ENDGAME ouroboros

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#78

Do you think so? It’s ‘pushing’ you to be more on a life of adventure than just social. I figured the adventure could be in perception as much as courageous external adventures.

Really interesting point about the archetypes. I feel many sub-club subs are archetypes in an image but not in direction and individual expression. But feeling ‘trapped’ or constrained as a character sounds potentially like recon territory…at least in my experience. If you ran LE and Genesis on Sunday, PR recently, your own custom and also Emperor Daddy you may be integrating a lot. OR perhaps the wisdom of Emperor Daddy, and it’s revealing you have your own archetype you want to discover without subliminal influence.

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#79

Haven’t ran my custom in a while because I needed to work through relationship reconm which is now solved thanks to primal romance.

If it comes back when I reintroduce the custom, then the love without attachment module is just too much for me.

I’ve been stack switching like crazy yes but I’ve been thinking heavily about this archetype conversation ever since I quoted @Viktor 8 days ago

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#80

EmpD emotional maturity?

I think I got a good EmpD insight.

Just realized I don’t like focusing.

Duh? It sounds very dull, but it’s not just the realization that I don’t like focusing that’s powerful, it’s the fact that it’s replacing much less helpful beliefs about myself.

It replaces thoughts like…

  • “I have ADHD”
  • “I procrastinate”
  • “I like stimulating activities over productive ones unless I am intrinsically motivated.”

Which are labels that don’t ultimately serve me and are not very actionable.

On the flip side, “I don’t like to focus” is a very mature perspective in my opinion. And it’s actionable. I know the problem so I can Knowing I don’t like to focus, I can reward myself for focusing, I can know common pitfalls, etc.

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#81

Lol… I owe a big thanks to @Parsifal for reminding me that I’ve run Limit Destroyer… it was amazing, and then recon hell.

I must have literally blocked out the memory or something I’m in shock.

Stacks well with Genesis. Maybe in the future I’ll add it back in and start with 10s loops and build to 30s.

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#82

Around August I took a long subliminal break while attending a vipassana 10-day meditation course as a server, meditating about 3-5 hours a day, while also volunteering.

In two weeks, I’ll be going back there to sit the course as a student for the 4th time.

I’m reflecting on this.

This’ll be the first time I’ve taken the course as a student (10+ hours of meditation a day) since before starting subliminals. And since before meeting my fiancee. Since before starting my old business. My life STARTED after attending the meditation course, essentially. I wonder how much more powerful it’ll be now that I’ve improved my life so much since the last time I’ve sat the course.

Also, I am starting to realize that at my last vipassana course as a server in August, I started to experience what it meant to have “no self” and that everything is simply dictated by actions and consequences (karma, samsaras, sankaras, etc.)

This isn’t a type of “enlightenment” experience or anything. I just have a normal life with an advanced meditation milestone. Cool! But just cool, not miraculous.

I haven’t sat a full course as a student since those experiences though, so this recent course has the potential to have a BIG impact, since I’m now able to meditate despite being in a lot of physical pain, and when I meditate these days I feel a lot of “strong physical sensations” that would normally be called pain, but my mind doesn’t react to them as painful, it reacts to them as interesting.

3 Likes
#83

Thursday - 15s microloop EmpD

Then this happened

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#84

Friday 30s EmpD, 30s LE

No wonder I started stack switching and why this week has been super stressful. I’m almost day 35 of my listening cycle and haven’t taken a washout :rofl:

I guess this means I’m taking a 15+ day washout, because I’m going to Vipassana for 10 days in about 5 days, and need to do a 5 day washout until then.

Perhaps I’ll run a sub right before the meditation starts

2 Likes
#85

Emperor Daddy compilation

from the thread

Main Disc. Thread - Emperor Daddy - #624 by ouroboros

Main Disc. Thread - Emperor Daddy - #591 by ouroboros

Main Disc. Thread - Emperor Daddy - #586 by ouroboros

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#86

Primal Romance compilation

from the thread

Main Disc. Thread - Primal Romance - #215 by ouroboros

Main Disc. Thread - Primal Romance - #165 by ouroboros

Main Disc. Thread - Primal Romance - #142 by ouroboros

Main Disc. Thread - Primal Romance - #101 by SaintSovereign

Main Disc. Thread - Primal Romance - #35 by ouroboros

Main Disc. Thread - Primal Romance - #11 by ouroboros

#87
I used a voice to text app to write this out. Not formatted or edited. Might do later. Might not,. Just reflections and learnings on my social confidence. The TLDR is I went to see a movie with 20 actors and felt a bit of social insecurity. Reminded me of being in high school and being best friends with the popular kid, without actually being popular myself, and how much I felt like I had to try too hard just to fit in when I was his Plus-One at parties. But I was able to pick apart what the actual insecurities were and where they came from, which gives me a lot to work with. Also explains my DD recon in more depth.

A friend of mine had a role in one of the big movies playing in theaters right now, so me and 20 of his friends went and saw it in theater together. The theater wasn’t too packed, the movie released a while ago, so every time his face came on screen, all of us would cheer, and any time his character did something bad, we would all boo at him. It was fun.

