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The metaphysical side of things continues to call to me today.
And I’ve been thinking. Dangerous pursuit that.
For many more years than I’ve been here, I have had this feeling that I’ve made a wrong turn somewhere back in my history, and that I am not doing what I was meant to do, nor am I exactly who I am meant to be.
It’s kind of like playing some kind of open world video game and having wandered so far off the map that you’re in an endless automatically generated landscape with nothing in it that has any meaning, and no idea of how to find your way back to anywhere that does.
I feel that I’ve lost the story line of my life. That there is something going on that I’m supposed to play a part in, but I missed my opportunity to find it.
Perhaps I did this to myself by focusing on the wrong things, or maybe I was blocked out by some external influence. One that I was never able to identify let alone do anything about.
It seems to me like I’m locked out and just killing time. -
If there is any hope of finding my way back to where I’m supposed to be, I definitely think that I have to get back to paying attention to the metaphysical side of my life.
I am thinking that subliminal wise, the most effective thing I could do is add in Sage Immortal.
I actually feel very pulled to a Sage immortal:HERO Origins custom for reasons I’m not going to get into right now.
Or maybe I should make next year a run of HERO/Alchemist at three months per stage.
Sounds to me like the subs finally found some negative core beliefs deep down to work with.
Trust your self, trust the process.
The last to days I felt paralyzed by an unknown fear. And it passed. Just left me tired af.
And yes, perhaps it’s showing what to run next for your evolution.
In the example of being off the map, I’ve done that on games before.
Had to zoom/pinch the map WAY out to even see which direction to walk to get back to the known parts of the map.
You can at least explore on the way back too though.
Kinda like in ST:Voyager when they’re stranded in the Delta Quadrant.
They made new friends, new enemies, and charted new pockets of space as they made their way back.
Dunno if this is helpful or not, makes sense to me at least right now as I’m typing it.
This is how recon hit me on at least the earlier versions of ZP. Formless dread.
Problem is that life doesn’t come with that kind of map function.
- I went ahead and got Sage immortal. I ran a half loop right after my DE 2.1 loop.
I’ve requested access to Subclub Black, and I may put an esoteric supplement to this journal there.
I have some experience with the metaphysical world, and have had some pretty strange experiences when my senses were more open than they seem to be now.
I understand why they might not have that kind of thing on here.
- Dream:. I was at some kind of party at someone’s very huge and maze like house.
I was alone before the party really started, and I heard someone turn onto the driveway at incredibly high speed and obviously drive off it and into a lake I knew was there.
I knew he would be dead, but figured I should call 911.
My phone didn’t work for some reason, so I went and talked to a bunch of people looking for one that did. This seemed to take a very long time and involved wandering around this weird house and interacting with a whole bunch of different people.
I called and then had to do something else that involved wandering around. I did see that there was a car in the lake though.
The fire department finally got there, and I got back to see they had pulled out the body of a middle aged guy.
I recall that there was more after that. I heard people talking about why he might have killed himself. They seemed to be talking like he might have been some kind of terrorist or something, and may have been using some type of secret means of communication.
**6/24/24 CYCLE 7 WEEK 3**
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I’ve been thinking about that dream. It fits a pattern that most of my dreams have fit into in the last several years.
In them, I’m always in some kind of surreal environment. It resembles the real world somewhat, but it’s bigger and more confusing than it would be here. A house is bloody huge and maze like, it seems like it covers several square miles, and there is no normal logic to its layout.
A campus or complex is seemingly without end and once again, not laid out in a way that doesn’t make any sense. I can never tell exactly where I am or find a straightforward way of getting where I’m trying to go.
I am always trying to do something important. It might be something that is just important to me, but sometimes it can be life or death for someone, even world shaking.
There are always multiple snags in doing what I want to.
For instance last night I tried to call for help on my phone. It wouldn’t do it, it just kept doing random things that had no relation to calling 911. Then I tried other phones, and they did even weirder stuff. Just about everything other than call 911.
In short a whole lot of things that should work easily just don’t. Sometimes I manage to get something done, but it takes many tries and a lot more effort than it should.
Then there are the other people in the dreams.
They behave similarly to the technology. I’ll ask something related to my goal, and they just talk about something else. It’s not exactly a non sequitur, but it’s unhelpful and relates to what they’re talking about not what I asked. It’s more that they have a singular focus on whatever they’re interested in, and they’re taking the opportunity to talk to me about it no matter what it is that I’m trying to do.
No one really gives me any kind of guidance or help.
