Dragon Emperor 2, Year of the Phoenix

[COWolfe]

       **3/11/24 CYCLE 3 WEEK 4**
       **WASHOUT WEEK #3**

• I had a very odd dream. I was staying in this weird looking hotel room, and these people knocked on the door. One was an older guy who kept laying hands on me in a very domineering way.
  I kept telling him to knock it off and identify himself. I was being pretty assertive about it even though he was trying to be hyper dominant.
  It turned out that they were cops, and were there to search my stuff. They were quite convinced that I had done something, but they wouldn’t tell me what it was or what they were looking for.
  I wasn’t worried about them finding anything because I knew I wasn’t involved in anything illegal.
  I did tell him that I wasn’t going to say anything without an attorney. I was trying to contact one, but my phone just wouldn’t get off of the internet page it was on.
  They didn’t find anything because there was nothing to find, but the older dude started to get mad about it, and was breaking a lot of my stuff.

[COWolfe]

• I’m getting a little bit of recon in the form of anxiety today.
  I am starting to move the needle on the financial situation, but today I got a bit of worry that I wouldn’t be able to get some of the potential problems solved before they blow up in my face.
  It’s really not realistic, so it’s just recon and this too shall pass.
  I will continue to move the needle and get everything squared away.

[COWolfe]

• I had to do a couple of things before I went to bed this morning, so I got to sleep late.
  I woke up even later, and feeling like I hadn’t slept in a week.
  Spring always does that to me. I feel a lot more energized in fall and winter than spring or summer. There may or may not be a sub related component to feeling like that.

• I am still feeling a significant amount of trepidation over facing certain financial problems that I know need to be faced.
  I’m getting there bit by bit. It took me decades of acting stupid and ignoring things to lose control to the extent I have. I expect gaining it to happen overnight.
  I think that the real fear, as I’ve mentioned before is that it’s too late and something horrible is going to happen no matter what I do.
  Not realistic. I’ll manage.

[COWolfe]

• I asked myself a question as I was falling asleep.
  How do I get some additional income coming in?
  I don’t know the answer at this point, but this shows that my subconscious is getting on it.

[COWolfe]

• New Daredevil sounds interesting. For future plans though, I’m not switching anything up until I have our finances sorted out and stabilized.
  I would very much like to be more social, but right now that along with anything else I’d like to change for fun and excitement has to take a back seat to the main goal for this year. That is getting my shit together and my life under control.
  Once I’ve done that, I can reward myself by focusing on things sexual and social.
  That’s probably going to be next year.

• In having a bit of a frustrating time getting the budget nailed down. I keep thinking that I’ve got all of the surprise recurring expenses nailed down only to have one crop up that I had forgotten about.
  Of course, this has caused us to have less available money and has caused overdraft fees a few times.
  That’s what I get for not paying attention to it.
  I managed to eliminate a couple hundred dollars worth of them though, and next month should be better because I’ll know about them all.

[COWolfe]

        **3/18/24 CYCLE 4 WEEK 1**

• Interesting weekend. The basement flooded a bit because the sump pump was burned out.
  I had room on my emergency credit card to pay for a new one, and it was really easy to install it myself. Problem solved.
  Were broke at the moment because of some recurring payments that I failed to anticipate, but I got a couple of them eliminated for next month, and I’m budgeting for the other one next month.

[COWolfe]

• Things are going well. I just got paid, and the wife has so far stuck to the budget as far as buying groceries goes, and not complained about it. That’s a good thing.
  This budget is still a work in progress. As I said, this month is more about seeing where all of the money is going than it is about things taking their final form.
  I’ve already managed to eliminate hundreds of dollars in unnecessary recurring payments that I just wasn’t paying attention to.
  The major goal for next month is going to be to have no overdraft fees. We got nailed quite a bit this month because there were surprise recurring payments, and some expenses related to my son’s birthday.

