Dragon Reborn & Paragon ~ Fractal

[Fractal]

Dragon Reborn

Hey guys, so I just about hit my 2 week mark on Dragon Reborn and have a few things to report on. Overall things have been going surprisingly well, I haven’t hit any reconciliation and feel pretty good. I was expecting it to be quite rough but maybe S1 isn’t a script that is troubling with my subconscious or the new alternate day schedule is excellent. Also I had to already change my stack just a week in, more on that later.

• In the first week, DR made me feel as if I’m above everything, not better than or more important than someone, just above the struggle we go through to be better than others. It just seemed like a silly struggle because it felt like I achieved all I want already. Of course, that hasn’t projected externally, but it’s just the kind of feeling I had. It also had a bit of a sexually attractive aura that came with it, almost libertine-esque. I’m guessing this is just the fact that confidence is attractive.
• First week was a great trading week, followed by a poor one. But I think my personal reaction to both was better than usual. First in the good week, I may have been tempted to get greedy and not sell but I sold and I’m glad I did. Second week, I may have been tempted to sell some stocks at a loss but held and now seems like there could be a recovery. I am less into it though, probably because I no longer am using RICH.
• I’ve noticed that I’ll share my opinion with less of a care on how other people will react to it and can gather my thoughts better, not be so lost in them. My jokes with friends can be more extreme and drier too, but also with an intention to get people thinking.
• I found my mind is pondering things much more, processing concepts, events, and traits of humanity in general. I did this a fair amount already but now it’s dialed up even more. Instead of a conversation, it’s a courtroom in my head lol, but as mentioned before, it isn’t overwhelming.
• My dreams became quite hardcore, creepier, gross, violent, etc. Reminded me of the copy that said, “the dragon doesn’t hold back.” Well, my dreams defiantly weren’t holding back.
• Workouts have been very strong but…

Paragon

This is where I had to change my stack and rush to buy paragon. This stack probably got me to go way to hard at the gym and I injured my lower back by pulling it. The pain was pretty bad, it was nearly impossible to stand straight, I’ve had an injury like this before and I knew it would take at least a week to safely be able to go to the gym again. I was quite devastated because I’m enjoying complete freedom atm and suspect lockdowns will be back come fall, so taking a week or two off was unacceptable.

So I got paragon after a couple days with that pain and the day I got it, I noticed I had some bad swelling on the lower back, the swelling appeared so large that it even made me look like I gained quite a bit of weight from the side view.

• I listened before bed, the next day the swelling was cut in half, but the pain was about the same, stayed at home to rest too.
• Listened again before bed, the next day the swelling was all gone and the pain was about cut in half and I could stand/walk fairly normally. I was able to go to the gym and do exercises on the seated machines.
• Listened again before bed and the next day the pain was almost gone! I had to do a back exercise that day so I even did that and even did a bit of deadlifts, but with a light amount of weight and made sure my form was perfect.
• I kept listening until a week since the injury, and I was 100% and back to killing it at the gym. Totally unbelievable results for me! As I said before, under normal circumstances, this would have taken me a week to even get back at the gym and then two more weeks for the pain to go away.
• I also did some physio exercises during this period to help with the healing, I pretty much know what to do since I have experience with this kind of injury.

In hindsight I see this event as a blessing in disguise because I think paragon will be a great addition to my stack. I have replaced DREAMS with Paragon and will use it as a major title now, not every day as a booster like before, since it is pretty taxing on the energy levels.

I also noticed my hardcore dreams ended once I got paragon. My dream became a wish fulfillment one in the first night listened to it and since then I haven’t dreamt as much because of DREAMS missing, but the few I have had have been positive or neutral. I joke that DR is the dark side of healing and Paragon is the light side, using both brings balance to healing.

Another thing, I felt a strong connection to my body as I was lying down to sleep after the first time I played Paragon. Like a sense of awe and thankfulness towards it, as if it was a separate entity, or a collective of entities of each cell. Sounds crazy, but it was a nice wholesome feeling.

That’s about it, a good start I’d say. I would consider the advanced schedule with this low amount of reconciliation, but I’ll wait for now because of the tiredness that I’m experiencing.

To reiterate my stack is now:

Main Titles: Dragon Reborn, Paragon, Mind’s Eye

Booster: Beast Within

[Fractal]

Dragon Reborn

A lot went wrong in the third week and caused me a lot of negativity. I can’t really say it is reconciliation though because I find when my life is crappy, I’m going to feel crappy, maybe the subs make the feelings more intense though or maybe it would manifest such things as a challenge?

