Conquer Oneself To Conquer The World - Journal by Xelas

Journals - Major Programs
#41

Day 4 - Rest day

The looks, stares, and smiles from women continue. I need to start getting used to this attention.
As I was walking outside today, a group of three girls was coming my way. I caught the attention of all of them, but one gave me a cheeky smile and said something like “Babe, you’re so…” (I couldn’t hear the last part) while trying to hug me. Her friends pulled her away, though lol. I can only guess the part I didn’t hear was “handsome” or something similar. The only thing is, she was drunk lol. But I’ll count that as a nice little result anyway.

There’s a girl I see quite often these days, I basically help her with some work. In the beginning, our conversations were always a bit awkward, with a general vibe of uneasiness. But over the past few days, we’ve actually been vibing pretty well. We’re not “flirting” directly, but there’s definitely a “seductive” vibe going on, like a bit of sexual tension between us. I feel like if I were to initiate directly, she would definitely go along. But since it’s work related, I’m not going to make any obvious moves and just go with the flow for now.

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#42

Broke my one month streak of no cigarettes and alcohol tonight… Something quite unexpected and stressful happened today, and at first I was doing okay with my urges to have a cig, but in the end, I couldn’t help it. On top of that, I realized that the girl I mentioned earlier might not be so into me after all since we met up for a quick drink, and then she went on to spend the rest of the night with another guy. He’s her coworker, so I get it that they might have history or whatever, but it makes me feel so stupid and weak to even let that affect me. I’ve made the same mistake again of being too dependent on a girl, and to make it worse - a girl who probably doesn’t give two shits about me. Oh, and giving in to alcohol and cigarettes and drinking by myself. Havent drank by myself in ages.
I honestly should’ve expected this outcome because I was starting to notice everything leading to that, and I should’ve been strong willed enough to prevent it.

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#43

Anyway, it’s okay. This is just a little misstep along the path. At this point, moving forward seems easier than falling back into my old habits, especially with the great results that I’ve been having lately, and it’s only natural to get a bit lost along the way. But I know my destination, and I know that Khan and WB are what’s gonna help me to get there. So I’ll just accept what happened and get back on track

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#44

Some things to work on for myself: I’ve noticed that I’ve started speaking a bit quietly again, so I need to focus on raising my voice. It really changes the energy of interactions in a positive way.

Also, I need to embrace the attention and smile back - I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed by women staring and smiling at me wherever I go. I need to get more comfortable with the attention, smile back more often, or strike up small talk whenever there’s an opportunity. Small things like that. Basically have a more open and outgoing attitude. I think that can go a long way for me

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#45

The thing with the girl, stuff like that used to happen to me all the time lol. That is exactly the kind of stuff that happens when you have one-itis (sry for the dumb “PUA” term, but it’s been true in my experience).

Did this attention all start primarily with Khan?

#46

Yup, it really sucks. How did you get rid of one-itis?

I started to notice more attention ever since I had first loop of Khan stage 2 and WB, and I also reduced the listening time from 15 to 5 minutes each sub. I suppose that also going through stage 1 has cleared some of the limiting beliefs that wouldn’t allow for WB to shine

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#47

Day 6 - Rest day

So I am making some more observations about myself. I’m accepting the fact that I am an attractive man physically. I get attention from women, and that’s great, but what I am lacking is “substance.” Like, imagine coming across a handsome man but then realizing that it’s just a cardboard cutout with a picture of a handsome man, lol. I need that substance, that character, that “oomph” about me. In fact, it’s not that I lack it, I know it’s within me but I haven’t found it yet, or I’m not good at showing it to people yet.

From Khan Stage 2 description: “You’ve had many dreams of the ideal man you desire to become - Khan ST2 is the stage where this profound work begins”
"By taking action while on TOTAL REPROGRAMMING, you will double down on the profound changes happening within. Be mindful however, as your beliefs, aspirations, emotions and very personality will be questioned over and over again, until you know exactly who you are and what you believe in.

