Hooray, forum anniversary day. Two processing days are done. Tomorrow will the last 4 days of Stage 1 begin. Friday first day of Stage 2.
Feeling sad currently. Tomorrow I will meet some friends. I will see if I act differently.
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Two days left for stage 1. Dreamed a lot for the past few days. One dream was about this journal but I only vaguely remember it.
Before I start stage 2 on January 1 I will update my excel sheet to see for how many hours I have run Stage 1.
Today my new headphones arrived. Sennheiser hd 280 pro for Ultima. The cables of my beyerdynamics dt 770 broke… so I had to replace them after over 10 years.
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Beginning to listen to stage 2 now.
Have forgotten to look into my excel sheet of hours of Stage 1 when I was on the desktop computer. But I guess with q large numbers of loops are not as important as before.
15 minutes in I notice tension in my shoulders and neck. Might have nothing to do with the sub.
In the last hours of 2020 I thought about one of the stories my mind is telling me consistently. It’s the „you need a girlfriend“ story. I want to get rid of the story. It seems to me that it’s just a „should“ thought creating the feeling of lack when it arises. Currently healing in general and also the healing of wounds of past relationships is my goal with dragon reborn. What comes after that I don’t know yet. Maybe I will finally accept myself as I am or I will still strive for self improvement out of the feeling of lack. The future is unwritten.
Emperor fitness would be interesting from my current perspective as I am overweight but I will see. I am looking for an intrinsic motivation to lose weight and not to be or feel more attractive.
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After listening to DR - Stage 2 I found this YouTube channel by Rodney Norman. Funny guy with interesting insights. Just watched a dozen of his videos. Time to sleep now.
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I just rewatched a video from the guy and didn’t find it that funny anymore. Was probably in a different mood or state yesterday because of DR.
At night I dreamed a horror action movie. Seemed unrelated to me, but mostly entertaining.
Now I want to begin the day with one loop of Dr st 2. Probably a second loop in the evening.
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Today is processing day and tomorrow too.
Lots of dreams last night. Dragon Stage 2 is working on something.
I have thought about writing more nonfiction in 2021 and build a custom around that idea. I am reading nonfiction mostly, so I think I give up on fiction writing. I am excited about the idea.
Already planned a bit on how to start this new path. Also thought about creating a writing custom Ultima but it is too expensive for me at the moment. So I hope there will be one in the future.
I have not read the new manual yet, so I will look into stacking the custom with DR. Or maybe I will wait with the custom until I have progressed with DR.
Damn I am pretty indecisive about that at the moment. Will wait for some clarity to arrive.
Found a course on letting go on my old computer. Somehow it seems to be working. I let go of wanting to change the issue, wanting to understand the issue, wanting to heal the issue. And then the issue feels lighter or I don’t pay as much attention to it. Or I get new insights.
I had this reoccurring thought that I don’t want to live anymore. I tried to change and understand it in the past, but it didn’t go away for too long.
Sometimes these were obsessive thoughts repeating themselves all the time.
Through letting go I didn’t see it as taboo anymore to think this thought. According to some book I read in the past, obsessive thoughts go away when you allow yourself to indulge in them. I think it’s a technique from CBT.
One of the techniques from the course was to embrace the issue. I guess this helped to let go of wanting to fix it.
I guess it could be that I payed more attention to this course because of Dragon Reborn. I wasn’t able to get anything from “letting go” exercises like Sedona and the others in the past.
I worked with some aversions and goals with the first four exercises. I just wanted to post this to remind me to continue with this course.
Next I want to let go of my nicotine pouches addiction. I will work on some beliefs around that habit now.
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Okay as I embraced the nicotine addiction issue I sensed a lot of anger connected to it. In the past when I stopped using nicotine I got very angry and easily irritated. It’s said that nicotine or addictions are used to suppress feelings. I don’t know if that’s true, but for me it seems this way.
I want to channel this anger for a good purpose.
Currently I project it on my neighbor who I can hear talking on the phone behind the wall.
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Today I felt somewhat down in the evening.
Now I am listening to paragon Ultima as a test if I get sleepy from it. It would be great if it helped healing the bodily side of the ups and downs I have. There are many theories about mental problems having to do with chemical imbalance in the brain or even some kind of imbalance in the gut.