• I’m thinking of a couple of future plans. One is to drop Phoenix after six cycles and remake DR2 with Sanguine in its place.
  I’m still having some anxiety over facing some of the problems that we have, and it’s slowing down my progress to some extent. Sanguine might be the fix for that.
  Option two is to replace it with Primal in anticipation of being able to focus on the “fun stuff” beginning next year. That might get me some social advantages too. I might do that if the financial stability project is going very well come June.
  Also, I might have another go at Khan next year. There is a lot in the description of Khan that exemplifies what I’ve always wanted to be.
  I did it for a year, had a really rough time of it, and didn’t really get much out of it. It was just too much of a stretch from where I’m at from that, but with this year under my belt, NSE in it, and with Sanguine as a second core, it might turn out better.

[COWolfe]

• This NSE stuff is sneaky. I was thinking about how much progress ive made at getting my financial house in order in just the last month, and I’m amazed.
  We’re going to be fine for the month, and that’s even with starting a bit after the beginning of the month.
  It’s all because my actions have changed, but what I’m doing differently just seems so normal and natural that it’s hard to notice.
  All I’ve done is stop it with the dumb impulse purchases, keep track of what’s going into and coming out of the bank, use a tool to plan out the budget, and eliminate a good amount of unnecessary monthly expenses.
  It seemed really easy.
  Also, I have figured out that the main problems that got me into a mess were inattentiveness and impulsiveness.
  Yes, the increase in prices for well, everything, isn’t helping, but I am in the end responsible for my financial condition.
  It’s beginning to seem like I can make it good without a windfall too. Not that I’m averse to that idea.

[COWolfe]

        **3/25/24 CYCLE 4 WEEK 2**

• This is the last week of the month, and at the end of it, I can have a better look at what the budget will look like going forward.
  There are a number of problems that still need to be faced and accounted for, but this is a good start.
  I am living by the words that started going through my head when I started DE2 “focus on what you have direct control of. Gain momentum, upward spiral”.
  It’s working.
  I have a bit of fear remaining that I’m getting my shit together too late, and things are going to fall apart on me anyway, but I know that that’s recon.

[COWolfe]

       **4/1/24 CYCLE 4 WEEK 3**

• There isn’t really much going on that I’ve noticed. That’s why I haven’t posted in a week. That doesn’t mean there isn’t any progress, just no events that would tell me that there is.
  I’m going to get a very large paycheck this week, that’ll help us get back on track budget wise.

• I’m going to complete two more cycles on DE2 as it is now. That’ll make six. After that I think that I’ll swap out DRP for the new Limitless to address a specific problem that I’m having moving forward.
  That is, in order to really have my shit together, I’m going to have to increase my income significantly.
  At the moment I have no idea how to do that. Not realistically.
  Limitless should help me to get through that.

[Parsifal]

Did you ever consider Lovebomb?
I, as many others, noticed, that LB activated subliminal programming from other subs that lay dormant in our subconscious because of a low self love, we didn’t deem ourself worthy enough for the script to actually start working.
After two weeks of LB I got my first job ever. It’s just a minijob, but still for me it means everything.
Perhaps, I wouldn’t dare to judge that, it’s similar with you. Low selflove hindering wealth manifestations. Saint is so thrilled by this new insights, that parts of LB will be a part of the future primer for ALL subs.

[COWolfe]

No, I hadn’t thought of LB. I tend not to think in terms of self love or worthiness. I’m more of a capability and realism kinda guy. I’ll give it some thought though.
I do have to say that I’m a bit disappointed in RICH in any of the ZP formats.
Man with the old Ultima I’d start using it, and I’d be getting money out of the blue within the week from several different sources.
With this one, I’ve gotten a bit of Overtime, but nothing more than that. At least so far.