I harshly cut out a person I called a friend when I realized he didn’t care about my values at all and I was just a useful source of info for him. I just felt like I was a joke to him. I do regret how harsh I was but if he gets his act together then I’ll let him in my life again.

I was unfortunately right about working out becoming illegal again for me. With these new decrees, I can buy a whoopee cushion at the shopping mall, yet working out is considered non-essential by the all-knowing bureaucrats. Just complete lunacy. Even though I braced myself for this, I wasn’t prepared for how pissed off it would make me.

I’ve been taking a lot of my frustrations out by writing:

• I had to write a rant for myself immediately after the news of the various things that would be illegal for me to do. I don’t think I will post it here though, it’s a bit of a hot take on the psychology behind what’s going on the past year and a half. Whether true or not, it just helped getting all that down.
• I wrote an essay with research to my politicians arguing against their decisions. Haven’t heard back from them, but I expected that because they’re beyond caring about public opinion at this point. But it was satisfying to get that all down and I learned a few things during my research along the way. I usually would not want to write to a politician and feel like the effort put in would be pointless, but I did anyways, so DR maybe influenced this.
• Finally, I started writing my usual thoughts and feelings I had throughout a week. The goal is to observe how you naturally manifest and then use those natural ways to you to manifest more desirable things. I did not expect how heart wrenching it would be though, to see how negative my natural thoughts can be about my life and myself. It is more proof to me that my negative experience right now is from my thoughts about myself and I still have a long way to go. The hard part is to turn these around, sometimes I’m just not feeling it, especially when everything around me is going wrong.

Trading has been bad for me too lately. I was at the point again where I felt like I don’t know what I’m doing. I find when I feel like that though, usually the stocks I’m in are near a bottom haha. So it is important to step back and try to see the big picture and not make a foolish decision based on emotions that I’ll regret. Since then, some have already turned around so that’s nice.

My patience for things and people has been pretty low lately, so I have to be careful to not say anything I’ll regret later.

I find I am building an idea of what a dragon would be like or not accept, and my mind is using that in comparison while I deal with various situations to perhaps provide guidance or inspiration. For an example, as I was writing my rant, the line “a dragon isn’t meant to be caged” came into my head.

I have been seeing lots of angel numbers lately, mainly 111, 444. Sometimes 333, 777, 1234. I don’t put too much stake or attention in these as much after getting used to seeing them so often. They are just little happy reminders to me.

In week 4 I took things easy to recover from week 3. Didn’t trade that much or expect too much in this week. Trying to do frequent trades was out of the question. It at least wasn’t worse than the previous week. I also decided to drop Beast Within and replace it with The Elixir as my new booster since I won’t be able to do as intense workouts anymore and I’ll need to focus on my mental health to get through another round of their madness.

Maybe a little side effect I’ve noticed: I find when I type, I more often jumble up my words. I also find sometimes people can find it hard to understand me, like I’m blending words together or mumble. The speaking part only lasted for a short while I was feeling terrible. Not a big deal, just was curious if anyone else has experienced such things? I think it may stem from my thoughts going faster than what I can say or type so it messes up the output. Writing while listening to DR seems to make it even worse haha.

I have a fighter feeling in me, like I won’t let things take me down or be taken advantage of, a kind of momentum to keep pushing me forward.

I’m supposed to move to stage two now and I’m going to stick to my guns and do it, even though things are rough atm. I feel like I have made some progress in the healing area and upon re-reading the Dragon Fire copy, it sounds like I have experienced some things described in there, which is another sign to me to keep pressing forward.

I’m really loving the new basic play schedule though, it’s effective and convenient!

Paragon

Not too much to report for paragon. I had much less muscle tension and headaches that I would have likely experienced from stress the past two weeks. I am using this long term to see if it can help with sinus/breathing issues, but so far haven’t noticed a change in that area.

New Stack recap:

Main Titles: Dragon Reborn S2, Paragon, Mind’s Eye

Booster: The Elixir

[Lion]

All that crappyness is part of the DR experience. I should know cause reading your posts made me remember when I was running it.

Hope your back heals soon and your mind, heart and spirit too

[Fractal]

Thanks for the encouragement man, it’s good to know that it’s just all part of the process!

Oh my back is doing great, I’m so glad I got paragon to fix it. Normally, it probably would have healed by the time working out became illegal. So I got an extra week or two in before this all started, which is worth the purchase to me already lol.

