Self talk which has been self critical of myself and others has changed to one of support (you can do this…)
• Learning to place others unflattering and prejudiced opinions of myself into a separate container away from my core self.
• Learning also to give up trying to “win” over people with charm and only show that side of my personality to others who are equally receptive.
• Gained a little help from others (I never ask/expect it) at work: got a ride to the station from a lovely gentleman.
• Small manifestation of money, earned £40 tip as a reward for being a lucky charm for a customer.

Lessons of the week:
Got to stop hoping for a saviour to rescue m and actually put in the work to be free. Ironically, when you prepare well and need nothing, that’s when other offer to help.

[Michel]

One more self realization insight:
Thing is, I will never feel independent until I become self sufficient. home. Me constantly seeking others’ opinion will always sabotage my progress.
Once I summon the courage to move , that feeling of “what do they think of me?” will disappear from view. It won’t matter what anyone else thinks because I’m more interested in getting my shit together.

[Michel]

On observing alpha male behaviour over the last few days:

They have the wealth.
They have the cars.
They have the enormous physique.
They have the high flying careers.
They are best friends with their bosses.
They get regular sex.
They get the ultimate respect
They don’t have time to wait
They don’t have to be polite to you.
They are rude to those lower than them
They’ll just get someone else to clean up after them
They sit at the top of the tree.

Is this really what I want in life? Or do I need some of this, because of how “nice” I’ve been? What do y’all think?

[mecharc]

What is your insight on this ?

“A True Alpha makes sure that people in his “caring list” , gets to eat first ( eat obviously is just a metaphor)”

[James]

Just my opinion guys but I don’t get Jordan Peterson at all. The dude seems toxic as fuck to me

[James]

@Michel a lot of those traits or characteristics come down at least to me , to just knowing what you want , going after it, and living your life. Mark Manson mentioned in one of his books how someone who is confident doesn’t ask themselves if they’re confident they just are. I would think that applies here as well. At some point you will stop asking or wondering if you’re alpha , sigma, omega, ortega and just be who you are.