The only real change was adding WB, right?
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Key-Rect sir.
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- OK, so weāre going to try full loops of WB this week. Next week is Washout, so I can repair any damage I do. I think I can handle it.
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- Finished the first fifteen minute loop of WB. Iām feeling fine.
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I always feel smooth on that even at full 15. Love the new tech.
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We shall see what tomorrow brings.
Man, I am definitely putting Job seeker in my QTKS monster. I barely get any chance to test these social/sexual subs with the way my life is set up now.
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I hadnāt even seen that module until you mentioned it thereā¦ Just read up on it. Wondering it that would go well in an entrepreneurship custom too. Such as with Emperor. Like get a job that pays the bills while building the empire.
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It sure sounds like it would do just that. Canāt hurt to try.
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- Itās close to time for me to go home. I ran full loops of TK4 and WB tonight. No sign of recon or overload.
Iāve been getting a more, call it, intuitive sense of how to use subs lately. Or maybe Iām just listening to it more and doubting it less.
I think Iām on the high end of the scale for how much exposure is ideal for me. I could probably even start the QTKS sub with full loops without an issue.
Not sure Iām going to, but I think I could.
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-
I felt like hell when I woke up. At first I was thinking that it was recon or overload.
Nope. Recon doesnāt make you sneeze your brains out, make your eyes sting, and generally make you feel like you snorted a line of fire ants.
It seems that every flowering plant within fifty miles of me exploded last night.
I took some Zertec and felt better. -
I went to the grocery store briefly. I did not notice anything different than usual. I seemed invisible, which is normal. It was early evening and everyone there was just trying to get through it and no one was paying much attention to anyone else.
I did try to get some girlās attention, and I think I felt my energy field brush hers. Interesting, but she had no noticeable effect.
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- I should be getting that card tomorrow or the next day, so I messaged Saint and got the ball rolling on my QTKS custom. If all goes well, Iāll get it at the end of my washout week so I can start on that for my next cycle.
Here is the final module list.
- Khan St 4 Core
- Wanted Black Core
- RICH Core
- Fortuneās Favorite
- Void of Creation
- Cosmic Navigator
- Stress Displacement
- Stone like
- Debt Annihilator
- Fusion Optimized
- Inner Gasoline
- Furious Ascent
- Eagle Eye
- Lifeblood Fable
- Job Seeker
- Edge of Danger
- Rogue
- Power Talk
- Financial Success Reality Shifter
- Mosaic
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- Dream: I went somewhere with the wife, for a vacation or something. I think it was in New York City, where I have never been.
It was a very long and involved dream and there was a lot more to it.
Ex #3 was there. She was the one who ended the relationship after a very short amount of time, but who it took me many years to get over.
So was the dufus who she wound up with.
He seemed like less of a dufus though, and said something about being set for life.
There was a lot of weirdness here like #3 working in a tool booth like thing that I went through a lot.
She was very friendly and glad to see me, but still with dufus.
At some point in the dream it hit me that she was still having the same effect on me that she used to, and I wasnāt over it.
It upset me badly enough that I started smoking again, I wanted to punch walls, and I was thinking about going to a boxing gym for a workout because I needed to hit something.
There was a lot to the dream. I remember one incident where I was talking to her at the tool booth thing and my truck shifted itself into reverse and took off on me backwards.
I couldnāt control it amd was only able to stop it by turning off the engine.
The dream ended with me and I think the wife being lost in NYC.
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- Damn it! I thought DR had gotten me all the way over her.
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I still have the occasional dream about Aardvark and wake up missing the idea of her again. I hate it.
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Maybe after a year on the QTKS I just ordered, itāll be time for a year on a DR st4 QTKS. Rough as that sounds.
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- Ok, about that dream. Over the years Iāve had a number of dreams about being in a vehicle that for whatever reason I was not able to keep control of or stop.
It started a long time ago when I had several where I became aware that I was in the passenger seat or back seat of a car that was going at high speed on the highway, and that there was no one in the drivers seat.
I always tried to lunge into the drivers seat and get control before I crashed.
The meaning there was pretty simple. I was not in control of a life that was moving at high speed and I needed to get into control before something bad happened.
The last of those was a little more interesting.
I made it into the driverās seat and turned the wheel to swerve and avoid a bridge abutment.
Nothing happened. The wheel turned loosely but had no effect, and the brakes didnāt work. I woke up just before impact.
That tells me that at the time I was afraid that I could do all of the right things to gain control over my life, and it wouldnāt matter. Perhaps because it was too late.
Now this area. This was even more interesting.
I was having a nice chat with #3 and suddenly I was going uncontrollably backwards.
There may be more to this, but I think that it means that I fear that getting into another short term relationship where I catch feelings but the woman breaks it off will send me back into the dark pit that I was in for years after #3.
Now, I figured out on DR that it really had nothing to do with her, but the fear of that happening may still linger in my subconscious.
That would be my subconscious expressing a fear of executing WB specifically, amd my stack in general.
What Iām doing now does make it much more likely that Iām going to get involved with someone. True.
What I have to bear in mind is that Iām a different person now. I now know that how that situation made me feel had more to do with what was going on in my head than it did with her.
I have (with the help of subs, Subclub and others) conquered that dark pit and I donāt need to fear a return to it.
Iāve had similar driving dreams where it seemed symbolic of life stuff.
The vehicle going in reverse made me think of something like ālosing progress youāve madeā. Taking 2 steps back.
Not sure if that makes sense.
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Thatās the conclusion I came to.
Now turning the engine off being the only way to stop it. Thatās what Iām wondering about.
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- I read the latest chapter of Saintās story. For some reason it was very impactful. It brought to mind something Iāve felt for a long time. Im not sure why thereās a connection here, but there is.
I am not who, and definitely not where I am supposed to be. I made a wrong turn somewhere in the past, amd I am not living the life I was destined to live, and I am not even close to fully expressing the man I was born to be.
The feeling comes and goes. Has for years. It feels kind of like Iām in one of those video games where you can wander endlessly off of the map into an endless automatically generated wasteland, and Iām so far off that I canāt even find the area where the storyline that Iām supposed to be involved with again. Im just kind of wandering around doing nothing.
I feel like there was something I was supposed to do that would lead me to be a part of some consequential events, and I missed it somehow. Now Iāve missed the opportunity.
Donāt get me wrong. I donāt think that I was supposed to be the savior of humanity or anything like that, but I should be somewhere other than I am doing something more than I am.
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Iām not big on scripture anymore. But the Parable of the Prodigal Son is my favorite of those.
The message I got from that is that itās never too late to get back on track, no matter where you are.
Similarly, I used to be deep into the principles of the Zone Diet. And with ZD, youāre only one or two meals away from being back on track/in the āZoneā.