[Lion]

@Fractal

Oh my back is doing great, I’m so glad I got paragon to fix it. Normally, it probably would have healed by the time working out became illegal. So I got an extra week or two in before this all started, which is worth the purchase to me already lo

Haha! Great to hear that

[James]

@Fractal

In the first week, DR made me feel as if I’m above everything, not better than or more important than someone, just above the struggle we go through to be better than others. It just seemed like a silly struggle

I so relate to that having run Dragon Reborn for almost a year. At some point we realize that we’re the ones getting in our own way. That it doesn’t have to be like that at all. People including myself make things so unnecessarily difficult

[James]

@Fractal Fair warning. You will hit a point with Dragon Reborn Stage one where you won’t want to do anything. It will pass. As far as I know everyone on here who has run stage one has experienced it

[Fractal]

@James

I so relate to that having run Dragon Reborn for almost a year.

Its a weird thing with me, when I take long breaks from subs and come back, then I’ll notice lots of changes of feelings or energy such as that and then it will start to fade eventually. That “above everything” feeling is also not as strong as my first few days on stage one too. Maybe I just get used to the feeling or I think my mind might get impressed by new scripts and it causes a larger reaction.

@James

You will hit a point with Dragon Reborn Stage one where you won’t want to do anything.

That’s interesting, I think I’ve already hit that point last week haha, I’m still feeling like that honestly. But I’ve moved to stage 2 now so I’ll see how it shakes things up.

[Fractal]

I’ve had a little realization yesterday that has kept brewing until today. I’ve found that people, even including some friends and extended family, have taken satisfaction at my failures when I was trying different things from the norm. Sometimes they make it obvious with their know-it-all attitude, other times I can just feel it that that is how they’re thinking. This has often bothered me: why do people so cruelly enjoy seeing people they know fail?

I’ve realized now that it is because they have settled for mediocrity in their life. With the simple goal that they work a bland job that they hate, crawl up the corporate ladder, and hopefully retire one day before they die. While people like me I would call “dreamers” who want more, to create something or be involved in something that they believe in and excites them. This could be artists, writers, musicians, innovators, entrepreneurs, all the people that the world looks up to.

I’ve found that people that settle for mediocrity group these people as a different kind of human. Like one that they could never become or one that no “normal person” like me that they know could ever become. It’s like these successful people came out of some alternate universe.

There’s this strange contrast though that I have experienced negativity and resistance for being a dreamer. You know, “you won’t ever make it, there’s just so much competition.” Then when I tried and failed, they all have this smugness that they were right. This is because I am a threat to their belief system, so I can’t really blame them for thinking like that. They tell themselves as they see me fail, “See that’s what happens when you dare to dream for more, my safe life is the way to really live.” This must help them sleep at night and help bury that emptiness they have.

Just look at this strange fascination that people have over artists that start to have a breakdown and get addicted to drugs, it’s really become its own industry. They watch with this obsessive enjoyment of a once successful person have their life unravel before their eyes. They laugh to themselves and say, “Hah! Serves ‘em right!”

I believe some people can settle for mediocrity easier than others. I’m defiantly not one of those people, I feel miserable doing jobs that feel meaningless to me and have often felt like an outsider or an oddball. Sometimes I’m envious of them, because what they don’t understand is that dreamers have to sacrifice a lot to try to achieve their dream and it is especially painful when one fails. Some days too, I will doubt myself and think that I should have taken the “easy road”.

There’s also this irony that while they are so judgmental of people like me, they are the first to enjoy the fruits of what those people create. Just imagine a world where everyone thought that going for their dream would be too risky. We would have no music, no stories, no movies, no vibrancy. We’d even still be riding on horseback because no one would have wanted to look like the idiot that failed to make a functional engine. There was lots of resistance back then too, that a horse was better than a car.

I look forward to the day when suddenly to them I’ll be an “overnight success”. Their whole belief system will shatter, “I thought he was a loser, how can he have done all that?” What kind of excuses will they cling on to I wonder? I purposefully don’t tell these kind of people what I’m up to, not only because I don’t care for their “feedback” but also so that to them it will seem like I was an overnight success, just to mess with their beliefs even more. I did something similar in high school, where I got huge working out over the cooler months as I was wearing a sweater all the time. Summer hits, now the once scrawny guy is one of the most built ones in his grade, it was quite amusing.

One thing that the people that inspire us have in common with “the failure” is that both dared to try to dream, while many won’t even reach that step. So don’t be ashamed or afraid of failing, it’s a painful consequence on the road to be something greater, but if no one does this kind of work, then how stale would this world be?

