-
OK I just read the thing for Emperor Black. That could be a very useful thing at some point in the future. After Khan I might need to get really focused on getting my career moving if I haven’t done so already, or maybe I’ll want to actually get my shit together and write some fiction for publication like I’ve always wanted to. I can see the use for a title that helps me ignore everything, buckle down and get it done.
Plus, if I am going back into corrections, I might want to cultivate a harder edge. -
I only have one active listening week of stage one to go. It continues to be smooth sailing which tells me I’m ready.
On previous cycles this is about the point I started spinning out a bit with things that it was digging up starting to bother me.
- looks like the experimental build is officially ZPV2. This is going to be the second time I have switched builds in the middle of a four stage run. It switched from Q to QV2 during the Year of the Dragon Emperor. I noticed a positive difference if I recall correctly, but it might be hard to tell because I’m also switching stages of Khan as well as switching my second core to Wanted.
**11/7/22 STAGE 1 CYCLE 4 WEEK 3**
-
One of our dogs just died. That sucks but I’m holding it together. I think the kid is too, as well as can be expected anyway.
-
I’m having some recon now. In the form of an argument in my head.
I’ve figured out what’s going on with the loss of interest in other sexual partners. I think anyway.
I’ve been on a journey of transformation, becoming a new man, as they say for quite some time.
In a lot of ways I’m a much better man. Not quite what I envisioned myself becoming, especially on Khan, but I think I like that anyway.
The “new me” does not need to nail anyone with internal plumbing who will let him just to validate an insecure ego stemming from an agonizing adolescence.
I suspect that the behavior I will accept from myself, and from others is changing. I recently realized just how in love I am with my wife, and one of the things I don’t think Wolfe 2.0 will accept from himself is stepping out on a woman he’s in love with. Even if she is ok with it now.
Some of that might stem from guilt about how I treated her in the past. I insisted on an open relationship even though she didn’t want that, and I used it a handful of times. The whole thing hurt her. She didn’t deserve that.
I don’t know for sure that this won’t change as I get into the later stages of Khan, but its looking to me like Wolfe 2.0 is a faithful man. At least that is one of the paths open to me, and perhaps the most satisfying one.
That brings us to the behavior I’ll accept from others part of that. I don’t think that I’m becoming the kind of guy who will accept cheating from a partner either.
I have said that I’m not going to make any decisions about the openness of the relationship until I’ve had a year on Khan, that’s August first. Im being fair here because I am under a profoundly mind altering influence and I don’t know if I’m going to think and feel the same way about anything next week let alone a year from now. However it is very much looking like I’m going to want to go to a traditional monogamous relationship.
This looks like it may be a problem for Mrs. Wolfe, and I’m not sure how I can handle it.
Under normal circumstances I’d simply say that if she doesn’t accept it I’d leave, but these aren’t normal circumstances and I can’t in good conscience do that. She would be truly screwed without me with her disease. If I still feel this way in August, I’m not sure how I’m going to deal with this.
Of course it may not be a problem then.
-
One more loop of stage one to go, then washout week and stage two begins. I’m very curious as to how this one is going to effect me.
I wonder if it’s going to reverse my monogamous streak specifically. -
Perfect Style and Smell seems to be doing it’s thing. A new look has been top of mind a lot lately, and I’ve been making it happen but by bit. Surprisingly at my age I’ve been kind of going back to the badboy metal head/biker look of my youth. You know, a lot of leather, denim and flannel.
I ordered a few flannels from a company that does a number of unique color schemes and I really like them. That’s going to be my fall/winter look. Buttoned up flannel and jeans. -
Once again I got a spontaneous compliment on one of those shirts while I was getting my hair cut. And another one on my wallet chain. I never used to get random compliments from strangers so something is working here.
**11/14/22 STAGE 1 CYCLE 4 WEEK 4**
**WASHOUT WEEK #4**
- That’s a wrap for stage one, the active listening part anyway. It’s been quite a ride and I’m expecting stage two to be even more so.
I don’t have much to report at the moment. Feeling a bit of nervous recon, but it’s not too bad.
I’ll try to do a recap of stage one and how it’s changed me in the next couple of days.
- It never fails. No sooner than I order a new custom than a new module pack comes out.
There is nothing in there that I can’t live without being in stage two though so all is good.
