Day 1 of the rest of my life ~ Stark & LME ~

Hey guys…

After a long wash out from Dragon Reborn amongst other main title subs from here…

I did a cycle of Paragon exclusively…

Here I am after 2 weeks with my new journey…

Stark and LME. Day 3. Career free and diving all in with my business aspirations… regardless of the doubters and naysayers in my life!

Thanks to LBH I manifested the love of my life…we made it official over this weekend. I decided to finally cut the crap of holding on to my past which includes my ex fiancé. I realize I have the choice to spend my life trying to fix what happened with him or I can continue creating what I want instead.

I choose happiness. I choose joy. I choose freedom. I choose harmony. I choose adventure. I choose to be myself without conditions put on my by other people.

I woke up today with great ambition and this feeling that I can have it all despite being a mom of 3 while having a million different visions! :crazy_face:

I started reading more of ‘The Artists Way’ A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity this morning.

I went on the drum kit and smashed it so hard.

Feeling like such a bad ass.

My dreams are more vivid and easier to recall symbols and important messages.

I’m also really understanding the importance of giving credit to the subliminal no matter how big or small the “win” or “action” is.

I am one step closer to all my dreams coming true in this 3D world of appearances. :earth_americas:

I feel so grateful.

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Good luck on this journey.

PS: please shift this thread to the journal section.

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Oops lol
Just fixed that

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Day 4 ~

I went for dinner last night with my boyfriend and my good buddy. They are both musicians/producers. They were ranting on about their aspirations.

They are both entrepreneurs…

I became very silent and withdrawn from the conversation. I wanted to walk out at one point. Not sure why…

When we left I got ready for bed and wanted space. To be alone with my feelings and process.

My guy was offended confused and not getting why that happened. We had a “good” day in his eyes and then it changed. He doesn’t believe in states/identities apparently, but I do.

It’s okay to shift in consciousness … it’s okay to be different. I’m not a robot.

I find it super annoying how he analyzes and critiques each day and then gets worried if it’s not always positive yet states there’s beauty in the darkness/shadow. It’s contradictory to me.

I notice I am analyzing and looking for evidence of inconsistency or lies for whatever reason.

I just want space but it doesn’t change my feelings for him. I find it overwhelming and distracting right now.

I have embarked on a new journey of self discovery which involved taking a giant leap of faith. Leaving my career in education to become something more for myself.

I am putting the pieces back together.

The communication artist with many gifts.

Finding my way differently than before…

I took the hard and bumpy road with many detours and distractions but I’m not giving up.

I used to find any excuses or avoidance tactic.

Booze, cannabis (recreational addiction), sex, male attention, people pleasing, fixing other people, etc.

I haven’t drank in 4 years, I haven’t smoked pot since January.

I’ve started morning writing pages inspired by Julia Cameron ~ The Artists Way book.

Evicting crappy states and demolishing old structures of my being that no longer serve me any good purpose.

Redefining. Reshaping. Remoulding the structures of ME!

** I had a dream I was cleaning what appeared to be a kitchen in a classroom of a school. It was so dirty and full of crap. **

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Day 5 ~ 1 loop of each

Noticed people were staring at me more at a restaurant today. I was given lots of compliments too.

I’m walking differently.

Feeling some sort of new confidence or something.

My nail lady was extra chatty with me today. Way more than usual.

I wanted to loop Stark twice today but refrained.