(Hmm interesting that this started to come about on the first day I listened to stage 2)

[Fractal]

Hey guys, I was meaning to do an update 2 weeks ago and was almost finished but I just couldn’t get to it, a week went by and I thought I might as well wait till the end of the month.

Dragon Reborn

I found the next stage didn’t initially feel too different but more like a continuation of the previous stage. I guess that makes sense in a way since they all share the same title. I also did not get any initial feelings on my first listen of stage 2 like I did with stage 1.

• I’m still lazy and unmotivated to do anything, everything seems like 3X the effort it used to be
• First half I was tired and napped more often, this lessened in the second half
• I have been having bad luck with trading to the point that I still haven’t traded much at all. This is largely a good thing too because currently when I think something is bottomed it tends to go lower lol. This past week, I was gaining some more confidence and tried to trade more frequently with mixed results. Still dealing with lots of fear of failure.
• I still can be quite angry and miserable, especially with the external conditions this world is in right now, defiantly not a kind time to be running DR.
• My dreams have been normal and more on the side of nice. A bit of a relief really, the extreme dreams from stage 1, while interesting, would have made the nights exhausting if that continued during the whole run of the program.
• My sleep in the beginning was a bit restless, but this has lessened these past 2 weeks.
• I sometimes feel like my bad luck is rubbing on to other people which really sucks, this has caused me to not want to get involved in other people’s business as much or not want to help them because I don’t want things to turn out badly.
• Mind’s Eye: Trying to do positive visualizations has been a big challenge, my mind just had no interest in that, I could not immerse myself into a positive reality like I used to, it just seemed like a distant fantasy. However, I think my general visualizations are improving drastically, this is helpful for art related things.
• In the last week, started to try out the advanced play method where you alternate playing one sub twice a day instead of once and I didn’t experience any reconciliation. I’ll go back to the normal way for stage 3 though.
• I’m generally feeling good about myself and have a fight in me, but it is hard for me to put it into action because of this lazy exhaustion where everything seems much harder to do.
• I am less “haunted” by memories in the past that come up and give me negative feelings. I can purposefully think of them and sometimes even laugh about it. I think I am less hard on myself, there’s like a deep care inside me that desires me to be happy it seemed to replace guilt and hate towards myself.
• I will speak my mind on things, the touchier the subject, the more likely I’ll want to say something, which was usually the opposite. I find I quickly test people too, to find out how they think. I don’t care as much if they think I’m an idiot, asshole etc. Ironically the conversations that seem like they’ll be tense usually turn out well haha.
• I haven’t talked about the Elixir too much, but I believe that using DR without it would have been much much harder.

I was generally angrier and more miserable in the first two weeks while in the second two weeks it was more of an acceptance of my situation, not giving up… but just accepting that things are just going to be this way and not expecting anything more. I started thinking of how can I just be happier while the world is heading towards oblivion. You know, to break apart from it and make the state of all that irrelevant. I stopped caring as much as things get worse, not letting it get to my emotions, just reacting more like “of course this is how things would go, I wouldn’t expect anything less.” Now is this the right way to do things? I have no idea anymore, just how things are going for now.

But I sometimes feel like this reality is like a black hole and as I try to manifest my way into a better reality, this one obsessively keeps sucking me back into it, like an elastic band where the harder you pull, the harder it pulls back. I’m hoping dragon flight has the wings that have enough force to break through this trap.

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Anyways, here’s some highlights from my offline journal that I thought were interesting:

Sept 16 (When I as very angry, dramatic and miserable haha):

The other night I described my feelings toward this world is as if it has vomited me out of it and I am no longer part of it, like a total outcast who’s very being has been rejected. My response isn’t feeling guilty and trying to make amends with it, instead my response is complete rejection of this world too. I’m now aiming to make it so this world is completely irrelevant to my happiness, I desire total independence and sovereignty from this place. This world is too unstable and unpredictable to ever depend on it for personal freedom and happiness. I believe achieving this is the beginning to being an unstoppable force of inner peace, at that point, nothing can bring you down, no matter how hard it tries, and it seems like it is trying harder and harder as the years go on without a sign that it ever wants to stop.

After writing this, an image of Neo in The Matrix came to me as he was unplugged, weak and naked in a strange place. He woke up from the illusion, but the real reality he woke up to was hell. To end on a positive note, this was a necessary process for his character to transcend all limits.

