Finding my True North

Journals - Major Programs
#951

recon rage

Why am I still so open to others and the world?

I remember being so open at high school that I thought hanging round anyone who would pay attention was my friend. They would insult me in their own languages and I would sit there and take it. Basically showing them how little self worth I had.

Then trying to get others to like me at university. No one wanted to know me or be near me. Dancing in a group on a Saturday night the room would clear where I was.

Then being the sitting duck at work where the hospital physicians would conspire to get me fired, just for not being their little yes man and slave (they looked down on admin).

Then having a woman friend walk off after 7 years with no explanation.

Of course family also don’t care.

"Give love to get love"
What a joke.

No one cares, however much you offer yourself up to others. Not everyone is your friend.

Being so open that I forgot who I was. Isn’t reality a bitch?

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#952

No one likes your when you stand your ground. Everybody loves a yes man.
Most people are so shallow that they get their sense of power from controlling or belittling others. It’s like stand on someone then look tall.

Sometimes it’s not really recon rage. It’s basically you standing up or fighting back when you being stamped on.

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#953

I figured it was something to do with Ascended Mogul and “what if”, triggered off by something today.

Part of it is also being powerless to change others’ minds about me, so the worst thing is they think I’m bad and I can’t do jack about it.

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#954

forced off the plank

I knew round the corner from a bad recon episode is greatness. This is what the recon revealed:

I still care what others think.

It exists in a thought bubble over my shoulder, like the judgmental voice of my parents.

The incident that triggered it (I won’t mention it) pushed me all the way to recon breaking point. I had a life choice to make:

  • Are you still going to feed the black wolf (others opinions controlling your actions)

  • or do you start nourishing the White wolf? (Putting my opinions first)

Am I going to let the nebulous “terror” threat of “what will they say?” going to stop me pursuing and attracting opportunities, or start to not give a fuck? Be so self assured, contained and calm (with a strong respect vibe) that others feel uncomfortable in comparison?

test the floor

The other thing I realised I’ve missed out on growing up was having an good, early foundation. Some people use culture, religion or tradition as a frame to navigate their world. Mine never existed, it was survive by any means necessary, duck and dive, keep your head down and protec’ ya neck.

@remarkable mentions the low position most people (including survivors of trauma) have with a lack of a steady foundation.
Ascended Mogul gave me that foundation. In two months the program built a solid ground to stand on my own two feet and think for myself.

It’s far from finished but have a quantum leap in self worth in a couple of weeks? I’ll definitely take that.

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#955

Get up, stand up

Not the most elegant way of responding to disrespectful behaviour, telling someone who pulled up their mask on sight of me, an exempt person to “go fuck himself”.

This has been happening quite a lot recently, possibly as an Ascended Mogul challenge to finally speak up and stand up for myself and did it. Other people were consistent with their own stances, which I have absolutely no problems with. But this person who believed I was at risk solely based on my skin colour? Well, you can go fuck yourself.

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#956

Two month review. What’s going right?

  • I appear to have changed build (clothes from last year are too tight)
  • Much more mentally rock solid, confident, feeling more like an elite alpha male.
  • Voice carries deeper and stronger.
  • My walk is powerful.
  • My stare is powerful. Got an experienced security guard to look DOWN in a staring contest.
  • Attractive women are everywhere, making their indicators of interests more blatant.
  • Flirty and intense with the women, respectful but displaying a “don’t mess with me” subcommunication.

a tale of two legs

Sat opposite the train with a brunette on the train and her male friend. She made sure to face me directly. After a while she noticed I was looking at her - that was her ignition switch. She kept giving out constant (and I mean constant) IOIs: smoothing her legs, shaking her feet, stroking her neck, uncrossing legs.
I imagined doing naughty things to her whilst staring at her, which seemed too much for her, because several times she put her hands down her skirt. It’s was to reveal a bit of side skin, but
I did think to myself "are you really going to masturbate on the train???"

I imagine her dilemma was thus:

I’m so aroused by Big @Michel that I am more hotter and wetter than the Amazon rainforest. But how do I hide my unbridled, visceral urge to sleep with him from my boyfriend?
Quick, lean on him and act interested…

All I did was sit back and enjoy the show :sunglasses:

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Any Single 40+ Guys Getting Results With Sex-Focused Subs?
#957

Game of Thrones Style War Cry: "Michel The WHITE WOLF is King in the NORTH!!!"

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#958

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#959

Hahaha! A healthy dose of jealousy and arousal in her because of a rise in his status led to a warm bedding too.

