Chase’s freewriting journal

[Chase]

The custom is probably in a deeper hitting phase. The first layer made me relax and playful, now the second phase began.

Came across a few post saying how Chosen was positive and changed one’s life, and I couldn’t relate to it inwardly. Don’t get me wrong Chosen did bring me nice external manifestations, there were times when I got special treatments, and those treatments made me happy and grateful for the time being. Yet inwardly I wasn’t that positive, in fact if anything sometimes the special treatment reminded me the chasm between how they conceived me and who I was/felt to be; I almost felt like a fraud.

It’s true that subs work through us in the sense that different individual processes or “wears” the subs in their own way. Tough minded people like Saint would find Chosen or Stark alpha when I who lacks a firm inner core found myself being swept by others’ opinions or actions. But then it is an unique me issue that I have to overcome.

[Chase]

As said before these days I mostly listen to techno. I now very much prefer music with zero or very little lyrics; the lack of lyrics keeps my mind quieter instead of having sentences or words repeating in it.

Ray Of Solar (Visualizer)

Tiësto - Lay Low (Argy Remix)

[Chase]

Speaking of music taste, another sign of subs influencing those around me is family member also changed their musical choice when I listened to this custom and Chosen off the top of my head.

[Chase]

Another huge discount manifestation for a relative. I began to wonder either I have a blockage, which actually makes sense, and/or I don’t have enough channels/desires to bring forth manifestation myself.

I confess I have a limited view on manifestations; when I think of manifestations they are about “adding” or “gaining” e.g. extra money, and discard those about “subtracting” or “saving”. Logically when I think about it I understand they bring forth the same outcome at the end in practice yet feeling wise there is a hurdle I have difficulty overcome.

Lately it seems my intuition got stronger, its presence was extra evident when I didn’t listen to it🙃 to the point I got dizzy and nauseated and I am not exaggerating one bit. This had happened a few times now. I have a fantastical “explanation” about it - each time the decision/action would take me to an alternate pathway. It could be both the things I should’ve voiced or shouldn’t have voiced, or the place I should’ve been or not, or even I should’ve left my mobile no. to a charity/organization or not. The thing was the “hint” was so subtle, like a fleeing thought, and the window to make that decision was short, that only after I took the “wrong” action resulted in physical reaction and emotional crash, like a sudden anxiety came out of nowhere and I couldn’t let go of the should’ve been, then I felt undeniably a defining moment was missed out.

If I go full gnostic for this paragraph, then I will like to take this chance to apologize to Stillmind for not seeing or ignoring her; and pray that I have clarity and discernment from now on.

[Chase]

Have been wanting to say this - thank you all for making a journal here and sharing your life experiences and insights. There were concepts or ideas or understanding in my head I regarded as useless or unsophisticated, and I wouldn’t otherwise share for fear of being seen as unintelligent or simple. The same went to experiences I thought were lacking or boring to be recorded yet did. Your journals inspire, assure and encourage me. So once again thank you

[Chase]

DEUS and Omnidimensional: I had customs without these pure result enhancers, for me the difference lies in the smoothness of custom absorption, in contrary to the effectiveness of execution. They are akin to lubricates, with them the modules/customs slide into the mind with less friction. Personally I also feel these two modules work similar to Mosaic (according to the description) in the sense that they help interweaving the modules together. Without them the modules were “blunter”

ARES: I had this in my first custom and it worked right away. It’s only after dropping it that I realized how much it helped and was right for me. I didn’t wanna confirm there were so much weakness, shame, fear, doubts and guilty in me so I pushed this module away while I needed just it. This module makes me braver, more open and more accepting of myself. It is definitely part of the reason I am participating here more freely.

I.Q. and Cognitive Booster and The Streams: The best way I can describe them is they are similar to prescription lenses, without them one sees but with them a clearer view emerged, and with clearer view one is able to move more accurately with less accidents. I was able to easily notice things that I had missed before; my peripheral vision expanded metaphorically speaking. There were day to day minor issues that I was able to tweak them intrinsically. During conversations I was able to spot and point out the key elements.

