Conquer Oneself To Conquer The World - Journal by Xelas

Journals - Major Programs
#1

So this is it. I have made a firm decision to embark on the journey of Khan. It took a long time for me to decide whether I actually wanted to do it or not, but I think that, for me, there’s no better time to start than now. During my long washout I’ve realized that my most played subliminals were WB, Primal, and Emperor, and over the past couple of months, I’ve wanted something similar to them combined in one package: the reality-bending attraction of WB, the social and sexual dominance and raw masculinity of Primal, and the inner strength, drive and ambition of Emperor. Nothing seems more perfect to me than Khan.

I understand that it’s going to be a long journey, but I’m willing to be patient for once. And I know it won’t be easy, especially during Total Breakdown. That’s why I’ve planned that during my cycles of TB, I will:

  1. Mostly focus on working out and spending at least 2 hours by myself in nature, introspecting and letting my subconscious speak.
  2. Completely cut out alcohol and cigarettes during TB.
  3. Cut out all distractions such as porn and social media, and replace them with educational content relating to my work and other goals.

At the end of each day, I will be posting my thoughts, etc… to this journal. I haven’t set proper goals for the other stages yet, because I might spend more than one cycle on TB, but we’ll see. Anyway, I’m very excited to partake in this journey, and I will be starting on Sunday.

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#2

All the best! You will be transformed by the end of your journey (ST1 to ST4).

I’ve ran two ST1 to ST4 two times, one month for each stage.

Have faith and take action - a lot of it.

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#3

Thank you! Proper transformation is my goal

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#4

From someone who’s been on Khan for some time and will eventually return to it - best of luck!
It’s not easy to come off of established addiction patterns, and it is one of the first tests! Do your best, brother!

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#5

Thank you!

#6

Day 1 - Listening day
So I decided to do my first loop tonight. Since tomorrow is Sunday and I’m not working, I’ll be able to get a better feel for TB.

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#7

Day 2 - Rest day

So, during my first listen yesterday, I decided to just close my eyes, relax, and let my thoughts wander to see what would come up. About halfway through the track, I had a sudden vision of a man in his 60s-70s sobbing and looking down at me, as if I was lying in a casket. It was a bit strange as I didnt consciously try to visulize anything, this image just came out of nowhere. The only explanation that came to me during that visualisation was that this man is actually me many years from now, looking back at my younger self and sobbing over the fact that he didn’t reach his goals and accomplishments, and that its too late now. That explanation made sense to me.

I also had many dreams last night, and the common theme was that they involved my colleagues from work, and in all of them, I felt timid, weak, and ignored. In another dream, I was talking to myself, telling myself to start taking action, to stop being fearful, and to start becoming a man. So, judging by these dreams, the subconscious must be trying to tell me to start leaving my comfort zone more, be bolder, and pay no attention to unnecessary fears.

Today, I was pretty much in a good mood all day, with no signs of recon. I’ve started following the Simons method, so I spent some time writing down my goals, plans, and the fears and obstacles that stop me from achieving them.
I also had a sudden urge to look at guides/books on how to stop smoking, so I started reading The Easy Way to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr.

The most interesting thing about today is how I felt when I went outside. I typically feel some mild anxiety when I’m among large groups of people on the street, etc. Nothing serious, but it’s there. Today, my anxiety was, dare I say, mostly at 0. I felt super relaxed and confident, head up, looking everyone in the eye, no overthinking, present in the moment, and just feeling super comfortable in my skin overall. It’s like all the pressure I usually feel was completely gone, and I was allowed to just be myself.
This might be just a trailer effect, but if this is the level I’m going to reach after I finish TB then whatever difficulties I might go through on TB will be absolutely worth it.

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#8

Day 3 - Listening day

The relaxed and confident state I felt yesterday is still here. It almost reminds me of how I felt on Emperor, but a bit less “stoic” and more idgaf-ish. I did have a few insecure thoughts and some unpleasant memories come up, but I paid no attention to them and they were gone.
Towards the end of the day, I actually had this feeling come up like I made a really good choice by starting Khan. Like for a few seconds, I saw myself and my life the way I want it to be and felt really good, felt like I am on my way to achieve whatever I want.

