Yep. With enough PCC it would help with court stuff I think
2 Likes
Day 3 of wash out ~
Woke up wanting to do loving things for myself after reflecting on the previous week of adding lbfh with DR. I did a different yoga flow, put on some Tool, did mobility and then some free flow yoga. Sang and had a nice gentle cry.
So much healing has been going on with me emotionally., physically, mentally and spiritually…
My ego really tries to latch on for dear life attempting to take charge of my bus… she’s a sneaky one! I use my tools to quickly shift away from that state.
I’ve been spending a lot of time with the guy I manifested a week ago. Noticing a lot of my insecurities coming up to heal. I find myself scanning for evidence that he isn’t the one, that I will do what I always did or he will do what the others have done. Sabotaging and victimizing behaviours.
This type of crap takes you from the present, which is all we really have.
We were sexual and I found myself worrying about how it felt for him. Past experiences were flooding to my awareness, taking me to a place of healing. I quickly shifted feeling love pouring through me. There’s nothing wrong with my body or my lady bits! If they have an issue it has nothing to do with me. Maybe male fatigue is legit and impacts sex… maybe being caught up in your head can impact sex… but again, it’s not about me!
Of course I am worthy of something amazing. I don’t have to be dominate or too masculine. I don’t have to be stubborn. I don’t have to defend myself all the time. I don’t have to prove a point or be right about everything. I don’t have to kill off something beautiful to prove some old programs point.
I am not my history, my stories or this body. I am spirit having a human experience.
I desire to be a loving playful wife, not an insecure controlling look for any proof this won’t work kind of wife!
My abandonment wound is really prevalent at the moment. I’m making sure to give this high priority.
Why didn’t I believe I was worthy of great love?
Because I wasn’t giving myself all the great love.
I was a SEEKER. Finding it outside of me, through men, substances (weed mostly and alcohol before) or sex. I distracted myself and avoided my healing through those vices.
I am completely sober these days while also have taken several months away from sex. I’ve dedicated the past 2 years intensely to my healing, with this bringing it to a whole other level!
That is when I was led to these subliminals! I’ve done some hypnosis as well…
Since subliminal club: I really started tapping into my inner being and giving me all the love, pruning away all the crap…and that’s when I manifested this guy.
He checks off all of my ideal partner boxes.
I noticed last night that way more guys are reaching out to me since LBFH, so I thought to myself, what if there’s something better? That was a thought I had floating around in my mind since puberty! It gave rise to so many failed relationships or potential relationships! That pulls you from the present experience, enjoying what’s right in front of you now.
I really don’t wanna sabotage this!
Feels good to let this stuff out here.
Time to finish my morning beverage and get on with this lovely day.
8 Likes
Exactly, and yet love can only be in the present moment… but we look for it in the future (“maybe someone is better”) or in the past (“things were better when I was young…”)
Everything is present moment, even past and future are just thoughts happening in the present 
(but taken as something substantial)
2 Likes
This is gold! 
I’m learning to appreciate the present moment with the experiences that come from it!
Pulling my attention forward when I start going back there or ahead of myself!
4 Likes
Day 5 of wash out ~
Been staying up late and sleeping in… dreaming lots with minimal recall…
I went for brunch yesterday and the waitress sat beside me very closely… I believe she felt my intense love energy!
I’ve been spending everyday with the guy I manifested since adding LBFH… I find myself sharing all my thoughts and feelings without holding back… he accepts what I am saying… we are able to carry on deep conversations without much tension!
We also share very similar visions for life.
I’ve gotten 2 different people complimenting my physique. They asked if I lost weight and that I look more toned. Less bloating in the belly…
I was more relaxed at my massage yesterday. Giving my RMT lots of compliments… feeing the love circulate in the room!
Less anger, less sadness, but wanting the best for myself and almost obsessive over it!
5 Likes
Started my new cycle today:
DRST1 & LBFH ~ 1 loop of each every other day.
I may add Paragon back on the alternate day.
If the recon is too much I will return to a MWF schedule or maybe DR once per week and LBFH every other day. Not sure yet!
Settled my 20 month court case with my ex today. Everyone was so different in the court appearance today. My ex, the judge and his lawyer seemed more loving and gentle.
I had a big cry afterwards. Feeling a deep release in my body.
Now I am back to thinking about my body and what I can do to better myself even more. Trying not to become obsessive over it!
9 Likes
Day 2 ~ REST
The victim in me came to the surface for some healing yesterday.
Reflecting on my 12 years as a mom. The choices and mistakes I made. The consequences I’ve faced as a result of all of those choices. Heavy recon around that!
Restless sleep and peed a lot. LBFH side effect for me!
Lots of intense dreams with minimal recall.
Woke up wanting to quit subs.
Feeling a lot of feels right now.
