Have you tried something like this:
I was actually gonna use this last night after not using it for a while. But I left it on and killed the battery lol. Interesting timing
So you have one of those units already?!
Yup. I think you mentioned it before and I decided to buy one to try it out. Unfortunately I’m horribly inconsistent with everything in my life so I need to start using it again.
I think people report getting benefits with consistent use for 2 weeks before noticing results.
I use it 40 minutes in the morning, and sometimes 40 minutes in the evening, as well.
I think SOTA recent changed their recommendations, stating that people can use it more than that. But to know for sure, I’d recommend going to their site and looking.
Daily use seems to be key.
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I’ll have to check it out again. I was using it before bed. It really helped slow down my thoughts and calm me down. It seemed to make processing the subs easier for me too. Like after I went to sleep it seemed like I was able to build better connections in my mind based on what the sub scripting was.
OMG! That is amazing! Thank you for the tip because I usually use it when I wake.
I’m telling ya, I’ve been using that device in some sort of whatever was the model incarnation (one I have looks like a kid’s science project), and it WORKS!
I’m glad you’re getting good result. Yet I need to emphasize that consistency is key.
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You’re welcome! My favorite setting is #3 I think, it’s Schumann resonance. Just picked up a new battery today, I’m going to make this part of my self care routine from now on!
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Just gonna mark this here in my journal in case any recon rolls in after this. I’m up to 1 min loops for both my subs in my stack.
Since laying off the caffeine I’ve definitely noticed my threshold for sub exposure is much higher. Recon seems more noticeable, but in a good way. I was definitely dealing with some dissociation from my body. Got hit like a ton of bricks when all that stuff I was pushing away just unfolded inside me.
Self talk is better. I’m noticing when I’m being really critical of my appearance. I had to go grocery shopping after work today and was feeling really self conscious. I stopped myself and said it was unnecessary, there are plenty of hurtful people out there that will be judgemental of how i look, but I don’t need to be one of them. In general I’ve noticed more and more how badly I treat myself when I’m out in public and how ashamed I feel at times. It’s always this fear of what others are thinking or imaging what they are thinking, but I realized that’s the equivalent of me engaging in self harm. Being worried about other people thinking I’m ugly is me doing that first to myself. I have control over that. I might not have control over what others think, but I can do a lot to change my own internal dialogue towards myself.
I know this is going to take time. I spent a long time not being myself and during that time also actively hating my appearance and who I was as a person. I’m slowly starting to feel comfortable in my own body. There’s a certain level of anxiety there where I feel like if I like myself and be more present in the world I’ll just become a target. But I think it’s the opposite right now. I look like a victim or someone uncomfortable and out of place, right now how I project myself into the world is far worse than what I fear doing.
I swear the universe tests me.
My boss who said he was ready to leave soon, has now decided if the business listens to him a bit more he’ll stay. Then we had a talk yesterday and he was like “ya know I could pivot you out of a manger role and get you more into sys admin duties”. This temptation is strong, but I’m trying to hit escape velocity to bust out of this relationship. Holy shit is it hard. But I said that will be backup emergency plan if I reallllly can’t find anything else. But I won’t be enticed to stay here any longer.
Pulling away from safety, comfort, and known stuff is hard. Every part of me screams to stay here because it’s safer but I know it’s not making me happy or adding to my life in a significant way.
Ok so New Dawn module in effect
Named after one of our old technology levels, New Dawn is a new beginning for your life. If you are feeling tired of your current life and desire a reset, this is the module for you. It will help you find renewal and rejuvenation from the dredges of your current life, or if you so desire, help you start a whole new one and even in a new location. Indeed, this module has a wide variety of use in that it can help rejuvenate you or assist you in starting a whole new life wherever you desire, including accomplishing the things you need in order to start such a life.
I am leaving this current job eventually, decided to make plans to explore a different state, and overall just start a brand new life for myself as myself no longer tied to the past. I put this module in here just for a new life focus, but I hadn’t considered moving at the time. I’ve got friends here and I’d hate to have more distance between them and me, but I decided I need this and this is for me. As much as I love them I have to live my life too. I’ll only be about 2 hrs away so at least I can still visit and it’s not like I’m moving across the country. Still it’s hard.
Things are coming together a bit more. I’m entering that, too good to be true state where I feel like everything will collapse or I’ll back out and it was all a lie I told myself. But I know that’s the fear, I know it’s not real. I can do this.
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Wow, you’re amazing! You are such a bold and fearless person. It takes such incredible boldness to live authentically and then make a fresh start somewhere new. You are truly inspiring 
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Thank you so much! If I can do it anyone can. A good portion of my life was being a borderline agoraphobic shut in. 7 years ago I couldn’t even imagine in my mind doing the things I’m doing today, and I mean that in a literal sense. I couldn’t visualize, conceptualize, or understand anything beyond my small circle of comfort.