What is in there are things that are going to be very useful for when I really buckle down and decide to get a better, more career tracked job. Most notably Job Seeker. Free Pass will be ultra helpful with the type of job I’m probably going for. That is very paperwork intensive.
I’ll take some time tonight to start to figure out what else is going to go in there. I’m not sure at this point. There will have to be some manifestation stuff, some stuff for the brutal kind of interview I’ve got to excel at, and some general confidence and success stuff.
I’m open to anyone’s input on that.
OK, here is my first try at it. It’s focused on an LE job, but if I find something else, that’s cool too.
- Minds Eye Core
- Limitless Executive core
- Job Seeker (duh)
- Free pass (unbelievable amount of paperwork)
- Mountain Breaker
- Potentiator
- Void of creation
- Lifeblood Fable
- Dragon Tongue
- Earth shaker Authority (command presence)
- Dominion
- Jupiter
- Yggdrasil
- Fortune’s Favorite
- Mastermind
- Furious Ascent
- Organization Perfected
- Sacred Words
- Way of ROI
- Mosaic
This might seem a bit unfocused, but I think it’s very purposeful. I need two things to happen here.
First, I need to manifest the right opportunity. That’s why I chose Mind’s Eye as one of the cores. Second I need to properly capitalize on that opportunity throughout a many step process. Limitless Executive should cover that.
I also need everything that is behind the scenes and outside of my control to go right at every step. I think this does a good job of covering all of those bases.
I’ve got some time to play with it, I’m going to let RICH Elite run at least a couple more cycles.
-
I woke up from a dream this morning. I don’t remember what it was about, and I only mention it because it’s been months since I remember the slightest sense that I dream at all. I used to have a couple at some point after I started a new sub, but that doesn’t appear to be the case with ZP.
It’s kind of unfortunate not to have that insight into my subconscious. -
I have a job interview on Tuesday morning. It’s for an armed security position with a local school district. It seems like it would be a lot more active than my current job. It has opportunities for advancement which my current job doesn’t, and it pays a bit more per hour.
I don’t know that I’ll make what I’ve been making with all of the overtime, but that seems to have dried up for now anyway.
I’m not sure that this is the right thing for me, but I’m having faith that if it is, I’ll get it, and if it isn’t, I won’t. -
T-minus one day until I begin stage two. I’m looking forward to it.
**11/21/22 STAGE 2 CYCLE 1 WEEK 1**
-
I ran the first loop of stage two last night just before going to sleep last night. This morning something feels different. I can’t put my finger on what exactly it is, but there is something there.
The one thing I did notice is a strong increase in driving confidence. That seems to be a pretty good indicator of my confidence in general now that I think about it. -
The wife and I went to a…… let’s call it a club and hotel on Saturday night. This is the second time we’ve been there. The first was shortly after I started on stage one.
That time I felt invisible and got no attention from any female, part of a couple or not.
The difference between that time and this was amazing.
We wound up hanging out in the hot tub with two other couples the whole night. Some very NSFW stuff happened between me and more than one other woman.
This was a major confidence booster for me, and it was just at the end of the final washout for stage one.
- Still can’t put my finger on it. My posture is a little different. Better. I’m just more relaxed and less anxious today.
I think that stage one was causing me low grade anxiety the whole time. It seems to me that that isn’t an entirely bad thing, more like part of how it functions. Now that I’ve moved on to two, it seems to have lessened.
- I had my interview this morning. I think it went well. I felt good and natural. Nothing thrilling or special like I felt on my oral board ultima custom, but I may have performed even better. Not really sure.
After the interview they put me through some practical scenarios on video. I think I performed really well on that and wrote a good report after.
As always I don’t know if someone else did better than I did, but I should hear something tomorrow or the next day.
I’m kind of looking at this as a chance at a manifestation. If it’s the best thing for me, I’ll get it, if not I won’t. Plus it gave me some practice with the type of interview I’m going to have to do very well at if I’m going to get serious about getting back into LE again.
- Ok, what if I get this job?
I’ve been thinking of a good custom to help me get started.
This is an armed security position for a large school district, and they told me that I would most likely be assigned to the district headquarters to begin with.
That brings up two areas of concern. One I’m used to. That is actually doing the job of protecting people to the best of my ability. I’m already a seasoned professional at that, but I think Spartan Core would definitely help me get better.
The other, I’m not so used to, have done badly with in the past, and just plain don’t like.
That is office politics.
