Chase’s freewriting journal

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#61

5m EoG1 (with Winner Overdrive)

Let’s get this less impressive stuff out of the way - wasted time edging for hours. Not feeling as bad as last time since the porns I watched were “healthier” and well I edged instead. Still I really need to kick this habit.

On better stuff, I’d like to think I ooze an appeal of wealth these days. A couple of shops I went to the salesladies came to me and informing me about different promotions or letting me in on how to get the best deals. It hardly happened before partly because I am not one to browse a shop and instead just go in get what I need and leave. But these days they literally intercepted my path to get my attentions.

During the past week or two I had been considering getting DDR, Chosen, or even Khan Black. While listening to EoG1 during the latest session, it came to me that they were all distractions; they only came to my mind mostly because of my pmo addiction. Don’t get me wrong I am sure they are beneficial to me and are able to heal many wounds/flaws in me but I need to set my priorities straight. It’s like playing a game, yes there are challenges/levels lie ahead but before all that one needs to overcome the first hurdle in order to move on.

I have been waiting for a new synergy or essence modules pack but I began to wonder if all I need is right in front of me. If Ascension is not gonna get an update soon maybe I can build my own version of it with GLM with The Golden One. Just brainstorming.

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#62

I came to a realization that the more integrated I am the less spiritual and philosophical I become; I noticed this tendency since I used EoG1 and Limitless. Let me explain. When I was using Limitless my interests in “intangible” stuff greatly decreased to almost disregarding, this included but not limited (no pun intended) to mysterious, religious and even simply theoretical stuff. Instead I listened podcasts and watched channels about “real” stuff to day to day life like how a bridge was built, how social media algorithm worked etc. Then with EoG1 I am definitely more carefree and less overthinking than I used to be (the bar was on the floor though), and I’d much rather experiencing than pondering/reflecting. If I put it bluntly and honestly I think I was born a material (in a worldly sense) person who jumps head first into life.

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#63

EoG1 Mood lol
Hilary Duff - Material Girl ft. Haylie Duff

'Cause the boy with the cold hard cash is always Mister Right

'Cause we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl
You know that we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl

Experience has made me rich, and now they’re after me

'Cause we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl
You know that we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl

A material, a material, a material, a material world

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#64

Woohoo reached a milestone - 7m EoG1 :tada:

“Always two, there are. No more. No less. A Master and an apprentice.” That’s the absurd + eccentric way my mind letting me know it wants a 2nd sub and only a 2nd sub :sunglasses:

For real though throughout the sub journey I realized that I could never comfortably listen to three subs; it felt too “refractive”. With three subs my subconsciousness felt like this
Light_dispersion_conceptual
However one sub was a little too boring and too one-sided. Two on the other hand was stable and just right.

I think I am having presults of Quantum Limitless 1. I even dreamt of taking NZT-48 (the background, the plot and the effects had got nothing to do with the film or tv show). The background in the dream was once again related to the beginning of an apocalypse where society was still functioning at its last leg. This time I was part of the rebellion and undercovering as civilian. Me and other undercover agents were transporting a few items including NZT-48 as well as ourselves through hostile territory. Some of us were taking the role of pilot or air hostess. But we got intercepted by the pseudo government agents. We were kept in the storage warehouse at the back of an airport. They didn’t know we were the rebellions but they seemed to be looking for something (the pills?) when they held us. One by one all our belongings were laid out on the counter including the pills. Yet they didn’t seem to realize what they had right in front of them. We had a feeling they wouldn’t let us go no matter what and we would be turned into them eventually. There seemed to be no way out; we couldn’t think of anything. That’s when I looked at the pills. I was the one closest to the pills, and I saw that the others were arguing with and distracting the enemies. I took a chance and grabbed one and took it. Soon I felt hot and heart poundings. But I didn’t feel smarter in the sense that I still couldn’t think of a way out. Yet all of sudden I got impulsive in the sense that I no longer was thinking or aware of my actions. I didn’t know how I knew but out of nowhere I knew all the emotional weaknesses and some private knowledge of the leader’s life including her convert professional dealings. I just kept stabbing the leader emotionally and kind of blackmailing her. She was shaken and we now had the upper hand over her and her team. In the end we chose to stay in that territory since through the leader we could use the whole area as rebellion base where we got close to the heart of the pseudo government. Two years in I got together with a fellow undercover agent and she was pregnant with my child. The only downside was I (and only me since I think in the dream not everybody was able to stand the side effects) had to keep taking the pills for the rest of the mission.

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#65

No listening enjoying an extra rest day.

