Throne of Bhaal
Optimus ZPT+Paragon Complete ZPv2+Emperor Black: Twilight of the Gods ZPv2
When I saw the description of EB:ToG I knew it was the title I had been waiting for for whole my life. To become the absolute master of my own inner world and reshape the outer world with my will has been always a dream of mine and my destiny. Now it’s time to overthrown “my father” - Bhaal (fears, blockages ans all what belittles me), take my place and sit on the throne of my own life. The Twilight of Bhaal has begun.
I’ve just run EB:TofG and, therefore, completed all the loops for my stack for today. I just feel a divine stream of energy bursting throughout all my being and the sense of dignity and pride flickering at my core.
I’ve had lots of vivid dreams last night and I woke up feeling as if I had had a hangover but I shrugged it off pretty fast. Doing yoga gave me the energy boost I needed as well. I’m really calm and focused and my perception of reality is more thorough but at the same time pretty swift. I suppose that’s the focus mode from the description. Although I feel a lot of processing going on in my head I don’t feel overloaded or as if it was even a bit taxing on me. It may be misleading since it encourages to run one more loop but knowing how the new tech works I know it would be a mistake leading to overload. Today I’ll be listening to one loop of Paragon only.
The new tech is ethereal indeed. The processing is smooth and swift, the recon is minimal if any and the execution is more “natural”. It requires less time and processing power to get processed and executed but at the same time it (the intensity of the results) lasts longer. Nice. Despite of that, I will be running my custom and Paragon only I want to get a better feel of EB:ToG first.
Since I started running EB:ToG I’ve noticed some aspects of me coming to the light out of the shadow. Like smiling more genuinely and laughing more heartily. Also the intensity and quality of my orgasm has improved significantly. The residuum of negative self-talk has vanished utterly. I’m as calm and focused as I’ve always wanted to be.
I ran one loop of EB:ToG three days ago and I can tell it took three days to process. Now it’s being executed profoundly and beautifully and I’ll run one loop today although I should wait one more day to let results intensify.
It’s more difficult to gauge the newest tech since the recon is almost nonexistent and the processing smooth and swift yet I can tell when it’s being processed heavily and I can easily tell when it’s being executed. I would say we should wait with the loop till we can tell the scripting is being executed and we have no recon nor are we overloaded. You need to learn the new signals since, although subtle, they are certainly there.
EB:ToG is helping me discover aspects and qualities of me I’ve never been aware of. It makes their exploration fascinating and employing them just amazing. Another thing is I was a bit worried about my last investments since a lot of it depends on luck but I let it go telling myself that all of it is in “the hands of God” now and I decided to entrust it to “Him”.
Even though EB:ToG contains only 1% of social scripting it has already sharpened my social skills a lot and I feel in social situations better than a fish in water. Naturally, people are reacting to me more positively and with more respect than usual for the powerful charisma component this title contains. I’ve had no recon on this tile whatsoever so far nor do I feel overexposed yet since I ran my loop yesterday I’ll be running only one loop of Paragon today.
I should stick to my stack although the sadness stemming from the deep introspection EB:ToG provides me with needs soothing. I won’t give up on Optimus since it’s oriented to my priorities which are related to optimising my “systems”.
My current state of mind, and what has been revealed to me causing it, has prompted me to run one loop of CFW (V2) pairing it up with EB:ToG for a test. There’s a huge amount of shadow work being done underneath. It feels as if my soul wanted to cry out all the darkness that it contains within itself.
Apart from that, reevaluation of my values is taking place as well and I got to questioning the basic interpretation in Christianity which is following Jesus, being like him. It occurred to me that demanding of ourselves to be “like him” is a madness and demanding it of others is just cruelty since he is God. How could I be like God if I’m just human with its weaknesses and limitations? I concluded that the key must be somewhere else but is included in that question. What does it mean to be like Jesus, to be like God? The conclusion was it’s not about being like Jesus in the sense of acting like him or having his attitude but rather being like him in the sense of living our own essence. God described Himself saying “I am who I am” and we, as human, need to be the same way, just be who we are, realizing our true nature, tapping into our essence.
Anyway, I’ve just run EB:ToG followed by CFW. Now I’ll be running Paragon followed by my custom. Yesterday I took a day off.
CFW smooths out the darkness EB:ToG brings but it also blunts the edge it gives you. On top of that, I feel I don’t need this kind of healing right now and I may never need it since those aspects (empathy, sensitivity, deep introspection, compassion, forgiveness) of me have been strong in me for whole my life.
Since I listened to four programs yesterday I’ll be listening only to Paragon tonight.