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#9

Day 4 - Rest day

Since this morning I’ve been feeling grumpy and easily irritated. Almost everything has been getting on my nerves. Apart from that, some recon and feelings of insecurity came up. Whenever I’d see an attractive woman, I’d ask myself, “How could a girl like that go for me? Is there ever gonna be a time when a girl like that would go for me?” But I didn’t stay in that mindset for long and just carried on with whatever I was doing. In fact, as I’m writing this, I’m thinking to myself - why wouldn’t she go for me? Why not?
After a good workout and a jog, I feel much better, and the recon has cleared.

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#10

Just think - What if a girl like that is actually into you?

How do you feel?

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#11

Hmm in that case I’d feel confident, relaxed, attractive, powerful in a way

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#12

Lol funny how this exact type of recon happens to me too.

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#13

Lean into that feeling - like tasting a tasty dish and the after taste of it.

That’s you, soon - enjoying the genuine attraction of gorgeous women.

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#14

Day 5 - Listening Day

I’m noticing how I am beginning to care more about my purpose and the ideal life that I wanna have. It’s like I’m slowly starting to shift from my goals of seduction and rather focus on goals for my perfect future, which does involve an abundance of beautiful women by my side, of course :wink: but also much more.
In a way, I do feel like I’m getting rid of some of the limitations and negative programming that I had for a long time. Slowly but surely.
Productivity is super high, mood today is great, and the feeling that I’m on the right path and everything will go my way is back.

#15

Day 6 - Rest day

Since starting TB, I’ve noticed how I often tend to have a mix of negative and positive thoughts throughout the day. For example, in the morning, I might feel like no girl in the world would want me, but later in the day, I will feel like I’m the most handsome man alive. Or like earlier today, I had glimpses of what it would be like to be a fully masculine man who can confidently take whatever he wants. And then later on, as I was working out, I started having thoughts like “you’re literally a little kid in an adult’s body, you’re so insecure,” etc. It’s almost like there’s a battle going on in my subconscious between the good and the bad lol.

I must say, though, that the negative thoughts I was having didn’t really bring me down, but rather lit a fire in me, and I completely smashed my workout and felt great for the rest of the day.

My voice seems to be a bit deeper, and I speak much louder and with more “power”. I took note of how I was speaking today, and at times it actually seemed a bit aggressive. However, it might seem aggressive to me because I’m simply not used to speaking in a very confident tone a lot.

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#16

Day 7 - Listening day

You know that feeling you have when there’s something you’re looking forward to the next day and you’re so excited that you can’t sleep or keep waking up during the night, hoping you’re closer to the morning? That’s the feeling I’ve been getting over the past few days. I keep waking up, checking the time to see if I can get outta bed yet because I literally look forward to the day so much. I haven’t had this feeling in a while.

Today, I realized that my some of my worries and anxieties are actually quite insignificant in the grand scheme of my life. Why should anything really bother me when I am on the path to greatness?

My friends were going out for a drink tonight, and for the first time in a while, I actually declined to join them and decided to go home to do some work. I’m glad I did because I’ve thought of and started working on some great ideas.

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#17

Day 8 - Rest day

Productivity is still super high, lots of drive and ambition. And I’m beginning to value my time much more - I’ll need to talk about this point in later posts.

So there’s this girl who I talked to about 2 weeks ago on a dating app. We had a fun convo, and she lives very close to me, but I haven’t replied to her ever since for some stupid reason. So today, I had this sudden urge to message her back, and if she replies, then i’m gonna 100% ask her out. It was this sort of wild, primal feeling coming from my balls and traveling up my body signaling to “message her right fucking now,” and I did. It’s a small result, but I would usually always make some type of excuse to not reengage/message a girl, and this time, I decided to put an end to this stupid habit.
I also want to take note of this primal energy that I felt because I think that this is the sexual energy mentioned in the Khan description, that will be the push to socialize with women more, to approach, to achieve romantic goals, etc.

#18

Day 9 - Listening day

Not much to say today really. Managed to get a lot done today workwise, but somewhere close to the evening I started to feel really tired, went to procrastinating, and broke my streak of nofap. Oh well, will get back on it from tomorrow.

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#19

Wow, literally what I did yesterday, I stayed home all day and fapped last night lol, woke up today feeling very tired o.0

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#20

In my opinion, it’s alright to release once in a while. The problem is making a habit out of it

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