It’s got very little to do with recon as in I am not feeling negative emotions or physical pains etc. I took an extra rest day because I didn’t sleep much the night before simply because I would rather waste time browsing even though I was sleepy :man_facepalming: Anyways I chose to decide it’s a good thing - let the sub breath with more space for it.

EoG1 with Winner Overdrive is a sub that I run the longest, bar a ZP custom named New Wealth Foundation (which happens to have the old version of EoG1 core). I think when one finds the right sub they know by 1. simply feel right; it has no flaws, 2. dropping it didn’t cross their mind. It’s true, at least to me, name embedded major titles is better than standard zp custom. I like it come with functionality as well as simplicity. Having said that one has to choose the module with much consideration. For me the best module is one enhances, but no overlaps with, the core, and it doesn’t change the nature of the core. My other currently not in use name embedded major title is Limitless with Harmonic Conflux which also expresses the concept. For me this way it keeps the longevity of the sub. Many times in the past I dropped a zp custom simply because a couples of modules no longer felt right or wanted in it (it was why I dropped the aforementioned custom even though I was happy with it).

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#66

I fed the dream I had to AI and asked it to analyze its meanings. I found them quite insightful and actually fitting. One of the surprise was it showed me how I overvalued a logical problem solving style when my strength was in fact intuitive solutions. Ironically my critical/logical part reminded me it’s Barnum effect. Yet it’s true I was quite an intuitive kid who didn’t know how to express or apply the knowledge in real life. I then ignored that part of me due to life and then lost it due to not trusting it. There were times when I knew or felt something but held my tongue or didn’t take actions as I was afraid of being wrong, especially when the stakes were high. I mean what would one choose when on one hand was a baseless feeling when on the other hand there were real life experiences based evidences to suggest otherwise.

Looking back this logic vs intuition tug or war showed up in my life all the time. It ranged from small stuff to life changing decisions. The tricky part was if you really ignored it then the logical part won and for a moment you were convinced you made a smart choice and felt good.

The same applied to subs. Reconciliation aside, there were subs I picked based on logical analysis e.g. look at the benefits and see how they help you, while deep down I felt amiss but wasn’t able to pinpoint rationally and exactly what.

But again since I suppressed this part of me for so long, I no longer know what it is like to not be the way I am. The signals are all mixed and messed up, I can’t trust the logical part of me (since I know it is weak) but also can’t trust the intuitive part of me (since it is now unfamiliar and I easily mistake other wrong signals for it).

P.S. oh well maybe I am in recon after all.

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#67

In recon but with it comes growth. The complete growth is gracefully expressed in serenity prayer - God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. At the moment I am feeling the first sentence. A similar less sophisticated understanding came when I had module Inner Voice plus Genesis (they had to be used together for the understanding came forward; just either didn’t work).

I feel like since I’ve been being with SubClub for a few years, have been listening to more than a few subs and customs and gaining experiences through them I am gonna self proclaim as an experienced users 🥸 lol for real though when I checked out others’ journals or posts I was able to recognize the recon symptoms some were more obvious than others. Of course it was easier for me to spot them since I wasn’t involved.

Randomly and baselessly noted that the updated Ascended Mogul might be launched under the Ecstasy of Gold line :point_left:

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#68

EoG1 7m.

Feeling overloaded; a bit numb and wanted to be leave alone. Sleep was fine as in it was one go with no interruptions, but I don’t feel reinvigorated. Will see if I need to take an extra rest day.

At this rate it’s likely Oct will be a pure EoG1 month too which is totally fine, even beneficial given how I am not yet comfortably running full loop.

I looked the copy of Stage 1 and realized how much I was improved the way the objectives described - The Worthiness Recalibration, Transforming Guilt into Gratitude, Healing Wealth Trauma, Embracing Small Manifestations. Given how all my life including my current situation are surrounded by year after year no healthy wealth models, the limited beliefs in me are deep and rooted. Hence it makes sense to take awhile to uproot all of them, and at the moment focus on the basis of Stage 1, i.e. a foundation of foundation, since even within Stage 1 I feel like some objectives are more foundational than others.

May be it is partly related to Expanding the Horizons of Possibility (another EoG1 objective), partly because I slowly become consciously aware and willing to face it, I am deciding to have Quantum Limitless 1 as my 2nd sub. I think another reason that has been holding me back is a trust-on-my-abilities/capacities issue. I didn’t dare go after opportunities because I didn’t believe I was qualified or smart enough for them. I messed thing up because I was useless as expected or put another way I was useless that’s why it was no surprise I fucked up. Also since I have such great experiences with EoG1, a Stage 1 sub, I will enjoy all the solid benefits another Stage 1 sub would bring. I deeply feel regardless of which multistage sub, Stage 1 of them is a better counterpart than single stage sub.