Maybe I will just listen to DR once a week this cycle or MWF.
Going to relax under a tree and read Neville Goddard with my mushroom coffee!
4 Likes
Take a sunbath, it helps with recon 
4 Likes
It’s cloudy but I’m imagining the sun shines through for me! 
4 Likes
Have a great weekend! We all, including me, must remember, this is not a sprint, it is a marathon.
3 Likes
Thanks. That’s a helpful reminder for sure…
I haven’t listened to any subs today but debating it.
I don’t feel much recon at the moment.
5 Likes
Day 3 ~ LBFH & DR1
Flip flopped back and fourth around taking the weekend off from subs but felt the desire around 4pm.
Listened to each 1 full 15 minute loop.
Now I’m sitting on a rock at the water taking in the scenery while relaxing.
I got this sudden feeling of intense love moving through my body and feel extremely horny now!
Reflecting back on last nights experience with the guy I’ve been seeing.
I have this thing where I want us to go to bed and stay in bed for the night. Not us have sex and he goes outside for 2 hours with me wondering when he will be coming to bed. It messes up my sleep.
All week I’ve spoken about this but it hasn’t changed yet. Maybe I am expecting too much but maybe I’m not.
I don’t mind him doing his own thing but once he comes to bed (at a reasonable hour) why not just stay put?
It came down to this feeling that he isn’t a man of his word. Why say your gonna do something then not do it? He felt attacked and that I was focusing on his flaws. He wanted validation on the “good” things and efforts he’s been making so far.
I was scanning for similarities to previous relationships where I experienced trauma related to abandonment wounds from childhood.
Maybe I am unconsciously testing him?
It seems like I’m trying to be right or the know it all and want him to think and act the way I do.
I was cutting him off and speaking over him… mind you it was after 1am and I have a toddler to wake up to in the morning. I was revved up feeling cortisol at that point.
When he’s gone I feel this sadness but then when we’re together I find myself poking at him, testing him or something.
We’ve had amazing experiences thus far but this seems to be something that is creating resistance and tension for me…
2 Likes
Yes. I think so. Perfectly natural given our primal drives.
If he’s a man at the core, he won’t adjust his sleep habits just to keep you happy.
If he caves on that, you’ll end up not respecting the guy. Resentment will ensue.
2 Likes
Day 4 ~ Rest Day
Woke up periodically throughout the night with vivid dreams but once I got my butt out of bed I felt energized and excited for the day…
I did some mobility and yoga before getting myself a yummy local coffee and vegan raw protein bar.
I was quite friendly and loving towards the people in the coffee shop. (Which resides in a gym)
I noticed I was looking at the group class schedule with this desire to have my name on the board teaching a class. I had a desire to become an instructor of some sort in college. I was offered a job twice at a local gym but turned it down out of fear. In order to become a certified instructor you have to film yourself. I lacked confidence in this area.
Maybe this is something I will embark on as I heal up my BS!
The guy I am seeing showed up late last night apologizing about going through mental emotional things. He listened to the full loops of both DR1 and LBFH once, a week ago. I’m wondering if that could be causing him recon. He hasn’t experienced this before. He asked if I snuck subliminals in the past couple days. I did not! (He has never listened to subs before.)
I feel this frustration about it.
I find myself looking for problems. Ways to poke at him.
Sabotaging something beautiful maybe. Or maybe recognizing something not for me.
I feel frustrated about it yet I feel lovely too at the same time! 
No anger or sadness so far today…
Feeing inspiration to dive into my goals more.
I wrote a couple more paragraphs for my first book yesterday.
2 Likes
Probably DR.
2 Likes
Day 5 ~ 1 full loop each of DR1 & LBFH
Yesterday I hardly had any recon.
I went on a beautiful date at the lake and watched the sun set. I had a moment where I looked at the moon feeling this childlike wonder and innocence followed by laughter. I laughed for over an hour over anything and everything.
I felt so much love and joy.
I rubbed my guys shoulders and neck on the drive and we held hands.
When we got to my house he went outside and didn’t return before I fell asleep.
I fell asleep feeling into not being affected by him possibly interrupting my sleep cycle when he finally would join me in bed.
I wanted to try something different.
I woke up around 3:30 to find him sleeping outside on my chair. He just woke up and came inside, but then he didn’t stay inside. He went out again.
He was working on his trades.
Once he crawled in bed the sun was rising and I had heavy recon.
I wanted to speak up and say some stuff but felt this desire to be silent and calmness poured over me. I rejected his touch and went back to sleep.
He left but we spoke shortly after and resolved the conflict.
We both listened to the same subs today and are now on a date.
Curious how the day will unfold!
noticing how much more I care about my sleep and other self care.
