Definitely not. But I see inner peace as a state of being. A place to navigate emotions from.
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I agree. I wonder: would you say nervousness, tension, and stress are more reflexive or default emotions? As though they happen without even trying?
Yeah definitely. That’s been my whole life, trying to cope around it. It’s only within the past three years I started working on things in therapy. But it’s clear to me I never developed healthy emotional regulation skills.
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Have you ever seen this book regarding emotional regulation skills:
DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets Second Edition by Marsha M. Linehan
I’ve used an older edition to help myself with nervousness. Perhaps your therapist knows about this.
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I haven’t seen this. But I did a quick read of DBT and what it entails. It sounds like my therapist has already been incorporating a lot of it. I’ll still ask her. My issue is that along with intense emotions sometimes, I have anxiety about allowing them to be there. That seems to be the root of my struggles, I feel wrong when I feel anything strongly. I’m still trying to work on that. I seem to be incapable of feeling the full spectrum of human emotions without experiencing some type of guilt or shame attached to it. I’m horribly aware of it, but that doesn’t stop it from occuring.
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Did you do a search on meta-feelings?
First time I’ve actually heard that. I’ll have to check it out.
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I just had another thought.
Usually when I read a post about someone having a concern or issue, I think “what would most directly address that?”
Case in point, emotional regulation => Sanguine
What about this:
Revelation of Mind
Revelation of Spirit
Revelations of Dreams
Those might seem random or unrelated, but what might happen if you ran one of those. Rather than directly addressing the issue, do something that stands a chance of indirectly addressing the issue.
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I like that idea. I’ll have to take a look at those today to see if any of them would aid me. Appreciate the help!
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I wonder if somehow in your mind:
relaxing = threat to safety
What do you think?
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Yes very much so. I’ve tried Sanguine about twice now and I think the focus on relaxation and calm is very triggering for me. It’s been a difficult thing to navigate because relaxation is often associated as positive or beneficial in some way.
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@RVconsultant Thanks again for the suggestion. I’m going to be giving RoM a shot. I read the description and it really resonated with me.
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What’s your plan for putting RoM into your stack?
How many seconds/minutes are you listening to each?
What resonated for you about RoM?
What did you think of RoD and RoS?
I’ll be adding RoM to both Seductress and my rebuilt HoT custom.
Right now I’m only at 1 min for my stack. I’ll likely start with 30s for RoM
Mostly the concept of unfolding and discovery. The fact that it specifically states in the product description it’s not meant to cause any upheaval to current beliefs or life. If I’m being honest. I’m really lost, I don’t get life. And I think I’m missing out on it because I don’t accept or understand who I am. I’m still stuck with conditioning that forces me to think I need to be someone else.
RoD and RoS are also interesting. I ran RoD for a bit, it had some interesting effects but nothing I felt I could apply substantially to my life. RoS seems like it would be a bit too heavy for me. Right now I’m trying to ground myself in the physical more. Aspects of spirituality can lead to some ungroundedness for me. I feel like RoM although spiritual, maintains a link towards more tangible goals.
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I have run RoM before. Led to some very interesting insights. But then I bailed on it. At the time I was running it with wanted so who knows, maybe it was helping me unearth my gender dysphoria and I didn’t like that.
I’m looking back on that journal and there are a lot of hints with my mind wanting to drop wanted, but I waved it off as recon and kept forcing myself. Essentially forcing myself to be something I felt I should be vs who I was.
I ran a 30s loop this morning. The thing is looking back on those journals I did see improvements in some areas. Even on something like wanted. But it was always a caricature of some guy, never felt like me. Weird thing.
In a lot of ways looking back on those journals is painful. There was so much pressure to conform. But I guess it was my survival too. I thought maybe I could just make being a guy work if I kept doing something. Anything besides the alternative of having to go through this painful process of reinventing myself.
But I’m looking forward to seeing what else RoM helps me uncover now that I’m not so guarded with all this. Having to transition and all this was my biggest fear, but I’m facing it so all that’s left now is exploring who I really am.