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#69

Taking an extra rest day.

I’ve said this before but feel the need to say it again - I really appreciate all the contributions from members here. Their posts gave me insights, knowledge and courage; the things I felt but could only vaguely communicate were expressed elegantly and succinctly in others’ words.

Materialism vs Idealism - My default perspective setting, e.g. reflex understanding is materialism even though I have had interests in idealism all my life. Yet I mostly saw or experienced idealism through materialistic lens.

I will give a semi related example (which also doubled as a post about how EoG1 changed me). EoG1 changed me subtly/cleansed or reverted me to a healthier version of me. In general I always held back making posts (here and other forums in general) freely unless I was in a good mood (whether due to real life events or subliminal high) because I worried my inputs were (seen as) low quality, that they provided little value. Compared to others’ replies, I didn’t have the insights that penetrate the blindness, knowledge that lead others to a broader horizon, logic that ground the uncertainty, or humor that provides joy to others. Not to mention due to my weak communication, I worried what I said might come across/misunderstood as offensive or aggressive or plain nonsense, all of which had happened in real life before. However somehow EoG1 made me let go of all this overthinking. It worked really subtly, one day I just felt like typing or should I say didn’t feel anything to hold me back (it’s more obvious online). Now I am less harsh on myself and more willing to wear my heart on my sleeve (I did when I was a kid but life hurt me too much I felt hiding it was equaled to security). The old me would never express pain and hurt openly unless I was on the verge of breaking down and being desperate, even then I would feel ashamed for doing so and would hide my existence.

Anyway so how does the above relate to materialism vs idealism? The fact that I am not sharing this on the official EoG thread even though there is no question it is EoG1 that brought all this positive in me. Yet I feel this change is too “intangible” or not material enough for others to see and appreciate it. It’s just to be shown as proof or evidence it’s relied on tangible things that all can see, understand and experience.

Having said that I don’t want to end this post with such a hardcore material stance. Hence to make it absolutely clear, I am in no way dismissing the positive change/influence in me and I am feeling clearly of and happy about it.

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#70

Wanting a little bit to listen to my Limitless with Harmonic Conflux custom. Partly because I really want a 2nd sub, partly because it’s a sneaky way my mind wanting much more relaxing listening sessions (since with adding a 2nd sub I had to revert back to 30s to start over), partly because I am filling the gap with it while I wait for Quantum Limitless being updated and/or a new pack of modules.

For the past couple of days I began to recall how relaxed I felt during the listening session of Limitless which probably was due to Harmonic Conflux. When I first got EoG1 and Limitless with Harmonic Conflux (I ordered them at the same time), when I listened to them back to back with Limitless first, it was always EoG1 that got me into recon. So what would happen was I’d feel relaxed and quite hopeful during the Limitless loop (mostly 5 or 10m at that time), then soon as EoG1 loop (same as Limitless 5 or 10m) came up, within a minute or two I’d get irritated and a little twitchy. The same reaction would happen even if I reversed the order with EoG1 first Limitless second. So for awhile I was looking forward listening to Limitless while felt like a chore to go through the EoG1 loop. Yet all this changed when during amygala hijack I became more fighty, instead of flighty. It somehow took a while for me to deduct it was Limitless (reconciliation). In fact once I dropped it and focused on EoG1 alone, I also no longer felt as irritated or twitchy during the listening session. It was quite disappointing as I thought I could score two birds with one stone with Limitless - gaining its benefits/objectives while also using it as an enhancer to absorb and process other subs; it was meant to make the absorption/processing easier with less recon.

Still I am now thinking maybe I should give it another go. After all it’s already here with me while QL1 isn’t, we need to make the best with what we have right :wink:

By the way I think this is also EoG1 influencing/changing me subtly. To help me see clearly the trigger/wound on my distrust on my abilities or capacities and encourage me to deal with it face to face. Moreover it’s once again related to materialism vs idealism mentioned in the previous post. Before I’d choose subs that focus on nonchalance or healings so that I wouldn’t feel useless. Yet it was masking the issue. What I need is concrete improvements on my abilities and be useful.

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#71

5m EoG1

Had precon of Limitless (or recon since I had used it before). Was in a discussion about materialism vs idealism. As my posts were made and the replies came in, I felt like no one answered my questions directly, i.e. danced around, and I felt tried as I might I couldn’t get my points across. I was able to catch myself at that moment even though I was a bit frustrated and tiresome. However after a while I got more and more triggered; my wounds on my intelligence, communication (style), abilities were opened. On top of that this indirectly dragged down the processing of EoG1, hence why it was backed to 5m even though 7m was handle able.

