Just listening to my first and only loop of DR for the day.
What I notice right now is that I get a lot of stuff done. In the past, I’ve seen myself as a procrastinator or even lazy. Now I am focusing more on the positive qualities of myself.
I just started another loop of DR - Stage 1.
This day was okay. Yesterday in the evening I drank too much. When I began my remote work I hadn’t slept much and had a little hangover. Now in the evening I am feeling pretty tired and have some remorse about drinking yesterday.
I didn’t use Limitless Executive Ultima today. Just one loop of DR and now another one. Probably will listen to two loops daily for a few days.
This is day 29. Subtract 7 processing days. 22 Active listening days.
This week I will take only one rest day. December 26 could be the first day of using Stage 2.
I am unsure if I am ready for Stage 2. Maybe I should stay with Stage 1 a bit longer until I see more pronounced effects.
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Started the day with Limitless Executive Ultima. Good start for work.
Now first loop of DR.
At night, I had many dreams which showed that the Dragon is still working. They were about emotional charged events that bugged me in the past.
Yesterday I listened to one loop of my first Custom (Matt’s Mixtape #1), probably because I didn’t want to wait until I listen to a new sub. Not sure yet if I will continue that.
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Listening to the second loop of DR I notice I am totally in my head. Thinking about the things I said to an acquaintance just an hour ago. I was a little bit overconfident in talking. Maybe some of the StarkQ scripting kicking in. My opinion was different then his and I stated that openly. Later I googled a bit and found out that my opinion was based on hearsay and not 100% correct.
Before the talk I was moving around in my place a lot. I had listened to Limitless executive Ultima and was finished with the work for today. Felt restless and needed to move.
I hope that I can stop thinking about the talk now. I feel a bit more relaxed and ready for my next meeting.
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Rest day. No LEU or DR today. No work to do. Feeling lazy, but that’s okay.
I could write a bit today. I will do that even if I do it just to not feel lazy.
Listening to Jeff Foster- Sacred as you are (Depression as a call to spiritual awakening). Letting go the idea that there’s something wrong with me or the world. Background noise of someone renovating his apartment. This was the worst for me this year, being at home all the time and listening to all that noise of people now having time to renovate their home. I stop myself here before I get angry about it.
The coming of anger is, the noise is. This is it. This is life. Thinking that this makes no sense is it, too.
Time to go for a walk
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DR lowers my irritability / anger for noises. Do you sense any improvement in this area?
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you can always be grateful the noise is at least coming from outside your head 
May you achieve the non dual realization you already have but may not yet realize, and really needs no realization or achieving.
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Yes, I notice that I am not angry when my neighbour is listening to music at low volume at night. It’s getting better.
This morning I was visiting my doctor and the female receptionist was very unfriendly when I asked her a normal question. At this moment it was not yet a pattern. Then I visited the pharmacy and the female employee was offended when I asked her about the opening times during Christmas season. There was a pattern now. The only constant in these two interactions was me. Or it’s just the Christmas spirit.
I listened to a loop of Libertine v1 this morning. Maybe that triggered something.
Yesterday I thought about staying in Stage 1 of DR for a bit longer. Maybe 2 weeks.
This is day 34 - 9 processing days = day 25 of active listening.
Ran 2 loops of DR:Stage 1 today. And currently I feel like that’s enough for today.
No dramatic incidents today. Just worked all day.
Finished work at my day job this evening and now vacation begins.
I have many plans for these two weeks:
Copying some of my private projects to a new server (fun, fun, fun).
Writing/planning a longer writing project.
Cleaning my appartment as I have invited a friend.
And Christmas with family. Mixed feelings about that. Hope for no drama.
Plus maybe running Stage 1 until the end of the year and then shifting to Stage 2.
Cheers
Matt
Beginning the day with LEU.
Yesterday I was really tired while writing and just lay down in bed and slept. But I woke up by myself at 9 am. It must have been really deep sleep because I don’t remember dreaming and when I woke up I thought it is still night because I remembered just going to bed.
I have to activate the Executive with some action now. I don’t feel like doing anything I planned for the vacation. That’s a problem I know from the past when I have free time I cannot motivate myself. But maybe I still need some rest.
About DR I have to say that I was less engaged in negative emotions in the past few days. Less depressed and more in the moment. Okay on Monday I was angry because I felt disrespected but that wasn’t hindering me to go on with my work.
My plan is to continue with Stage 1 until December 31. Then begin the second stage.
I am probably also stacking it with emperor. I have some urge to stack it with another title because the effects of DR seem subtle to me. I don’t think StarkQ is the right option for me because it’s making me shift more into different roles in social situations.