Sept 22 (a crazy moment for me that didn’t last long, thankfully):

Feeling uncomfortable now compared to stage 1. I don’t really know how to describe it, a kind of uncertainty, it’s not really thoughts or words either, just feelings.

I was thinking it’s like nothing is real, I was feeling foreign in my own body as I was thinking: What am I? Where is this? Who is everyone? The only reason this reality feels correct or natural is because we have nothing else to compare it to. The only thing I can be certain of is that there can’t be nothing, because I can see and experience things, so this is something. In my mind, I was praying to God, my higher self, my subconscious, anything really for some guidance. I feel lost again and back to the start.

Sept 25 (breaking through the negativity perhaps because of an extra rest day):

With today and yesterday, I felt like I might have hit some kind of breakthrough, but I don’t know what it exactly is. Oddly came after that strange day on the 22nd where I had some kind of identity crisis. I suddenly started to feel better about myself, seeing positive things about me and am starting to care less what people think of me. I also wonder if this increase in positivity could be because I took an extra day off DR yesterday because I didn’t have the time to play, so maybe is reduced reconciliation by accident. I’ll have to consider doing this more often if my feelings worsen again as I’m back to schedule.

Oct 5 (improved self-image and maybe some physical shifting success):

Feeling great about how I look still. I looked in the mirror and felt like I was looking at a different person. This is probably a combo of DR improving my self-image and also Paragon healing my skin, making it look so smooth. Acne scars are fading and I get much less breakouts now. I’m also feeling good and confident about the rest of my body too. This so far has been the greatest benefit of this stack I feel.

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Paragon

Just a summary here, as this post is getting exhausting lol:

• Already mentioned the better skin just above
• I think my chest and delts are more vascular which looks pretty cool. I was worried that not being able to workout at the gym anymore would make it hard to progress but it seems I’m not only able to cope, but flourish working out at home so far. Leg day has been rough though! Don’t have access to a scale right now, so I have no idea what my weight is. But I think paragon might encourage my body to use fat as energy to do it’s healing thing which is a nice perk!
• Perhaps some improved circulation down south too
• My breathing hasn’t changed too drastically yet, but I’m wondering if there might be a tiny improvement there already.

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I read the copy for Dragon Blood after writing all this and I think I have achieved a good amount of the goals in this stage. Healing my innermost wounds? Yep, past memories for example don’t bother me as much. Powerful strengthening? Yeah, I feel like I have a “don’t mess with me” kind of attitude right now, and the negativity in this world has less an effect on me. So that’s good news to me to continue on to Dragon flight! (actually I’m listening to it as I type this last part and my language is getting more chirpy near the end, I wonder if it’s affecting me already? haha)

Hope all is going well for the rest of you! I would have totally wanted to be in the Zero Point test but I decided to sit out, since interrupting DR didn’t seem like a good idea to me and I can’t get out much anyways haha. I’m really excited for what’s in store for ZP though (especially RICH:ZP) and it sounds like it could be the missing piece of the puzzle for what’s holding me back personally.

[Fractal]

Dragon Reborn

Two weeks on Stage 3 have gone by, so I’m back for an update. I don’t feel that much different from the last stage so I don’t have a lot to report on as of yet. I believe I am trying to take more action, especially in regards to trading and it has mostly been working out on the better side, however I’m still affected by figuring out a good trade idea but not pushing the buy button because of fear of being wrong and then watch the stocks do exactly what I thought it would. This has happened multiple times and I really need to change it. It really gets on my nerves too. But at the very least I am proving to myself that I can predict what a stock can do while I started to think I just got lucky early this year.

Lately I started developing a doubt that I’ll really be able to change myself with subliminals. I think this is spurred on from nearing the end of the program. I’m not denying that these work well for others, but it’s like I feel that my mind is very stubborn to stay in its self-destructive ways and wont hear it from the subliminal for the more touchy topics. One thing I’ve found that has kind of frustrated me is the things I’ve already been naturally good at are easy to improve with subliminals while the things I have trouble with tend to change very slowly or they seem like they change, then I fall backwards.

Like physical subs, very easy to get results. Also, art related things, it’s like Ultimate Artist is still working for me even though I’m not listening to it right now, but have listened to it for a year in my custom and almost another year before that as the program. Interestingly, during that time with UA, I barely did any art related things. Now I’m doing more art and it’s like now I’m reaping the benefits of it. I’ve just finished some work that I’m very proud of, often I was shocked that I made it myself, and I was deeply satisfied when I solved issues and discovered new techniques etc. There’s nothing quite like that moving feeling of joy it brings me.

