Gonna get love bomb. It’s going to be more of experimentation than anything but if it can help me be more open I would like that. I’m very disconnected from a lot of people in my life. I know love bomb is more like libertine with how it attracts people, but my primary focus would be seeing how I can cultivate loving energy. Being both chronically devoid of that for myself and hesitant to open up towards a lot of people.
1 Like
I started off writing one response, but I was not sure how useful it really was.
I feel like I’ve passed through so many different ways of trying to cope with things, deal with things, feel better, or be better. I’ve also spent some time observing how others around me appeared to be taking on the same thing.
At the same time, the memory is so faulty. And attention is so selective. I try my best to think accurately about the conditions of my present and my past. It’s a challenge.
You wrote:
I’m not completely of one mind about what exactly a ‘negative belief’ really is.
I know that there have been times when I have been depressed, felt hopeless, or felt that I had really low self-esteem. I think those kinds of feeling states are usually categorized as ‘negative’. And so I guess that the beliefs that correspond to those feelings states would also be considered as ‘negative beliefs’.
I think that as the years have gone by and I’ve continued to think, contemplate, process, and meditate, I’ve found myself dealing more and more with Feeling-States and less so with Beliefs.
There’s a certain brand of accepted wisdom that says “you feel negative emotions because you have negative beliefs (or at least negative cognition or self-talk)”. I think there’s truth to that. But I also know that animals that seem to lack highly developed cerebral cortical structures can still get depressed. I think that the relationship goes in two (or even more than two) directions.
In other words, I also ‘broadcast’ painful cognitions because I’m in a painful feeling-state. And I may be in a painful feeling state because I’m in a painful physiological state. Or because I’m in an environment that is supporting and reinforcing pain, discomfort, or discouragement.
So, all of that definitely does sound like a complex ecosystem, with a variety of moving parts. We are probably not aware of some very important of those moving parts.
I know that over time I started feeling like ‘Fuck my beliefs’. ‘Let’s do things before we believe in them and let the freaking editorial committee catch up afterwards’.
I also remember that getting into a relationship and having sex helped. But then again, I also remember that this led to forming really dependent relationships. So…yeah…
I seem to observe that our minds are not 100% unique. Sort of like with genetics. You have all of these various phenotypic expressions (e.g., height, hair color, skin color, physical build, disease susceptibilities), but the underlying genetic vocabulary is pretty similar.
This life is a trip.
Here’s what I think:
The mind is like a film projector. The farther you go out from the source, the huger and more difficult to handle everything is. A tiny speck on the film becomes a huge shadow once the light reaches the screen.
Sometimes just say ‘fuck the narrative’ and ‘fuck the story’. This thing can change even if that change does not seem to ‘make any sense’. Of course in retrospect, you can find out that it did make sense. But there’s no prerequisite that you have to understand the whole thing before you can experience beneficial change.
Hmmm… well, responding to the thoughts in someone else’s mind is like trying to hit a dartboard target in one moving train when you’re throwing the darts from aboard another train that is moving in a different direction…and in a different country. 
I can only hope that the dart will land somewhere near enough to you, and you can put it into your bullseye by yourself (already a challenge in itself).
1 Like
This is a really good point. Now I’m thinking my focus on negative beliefs is due to the fact that those are controllable. Whereas feeling states are not, they just exist. And my mind has always looked for possibilities of more control. Subscribing to the idea of just negative beliefs is appealing, but it’s not the whole picture. This actually reminds me of a therapist I went to who practiced cognitive behavioral therapy and insisted everything was my thoughts. Feelings don’t come first. I never bought that model of the mind, it seemed overly simplistic.
I’ve learned this too. But moreso in the direction of perfectionism. Waiting till everything was together to make moves or changes was always a mess. I’m not 100% there yet, but I understand the value in being able to do things despite those feeling states or beliefs. Having said that on my lower days I get depressed because these moments seem to be temporary overrides that don’t last. There’s always a nagging feeling of “Why is it like this?”
Lol. Really appreciate it man. You’ve given me some stuff to think about. My desire to understand the why has been both a blessing and a curse. Sometimes I get too far gone in the rabbit hole of the complexity of the mind and forget that yes despite all that complexity sometimes advancing has more to do with carrying out simple yet difficult things. Pretty much ‘fuck the narrative’
1 Like
Well alright stage 2, starting out heavy. I’m really battling right now with the fact that for most of my life I’ve just followed a mediocre path for myself. I’m working in IT, I’m not high level or anything. In fact compared to most people in my field I’m pretty low tier. And honestly I just don’t give a fuck to be crude about it. Feels like everyone in the world just wants to ask “what do you do? Where do you fit in the hierarchy? What’s your value to society?” Fucking annoying.
I’ve always felt this way, but I just went along with I don’t even know what. My parents didn’t push it on me. Nobody really did, but I still felt pressured so idk what that is. But it’s been agitating me for years, just an internal grinding and feeling of wrongness. Maybe once I’m done with DR I can get rid of that.
I sympathize.
Or sooner.
1 Like
Sooner would be nice. I should work on embracing that shift sooner rather than later.
Well ran Love Bomb today, I was kind of surprised how demanding it was to run emotionally. I ran it about 3 hours ago and I feel like I’m just coming out of it. I’m going to continue to experiment with it for the next few weeks, but first impression is this drops some heavy reconciliation on my ass. Kind of reminds me of the Blue Skies module, which was also based on love. Very interesting.
Oh also after bringing my attention to Neville Goddard synchronicity popped up for me. Decided to listen to a track from Clams Casino today and this is what popped up. Neville always asserts “you are God”, so I took this as a strong sign for myself.