There shall be no more riddles - you will know yourself."

I think this is the part of scripting that’s working on me right now.

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#48

I think just constantly trying to meet new women, and treating every girl you meet as if she may leave/ghost at any moment until you’re in a committed relationship. Personally even then I would still treat it that way but that’s just me.

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#49

Day 7 - Listening day

Increased loops from 5 to 6 minutes

#50

Day 8 - Rest day

It’s been a weird couple of days. I’ve just been kind of all over the place, confused about my direction, questioning who I am, what I want, what actions I should take, etc. On the positive side, I can really feel how my victim mentality and overall weak energy are vanishing. I walk like a king, talk confidently, and feel the need to challenge myself. I’m also more comfortable in social situations.

I had a lot of weird dreams last night, mostly relating to sex and masculinity. The strange thing is that the last dream I had before waking up was me telling myself to remove WB and add Primal instead. Then I woke up, fell back to sleep and then again I had a dream of me playing Primal with Kahn. I felt so sure of it in those dreams lol. I don’t know if it’s my subconscious telling me to replace WB with Primal for some time or if it’s just recon or something else. Sometimes, I feel like WB and Khan’s seduction scripting might be clashing a bit, making me confused, so I’m really not sure.

#51

Yeah, I must be going through recon because I went from thinking about running Khan and Primal to now considering Khan and PS. At the same time, I feel a huge amount of energy and this need to go somewhere and do something.

#52

Day 12 - Rest day

Been a few days since I’ve posted on here, and I actually thought that I might as well just go through the rest of this cycle and then do an overview at the end, but I decided to post updates today.

Anyway, what can I say? I feel great. It is such a breath of fresh air to be able to walk, talk, and just exist without a care in the world. My anxiety levels have severely dropped. I am always cool, calm, and collected. My interactions with men and women have significantly improved. My flirting game is becoming on point. I actually really enjoy it, whereas before I’d be scared to even maintain a steady eye contact with a girl while talking. And I genuinely feel like if I were to approach a random girl, there’s little change it would go wrong. Even if I were to get rejected, it wouldn’t bother me, and I would instead give myself a pat on the back for even trying. I guess it’s Khan Stage 2 preparing me for Stage 3, which is all about action.

Now, those are just internal changes - I haven’t approached anyone yet, but I am starting to lean in the direction of giving it a shot because why not?

By going deeper into this cycle, I have realized that what I truly lacked for most of my adult life was a sense of masculinity and self-assuredness. This feeling that I have now is nothing grand or larger than life. It actually seems to me like this is the way I should be. I was born a man, and it is my right to be in my masculine presence. The changes are so seamless and smooth that I wouldn’t even notice them if I hadn’t thought about it. I could go on and on, but it would probably turn into a whole book lol.

The only problem is that I haven’t been working on my wealth goals as much as I was before, so I’ll need to work on that. I also gave in and had a few cigarettes today again. I think I might try out vaping and do it occasionally when I have serious urges to smoke.

Also, my gym gains are super noticeable. I’ve lost a significant amount of fat and gained a very noticeable amount of muscle - that’s probably WB’s physical shifting at work.

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#53

Day 13 - listening day

Going up to 7 minutes per sub.

I’m having more convos on dating apps, and they’re all going well. My seduction skills are improving rapidly. The only issue is that all of these girls live a bit too far from me.
The thing is that I live in a small town that’s known for its party culture, so there are a lot of girls who come here just to let loose and go crazy. However, I don’t get a lot matches on dating apps here. I actually get way more when visiting other cities. The best game to run here is night game, but it’s a bit of a dilemma for me because I’m trying to stay away from the party scene and focus on my health and building my physique. I gotta figure something out.