To put it bluntly, I have to figure it out for myself and the ways of doing whatever it is that you could normally count on just don’t work for me, or work only with a LOT of extra effort. -
This really jives with how I’ve felt for a long time. It mirrors the lost feeling I have, and the feeling that whatever I do to make life better just won’t work for me.
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I have been thinking that maybe adding another custom in would be a good idea.
Since I’ve felt that it’s time to add the metaphysical back into my life and when I do remember a dream, it’s very confused and frustrating, maybe I should do a Revelation of Dreams/Sage immortal custom.
Maybe if I were able to find some clarity and learn to navigate the confusion of the dream world better, it would translate to more ability to steer my life in the direction I want it to go. -
Many years ago. The year I spent at home between the first and second college I went to, I was working my way through a kind of textbook on ritual magic. I made some progress, quite a bit actually.
I became more sensitive to that side of things, and had some very interesting experiences.
Unfortunately, I didn’t keep up on it, and lost the progress.
Just after I started SI I picked the book back up again.
I haven’t started the practice again, but I am getting there.
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I am having a bit of recon today suppose. I felt a familiar sense of impending disaster for the last couple of days, and I’ve been very tired upon waking up.
It’s ok, it’s when I push myself into a little recon that I get major breakthroughs. And it’s not that bad. -
I had a discussion with my wife about that dream pattern I mentioned before.
She’s pretty insightful. She says that I may need to take a new approach to things since I feel lost.
Or maybe take a step back and realize that the sense of time pressure im feeling is false, or self imposed anyway. -
Regardless, I’m getting the impression that maybe what I need to find is a map. Or a new goal.
Since I gave up on my former career ambition, I really haven’t had anything to set my sights on other than dealing with emergencies that spring up. So I had nothing to look forward to.
- I’m still considering a SI/ROD custom for next cycle.
Here’s a first try at it.
- Sage Immortal Core
- Revelation of Dreams Core
- S. 42
- S. Divine Dominion
- S. Energetic Transcendence
- S. Harmonic Conflux
- S. Subconscious Mastery
- Immortals Blade
- Immortals Courage
- Arcane Mastery
- Awakened Perception
- Deep Sleep
- Mosiac
WOW!
What are you wanting to accomplish with this?
Brother man, respect on you. Just can’t get down with the betrayed covenant. It’s sounds like to me that you are looking for that “missing piece” to fill the void. Sex or material gain won’t fulfill you, principal and purpose. Find what drives you and stand on that. “All i have in this world is my word and my balls and I won’t break them for nobody” killed him in the end but he died along his values. Great gains though, seems like an amazing stack
Thank You, I’m a bit curious about some of this. Please indulge me.
What is the “betrayed covenant” in this case?
I don’t know this reference. Where is it from?
Yes. Though I’m all for sex and material gain as well. Just a matter of making them fit together,
- Had something interesting happen today. I hadn’t been really focused on the sexual/attraction/seduction side of Emp, but it showed itself.
We were in a store, and this lady who was working there struck up a conversation about a line of products.
I didn’t notice that I was flirting, but she was making REALLY strong eye contact and giving a number of other signals. With my wife standing right there.
We have an open relationship, so that was perfectly fine, but this lady had no way of knowing that.
The lady even opened the door by saying something suggestive and then saying “oops I really just almost took that off the rails there”.
I said something somewhat clever back.
Unfortunately, what I needed there was the wife to say something to kind of open the door. She’s ok doing that, but it seemed that she didn’t have a clue as to what was going on.
I’m going to have to give her some light hearted crap about being a horrible wing woman.
I’m trying to get back to something that was a big aspect of my life, but I’ve dropped as I went along.
**7/1/24 CYCLE 7 WEEK 4**
**WASHOUT WEEK #7**
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Something is definitely happening here.
The wife’s car broke down again. That happens, it’s old.
Her parents not only gave us enough to repair it, but a little to maybe replace it.
I don’t know if we’re going to go right out and do that, or keep it as kind of an emergency fund.
That’s been a goal for a while, and it was rough going for a while. And much slower than I’d like.
Getting enough in one fell swoop would take a huge load off of my mind and lowering my stress level. -
I have been feeling a low grade of stress lately. That’s recon. Mild recon which I consider to be a good thing. It means that I’m pushing my subconscious into changing and tells me that it’s doing something.
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I didn’t exactly wake up dreaming this afternoon, but I was aware of being in a different state and either I was talking to myself or something was talking to me.