It makes me wonder if I should just give up on improving the areas that I feel I am lacking in and just go all in on the areas I’m good at. But I need confidence and good business sense to make money artistically, something most artists fail terribly at. So I endlessly debate what is the best route for me. Trading though, I don’t have much passion for, it’s really just something I see as a good opportunity and I lose interest quickly when I’m not making good money while doing it. Meanwhile, I’ll draw and draw without caring if anyone else will even see the drawing because it’s just so enjoyable.

I was thinking of maybe looking at my older journals and see if I have changed psychologically over the years, but I don’t like reading my old posts lol. I wonder if anyone else is like this? I just feel cringy when I read my old stuff, so usually I post it and never look back haha. It reminds me of Matthew McConaughey in this interview where he initially was intimidated to look back in his journals and thought he wouldn’t like what he read but in the end was an enlightening experience to him. Greenlights (and Darkness) | Matthew McConaughey - Jordan B. Peterson Podcast S4 E1 - YouTube (it’s a great interview btw and shows the importance of journaling)

Also I have decided to drop The Elixir starting today and replace it with The Executive because there’s some Executive Shit™ I need to deal with… paperwork, etc, that I’ve been putting off too long. Maybe will help with trades too. Hopefully I won’t get any bad reconciliation from this move!

Paragon

Not too much to add here this time. I was thinking I was getting much less frequent ringing it my ears and was excited by that, like I realized I went weeks with barley any ringing, but literally the next day I got a rare occurrence of ringing in one ear for the entire day. So idk what’s up with that. I think stress affects it, also maybe the accelerated changing of the season/weather/atmospheric pressure. Quick googling shows me that my suspicions have merit Does Weather Affect My Tinnitus and if so How?

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I’ll end this with another candid dramatic post form my private journal on Oct 14. A little context is I’ve been having frustrations with some actions I’ve been doing that I consider cowardly:

The natural state of this world is misery. What I mean by that is when people or a person don’t do anything—neither good things, nor bad things—their world will become more miserable. I think it is a common misconception that it stays neutral, this is something I was fooled by in the past. It’s only when a person decides to try to do something to improve their own life or the world around them, can things get better or even stay neutral. But what I clearly see now is the world becoming more miserable as people do nothing and also my own life becoming more miserable as I have been cowardly and was too afraid to do what I have to do. A coward deserves a coward’s life of misery. Constant fear and unfulfillment will haunt a coward until the day they die.

…I can be such an edgelord lol, but I really do like that last line. Till next time ya’ll.

[Lion]

A lot of profound realizations in this DR journal, @Fractal. A difficult journey yes but all worth it to become born again as a mighty dragon.

[ABC333]

Some of your insights remind me of Vernon Howard.

GOOD & BAD
There is in this universe only white & black, purity & criminality, goodness & badness, Truth & Satan. There’s no third thing. No mixtures. Lost humans don’t want to face this fact because they want to hint that they’re okay. This fact destroys the lies they love to tell. Work on understanding the little right part (dawning essence) for that is what must grow until it occupies & becomes the whole being. Look for where you can suffer while doing nothing about it. See how rightness is completely non-personal. Increasingly, as you know that you have no virtues, no strength of your own, you will sense that you need not & must not have any goodness of your own. Put yourself on the side of goodness & let it do the work for you. Everyone on earth is either destroying the world or contributing to it. Everybody you know or see is determined to destroy everyone he sees. Only the lack of opportunity to do evil keeps people ‘good’. As you grow in insight, you can see how monstrously sick & stupid everyone is. Watch the temptation to fear what you see & stay in the right place. Cruelty is insane. Someday the dawn is going to break & you’re going to get hurt for the last time. The right part will cry out, “I’ll never go back again!” Truth exists & is the only chance you have to escape your ignorance & insanity. - vernon howard

[Fractal]

@ABC333

Only the lack of opportunity to do evil keeps people ‘good’. As you grow in insight, you can see how monstrously sick & stupid everyone is. Watch the temptation to fear what you see & stay in the right place.

Wow yeah this especially is pretty much what I’ve been feeling on Dragon Reborn. Kind of sent me shivers when I read that. Quite a profound quote, thanks for sharing! I should look into Vernon Howard, I haven’t heard of him before.