#54

Day 17 - Listening day

Nearing the end of the cycle, it went by so fast that I’m debating whether to continue with Stage 3 or go through another round of Stage 2. I’m really enjoying it. Honestly, I feel like a different person like I’m so much more outgoing, friendly, and talkative. Women’s attraction is increasing day by day, and looking attractive ones straight in the eye, smiling, and showing my interest feels natural. It helps that they smile back. At this point, approaching doesn’t just seem like an idea, it feels like something I must do, or I’ll die lol. I feel a serious push to do it these days, and the fact that my libido has reached a level beyond even when I was a teenager has me thinking about nothing but approaching and interacting with women. I’m taking it slow for now by just going to places where I have more chances to talk to girls, but I feel like I must start approaching one way or another. Crazy how just a month ago, that seemed like something I’d never be able to do.

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#55

Decided to go out to a few pubs with my dog lol. Got hit on super heavily by two ladies (probably in their 50s) one even called me “beautiful.” I also ran into someone I know, and he mentioned that I’ve put on a lot of muscle and look much better now, which was nice to hear. I knew that WB’s physical shifting was having an effect on me because I really got fit in such a short amount of time.

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#56

Got back to this girl’s place, and I didn’t make a move. To be fair, I’ve been over to her place a lot before , and honestly, I wasn’t picking up any signals from her that she wanted to take things further. Still, I feel a bit frustrated that I didn’t try pushing more or make a move and now I keep thinking whether I shouldve gone sexual.
I really need to start approaching more women otherwise, I’m going to go insane.

#57

My next challenge for myself is to be more direct in showing attraction to girls I like, verbally and physically. That’s going to help me a lot.

#58

There’s no better time to do it, but now.
My next journal entry will be when I do atleast 3 approaches

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#59

Day 19 - Rest day

Listened to 8 minutes of Stage 2 and 15 of WB last night because I didn’t actually listen on the day i was supossed to. I usually listen before I go to bed, but I forgot to do it then. I also think I was being a bit too extreme when I wrote about not posting here until I do approaches, plus I was super drunk as well haha. Doesn’t change the fact that I’ll need to try to approach though.

Anyway, it was a great night, I had lots of fun. I forgot to mention that I also played 7:30 minutes of ROTNW earlier in the day, but I think it was mostly Khan and WB doing the heavy lifting in terms of attraction. I will also say that having a dog with me is a good idea because it opens up a lot of conversations easily and probably makes me seem more approachable. I’ll need to take my dog out to pubs more often lol.

The only thing I’m not happy with is how many cigarettes I smoked that night, so I’ll try vaping a no nicotine juice next time I go out to see if it’ll be a good substitute for cigarettes when drinking. I’m also going to try out PN next time since I’ve never actually used it in sexually charged environments.

#60

Washout day 2

Doing a quick review of this cycle of Khan Stage 2 and WB. Now, it might be too early to tell, but Khan is becoming one of my favorite titles and might even surpass WB. While I was running WB alongside Stage 2, I’m confident that it is Stage 2 that has instilled in me such confidence, sociability, and overall a feeling of experiencing a total personality change. I feel like I’m becoming the man I’ve always wanted to be, and in fact it made me realize that I was always this man, but Stage 2 helped me understand it.

Another huge progress I’ve made is with my physical body. I can now walk confidently, knowing I look more fit and strong than I was just 2 months ago. This cycle also made me believe I am worthy of approaching women I’m interested in. There were a few instances where random women made it very obvious they were open to me, and some were so obvious that it honestly threw me off a bit. I regretted not making a move, but I feel that with Stage 3, nothing will stop me from taking that step.

There wasn’t too much recon during the beginning and middle, but I’ve started to experience some intense recon towards the end and am still going through it. This recon has been making me realize how wrong my whole idea of what makes me successful with women was, to the point where I feel a bit stupid. I was simply trying too hard, and that goes against the whole idea of Khan and WB. I just feel like I can relax and be myself now, all I need is to take more action.

Anyway, with Stage 3, I’ll start putting all that I’ve realized into action. I can feel great things coming up ahead.

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