Chosen and Regeneration: ZP changes

Journals - Major Programs
#184

And that same shame and belief system also fights me going on DR. That same shame. Noone can truly change me with their words. But the same shame controls me. The same I hang on to at work regarding not getting my commercial license.

Question for @COWolfe and @RVconsultant:

How do I feel adequate when tromping through old beliefs?

I’m wanting to keep and build my masculinity and independence, and I’m wary of DR solo since it’s not geared to have you feel good about yourself.

CFW has an intentional balance in this, so I’m seeking ideas on how to live strong yet be honest, able, and willing to change. I believe I pulled off DR before since I had recon and I wasn’t loving myself much at all. So, self love is an absolute requirement. Ideas?

CFW and DR?
CFW, DR, and Ascension?
Or DR, Love Bomb…(Saint said DR was very masculine)?

#185

I’m curious, but I’m wary of some things which collide with my Christian beliefs. Why do you ask? I’d bought Sage Immortal, used it a couple of times, but freedom called, and I jumped on Chosen and Regeneration.

I think and know I’ve discounted some of my own spiritual beliefs lately. Which is why I’d like to open this discussion.

#186

Lastly, I’m glad I can be here. Flipping don’t want to work today, but I’m gonna take off Monday.

#187

This may not be what you want to hear. I do not mean to sound unkind or like I’m talking down to you or anything. Apologies if it comes off that way.
I can only speak from my own experience, but when you first start facing them, you don’t.
Doing deep work on your basic beliefs can SUCK.
After they really start changing you can get a sense that “that was then, this is now,” and actually get a sense of pride that you managed to make those changes and become a better, stronger person. I certainly feel that way.
But. There is no way around it. You have to walk through the fire to get there.

It is geared for just that. DR is probably the most feel good about yourself sub in the whole catalog. It just doesn’t get you there immediately. It helps you root out those negative beliefs, understand on a very deep level why they are there, and more importantly, why they were BS. Then you kind of dismiss them like you dismissed your belief in Santa Clause, or the monster in the closet as a kid. They are no longer relevant to you.
When I went into my year on DR, I was expecting it to be painful. It actually wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I think that is mainly because I included Sanguine in the custom.
There was less self blame for holding the beliefs that I did than I was expecting, and I was just able to analyze them.
What I would suggest you do is as soon as DR comes out in ZP, run it for three cycles per stage. Stack it with Sanguine and just stick to it come Hell or high water. The world will look different at the end of that.

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#188

Man, I treated someone bad today after giving myself hell for feeling like a failure emotionally with a coworker. I didn’t throw it at him, I threw it at someone else at the end of the day.

Short story: I’m considering DR more since this has been a pattern of my life. I treat myself like shit, am afraid to share THAT with anybody, then puke out frustration at someone else who’s completely innocent. I just feel like crap right now.

@COWolfe, I’m considering your stacking of Sangune, as I was considering stacking LB with DR today, way before I read your post. I’ve also had little experience with Sanguine as an emotional reprieve. Most of my experience with it made me super talkative, even here on the forum.

But gawd, I could use some emotional maturity, some mental maturity too. I felt helpless to my emotions much of the day. First rest day.

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#189

I think that made my journey a whole lot smoother. I could be wrong because I never used DR without it, but I think you’ll like the combo.

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#190

Thanks for your imput on my question. When I think of times I used Sanguine, I was a chatty Kathy with anyone and everyone, which is not my usual.

But seeing as I closed down today, fearing me spitting out more vulnerable stuff, it might of helped. I’m going to have to read up on Sanguine again.

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#191

Listening Day today
1 loop of LB, followed by 1 loop of Rebirth

I was reading in my DR journal this morning, and I felt relieved reading something I know I’ve done countless times. While using DR, I realized I was perpetually and habitually self-sabotaging myself almost daily. It felt good reading it since, in my experience, I create more stress in me by constantly hiding my “f-ups to me”. I felt relieved and reprieved by knowing I’d admitted it.

Which is why I admitted using just LB and Rebirth this morning. I was afraid of more internal struggling from Regeneration in CFW. I wanted some love, inside and maybe outside. I wanted to feel valued.