That shifting of roles was something I wanted to change when I began DR. I wanted to find and be my core authentic personality in all situations. Currently I think it’s getting better. There are still state shifts but they are more subtle. And I guess that is okay to shift a bit because different people or different groups of people elicit different emotions which shift my state a bit.
With a loving person I can be more loving myself. With a person who is honest, I can be honest. And with a person who is just herself or himself I can be that what spontaneously arises from my personality. It’s a play after all.
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Listened to one loop of elixir this morning. Felt sad and thought that it’s about the missed opportunities from my life. Career and relationship wise.
Now I am listening to the first loop of DR Stage 1 for today. I want to listen to this and elixir exclusively. No more mixing in other subs. I hope I go through with it.
On January 1st I will listen to my first loop of stage 2. already curious about that.
This morning I had the idea to use emperor in a stack with emperor fitness after dr is finished. I would also add emperor hom. May be too much. I have enough time to decide on this.
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Hooray, forum anniversary day. Two processing days are done. Tomorrow will the last 4 days of Stage 1 begin. Friday first day of Stage 2.
Feeling sad currently. Tomorrow I will meet some friends. I will see if I act differently.
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Two days left for stage 1. Dreamed a lot for the past few days. One dream was about this journal but I only vaguely remember it.
Before I start stage 2 on January 1 I will update my excel sheet to see for how many hours I have run Stage 1.
Today my new headphones arrived. Sennheiser hd 280 pro for Ultima. The cables of my beyerdynamics dt 770 broke… so I had to replace them after over 10 years.
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Beginning to listen to stage 2 now.
Have forgotten to look into my excel sheet of hours of Stage 1 when I was on the desktop computer. But I guess with q large numbers of loops are not as important as before.
15 minutes in I notice tension in my shoulders and neck. Might have nothing to do with the sub.
In the last hours of 2020 I thought about one of the stories my mind is telling me consistently. It’s the „you need a girlfriend“ story. I want to get rid of the story. It seems to me that it’s just a „should“ thought creating the feeling of lack when it arises. Currently healing in general and also the healing of wounds of past relationships is my goal with dragon reborn. What comes after that I don’t know yet. Maybe I will finally accept myself as I am or I will still strive for self improvement out of the feeling of lack. The future is unwritten.
Emperor fitness would be interesting from my current perspective as I am overweight but I will see. I am looking for an intrinsic motivation to lose weight and not to be or feel more attractive.
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After listening to DR - Stage 2 I found this YouTube channel by Rodney Norman. Funny guy with interesting insights. Just watched a dozen of his videos. Time to sleep now.
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I just rewatched a video from the guy and didn’t find it that funny anymore. Was probably in a different mood or state yesterday because of DR.
At night I dreamed a horror action movie. Seemed unrelated to me, but mostly entertaining.
Now I want to begin the day with one loop of Dr st 2. Probably a second loop in the evening.
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Today is processing day and tomorrow too.
Lots of dreams last night. Dragon Stage 2 is working on something.
I have thought about writing more nonfiction in 2021 and build a custom around that idea. I am reading nonfiction mostly, so I think I give up on fiction writing. I am excited about the idea.
Already planned a bit on how to start this new path. Also thought about creating a writing custom Ultima but it is too expensive for me at the moment. So I hope there will be one in the future.
I have not read the new manual yet, so I will look into stacking the custom with DR. Or maybe I will wait with the custom until I have progressed with DR.
Damn I am pretty indecisive about that at the moment. Will wait for some clarity to arrive.
Found a course on letting go on my old computer. Somehow it seems to be working. I let go of wanting to change the issue, wanting to understand the issue, wanting to heal the issue. And then the issue feels lighter or I don’t pay as much attention to it. Or I get new insights.
I had this reoccurring thought that I don’t want to live anymore. I tried to change and understand it in the past, but it didn’t go away for too long.
Sometimes these were obsessive thoughts repeating themselves all the time.
Through letting go I didn’t see it as taboo anymore to think this thought. According to some book I read in the past, obsessive thoughts go away when you allow yourself to indulge in them. I think it’s a technique from CBT.
One of the techniques from the course was to embrace the issue. I guess this helped to let go of wanting to fix it.
I guess it could be that I payed more attention to this course because of Dragon Reborn. I wasn’t able to get anything from “letting go” exercises like Sedona and the others in the past.
I worked with some aversions and goals with the first four exercises. I just wanted to post this to remind me to continue with this course.
Next I want to let go of my nicotine pouches addiction. I will work on some beliefs around that habit now.
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