Third day of washout. Big recon, big doubts, big productivity loss. Somehow my productivity is high when I have more exposure, but at the same time I almost physically feel getting closer and closer to burnout. Almost as if the productivity is some fight or flight response result
With little exposure, recon there’s less recon but also less productivity - and I’m not sure what to do with it.
The main recon culprit is Khan ST2, it seems. I almost want to run away from it lol - I don’t want to think what it makes me think, I’m afraid of journaling it (I’ve made like 10x less entries than with previous stage - literally when I sit down to journal, my brain just blocks and I’m physically exhausted after it lol), I make insane efforts to avoid escapism. ST2 kicked my ass hard, to the point where I’m questioning whether my deepest aspirations are genuine or not. A lot of work is needed here. But it’s rewarding: I’m now closer to knowing what I truly desire and how to build my life in the most productive and enjoyable way for that. I’ll definitely be coming back to this stage, maybe even the next cycle (instead of progressing)
On the bright side, Mogul and LotS don’t seem to produce much recon. Reducing exposure for LotS to 3 minutes was a mistake because I only started getting less results (less workout motivation, less dieting motivation, not really feeling excited for the gym after reducing exposure), while recon is unchanged.
Last listening loop of Mogul was 6 minutes. Not a lot of obvious results from it but I haven’t built up the pathways enough yet. I’ll be playing with exposure to find sweet spot, hopefully getting more productivity/motivation