It doesn’t take a psychic to figure out that the district office is going to be rife with that, and as a security officer, its really possible to become a problem for me if I’m not careful.
The building is likely full of advanced degrees and huge egos. That can be very bad for the “dumb guard”.
On the other hand it can be very good if you wind up being well liked by the right people.
I hate thinking that way, but this is the real world and you can’t advance yourself without considering how it actually works.
That would make my second core PCC.
So this one is focused on both doing the job, and surviving and thriving in a very political environment. It may seem a little scattered without context, but it’s designed for a specific situation.
- Spartan Core
- Power Can Corrupt Core
- Fortune’s Favorite
- Wayfinder
- Mastermind
- Free Pass (always there is paperwork, Always)
- Earthshaker Authority
- Journeys Guide
- All Seeing
- Eagle Eye
- Ebon Manuver
- Foundation
- Berserker (just in case)
- Heracles
- Last Stand
- Organization Perfected
- Purity Without
- Lifeblood Fable
- The Boundary
- Mosaic
- Another thing. If I start this new job in an office environment, I’m going to have to be very cognizant of one thing.
I’m running a Khan Wanted combo. That could get me into trouble if I’m not careful.
-
I’ve only run two loops of stage two, granted. I’m still not able to tell what direction it’s going it. It’s weird, I have a very vague sense that something is changing in the back of my head, but I can’t tell what it is exactly.
I do notice that I feel generally calmer than I was on stage one. There was a constant low grade anxiety there that seems to be just gone. Maybe a little more optimistic.
I think things are changing with me being interested in other sexual partners. I’m starting to think of that as something I want again. But not as something I Need. That’s the difference. I can take it or leave it.
There is a world of difference between that and how I used to feel about it. I no longer have to prove that it wasn’t a fluke over and over again to avoid feeling like I’m not good enough.
In other words, I’m going to be going for that because it’s something I want, not to avoid mental pain. -
That all tells me that stage one has done a good job of actually getting me past some deep problems that had even survived a year of DR. It just took getting off of it and moving on to stage two before that really became clear.
Now total reprogramming can be really effective. I’m not sure what that is going to look like, but I’m sure it’ll be good.
-
Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate it!
-
I’m having a sense that this thing isn’t doing anything. I don’t think that that is the case at all. What is suspect is going on is that I am very used to healing subs that dig up crap from the past and make me face it and deal with it.
But I’m past that on Khan now. This is Total Reprogramming. I may not be as able to spot positive changes in my beliefs and thinking as they slip in there. I suppose that could be a lot more subtle.
There is SOMETHING happening. I just can’t tell what yet.
- I was doing some thinking as I got ready for work today. Something I’ve thought about before, but not quite in this way.
Every time I hear a story about someone who had a socially rough childhood, I hear that at some point someone threw them a life line. It was usually a teacher or some other adult, but sometimes it was another kid. Whichever, it meant that they didn’t drown when they felt that they were. Someone helped them stand against the crowd that was trying to tear them down.
That never happened for me though. No one ever threw me a lifeline.
I suppose I was a kind of unique combination. I fit into the nerd you pick on archetype, but I was also very angry, which I’m guessing made me unlikable enough that I didn’t get the sympathy that the picked on kid often gets.
I’ve thought of this before on my sub journey, but when I did, it was from a “poor me” kind of perspective.
Today it struck me that I shouldn’t be looking at it from that victim poor me angle anymore. It’s over, has been for a long ass time. And yeah, no one threw me a life preserver, but I’m still here which means I swam the whole way to shore on my own. I made it through something that would have made a lot of kids and young adolescents off themselves or dive into a haze of drugs and alcohol with no help or support structure from parents, peers or school. Matter of fact, for various reasons all of those we’re trying to beat me down. And I did it day after day, year offer year until I made it to a better place.
I didn’t realize it until now, but that means that I am a fucking badass. My world tried to destroy me from age six to sixteen, and I am still fucking standing.
And now that I’m looking at it that way, I know that nothing can stand in the way of taking my life where I want to either.
The way I used to look at this kept me “in it” feeling weak victimized and powerless like I did back then. Looking at it like this, “Hell yeah” I made it through something that would have killed most other teenagers is extremely empowering.
Great shift.
How long have you spent on stage 2?
It might still be too early
It is. I’ve only done three loops so far. In the past I’ve noticed something at this point, but I have a feeling that this may be more subtle than I’m used to.
Wait for it. 
I really have no doubt.