Day 43
The disintegration of the “old entity” (aka recon) has become really unpleasant yet it’s a necessary ingredient of the whole process. It’s accompanied by integration which is forging the “new entity” in me that even I cannot recognize yet. All my shadows are trying to fight off the blessing that’s meant to be granted to me. I just want to tear up the Gollum my unfavorable circumstances made me for years and fly on my new Daedalus’ wings.
Day 44
The disintegration has slackened and the integration took prevalence over it yet “the pain of the growth” is still lingering in my psyche. That’s the second day off and tomorrow I’ll be saturating my psyche with my alchemical formula (aka Zero Point) once again.
On another note, the paresthesia in my two fingers (the little and the ring) of my left hand I experienced after I got electrocuted around fifteen years ago has come back again. It’s the third time, as far as I remember, it came back. It’s lasted for the last ten days changing its intensity. It’s never lasted for so long. It’s some kind of response my body is sending. Is it about healing this or something else I cannot tell yet.
Edit:
The “identity” shift I’m experiencing is incredible. I’m noticing a lot of thinking, emotional and behavioral pattern changes in me. I’m becoming a powerful individual indeed.
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Day 45
The disintegration has got more intense yet I can clearly see how much integration has been done under the surface. I’m experiencing mourning over the “old entity” (aka the cry of the soul), and it feels like the last attempt of the “old entity” to cling to my psyche.
Edit:
I decided to wait for my custom “Optimus” so I’m done with this stack. Optimus is based of this stack (Stark and Spartan cores).
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Day 46
The transmutation I’m experiencing has “created” a fuzzy entity that seems to be a transient state/process between the “old” and the “new entity” that are getting annihilated and created during the transmutation. I just don’t recognize some new parts of me that are being created yet but I can definitely say which parts of me have got annihilated. like the residuum of social anxiety I’ve carried for some years are no longer there and it feels like they had never been a part of me.
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Day 48
The disintegration has slackened significantly and powerful integration is taking place. There’s almost no “pain of growth” as it was when the disintegration was taking precedence yet it’s more demanding energetically. The reason might be that my psyche has got “broken” and accepted the transmutation that is to change it forever. No more mourning over the old entity, the funeral is over and now it’s time to celebrate the birth of the new entity. It’s like after winning a battle, I’m still battle-worn and sore but the taste of the victory “enlightens” me and it’s replenishing my vitality.
I’m switching to my new custom tonight.
Optimus ZPT (Solace)
The custom is oriented to strengthening my health, body, mind, emotional sphere, and energetic system. On top of that, it’s supposed to provide me with all the goodies Stark is providing me with.
- Stark Core
- Spartan Core
- Asclepius
- Serum X
- Deep Sleep
- Epigenetics & DNA Modulator
- Harmonic Singularity
- SPS: Endocrine System
- SPS: Nervous System
- APS: Hair
- Emotions Unfettered
- Chosen of Venus
- Wisdom Personified
- The Architect
- The Streams
- The Lines
- I.Q. and Cognitive Booster
- Mastermind
- Submodel Alpha
- Yggdrasil
The custom is based on the cores of the major programs I’ve been running so far. I will have to toy with it a bit to get a feel of how to treat this little kitten and how to treat myself with it. 
I’m planning on interlacing it with a stack Limit Destroyer and Sanguine every now and then if needed.
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I listened to my custom last night and I slept like I hadn’t done for over one month (Deep Sleep) and woke up really energetically recharged and balanced (the Architect). My whole body feels different, it’s much less tense (Harmonic Singularity). Apart from that, the paraesthesia in my two fingers has slackened (all the healing modules and SPS: Nervous System). The disintegration of the old entity doesn’t feel as harsh anymore (ZPT?).
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Optimus is awesome and I love it a lot already (the name embedding?). I’ve just run another loop since the transmutation (the disintegration and integration) seems to have got done way faster.
On another note, I was supposed to get my bike in a couple of days but it occurred the post will be delivering it today and I’ll save some bucks since otherwise I would have to book a cab to go and buy a fridge and a laptop (Yggdrasil). Cool 
The paraesthesia in my fingers is only lingering in them (all the healing modules and SPS: Nervous System). The quality of my sleep has improved massively (Deep Sleep).
Changing my mind’s modus operandi has got really smooth, and yesterday’s recon was really slight and supportable. The integration of the new patterns is seamless and pleasant. Good.
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Recon has been going away and coming back in waves. I shall wait till there have been no signs of it for at least 24 hours. These are slight headaches and irascibility. Oh well. 
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The recon has been hitting me for the last two days but it’s nothing I wouldn’t be able to manage. At the same time the amount of growth I’m noticing is insane, especially, confidence and relentlessness. The only drawback is that my ability to empathize with other people has dropped significantly and it’s like I got emotionally numb. Oh well, I guess it’s only temporary.
I would say it is temporary. It is like you did one thing before, now you focus on another thing to later combine both, but you won’t start with combining both if you didn’t focus on the new thing yet.
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It may be or it’s just a part of recon I’m experiencing as there are modules related to the emotional sphere in my custom. It doesn’t matter to me much right now since the amount of progress is incredible.
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This is a very positive result it seems you are feeling good in your skin now?
Like a demigod and even that insane idea has crossed my mind… me becoming a demigod on earth. That’s because of the new acquired sense of power and omnipotence Stark and Spartan are filling me with. Terminus is so powerful…
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It’s been three days since I listened to my custom and there’s still a certain amount of recon hitting me deep and hard. The heavy processing in the back of my head is as intensive as it was on the first day after listening to my loop. I need to let the process unfold, give my psyche more time to accommodate to the changes and let the new modus operandi settle in.
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The recon has slackened significantly yet I sense that the new modus operandi hasn’t settled in yet. I suppose it’s a matter of persisting in my subliminal training. Anyway, I shan’t run my custom today since my mind needs more time for processing the scripting.
Edit:
I’ve just noticed that my eyes have changed. They’re not so round anymore and more like catlike, more like hunter’s eyes. There’s no more naiveté in them, no more softness nor simplicity… they’re strong and fathomless, more “refined”. I like that.
Edit2:
Still getting slight recon in the form of getting easily triggered when something is being done against my favor.
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I’ll be needing another day off as the current cycle hasn’t completed yet. The recon is going away and coming back constantly and at different intensity levels. Its main form is irascibility and getting easily triggered by random people who oddly enough started showing some kind of defiance towards me. My psyche definitely needs more time to cope with the newly implemented modus operandi yet the transformation occurring deep inside and forging my heart of steel, my soul of ether (air and fire) is incredible and makes me wonder whether Optimus is not my Terminus indeed. On the other hand, the beauty of the custom I just got (Maximus) is so tantalizing… power and money… money and power… who could resist? Only the wise, and I’m afraid I’m not one of them… I’m patient, I can wait… it may be I’m one of the wise after all… nah, I’m not. 
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Haven’t been on the forum often but this looks good 
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Terminus is really powerful although I can tell that ZP is not far away from it when it comes to its potency. ZP is lighter, easier to manage and it makes the alchemical cycle shorter, meaning the phases that occur from the exposure to the “complete” integration (where there’s recon no more but smooth sailing). Yet Terminus seems to get closer and more swiftly to the “heart of the matter”, to the Zero Point of your psyche.