I noticed that I am living more in the past since starting Stage2. Remembering episodes and people from the past. I guess there is something working on parts of me that I dismissed.
Sadly I am back on nicotine. And I am drinking more alcohol than usual.
I am feeling better now after 15 minutes of paragon. Sleepy, but not so down anymore.
I am curious where I will be after dragon reborn. I will stack it with a custom subliminal based on StarkQ soon.
My writing bores me at the moment. It’s more about stories from the past and I no longer feel an emotional connection to it. It’s as if these stories happened to another person. And they probably did. As I have changed over the past 15 years. I didn’t think about these old events until lately, so it has probably to do with dragon reborn.
20 minutes into paragon. I feel sleepy, relaxed, somewhat happy. Nothing is bothering me anymore.
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Feeling a tingling sensation in my feet and warmth in my back (30 minutes into paragon)
After a night full of wild dreams which I don’t rermember, I am thinking about listening to another loop of paragon this morning.
My custom arrived, so I will start stacking later today.
Tomorrow and the day after tomorrow are my rest days.
what’s in your new custom ?
The cores are StarkQ and PCC.
Then there is Ultimate Writer and Sacred words.
Mastermind, Trailblazer, Manipulus.
Dragon tongue and emperor’s voice.
Chiron, tyrant, iron frame.
The spotlight and gloryseeker.
Direct influencing aura and current invoker.
Deus, mosaic.
When I put this together I had the vision of becoming a nonfiction writer and speaker. I called it „Max persuasion“ in the planning phase.
I also worked on some goals to realize that. I have a plan but I still need to execute it.
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Currently I am feeling pretty bored. Listening to the second loop of the custom for today.
Later two loops of DR Stage 2. And one loop of paragon before bed time.
Listening to paragon in the morning is not a good idea. I slept for another 5 hours after that. But at night it is good. Cannot wait for that nothing is bothering feeling I get from it.
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Slept a lot this weekend of rest days. Hopefully I come out of bed for work tomorrow.
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Luckily, I did get out of bed on time.
Yesterday I began reading a book on breathing. I am now heading to breathe only with the nose.
I have ordered a package of sleep tape to tape my mouth while sleeping and stop mouth breathing.
Later I will read more in the book and hope to get more tips on better breathing.
I was told that I do not have enough oxygen in the lungs. Probably connected to past smoking habit.
Mouth breathing seems to be also not good for health. My left nostril also seems not to get the same amount of air as my right nostril. Perhaps I should ask a doctor about that.
At the moment I am listening to my first loop of the custom StarkQ/PCC for the day.
Later I will listen to two loops of DR Stage 2 and maybe another loop of the custom.
Probably no Ultima title today as I have only a bit of time to listen to subliminals.
Paragon Complete seemed to have the effect on me that I don’t bother about anything and even didn’t go out of bed on the weekend. I probably overdid it. One loop a day seems to be too much for me.
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Finding new treasures everyday. Is something like Informaticon in DR or is my new custom working already? I forgot that I put that one in.
I have so much new interesting material to work on, so I have to make a choice which one to start with. Found the Wholeness Work by Conirae Andreas on the weekend. It’s inspired by self inquiry and her previous work (Core Transformation). I came to it by coincidence by first reading a book about Mental Space Psychology which I found by rewatching a course by the author which I had long time forgotten.
It came just right in time for a meeting with a spiritual mentor.
Today a friend visited with whom I had conflicts in the past. This time I just said my opinion without caring if he would be convinced or not. He left after 3 hours about which I was happy because I knew my energy would not stand more talking. Maybe I could have said good bye earlier but if I wouldn’t have signaled that he should go, he probably would be still here. I said I have other stuff to do. He probably didn’t believe me but I didn’t feel emotional down because he did seem to feel bad.
Currently I am listening to dr stage 2 - loop 1 for today.
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Check every hour. The nostrils close and open naturally. Which one is open will change over the day.
Nasal rinsing is good for breathing.
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Thanks haven’t thought about nasal rinsing in this context before. Now I need to find my neti pot again.
And I read about the changing of the nostrils. At the moment both nostrils seem to get the same amount of air. In the book about the lost art of breathing it is stated that in the nose there are similar tissues like in the sexual organs. Erectile tissues as I just looked up on Wikipedia. If I remember it correctly those are responsible for the different nostrils used.