However towards the end of the precon/recon I suddenly remembered a book review podcast episode where they talked about a book of a self proclaimed financial advisor. In it he literally shared that he found ways not to pay taxes to government (illegally) as it was money spent on others when he would instead spend the money on himself and his family. When he was invited as a speaker, an audience asked him how they should deal with taxes and his reply was “you need to put yourself first”. The audience asked what it meant and again asked about their taxes, and he made the exactly same reply. Now when I was listening to that episode, with the context of a concise version of the book and the advisor’s background, I got what he was implying and why he wouldn’t reply taxes evasion out loud in public, so from his point of view he was making a clear answer.

This relates to my case as I now understood from the perspective of those replied me they were answering me directly while the way I saw it they weren’t because they didn’t reply in a style, and more importantly they didn’t use words I was using/expecting them to. In other words, when the replies didn’t match my expectations (of communicative style or words used) I got confused and began to double down my points/questions and subconsciously discarded their non replies and dug my heels in my own point of view.

This whole thing reconfirmed what I now saw clearly, if a discussion leaned to strongly in theory or was expressed in a traditionally theoretical way I lost interests. I want real life beneficial applications and examples those I can see and experience. Again I am catching myself being materialistic and narrow minded, may be even childish/naive in the grand scheme of things. Ironically the more self grounding I got the easier for this tendency to show up. I don’t know how much QL1 or limitless could help all of this, and to be honest with the way EoG1 being indirectly affected (it is my priority after all) I am not sure if I should listen to intelligent subs.

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#72

Ran out of supplements. Wondering maybe not refilling them and instead spend the money on a name embedded Khan Black 1. It’s because according to reviews KB1 provides users lively energy (after an adaptation period for some) and youthfulness via purifying and utilizing their own sexual energy. Feel like this turns users into a perpetual motion machine :+1: Not to mention the secureness and firmness that come with it.

I have this odd tendency that a sub or module’s cover art influences my decision or feelings towards it. Before when I looked at Khan Black it was too mythical/fantastical for me. These days when I looked at it it reminded me of darkness where possibilities drown in it. With light what you see is what you get; it is in the darkness where “anything” is lurking. It may be good and it may be bad, and it may be both good and bad.

What I also want from KB1

Twice in my life where I “visited” the void/darkness/black goo sea when I meditated. The feelings and epiphanies didn’t last but I remember the imagery and concept I got from those times. I remember feeling very safe and relaxed as I was part of the monsters (think Cthulhu and One Hundred Demons) either literally e.g. I was the tail of a giant snake, or I was “eaten” by a monster yet now I was the substance of it = I was it, which in turn meant I ate it = it was in me if it makes sense.

Also with the One Hundred Demons I came with an understanding of the meaning of reckoning. It killed everything good and bad equally because it was beyond the idea of it’s fair that good people get good ending and bad people get bad ending. With both killed, good people, if they were hurting, wouldn’t have to be hurt anymore and bad people wouldn’t have the chance to continue to hurt others. Also good people wouldn’t ever be turned into bad people. From chaos (as said anything is possible in darkness) we came and to chaos we return.

I really miss the feelings and epiphanies and would love to experience them again.

2 Likes
#73

7m EoG1.

I gave out all my likes for now, literally. Won’t be able to like posts until later. Didn’t even know there were quotas for likes :exploding_head:

Feeling a little bit freer to be myself/express myself these days. Growing up the messages/signals/feedbacks I received always were be less expressive less animated less blunt less intense less dramatic less goofy; be manly be tough be logical be mature be calm be serious be smooth be smart be calculative.

It took me a long long time to finally figure out my mbti type as I really didn’t know what the natural me was like. The taught habits and the suppressed reflex were so ingrained that I either couldn’t answer the questionnaires properly or I couldn’t even begin to understand the description e.g. as soon as I skimmed half way through I was like nope not me next.

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#74

P.S. Why is that some YouTube videos can actually be shown here but others only shown up as a link?

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#75

Hmmm somehow I already once again reached the like quotas…even though I only gave out around a dozen I think. Once again I have to wait to be able to like again :upside_down_face:

2 Likes
#76

I give around 20 likes and then wait for an hour or more and then continue.

Am a serial liker too like you lol.

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#77

Meanwhile Liked your post lol

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#78

Haha! I can see your invisible Like for that post and this one as well.

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#79

Phew finally able to like. I feel like my hp bar is refilled :kissing_smiling_eyes:

I randomly have this idea that there should be a rollover system for likes. For whatever reasons we don’t visit the forum, the likes for that period should be rollovered or accumulated. Better yet SubClub should let us lend likes from them and we return more likes to them :revolving_hearts: :star_struck:

EoG1 officially takes over my mind :point_up_2: :crazy_face:

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