Which is a good desire. I went out shopping a few hours ago, feeling slightly inhibited, not seeking attention really. But something coincidental happened, and I smile now thinking of it.

I’d only gone a mile away so I could get some water, onions for a dish I’ll prepare tomorrow, and some ice cream. Why not? Ice cream was one for $5, or 2 for $7. I got 2, but still sought some isolation and privacy.

I got into line, and the guy right in front of me had got 2 sherberts of the same size, so his were on sale most likely too. I quickly made a comment out loud that I wasn’t alone. “Because we’re doing this since we’re being responsible with money”, and he laughed. He commented back that if he got a stimulus payment, he’d buy 80 or so, and I joked back with him. I (nerdishly) said I hadn’t gotten any stimulus money in ages, and didn’t expect any. He admitted he hadn’t either, and he was pulling it out of his ass. I laughed, seeing my nervousness lessening. He paid for his stuff, and to my surprise, said goodbye to me. I had been feeling pretty unimportant, and that small dialogue fed us both.

Something in me has been craving personal connections more, and those little exchanges have fed me for the most part. It felt good being myself.

I also took tomorrow off. I thought of getting out SOMEWHERE, and my mind first went…to our local library. Um…yeah…that’s me. Seeking to hide AND make friends. Gotta consider this. I’d like to connect with people. I just don’t want to “sell” myself (by putting on a mask).

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#192

Recommending a book I found due to me working on my self concept.

Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It - Kamal Ravikant.

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#193

I’ll check that book out. Thanks @Brandon

Damn, it’s giving me reason to actually visit the library now :blush:

#194

No worries! It’s a pretty short book. I started doing the exercises a couple days ago so hopefully you can join me. I’ve got a link if you need it.

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#195

@Brandon, can you send me the link? I could really hang on to some loving of myself right now.

#196

I rewatched a romance movie I’ve seen a dozen times in the last 2 years or so, and the message underneath it all is “People usually miss God’s message since they’re looking for someone who shouts. They often miss the God who whispers”.

I look for very clear, even blatantly LOUD messages a lot when seeking or looking for love. But it’s the small interactions, like me shopping earlier, which are the whispers that everything’s going to be ok. I am going to be ok.

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#197

Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It - Kamal Ravikant

Hopefully this helps :pray:t3:

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#198

I just read it @Brandon. Practicing it now.

It’s doable. Desirable. Possible.

And simple.

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#199

I’m literally doing it now whilst watching TV and have been since I got up. Been doing it the last 4-5ish days I think. Seems like it’s setting in on autopilot now.

Edit: Lets keep each other accountable.

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#200

Yes. I’m facing the inner “that’s not right” coming from within. And I smile.

This stuff will fight for the place it held so long. And…

I love myself.
I love myself.
I love myself.

Making new pathways now :slight_smile:

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#201

That’s how I felt. Exactly.
It’s growing gradually for sure.

You’re aware of the Law of Assumption right?

This guy wrote this before he read Neville Goddard but started studying him after.

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#202

I don’t do Goddard. Spiritual conflict.

If I truly loved myself, what would I follow?

The truth that’s in my heart.

#203

@Brandon,

I have been thinking (and rehearsing “I love myself” mentally and verbally), and I’m seeing I’ve relied on using religion to push people away, and now you.

I’m sorry for doing that. I’ve pushed too many away. Something like spirituality will come up, and my defenses go HIGH. Like “stay the f AWAY!!”

Why would I do that?

Since I relied on it from a young age to be a peace and a place of refuge for me. These days, people look anywhere and everywhere to find peace, and similar to many in evangelical faiths, I’ve “seen” (only in my mind, honestly) people pushing and ramming their beliefs onto me. This is all in my own head.

I reacted, and I ask for forgiveness. I’m not some high flying, scripture speaking evangelist at all. I’ve not even gone to a church in…maybe 1 year. I was in KY seeing my daughter and ex-wife, and we went then, a year back (I wrote about it in the forum, using RM). I carry too many defenses and habitual reactions there. Me not being me.

But I’m dropping my guard. I’m sorry for doing that. It hurt me. I’ve been crying some, listening to PianoGuys on Pandora.

I don’t want to cut myself emotionally…again.

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