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For me, everything you say make your actions and way of live even more bolder!
If I can do it anyone can.
That is not true. It needs special qualities to do that. They were only deeply buried and you let them shine now.
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I ran 2 min loops yesterday. Getting hit with a lot of unpleasant emotions right now. The big ones are generally feeling ugly and pain of being stuck in a body I never wanted.
I really realized for me I can’t just look in the mirror and say I love my appearance or my beauty. It can work for a bit, but underneath that is the stuff I need to address. I kept thinking if I stayed positive I could ride it all out and something would click and those feelings wouldn’t get to me. No, far from it. I was trying to outrun all this by just coping really hard.
But the strangest part is despite feeling all this and being sad and crying intensely. There’s a severe disconnect between what I’m feeling and what those emotions mean and I find myself asking myself “why are you so upset about this?” And I guess that’s just being trans for me. This pain I’ve lived with all my life that I had to constantly dismiss just to survive. Its become such a habit I can still barely acknowledge the struggles I face.
I know it’s important I focus on enjoying my life. But I also know it’s equally important not to rush myself processing these very complicated feelings.
In any case as much as 2 min is rough right now it seemed to push me to face this deeper stuff I thought I could just outlast if I just put my head down and kept going.
I swear at least 50% of my cognitive load is going towards trying to find foundation that matches my skin tone. Mayyyybe this will be the one.
To counterbalance my doom and gloom journal. My makeup skills are steadily improving. I was able to apply eye liner the other day and not look like I got punched in the eye. Steadier hands overall. Still got a long way to go though.
Nothing from seductress that’s getting me attention. But tbh thats probably something I’m consciously avoiding. Find myself thinking about guys a lot more though. But I’m simultaneously afraid of guys so that’s a fun one to unpack.
Physical shifting is there but hard to say what’s sub usage vs being on hormones. Just keeping it going. I can say though my voice has improved and has a more feminine cadence to it. It’s getting more natural for me and I hope my voice sounds female at some point. So definitely some sub action there.
Overall I feel like I’m making progress. But I still have to cross some bridges to reach an end goal I’m really going to be more content with.
Don’t know if it’s the biotuner or my absolutely huge emotional purge these past few weeks. But I had the capacity to run 5 min of both my subs. I had made it all the way up to 2 min. But I was listening yesterday and I didn’t feel that internal resistance that tells me to back off so I kept going.
I had a really good chat with my friend. She helped me see how harsh I’ve been with myself and the ridiculous standards I’ve put in place with my transition. The clothing, the makeup, my voice, my physical body, I was pressuring myself for what? Mostly just not to be laughed at or pointed at in the outside world.
I’m not super confident and that’s ok. There’s no need to push myself excessively beyond my comfort zone for the sake of growth. It’s about making sustainable changes and for certain aspects of my life enjoyable ones.
That means getting a new job on my timeline, moving to a new place on my timeline, exploring my personal style on my timeline. And if things get delayed or I slip up? It’s fine. Life isn’t perfect and I’m not perfect and I’ve got a ton of stuff going on right now. As long as I keep moving forward I’m doing great.
I guess in this past week my subconscious finally got fed up with me pressuring myself to be killing it right now in my life and do a complete 180 from my previous life. So I kinda imploded. But it was good, I needed to. It’s showing me the way of growth without the anxiety of meeting arbitrary metrics.
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5 min might have been pushing it. Learning process. I got some really valuable insights from it, but it’s a lot to process. Might back off that for now, we’ll see.
One thing that’s now coming up for me is my relationship with my dad. I look back on all the hobbies and interests I did as a kid and some of them were purely just to get validation from him. I was a really effeminate kid (duh) but I got treated more like a son who needed to learn to be a boy better vs nurturing who I was at my core gender identity. And that’s definitely screwed with my self perception of myself and who I am comfortable being. For so many years I held that burden of feeling like I was doing something wrong because living as a guy didn’t work and it was stressful. It was like being in a toxic situation and instead of leaving I told myself I had to get used to it because the alternative meant I was failing or giving up in some way.
My perfectionism knows no bounds I guess. I even applied it to my gender. It’s absurd that this is my life and I should feel free to choose how to live it and yet I held myself to someone else’s standards.
I can’t change the past. But I wish my parents saw me more instead of wanting to see what they wanted to see.
If you could accomplish one emotional development objective before December 15 2024, what would it be?
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Be nicer to myself. Nothing I do ever seems good enough and I minimize my accomplishments as well. So it leaves me in a place where I beat myself up for all my shortcomings but my achievements are just expected of me and nothing to be proud of.
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