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Day 6 ~

Sitting in a restaurant … enjoying a delicious meal…
Reading The Artists Way ~ A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity…

Reading about synchronicities…

Someone Saved My Life Tonight by Elton John comes on…
Tears start flowing…

Remembering when I was in my early 20s going to karaoke frequently, singing my heart out… pretending I’m a star… something special…

Masking my pain behind the bottle… the toxic relationship… the children out of wedlock…

Distractions and excuses…

The lyrics of this song hit me deep inside my very being…

You’re a butterfly
And butterflies are free to fly
Fly away
High away
Bye bye
(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh…) :microphone:

I was looking at my butterfly necklace when I woke up , remembering what happened to me in 2020…

That necklace was a symbol of my rapid transformation …

Breaking free…

I had some very crazy dreams last night… not remembering every detail but some things stood out for me…

I was attending my late friends funeral who died in 2014… he’s the reason my ex fiancé and I got together…

I named my daughter after him…

I was searching for my ex fiancé in the funeral home…

Suddenly I am on a boat ride with my ex and met a work friend of his…

Then I ended up somewhere else where people are congratulating me for being pregnant… I appeared pregnant but denied I was… I’m not pregnant…

I was pregnant the year my friend ended his life but I didn’t keep the baby…

I ended up at a friends house with my daughters and then my ex’s parents home… my daughter was younger and there were bottles in the fridge…

It appeared my ex’s mom was preparing to keep my daughter…

I quickly packed up and left with my daughters…

Before leaving I notice some black fabric in the sky…

Then I woke up…

In 2020 my ex’s parents tried to put me in the psych ward and wouldn’t let me take my daughter home…

It was a nightmare…

The police and crisis team assessed me and made me go to my moms… the police officer told me to get purple amethyst…

When I got to my moms she had a purple amethyst butterfly pendant for me…

I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning… felt like rest was needed…

I completed my morning pages as I promised myself to commit to it…

Went for a nice walk and landed at this yummy breakfast place…

Feeling the feels…

I don’t understand why my ex continues visiting my dreams…

I have a new boyfriend…

I go through these states where I miss him… but we didn’t work well together… we’re happier apart…

I have changed so much since 2020.

I wonder about adding another sub to this stack but I’ll wait … that’s probably recon lol

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Day 8~
Going to take a rest for the weekend and jump back in on Monday.

Noticed this powerful feeling yesterday as I was teaching others about the Things I’ve studied for almost 2 years relating to manifesting.

I stood there and felt this realization that Stark is taking effect on me!

I’m feeling overwhelmed about how to keep up with everything I am currently doing.

I almost went to try and delete my journal but then decided not to.

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What is your listening schedule plan for the next 9 days?

Taking a break for the weekend from subs

Any suggestions going forward?

How about taking a week off, then starting again with 3 minute loop, wait for 4 days, and notice what happens. Then decide what to do next?

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Yeah I’ll take a week off
Have a listen
See how I feel
And go from there!

Thank you :pray:

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I feel pretty embarrassed at the moment…
Confused…
Wishing I could delete my journals… my Facebook group posts…
The illusion I thought was my reality…
Was I under a spell with lbfh when I manifested the guy I mentioned so much…?

I feel like I just experienced a true narcissist empathy dynamic…

I sit here and question if I am the narcissist…

I notice where I will read about it or anything and my mind automatically takes me to relating to any piece possible that could be a sign that I have that disorder…

I wonder why I am feeling I have attracted a narcissist and that I often attract a narcissist when I am levelling up…
How do you know it’s a narcissist?
Why are they showing up?
How can you tell if they aren’t really a narcissist?

Am I the narcissist :thinking:

I’m a powerful assertive and empowered woman who has often intimated the men I attracted and called bs on their ego…

I see right through peoples bs… but I want to genuinely help them…

I was afraid of my own power… it was rejected by my dad…

And when I embrace it fully

I feel I attract a narcissist…

The man I have been dating for 2 months… since LBFH…

Super intense…quite brilliant… had joined my mentors Facebook group… we’re doing 2 of their courses…
He’s super nice to everyone around him but I see another side of him sometimes… not anger but extreme neediness or validation and praise…
Intense energy…
Spoils me…
Super generous and showers me with gifts
Comes in like the saviour during this transition in my life …
I quit my career to dive in with business and be there for my children…

When I express a concern or something showing up he turns it around on me… asks me what I am doing wrong…

Says I only tell him his faults but not his good qualities… which is bs

Plays this game of passive aggressive where he pretends to be complimenting me but he’s actually jabbing at me

For example: Thanks for pointing out so many of the bad qualities in me. It is loving to do that and I thank you.