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I’m not sure I understand this. Are you thinking about putting RoM into 2 different customs, or are you saying you’re adding RoM to your stack?
Thing is, I wonder if over half the population doesn’t even realize this. The light bulb is on for you.
I’m glad you tried this at one point. My thought was that when dreaming, you’re likely deep in the subconscious. I would hope that breakthroughs could happen.
RoS is also more nebulous in the description.
What were those insights?
I would encourage you to think about running RoM once a week to start with. Notice what happens. What do you think?
Yeah sorry it’s RoM, Seductress, HoT custom in a stack
I question it a lot. All I have is my perspective. I’ve been painfully aware of it for years in some form. But never could figure out how to break out. That’s been the torture for me. Even if half the population doesn’t realize though, they seem to be happy anyway. I’m just stuck in this weird middle ground between where I can’t be blissfully unaware and I have limited personal power to exercise over my own reality.
Yeah I never got to attain lucidity or close to it. I like the concept of it, it was just too much of a commitment in my stack for something that wasn’t giving a huge return on investment.
A lot of it centered around life, existence, what it means to really have free will. Dissecting day to day stuff. Trying to attempt to understand what’s actually needed to lead a fulfilling life vs the paths I got forced into. I got closer to starting to deconstruct things and start over entirely but I think I panicked. Some other stuff was trying to understand the density of social constructs in society on an energetic level, which ones were malleable and which ones exert a level of pushback when you attempt to go against them. Not sure if that’s just externalization of internal issues or a real phenomenon that occurs independent of beliefs. I guess RoM was really digging at how to attain freedom. Some of those insights I felt were dumb or a waste of time, so RoM kind of helped with just giving them a chance to be explored before writing them off entirely as useless rumination.
Yeah I like this approach. I’ll definitely be taking it easy with this sub since it does cause me to go very introspective which if not counterbalanced doesn’t do much of anything.
Such a weird dream. There was a guy that was trying to own me and make me feel like I needed him. But it’s like he was a pimp and trying to appeal to my anxious side with promises of stability if I stayed with him.
That is a concern of mine with a relationship with a guy. Not being a pimp but emotionally manipulative in such a way that causes me to doubt myself and lures me in with that sense of safety or security.
RoM seems to be helping me explore how to conceptualize physical shifting. The other day I got really upset because I still feel like I don’t know what I can change in my body. Taking hormones and praying I get anywhere near to the level of comfort I need has been torture. So I’m trying to move towards understanding how these physical processes can be modified.
So I researched what hormones actually are. In really basic terms they are messengers that instruct cells how to behave. Now would I have been able to get to where I need to be without hrt? Probably not. But people’s results with hrt are wildly all over the place. At the very least using these subs should send instructions from my subconscious to maximize receptiveness to estrogen and move towards shifting gene expression in me. So instead of me sitting here going “crap is this gonna be enough?” I’m trying to say “this is a physiological process in my body, my body, and I have full communication with all parts of my body. This is literally just communicating, nothing special”. Taking the mysticism out of physical shifting moves it into the realm of possibility and understanding which helps me feel it’s closer to reality.
Trying to hold this pattern of thought more. Not that things are out of my hands or need to be left to luck.
Lots of fears. I keep trying to bat them away with positive thinking and that clearly isn’t working. It’s almost reactionary at this point and not even beneficial.
Seductress is giving me a ton of recon. But I’m just reflecting on it. So much repressed stuff surrounding relationships. One thing is I’m incredibly passive. I don’t lead, I never have and it always felt like an awkward fitting shoe. I have fought this all my life. And now I’m running seductress and there’s this feeling of wanting to be the center of attention and pursued. Almost an expectation but I feel like a spoiled child.
Idk. Prior to starting my transition I always had a more detached view of gender roles. But the more I’ve gotten into this journey the more I find myself on the very strong feminine side of things. To the point I get self conscious I’m just falling into stereotypes vs actual wants and desires.