Small update:
At last I have now my I.D card. Finally.
I’m tired now, but I’ll try to hold on for the rest of the day. Well, I can now do pretty much anything I desire.
I’ll go for some cigars later. A small celebration.
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And celebrate for me too mate! I’m happy for you (and with you in spirit if not in person)!
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Day 18:
These last two days have been horrifying. It’s getting annoying every time I report something good and the following day shit happens. Had a intense moment with my father. Scratch everything I said before of him, I just realized this guy’s a sociopath at heart. He has all the traits of that type of scum.
I stood my ground, despite he kept yelling and acting all apeshit. Screaming at the top of his lungs, telling my mother to shut the fuck up. He got so very pissed off just 'cause I told him to watch his tone and talked to him back as he did yesterday. Honestly, I have enough self-respect that I didn’t back down and didn’t let him get away with his bullshit. Every time I remember his yelling from yesterday I have some small shiver going down my spine. What the fuck’s wrong with him, honestly?
Despite I didn’t surrendered, and last night we had a talk to “mend things”, there’s nothing to mend. I’m sure of it. This bastard just lacks a heart and never apologizes, it’s never his fault and told me I’m not ready for the outside world. That with my attitude I’ll end up like a bum, yeah right. Played like the victim, and basically told me what I’m lacking, like if he’s the perfect figure for that.
You don’t have to put up with shitty bosses and acting like a “Yes man”. We have paths to freedom and independence, you can pick with who you work with these times. I agree, there’s a lot of ugly clients and stuff but I know how to take care of them. But I won’t tolerate my father telling me to always shut up when someone’s shitting you, his excuse? “If someone takes the time to yell at you, telling your mistakes, it’s because they care for you.” Bullshit, there are other ways.
I’m not a little kid, and this just sped up my desire to leave my home. I can’t stand being around this guy. And seems to me it was a trial from DR. But I’m tired. He’s acting like nothing happened and cracking lame jokes, again. I guess this is a Pyrrhic victory.
Sure, I didn’t backed down and called him out from his bullshit, never surrendered and lasted all his outburst. But I feel down, finally realizing who’s this guy really is. We’re not his sons, we’re tools for him. His outburst revealed everything, there’s no doubt on that.
Tomorrow’s the day when we pick up the two cars and my own one. But the joy is not present, at least not now. I can’t hide the fact I feel hurt from the intense hypocrisy, nonchalance and lack of conscience from this asshole. Honestly I don’t want to run ST3 again, I’m tired, too fucking tired.
The worst already happened? Is there something else in store like this during ST3?
Did I made the right thing? I don’t know.
Still confused, doubtful and hurt. The joy is missing, and don’t know how to bring it back to my life.
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I can understand if you’re feeling disillusioned, betrayed, angry, and fearful.
One thing I’ve noticed as I’ve been running DR is that from time to time weird shit happens. I went through a week or so where every woman I met was really odd. I’m sure some were intoxicated. Others were just emotionally vacant or numb.
Another week people were just mean and hostile towards me.
Sure that self-doubt can come up. But I noticed it passed and soon people were being awesome towards me again.
About your dad, if you are right he might be sabotaging your confidence.
How about building a stronger alliance with your brother and other family members?
I’m guessing if you are also running Stark that could help you build a stronger social network too.
I’m cheering you on man!
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Perfectly relatable right now
I must go on. I had my doubts and a moment of weakness, however I can’t quit.
I’m seeing it as transaction, I’m trading the pain for a greater life and path.
I’m becoming the man I wanted to be, despite a near trauma-inducing experience, still walking. Honestly I think after this nothing will ever break me again. I can bet on that.
Gonna keep walking.
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I can absolutely empathize with you on this. I have a huge desire to have my own place too and do whatever the heck I want
I’ve felt this way a number of times on DR. I’ve noticed it does get better!
Hang in there mate!