But hanging out with 20 actors, some legit, some aspiring, brought up old social insecurities, I started talking to my fiancé about them. And I had more realizations about how my experiences being bullied in high school affected the way that I see the world socially. Pretty much everything that I realized are the things that have been affecting me socially for the last decade and I’ve never been able to articulate or understand. I have no idea what product exactly helped me with these realizations. I assume it was Emperor Daddy, but I’m just happy I’m having them. I realized that hanging out with my friends’ friends felt like all the times in high school that I was invited to a party only because my popular friend was invited to a party. I was kind of a loser in high school, but my best friend was the number one most popular guy in school, so he would get invited everywhere and he wouldn’t go to any party without me. But that put me in a situation where I was attending parties that I wasn’t really invited to, and everybody at the party didn’t really know me and I didn’t really know them. Whenever I went to one of these parties, I would constantly be walking up to people trying to talk to them. I was actually quite socially confident, but I didn’t have anything in common with these people and they didn’t really know why I was there and I didn’t really know why I was there. So, those conversations very rarely went anywhere. I eventually put the nail in my coffin by starting to believe that nobody liked me and I wasn’t good at meeting new people. Which made my socializing start to be needy. In reality, it wasn’t that I wasn’t good at meeting new people, it’s just that I was in strange environments that I probably never would have chosen for myself personally. And hanging out with my actor friend felt kind of the same way. I was the friend of the actor, I was the only non-actor in the group, and everybody in the group knew each other intimately well and had for years. And then I was this outsider just tagging along. I was having good conversations with people last night, but when they ended or if they fizzled out or if I felt like I was being fake trying to keep the conversation going, it triggered all those old memories. Of not being the cool kid but trying to fit in in high school. And not the memories as in the memories, just the memories as in similar feelings.

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#88

Should I join the skool games?

#89

Beautiful.

Shoutout to @x3m for naming his custom this.

1 Like
#90

came back from a 10-day vipassana meditation retreat, had an outrageous amount of insight and clarity into my life.

a vipassana retreat is like the equivalent of running DRR + RoM + Sanguine: Elixir for 6 months straight.

DRR because it heals EVERYTHING, RoM because it helps you deeeply understand the inner workings of your mind, and Sanguine: Elixir because every single day of the retreat, I was able to observe my thoughts ruminating and becoming extremely emotional about topics farther and farther back in the past. First I was ruminating over things that happened this year, then I healed them via meditation, then I ruminated to last year, then 3 years ago, then 7,

Now i’m scheduled to speak with a counselor about the things I was thinking about on the last day of the retreat, relationships I had when I was 15 (first girlfriends, losing my virginity, getting cheated on) that I didn’t realize could be at the heart of my entire style of relating (less than ideally) over the last 15 years.

3 Likes
#91

New cycle, nov 4 - nov 24

day 1: EmpD - 3 mins, LE 5 mins
day 2: TWTP - 2m20s

I’ve decided to switch to a 21 day listening CYCLE, meaning 16 listening days, with 5 days off.

This cycle started off a little weird, but long term, this is the pattern I’m testing.

Week 1

M: 30s LE
Tue: 3 min EmpD/TWPT
wed; Rest
Thu: 30s LE
Fri: 3 min EmpD/TWTP
Sat/Sun: Rest

Week 2:

M: 30s LE
Tue: 3 min EmpD/TWPT
wed; Rest
Thu: 30s LE
Fri: 3 min EmpD/TWTP
Sat/Sun: Rest

Week 3:

M: 30s LE
Tue: 3 min EmpD
wed; Rest
Thu: Rest
Fri: Rest
Sat/Sun: Rest

That way I get to run a subliminal EVERY monday/tuesday no matter what, making it very easy to remember and fit in to the calendar, and since monday is the busiest day of the week for me, I always get to be supported by an LE microloop on monday mornings without worrying about ending washouts early

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#92

wowowowowowowow exciting

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#93

Looking forward to EOG a lot

#94

connections keep coming

#95

really glad @realitysmith tagged me in this i had no idea this is what iron frame was about.

I have been saying all week that I am starting to realize i don’t trust myself to make big decisions because I don’t truly understand what i need, what i believe, and where my beliefs are coming from - aka i understand what my beliefs but not always whether they come from abundance or scarcity thinking. Sounds like this would give me more certainty.

Thx RealitySmith!

3 Likes
#96

Listening since washout

Day 1-4, I listened to EmpD or Limitless, and i also microlooped TWTP and my Chosen/IC custom with jobseeker.

Day 5-7: rest

Day 8 (Monday): 7min EmpD, 3min LE. EmpD at higher loop time had more obviously noticeable results on influencing other people’s opinions of me. Felt smooth, no recon from the one-time long loop.

Day 11 (Thursday): 7min EmpD, 1:30 min Chosen/IC-custom

Day 13 (Sat): 3min Chosen/IC-custom, 7 min EmpD

Day 15 (mon) 1 min LE

Day 17 (wed) 3 min True Social, 1 min Chosen-IC-NWE

1 Like
#97
My most recent Emperor Daddy results (posted in the main thread.)

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