4 Likes
Day 6 ~ Rest Day
I found myself laughing a lot yesterday but even over things that aren’t appropriate to laugh at…
The guy I am seeing shared some very deep traumatic experiences from his past… very uncomfortable stuff that he’s never shared with anyone before… and here I was laughing as he shared. 
but he was okay with it and it actually lightened the blows… he listened to the same stack as me yesterday too.
I went to bed feeling calmer… had lots of weird dreams with minimal recall. I notice where I have some cleaning up to do in consciousness…
I seem to be waking up in middle of night with thoughts to process but I don’t feel anxious about it… I’m not exhausted during the day…
I feel less desperate or needy… I am enjoying ME time… appreciating more of ME. Loving myself from the inside out… noticing when unloving thoughts come up to prune from my mind!
I had a beautiful yoga session this morning while listening to Tool… sang my heart out!
Felt very releasing…
I am happy I chose to do another cycle of DR1.
I continue focusing on better posture… releasing blocks and tension… noticing where resistance comes up and how to eliminate it quicker…
I don’t feel as sexually aroused from LBFH as I did the first few listens. Maybe because it’s the week before my period… not sure…
Rest and relaxation are more of a priority for me right now and less intensity with my physical body…
4 Likes
Day 7 ~ listening day
Letting go of control seems to be something I’m reconing about.
Yesterday I noticed that I’m having some moments where I want to control and tell someone what will help them and then sadness or anger comes up. The coach/teacher in me. I know I shouldn’t offer help unless someone asks for it and that I am to invite them but it’s difficult for me!
I was trying to explain Neville Goddard Law of Assumption.
I was feeling like I wanted to say mean things to the guy I’m seeing because he didn’t like how I was acting. This know it all my way is better feeling apparently. I don’t want to say mean things but it was coming up for whatever reason. It disappeared quickly.
(He was also having recon from the same stack.)
I was angry but also wanted to be loving.
So weird 
I’m also feeling contradictory about what a healthy romantic relationship entails, seeing as I never fully had one before. Codependent vs interdependent.
Healthy attachment vs unhealthy.
What is the purpose of a romantic relationship? What does a healthy relationship look like?
3 Likes
Day 8 ~ Rest
Breaking the habit of being me… the me I don’t really want to be… who no longer serves a purpose in my life anymore…
The me who felt the need to defend and protect everything… that mostly everything was a threat to me… so unconsciously different things would start happening for me…I would make manifest all kinds of things to reinforce my BS!
It’s crazy how much more awareness I am having… as I feel these various sensations I am experiencing as things are healing within me… very deeply…
I feel like I am going through reformatting in my mind and body…
I can’t even stay stuck for long… there’s no more excuses for that!
When things come up into your awareness you have the choice to face them confidently and transmute that crap to gold… or you can fight yourself, run from yourself or freeze…
With this stack I have no other choice but to face myself… all the layers of me being!
I feel so uncomfortable with the uncomfortable which used to be my norm!
This was my loopy assumption for the past couple weeks:
I got to bed late once again because my new guy would come to bed late and interfere with my sleep… that I would be woken up early by my daughter… that I wouldn’t get anything done… that I would have to rush yoga and mobility… blah blah!
I have been experimenting with changing this assumption and things have been slowly improving…
No one to change but self! I can change the way I view people and what I naturally expect, which isn’t always loving for me or them… not that I change them thinking it will change something in me… that is ass backwards!
I was reading Neville Goddard yesterday and this stood out for me:
“You will know when you have succeeded in releasing Barabbas, your old concept of self, and when you have successfully crucified Jesus, or fixed the new concept of self, by simply looking MENTALLY at the people you know. If you see them as you formerly saw them, you have not changed your concept of self, for all changes of concepts of self result in a changed relationship to the world.
We always seem to others an embodiment of the ideal we inspire. Therefore, in meditation, we must imagine that others see us as they would see us were we what we desire to be.
You can release Barabbas and crucify and resurrect Jesus if you will first define your ideal.”
~Neville Goddard
Assumptions Harden into Fact
4 Likes
As a man, I can give my two cents here. In my experience, someone who is restless in body is also restless in mind. You seem very intuitive and able to scan or read people well (this is my assumption from seeing some of your posts) and I’m assuming you may be picking up on this conflict occurring within him.
I understand the concept of testing a man to make sure he is dominant and won’t change himself for you - however, I believe this is something different, as you are feeling tension as a result of his behavior, which I don’t think you would be feeling if it was all subconscious primal behavior.
I have also experienced trauma from abaondonment issues; in my own life, I’ve often pushed others away before they can get close to me, in order to prevent the awkward feelings of feeling alone, yet being with someone. I think that the fact that you’re aware of this possibility reveals that this is probably not your motivation in this case.
If you have ever been told that you are an empath previously, I would say you definitely are picking up on his mental state, and that is what is causing tension in you, not necessarily his outward behavior.
1 Like