[Fractal]

So this wraps up stage 3. I didn’t end up journaling too much these two weeks so I don’t have much to update on. It was really the same sort of stuff as I’ve been experiencing before, some ok days some bad says etc. Overall, I still don’t feel like I have fully experienced what I need from DR, still feel too weak, hopefully 2 more months on stage 4 will help bring things together.

• I started stage 4 yesterday and it wiped me out quite strongly the rest of the day. I’ll see tomorrow if it does the same thing, if so, I’ll have to make sure to get 8 hours of sleep, if that doesn’t work, I might have to cut out one subliminal from my stack or play DR even less frequently.

• Executive seemed to help me get that paperwork done since I finished the bulk of it. I did notice the lack of the Elixir in this stack though unfortunately, Stage 3 was much harsher these two weeks than the previous two.

• I’ve taken a liking to sprinting as hard as I can for cardio now to just complexly wipe out any adrenaline I have, just using that anger and frustration in productive ways, I guess.

So yeah, that’s about it, I was hoping to be more celebratory at this point but I’m just a bit exhausted at the moment.

[Fractal]

Lamentations in the Dogma Inferno

I started thinking about who I am and what I want to change and, in a way, how tragic it can be to reject a certain part of your character, even when you think it is hindering you or is unwanted. It’s not much different from hating yourself. It makes me wonder if there’s a better way. Does it need to be purged and burned away? Could it instead be enhanced, improved or evolved instead of destroying it?

I realized that I need to think about what aspects of my personality do I view as inferior and really think on why do I see it that way. Is it truly something I believe and is true or is it something that the world has told me to be true? Putting too much stake in what the world tells me is a dangerous thing, because just this year alone has shown me that humanity in general teeters on the edge of insanity. What value can the words from an unstable source like that be?

What is a superior personality anyways? One that is successful? One that is kind? One that is adapt at working with or controlling/manipulating the local populace? Isn’t this all subjective? There’s been very successful people that turned out to be psychopaths running sex slave rings. Since they were rich and successful, isn’t their personality considered superior in that broad definition of this wealth obsessed world? I’m sure most people would not want to be them. But when a personality like that becomes so powerful, doesn’t that in a way show how corrupt this place is? Nobody wants to think about this: that they could have only got to where they were if their personality was one that worked extremely well in this world, a perfect fit.

How about a CEO of a large company, raking in hundreds of millions a year, while treating their employees like disposable robots? Is their personality the truly transcendent one, one that is millions of times superior to the average Joe, just going by their dollar value? Or are they only the largest cog in this monstrous machine of mankind? Am I any better? Aren’t I but a smaller cog on the same machine chasing the same goals of wealth?

Breathing City Manufactures Chicken

I have no answers, only questions. But I do believe that Dragon Reborn is doing something for me here and I will continue using it. Even as, in these past two quite awful weeks, I have been feeling the exact opposite: that this has been and will be a waste of time. It took me to write pages and pages in my journal as I was ensnared by my thoughts during this past week to start to get any kind of mental clarity. I can say that there was a relief felt deep down in my soul, as I pondered that trying to purge out what I consider lacking about myself may not be ideal. I am who I am… screw anyone who has a problem with that. Maybe that’s the superior personality, one whom is true to themselves and boldly lives their life as a disjointed cog that doesn’t quite fit.

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Just to end with a more calm observation. The above was a rant that popped in my head and I had to stop everything I was doing to voraciously type it in my phone before forgetting the core realizations and then added a bit more to it later. It seems to me that my beliefs are being challenged from all angles and from that a more vivid image of who I want to be is being formed. I can’t really improve myself when I don’t have a full clue on what “improved” is. Also, an important realization that there’s no such thing as the perfectly ideal person and striving to be that is a pointless, if not a harmful waste of life.

Right now, I would describe myself as a nihilistic atheist. For me atheism and nihilism are inseparable as I am a spiritual person by nature lol, so I have been in a very uncomfortable place lately. In one of my personal journals, I also noted that this year, especially in the later half, I realized I’d lost faith in 3 things: God (and anything remotely spiritual), Humanity and Myself. I aim to regain a new, even stronger, unshakable faith in all three again. Perhaps I lost faith in all three at once because they all are closely intertwined.

But above all, I’d like to think that pursuing the truth has been one of the most important things to me all my life. What is reality? What is meaningful? Who am I? It has led me to some crazy paths, some helpful paths… it has led me to SubClub. Pursuing these things means allowing myself and my beliefs to be challenged, so I’ve always been prepared for this and accepted it. On the outside it may look like my faith is weak and fickle to change so easily, but I see it differently, that my faith is so strong that there’s a truth, that I can fearlessly allow it to be challenged constantly.