Still heavy with DR, didn’t really expect that to subside. But my day sucked, I was stuck in that “have to work, but no motivation to” place. So I got stressed. Once I clocked out I laid down on the floor. Opened up my arms and let gravity stretch out my chest. Something about stretching out that area really releases a lot of pent up emotions. So it got intense. I wanted to scream, but then I felt like I needed to be more mature about it. But then I also realized there’s nothing mature about just stuffing shit down and trying to appear more composed and put together when I’m not. Emotions and feelings happen, it’s not my job to control the energy of them but I can choose how I react to them. I piss away a lot of mental energy trying to control all the time. I’m starting to realize just how wrong I’ve been about handling my own emotional hangups. So if I want to be angry at how much time I waste at this job and how stressful it gets I’m allowing myself space to do that vs trying to calm myself.
1 Like
Well, this and what you said above…
I would think reconciliation. I vote rest days, fewer loops, and a BBC comedy. At least that’s what I do.
1 Like
I’ll see how I feel tomorrow. Can’t really decrease the loops per day because I’m just running one. I still have to start allowing myself more rest days when I need them vs worrying about falling behind
Falling behind? What does that mean? If you mean 1 loop per day 5 days a week…
Or what if you did 1 loop every other day? Or what if you did 1 loop for 2 days in a row then 1 day off?
Falling behind is up to you. You can change your listening schedule, then you don’t fall behind.
Yeah my typical routine is 5 straight days 2 days off. I’m just worried if I take too many rest days I won’t get enough exposure. Or that reconciliation will pop up in the form of getting me to avoid facing difficult challenges brought on by DR. I can’t trust myself sometimes.
I would ask you think of it like going to the gym. If you need to rest, then rest. Rest helps make progress.
2 Likes
Heavy stuff going on with DR. I was trying to make it through the rest of my day today at work and just kept pausing to calm myself. I just need to stop doing this thing where I get caught up in the stress of my job. I pretty much self induce stress to get my work done and it’s terrible for me.
After work I was laying on my couch trying to decompress, but something didn’t feel right. Best way I could describe it is a feeling of being inside a body with something wrong with it. Something so wrong it makes me want to distract myself or ignore it. Unresolved emotional pain? All I know is it’s beyond understanding for me. But for most of my life I’ve been distanced from myself, if that makes any sense. Perpetually trying to run from this feeling inside me that would catch up with me in quiet moments or when I’m alone.
When I tune into my body sometimes I’ve overcome with this powerful feeling of dread. I can only stay present like that for a little while before I naturally dissociate because it’s too much. It’s almost like I’m constantly in denial of the body I inhabit.
I don’t fully understand what it could be. DR has brought it more to the surface. I’ve been trying really hard to improve my life for a good few years and I’ve just been trying to get to the bottom of everything. I wasn’t content with just dumping positivity over everything. That never worked for me. No matter how hard I tried to change or stop fucking up my life, something always felt wrong.
When something like this happens to me on DR, I make sure I get more sleep, I do fewer loops, and I take more rest days.
I admit, it is a bit unnerving.
2 Likes
Anymore rest days and I’m not sure if I’d even be running it to be honest. I’m going to cut back next week until I really feel like I’m able to run it without triggering a ton of reconciliation. I have a feeling I won’t be listening at all next week if that’s the case
I’ve had more rest days than listening days since starting DR st4. I’m still getting results.
2 Likes
I will give it a shot and see how it goes for myself.
I find that those crisis feelings come right before I have a breakthrough.
2 Likes
Was talking with my friend yesterday about future plans and in general living life. He’s someone I trust so I feel ok with sharing what I really want out of life with him. I found myself saying “when I make music a bigger part of my life” not if, not maybe, I started framing it as something that would happen. I’ve started thinking like that in general. No more unrealized dreams, if I want something I have to commit to it not anticipate failure or not getting there. Changing the script, watching what I say to myself. Being more mindful of those thoughts like “I can’t do that” .
And with that I also have to understand that I am still a work in progress. My place is a constant mess, just today I didn’t have the energy to go to the grocery store, depending on the day I’m either productive or stuck somewhere lying down unable to get moving. Just because one part of your life is a mess, doesn’t mean all of it has to be. My strength is in creativity and always has been. From the outside looking in my life probably looks chaotic. But if you look at any creative type do they really ever fit the mold of “normal”? I’m working on taking the energy I waste trying to be like everyone else’s mind and just purely focus that more towards what’s going to make me happy. I have weaknesses, no doubt. I’ll be working on those. But fundamentally my mind is different, how I view things, prioritize them, everything, and I’ve been beating myself up for years because I couldn’t get it to operate like everyone else around me. Not to mention all the people I had to deal with through the years who expected me to operate like everyone else.
There’s a lot of ups and downs for me. Even more so because I’m constantly working on improving my music and I have to deal with the fact that I’m so at odds with the typical lifestyle most people live. One aspect is improving myself enough so I can stop feeling the squeeze from society and do my own thing. And the other is a skill based learning experience which already can get insanely difficult. I have a lot on my plate without it seeming like I do to most people.
I’ve been getting really resentful when my job leaks into my personal time in the various forms it can. Some people would see that as petty and immature, but I don’t give a fuck. I don’t care what the large majority of people say or what’s “expected” of me. I don’t like that, so I’m not gonna have that in any part of my reality. I’ve slowly been walling off that leakage of that aspect of my life, stopped giving away my energy to a company that doesn’t deserve it.
The bottom line is , what do I want? Not “oh this is how things function in the real world, get used to it”. Fuck that, that’s a slave mentality. That’s giving away your own personal power.
1 Like