[COWolfe]

• Since I started this journey I’ve felt a kind of underlying low grade fear that something really bad is just about to happen. It’s currently focused on a number of financial things that could hit. They probably wouldn’t be the end of the world, but they sometimes seem like it to me.
  It’s partly a good thing. I’ve been extremely inattentive to important issues all of my life, and that’s the reason I’m in the hole I’m in. I need to really get that and have motivation to make real lasting changes.
  But that’s not the reason for it.
  I’ve had this underlying fear all my life, it just focuses on different things. It’s always there though.
  I saw something on social media today that gave me some insight into why.
  The problem is that for reasons I’ve gotten into in previous journals, I spent pretty much my entire childhood in a fight/flight state, and dreading any number of horrible things that I was sure were just about to happen.
  I formed as a person with that as a constant reality and now I don’t know how not to have it.
  It’s always there under the surface.
  Use of subs have made things better, turned the volume down, but that constant low grade dread remains. It’s kind of like the carrier wave on a radio transmission.

[COWolfe]

         **4/8/24 CYCLE 4 WEEK 4**
         **WASHOUT WEEK #4**

• Not much going on, at least on the noticeable level.
  I am continuing to focus on getting control over my finances on a day to day basis.
  I have the sense that I have to gain control over things as they are before I’ll be able to change anything by increasing my income.
  There’s something to that. If I don’t get into the habit of financial discipline then I’ll just fall back into a similar situation when I make more money, and the whole thing would be pointless.

[COWolfe]

• I am leaning more and more towards switching DRP for limitless in two more cycles. I need to find some way of getting more money coming in that I haven’t thought of yet and I have no clue what that will be. Limitless should help with that.

[COWolfe]

• ARGH! New Daredevil sounds awesome, but it would take me off of my focus for the year.
  I suppose it’s another option to switch Phoenix out for after two more cycles, but I do need to fit it into the concept of getting my shit together and my and my family’s life back on track.
  Maybe it’s something to look forward to next year.
  Maybe it would help me in getting a new job. If I think that I’ve come far enough, maybe I’ll do it as a lead in to a more social focus for next year.
  I would very much like to be less quiet and introverted and more socially forward than I am, though it would be kind of nice to be able to turn that effect on and off at will.

[COWolfe]

• It’s only April and I already have a plan shaping up for next year.
  How about two customs. Emp/Primal and New DD/PS. That could make for a reaaallly interesting year.
  I’m going to have to earn it for the rest of the year by getting my shit together enough that I can focus on it.

[COWolfe]

       **4/15/24 CYCLE 5 WEEK 1**

• I envisioned myself getting out financial house in order quickly and easily.
  No.
  What is happening is that the fact that we have problems partly because I’m so inattentive for so long, and that I have to correct all of the problems that that caused with the income and resources that I have now before anything gets better.
  It’s happening slowly, but this alone might take the rest of the year at full focus.

[COWolfe]

• I just looked at the new module pack. Damn, I’m going to be spending some money on modules. I have one more cycle on my current stack, then I’m going to be continuing with the same theme but definitely redesigning things now.

[COWolfe]

        **4/22/24 CYCLE 5 WEEK 2**

• I just read all of the synergy module descriptions. These are great. When we first started with the customs, there were several modules that I wanted to include in all of my customs, but haven’t because of lack of room. These actually solve that problem.
  I’m planning on changing DE2 up after the sixth cycle. I don’t think that DRP is doing much anymore. At least nothing that I notice.
  Plan A is to just drop it and let Emperor do its thing without a healing sub taking energy from it.
  Plan B is add in the New Primal or possibly Daredevil to give it more of a social development kick in preparation for next year when I hopefully can focus more on social and sexual goals.
  Plan C is (if the new Limitless is out at that point) to add limitless or possibly LE into the mix to assist me in the goal of getting my life together and on track.
  I still have some time on that decision.

• I am making frustratingly slow progress on getting our finances under control. I suppose it is fast really, I have to keep reminding myself that I’ve only really been at this for a couple of months.