He says he is on his way and doesn’t come for so many hours later… knowing it bothers me… then wonders why i am pissed…

He said I am full of myself and not aware of what I am saying… and then says I am beautiful intelligent independent and embody self love and wishes he could be that way…

That me wanting a power couple relationship is something he isn’t mature enough for yet… but has said before that he wants that too… it’s so confusing

I see the good in all… but this is mind fuckery

I’m questioning my sanity and identity

I love him but why the fuck is this happening?

He has also threatened to break up and then comes back…

Right now he has taken our status off Facebook…

I’m trying to see my faults here…

This is disheartening but also a blessing on my journey of ascension :pray:

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This is third time this book has popped up in my life recently. I feel like this is a sign I should read it lol. How do you like it so far?

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I am loving it!!!

I highly recommend reading through it…

Take what you want and leave the rest… :raised_hands:

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I relate to this. I’m on my 4th rest day from LBFH, and it is significantly stronger while it activates. A week or two back I considered scrapping my whole LBFH journal and this community since I felt pure shame and self-blame over myself. I grew up with a lot of blame, I’ve turned to it habitually to “correct” myself, and damn… It doesn’t help.

And it’s happened whenever I’ve walked into something which was different from that survivalist training from chiildhood. I’m here learning and experiencing what freedom is using SC subs. But sometimes… yeah, it seems like real hell.

I’m using more rest days purposefully now, as it kicks in clearer during rest days, and thank God it purposely does not push you. Cuz I’ve pushed myself, painfully at times. Loving myself is a new lesson and experience each and every day.

Kudos for your share.

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I’m doing 1 week rest right now from my current stack.

Thank you for sharing.

I appreciate this community so very much…

Definitely shame & guilt for me, but I’m not dwelling as long on that pain and misery.

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Me neither :slight_smile:

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If he’s a narcissist, why are YOU trying to take fault for this?

If/when he comes back yet again and acts like he’s doing you a favor by doing so, ask yourself if he’s worth sacrificing your own personal integrity.

I’m sure there’s at least one person in the world who wouldn’t require this much effort on your part. Someone who loves and accepts you as you are.

You CANNOT fix or save or rescue a narcissist. They will suck your energy dry, and then make it your fault for being tired.

Seriously, if you love yourself at ALL, stop settling. Decide what your non-negotiables are for relationships.

Let this guy know that you are NOT an easy target. Narcs go for easy targets because that is their only real skill set is with easy targets.

Rant over :joy:

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We all have narc traits or tendencies…

This has just been quite a transition for me in my life since leaving the school…

I don’t really believe he is a narcissist, but there are things there that are toxic on my end and on his end.

I am grateful more has come to my awareness to heal in myself…

Space is good and if we were to talk again… I will actually stick to what I say I will do or be…

I will also listen :ear: I myself have my own narc traits to dismantle… and I’m okay admitting that now…

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It sounds like you’re going through a big transition and it’s normal to feel off-kilter – plus there could be some recon. However, if you truly are questioning your sanity and identity, he may be gaslighting you. Just throwing it out there.

Other thoughts ….
You say you love him, but ask yourself if you really love HIM as he is today, or do you love the idea of who he could be if he stopped doing x, y, and z? Because the person he could be doesn’t exist yet – and may never exist. This can be a tough one, and a trap I’ve fallen into myself (more than once). When people show you who they are, believe them.

It might be helpful to think about your must haves in a relationship and ask yourself if this person is capable of being that partner today (and are you)? No one is perfect, but the relationship should meet those basic requirements most days. Respect is at the top of my list. You can’t really love someone you don’t respect (not romantic love anyway) and it doesn’t sounds like he’s respecting you (showing up hours late and the backhanded compliments that are designed to wear away at your self-esteem). Love yourself enough to know you deserve better, maybe that’s the LBH lesson.

Best of luck to you.

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