I don’t remember what was said, but it’s an interesting experience. I’ve had it a couple of times before. I don’t know if it’s sub related or not. -
Part of my metaphysical practice is keeping a dream journal. I’m supposed to make an entry every day. If I don’t remember any dreams, I just say “I chose not to remember my dreams tonight”. That gets my mind on remembering them, and theoretically will lead to having more memory of them as time goes by.
It must be starting to work, because I remembered to roll over and do it the instant I woke up every day I’ve been doing this.
Remembering to do something the second I wake up is to say the least not normal for me.
- I’m feeling very restless tonight. Somewhat familiar feeling. It’s kind of the same lost feeling I’ve been having lately, but higher energy if that makes any sense. It’s preventing me from focusing or finding anything really entertaining.
This is recon of a sort. The subs are really bringing this subconscious sense of restlessness and confusion to my attention so that I can do something about it.
What I’m going to do I still don’t know, but I need to move something forward. It probably doesn’t matter what. I just need to be able to make a positive change in my life so it doesn’t seem to be so stuck.
I think part of my problem is that I’m still very unsure of myself on a deep level. It’s been a problem all of my life, and it has improved on the surface anyway since I’ve been using subs.
However, it’s still there deep down.
I am having trouble finding a direction because I have the impression that anything I choose will turn out to be wrong.
That’s manifesting as not being able to think of any way to go forward.
I’ve had that all my life for reasons I got into in my DR journal.
It doesn’t help that the one time I really did pick a direction and drive at it for all I was worth, the career I tried for many years to get into, I failed at.
That really confirmed all of my old negative thoughts, and with such rock solid real world confirmation, it’s going to be difficult to shake them. Without getting some kind of equally soled and measurable victory anyway.
I’m following your journal for quite some time now. While working on a project, I was reading the descriptions of all the modules from the store. A few made me think they would fit your goals and challenges.
If you’re creating a new custom, perhaps you might consider them.
Mountain Breaker
When the road seems blocked and your confidence is waning, use Mountain Breaker to break through. Mountain Breaker is a module fully focused on breaking any obstacles standing in your way to a specific goal you have in mind. Use it properly with conscious guidance and you’ll see that the obstacles that are blocking you will be weaker than before – and you’ll be able to easily clear the path towards your objective. Mountain Breaker works best when you have a couple concrete, focused goals. Just like a well placed strike on the tiniest crack showing in the mountain’s foundation can cause the greatest of avalanches, so does the Mountain Breaker grant you the power to strike your obstacle so perfectly that the road opens itself to you with ease.
Whatever you do, you seem to hit a wall at some point. Be it trying to get in the career you wanted, reducing your debt, etc.
MB could help to destroy the Mountains blocking your way.
Courage reclaimed
Reclaim your power and courage whenever you fall into a victim mentality through Courage Reclaimed. Utilize this module to break through the negativity that surrounds your state of victimhood and ascertain that you are truly in control of your destiny. Infuse yourself with courage and let go of the desire to act or be a victim and grab hold of your inner power with this profound module.
Would help to renew your vigor. Going strong after your goals.
Plateau transcendent
All our technology was created with the ability to grow with you – meaning that regardless of your level of development you can still use our programs and they will help you advance to the next level, over and over again. Sometimes though, you can feel like you hit a “plateau” and aren’t advancing. Nothing wrong here, simply give it time (most likely you hit something deep in the subconscious and this is actually a form of reconciliation) and you’ll break through to the start of the next level, but if you’d like to make this process more enjoyable, you can use this module. Plateau Transcendent will help you dig deeper into the process and find out what might be causing these feelings of plateau while instilling within you the understanding you require to break through and achieve the next level. Plateau Transcendent will also help you work on any potential plateaus you might have in other areas of your life, such as related to skills, wealth, romance, spirituality and so on.
Reading your journal, it feels like you feel stuck. You try to solve your AC issue, and bam. Back to square one. Trancend your Plateau.
Starfilled Night
Experience the beauty of all that is through the Starfilled Night module. Inspired by the glory witnessed during the nights where the Milky Way is fully visible, Starfilled Night will develop your ability to perceive beauty in all there is – even the darkest places. Your appreciation for reality as well as your overall perception of the world will gradually change, helping you see the hidden beauty of this world. Combine Starfilled Night with Gratitude Embodiment for a powerful synergy that will truly make you appreciate life.
Even though it might feel dark from time to time, finding beauty wherever you are and whatever you may go through might cheer you up.
Combined with Wonders of Life it will make a hard journey a pleasant one.
The beautiful thing is, these modules would fit in a wealth Custom or in a spiritual one.
Edit
And you could swap Debt Annihilator for The Golden One to get a more all-encompassing approach.