Day 24:
Took a break of ST3 for four days. Funny, I’ve finally can confirm, every time I use it, it manifests right away a scenario related to what I want to clear up.
Today I picked up father’s car and mine after some stuff related to the license plates. And despite the fear, anxiety and nervousness of first driving stick shift after two years…
Like in ST1, I DID IT!
The entire trip, we even stopped for some breakfast on a restaurant. The two cars, parked outside, and afterwards I drove back home. Despite the rocky start from the garage towards the mall, in which it even stalled… Didn’t happened again. Kept my cool, and got enhanced coordination when dealing with both the clutch in little time. Learned a lot in the first trip. And I’m happy for that.
Finally, after a horrible experience with stick shift years ago, it’s over. I no longer feel nervous, neither anxious about fucking up. It’s part of learning anyways. Sometimes you gotta suck at something to later become a master in it.
And Dragon’s scenario of today, proved me that I’m capable, and that was some useless and nagging memory I had that I sucked at stick shift. It’s a thing from the past now, and I’m a step closer on loving and embracing my enthusiasm for cars, despite the irony.
It’s no longer a chain, and I did it. I’m capable!
I love the pleasure of dominating an obstacle and fear in one trip. Feeling more confident about it.
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I now give you the 
of the 
I’m happy for you mate!
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DR is the hardest sub I’ve ever run. At times it feels amazing and everything clearing and then bam- some of the toughest shit I’ve internally experienced being worked through.
the sales page wasn’t kidding when it said it would be your best friend and worst enemy (or something like that) at times
Are you still running DD and Spartan alongside it or what’s the current stack?
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Amen to that, the sales page doesn’t fuck around. I agree. Best mentor, and worst enemy alright. Mentor thanks of the guidance and the value of improving to a great caliber. One manifestation at a time.
Enemy… the road of being great ain’t easy, and the pain is at times confusing and discouraging, but you gotta push on. But it doesn’t actively attacks you or something, it just shows and puts you face to face to what you fear, what you hate, what you try to hide. Like reflecting yourself to what you have such a disdain for and do something about it.
I took a brief break, but I’m still running Daredevil, Renaissance Man and at times Spartan, along with DR. Although I intend to keep DD, DR and RM. Spartan I could add it back after Dragon, and use The Beast Within’ and Out for the meantime until I finish ST4 in April.
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Thanks man!
It does that for me, but it also somehow makes it so I can look at it and it doesn’t bother me. It’s like I’m just looking at something that needs to be fixed, like “well, darn it, the alternator on my car is dead gonna have to replace that”. The sense of self judgment about what I’m finding is gone. If I figured out some of this stuff a year ago, I’d be berating myself for being stupid, weak, ect.
Anyone else notice that?
Yep. on mate!
Stage 4: Day 1-
Started out with ST4 last night after some hiatus.
Feeling more genuine, expressive and more like congruent with myself.
It’s holidays in my nation, and today I really, REALLY winded down.
Like, after a long time I’m chilling out and I don’t feel any regret or guilt.
On the contrary, I deserve this time of peace and quiet.
Because what lies ahead, the road will be harder, not that its a bad thing.
As I keep on my path of being the greatest version of myself, I’m ready for anything.
I took a small moment to think how I was a year ago. Online classes and all that jive.
Comparing the older self, and my healed, determined and strong current one?
Not even fucking close.
I like the new me, and the things waiting for me as I take action.
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Hmm. Perhaps you may want to wait for ST4 v2 to jump straight onto the new version? 
To be honest I’m glad that I’m doing DR v2 only starting with ST3, as doing DR v2 for ST2 might have been too rough. Besides, I’ll get the ST2 content in ST4 v2.
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Nah, I prefer to use ST4 right away while I wait for the new one. 
The time’s gonna pass anyway, might as well make the best of it starting now.
You sure? In the end you’ll be stronger, regardless of each stage in v2, like it or not. 