Edit:
CFW really makes me relaxed and feeling good but at the same time more inwardly focused and, especially, on my emotional side. It doesn’t collide with EB:ToG yet it takes away a bit of its focus on external goals and its dark edge. It’s a great pair but… the priorities.
I’ve just run Paragon and EB:ToG. I would like to see how the latter works when I press the button a bit harder. I also want to get rid of the taste of CFW… I want to be “darker” even though it gets a bit unpleasant from time to time.
The example we have been given of the life and times of Jesus is not the purest and the way most of us relate to him is out of alignment with the intention of his embodiment.
We were given dominion and told to multiply.
We were created in the image of the Creator (and it doesn’t say anywhere in Genesis about being created in ‘Jesus’ image, either).
We were told to love our God with all of our hearts, our minds and souls.
Love your neighbors as you love yourself.
Do unto others as we would have done unto us.
Judge not, lest we be judged.
We were also told that observation would not bring about the kingdom of heaven.
The key, as I’m seeing you’re getting to, is to realize; the kingdom is within you. How we get to realizing that is the journey, is the key.
I woke up a bit groggy in the morning but I shrugged it off doing yoga. I had plenty of vivid dreams last night that indicates a lot of processing occurring in my mind. I definitely feel the dark edge of EB:ToG back that simply means this program overrode CFW. Good since I didn’t need that “sweetie” vibe of CFW and the dark edge is something I can benefit from much more.
Edit:
Now when not diluted by CFW the dark edge of EB:ToG has kicked in really nicely and it feels as if it was tapping into the divine essence in me and employing it once again. It’s as if the stream of my subconscious mind was piercing through an abyss. The focus, the drive, the relentlessness and the sense of power are immense.
Yesterday I let some thing to happen just out of a pure sense that it couldn’t harm me (my manhood). Usually, that kind of things would harm me (and it would harm a lot of men) quite a lot but not this time, I remained cool. The interesting thing is that my mind started penetrating that issue and its implications in our society and at the same time it started looking for the wound that should be there but there was none. It’s like my mind just couldn’t believe that that event didn’t do any harm to me whilst in the past it would create a serious issue in me.
On another note, it’s like Saint said, it looks to me that my psyche is capable of embracing a lot of programming since I can run multiple titles with ease and every day whilst recon nor overload is nowhere to be seen.
EB:ToG has reminded me how important introspection and self-reflection are not only as a tool of growth but also in life in general. Those tools can help improve our subliminal results as well and a lot.
I realized how all my thoughts and feelings, but also everything within “my reality”, are only labels that disturb my sense of purpose. Each label when given more time is like a rabbit hole sucking in my energy and squandering my precious time.
I’ve been seeking to becoming the lord of my reality but here I am, I’m the lord already but I realized it only now. I’m bound by nothing but by my will and mortality. Labels, and especially those put on me by other people, are mere dust.
A Lion doesn’t concerned himself with the opinion of a sheep. - Tywin Lannister
Each day EB:ToG is sinking deeper and deeper into my psyche and although I’ve never thought I could be really dominant and lead this is how this sub in changing me. However, it’s not the traditional alpha mindset and just leadership based on dominating others it’s more about strong self-leadership, moral attitude and wise kindness that people can sense in me and see and that inspires them to respond to me in the way that I can easily tell that it’s true leadership based on respect and admiration I’m getting. That’s what I’ve always secretly desired and that’s what I truly deserve.
The processing got so dense that I had to take a day off yesterday and I’m planning on taking another one today depending on the feel of it. The intensity of my dreams has got really insane it’s like watching several movies I’m the main character of each night.
Yesterday I experienced slight recon in the form of regression but it was nothing I couldn’t manage with ease.
I had been planning on running LD and Sanguine before EB:ToG showed up and now I can easily tell it does the job of both pretty nicely. I see many of limitations have gone and I’m way calmer than I was before.
This is the third day that I’m experiencing slight recon and I can still sense a lot of processing occurring in my head. Yesterday the recon changed its form from regressive to aggressive and it’s manifesting as irascibility. I’m going to take another day off today which will be second.
Edit:
There’s some huge commotion occurring in my psyche that is related to struggle between the light and the darkness… the reevaluation of my values is still in progress and I expect to get out of it stronger than I’ve ever been.
The recon has dissipated and there are earthquakes in my psyche no more. Everything is perfectly still yet again. My spirit is lurking in the depths of a mountain lake. So cold and so dark… so strong and beautiful.
Nonetheless, I’ll be taking one more day off to see how it unfolds.
What do you think caused the recon, what were you struggling most to reconcile during the recon, and what do you think the benefit of the recon was?
Also, do you think that the recon was due to listening to 4 programs in one day, EB:ToG itself, the combo of EB + CFW, or just how much of an internal change is happening for you at the moment?