I remember people saying Sage Immortal is a great sub to play after Dragon Reborn. I get it now guys.

[Fractal]

I was really dizzy yesterday, like almost feeling like I have the flu or was hungover and it was even worse overnight. I got like 10 hours of rest from sleeping and napping in the evening and I feel a bit better now, just fatigued and some muscle soreness around my neck and shoulders. I’m laying off of my stack for now and only played Paragon in case it’s something else.

Interestingly, I forgot to play Paragon on Tuesday and I wonder now if playing Paragon alongside DR has prevented these physical sensations? I’m not going to test it out again though lol.

Other possibility is Paragon is preventing a flu or something that I don’t realize. However, I think this is unlikely since I haven’t been allowed to be around much people for months now and the people I’ve seen have no cold symptoms or anything.

[Michel]

You’re probably maxing out the aura playing DR + Paragon. Both are energy hungry. I stacked DR + Wanted and it left me in bed for a week.

[Fractal]

That’s interesting, I didn’t consider that. I wonder if there’s a connection then where I used to be able to relax, kind of meditate and you know “feel” my energy but these days I have trouble doing that at all. I haven’t had much thought of it till now.

It’s strange though that I only had a problem once I missed playing paragon. I also noticed when I first added paragon that it negated the extreme dreams that DR was giving me, so I’ve always felt like they balance each other out in a way. These past few weeks have been quite stressful too, so I can’t deny that may of had some contribution.

Whatever it was, I’ve never experienced anything like that from a subliminal before, even playing my terminus custom 2X a day did not cause that. Stage 4 is really on another level!

But I’m feeling better since yesterday and got my energy back. I think in addition to the day on day off schedule, I’ll start adding an extra day off once a week and see how that goes.

[Fractal]

I’ve decided to do a washout until the zero point drop, reason for this is I started my stack again yesterday thinking everything is dandy and by the end of the day I had a bad headache and was getting tired too. I didn’t have any dizziness though, but I bet if I continue then I will go through all that again. So hopefully this washout period will be long enough to recharge me in time for zero point! I think I did pretty good on that schedule though, I kept to it through all 3 stages and only started to have a problem 2 weeks into stage 4.

Though now because of this overuse or reconciliation symptoms, I’m doubting that 2 months on stage 4 will be enough for my development, so I’m also thinking of staying on stage 4 for at least 3 months.

I’m also going to pick up Sage and Wanted before the ZP drop as I know I’ll want to try out both at some point in time. It was largely @AlexanderGraves great posts about Wanted in the ZP thread revealed to me that there are personality aspects of Wanted that could work with me.

My ZP shortlist to use with Dragon Reborn is:

• RICH – this one is a must at the moment. Especially with that new covid news that’ll make this coming week in the market volatile as the pigs that run wall street take advantage of fear like they always do. Making the wrong choice during a time like this can really mess up your account.

• Paragon – I still would like more healing in my shoulder area with a joint that has caused me issues and pain over the years. I’ve noticed Paragon has made my allergies and breathing issues less of a problem so it has helped with that so far. Also, I believe Paragon can help with physical symptoms caused from reconciliation. But if it becomes too energy intensive as @Michel said, I might have to drop it.

• Sage – After making that “Lamentation” post above, I’ve realized I need a lot of spiritual answers that maybe sage could help with. I also would love the peace and mindfulness that it provides. Plus, I’ve always been curious about lucid dreams and astral projection and would like to explore those possibilities again. It’s hard to vacation these days, so why not go on a trip in your dreams? lol

• Chosen – I could really use that confidence and optimism while making choices, which Chosen provides, and I do trade with other people and we’ve all been down in the dumps lately. It would be so nice to help lead us out of this ditch and see light at the end of the tunnel. Even though Chosen isn’t said to be wealth focused, I have a feeling it would be very helpful with trading because trading is often all about making hard choices, sticking to your guns that you made the right one and catching on early if things aren’t working out–all leadership related skills. I already have a good charting and technical analysis foundation, but the belief that I’m right and trade execution has always been my weakness.

So ya 4 great titles but only 2 slots to use, always problem with me & SubClub lol. Rich has to be one, leaving the hard decision of one of those 3. I’m thinking of starting with Paragon because of my prior use of it. Then after 45 days, swap out with one of the others. I’m not sure if you can swap around zero point every two weeks or so without issues just to test the waters of what one is the best for you, because that is something I was considering.