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#960

step 1: principles

Nothing much to report, turned down a guaranteed £1000 for 5 days work because of a requirement I wasn’t comfortable doing (you can probably guess which). I told my workplace I will not be doing the requirement under any circumstances and am prepared for any backlash/punishment they feel like cooking up. Last year I also walked out of a job for similar reasons.

Aren’t you shooting yourself in the foot, we all need money bro?

Principles.

Can’t be done all the time of course but some are more palatable than others. This one, I felt they crossed the line personally. Taking a stand is slightly irritating when I simply want to progress forward, but on this subject, I don’t joke about.

step 2: open your mouth and speak

Attraction from women is starting to get crazy. Imagine you’re just chilling out in the sun on grass and a tall woman walking past suddenly flips out on her big dog, forcibly grabbing its head and pulling something out of its mouth.

I would like to think that is really was about the dog eating something it shouldn’t have, but I suspect she was sending out a domination signal (“this is how I would like you to treat me - in bed”). :flushed:

The day before I opened up a blonde at IKEA who couldn’t find a certain lamp shade and I kept the conversation going as long as I could. I said to myself: open your mouth and say something interesting, then move on. But she then starting hovering close to me whilst shopping… I had another woman essentially follow me round the aisles at a supermarket, even stopping at the men’s section where I was…

This Primal Seduction journey is getting interesting. I might need to seek out additional dating instructions on how to move it forward since they are seeking me out on a regular basis.

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#961

Another blonde!

This time she stood real close to me on a busy train, almost begged for me to be talk to her, and I did after a lot of hints. She wore a tattoo of a symbol, of which I knew a bit about, and got into a conversation with her.

It was like Primal Seduction not only manifested her in close proximity, she was very receptive and was my type.

The only thing missing was GETTING HER NUMBER. :persevere:

Honestly I couldn’t believe my luck at how far it went just from bring coerced by the sub to talk! As much as I would like to congratulate myself for taking action, I’m beating myself up for not asking for her number…

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#962

Next time you will :wink:

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#963

Totally normal. In hindsight, we tend to be hard on ourselves for not “going all the way,” or whatever.

If I may say so, give yourself this win, however “small” of an increment it may seem because it’s the consistent small victories over our past patterns that add up to great changes…and like Hermit said, “Next time you will”

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#964

As @Hermit said it will happen, it shall be done :raised_hands:

@summit yep, definitely. Thanks. PS is ending the mother of all dry spells within 3 months.

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#965

I would rather ask her out straight ahead, and get her number in the process. :smiley:

Step by step. Good :slight_smile:

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#966

Glad to see your journey brother… didnt know Ascended Mogul had physical improvements…makes sense now. My chest was popping out like a gorilla.

Ascended Mogul will prepare you for every shit they try to send at you…and the funny thing is thay you will stand your ground. 99% of man are posers, when the shit its the fan they run like coward dogs.

I would gladly go on the hunt on the streets and would help you out in your dating game, if you ever come to Portugal let me know and we can do it, natural style no bullshit.

Talking to woman should be as natural as drinking water. You should watch the Tao of Steve…use those principles and you should good to go but remember Action is the mother of all skills, even a the shittiest guy on the planet can get a celebrity if he just takes action, yes he is playing a numbers game but this is just me reinforcing the importance of taking action.

How do you describe primal seduction is helping you out? Why not iron throne?

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#967

I needed the healing that is in Primal Seduction, because (I’m looking back as I write this) my past attempts at dating were actually successful in terms to talking and befriending women, but no knowledge about escalating. Several girls in the past would invite me to their place and I had no clue what to do. One girl basically gave up in the middle of foreplay and walked out.

So Primal Seduction helps with the disappointment of realising that I could have had many more adventures until now.

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#968

Been there, done that, became better :+1:

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#969

I love that movie! Real game too.

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#970

There is something defining about sitting by yourself on a train or in the park where others refuse to sit near you. It means 1) I my confidence and mental strength is very high. 2) Ascended Mogul works too well.

Making them hot

Making girls hot is my new middle name. I now know most women are attracted to me, it’s not even a question anymore. The reactions are different - some poker face, some give in totally. One chick in a bikini reacted as if she swallowed something hot :rofl:

Opportunity missed?

Another blonde who sat at the park with her book, I caught glimpses of her, at one point she sits split legged, so signs are obvious. However I got a sense that she would be a difficult one as she might be a bit of a low self esteem case. Last time I ignored such a message, it ended very badly for me. So I let the opportunity go, she got annoyed and left after expecting me to approach. I didn’t.

So this journal entry is to publicly state that I regularly attract blonde women that get all hot and wet. The next stage is actually moving my arse and physically walking over and introducing myself, putting yourself out there at risk of getting my head chopped off.

Is it now time for Primal Seduction: Iron Throne?

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