[Chase]

Stillmind: A member posted here on how he knew a movie character was gonna betray the main character based on his facial expression, credited that to E:TWTP. I raise that with me being able to know the big reveal of a comic plot (two characters would have an affair later on and one of them was the biggest pos) based on the body posture and seating arrangement in a single panel

Stop Porn and Masturbation and Inner Gasoline: While the first couple of months of No PMO were achieved without them modules, having them in the custom help carrying out the resolution persistently and painfully.

[Chase]

I took things too seriously, and that wasn’t even the issue (it was), the issue was I took everything equally serious. Some weren’t mine, many were trivial at best, yet I spent so much time and energy on them all the same. Mind, the need to be right wasn’t about being egoistic or self righteous, it was me feared of not being useful or been seen as unintelligent.

Yet occasionally I have a glimpse of the freedom provided by humor and nonchalance. Like a thought telling me jokingly “eh…sir…please let me remind you you have no dog in this fight” or “who knows I certainly don’t this situation ran away from me” lol.

The insight for the day is sense of humor and lightheartedness go a loooong way.

[Chase]

Had been having recon, felt dim and suffocated. Occasionally had an intense fear of dying, be it mine or those around me.

Tired of helping others, or put it more precisely helping others was a tiring duty it’s time and energy consuming. I did the research for them, and sometimes did the action for them while fearing the end result wouldn’t be useful.

[Chase]

Don’t wanna mix bad feeling post with good feeling post hence put the higher note here instead. I had a think-and-you-should-receive manifestation, it was another discount manifestation but it finally happened to me

The power of not caring and utterly detachment. That is the very foundation of manifestation but also, as far as my understanding goes, a core teaching of Buddhism-See the thing as what it is without any judgement, in the sense of whether you like it or not, whether you want it or not, whether you find it good or not etc. When I was thinking of the item, I wasn’t craving it nor needing it. During the time it crossed my mind, it didn’t make me anxious or obsessive, or happy or excited, it was merely there provoked no (emotional) reaction whatsoever. I didn’t care if the thought popped up or disappeared.

The principle certainly isn’t news to me, this kind of manifestation happened before but this time it was like it was in a slow(er) motion. Can anyone tell me a sure way for me to reach this mentality 24/7 short of me being a Buddha or a Saint?

[Chase]

Was quite close to relapse on PMO but thanks to Inner Gasoline and Stop Porn and Masturbation I was able to control my urges and actions. Don’t get me wrong it took conscious efforts but at least I am in control with their help. This also confirmed my reluctance to listen to Alpha subs.

I am hesitated to write this but it seems Inner Voice isn’t doing much. I remember back when I was listening to LBFH and CFW, one of the lesser thing noticed was I didn’t get the positive effect of their version of inner voice. I was hoping the module version would be much pronounced. I wonder if it worked like mathematics in the sense that for those who have okay inner dialogues to begin with, adding Inner Voice would be like 1+1 while in my case I was > -1 to begin with so adding it to it = <0 or something like that.

On a slightly higher note, while I was having really racing bad thoughts or intense fear, which happened when I woke up suddenly, compared to what I used to be (went full on panic mode and insomina), I could go back to sleep and woke up relatively placid, thanks to Stress Displacement and Deep Sleep.

[Chase]

Time flies hardly fathom the last entry was almost 2 weeks ago.

Let’s get the lesser news out of the way I relapsed on pmo. It’s been a long time coming; days preceded to the relapse I had been edgy, restless and distracted. However, a small consolation was compared to the past I was less harsh on myself and accepted the failure steadily. Probably due to ARES.

While listening to the custom and meditating on the sound, Inner Voice finally came to me. It told me I was good enough to be successful, to have a good life. In fact I myself was more than good enough that I didn’t need any role model to follow or mimic; this was my personalized life and I was capable to carve my own path my own ways. It told me I had every quality in me to make anything happen. Mind, not just the good qualities, but the message was as I have all the qualities in me, by extension I have all the possibilities in me, anything is possible for me and I can be anyone I choose to be.

Since this custom, my relationship with my family seems to improve quite a bit; it is harmonized. People seem to be friendlier and more chatty around me.

[Chase]

What I learnt regarding Subs for the past months.

1. A long washout is a necessity to me. The length of it is related to the period running subs and the number of subs. E.g. the more different subs (subs hopping) I ran, the more rest days I needed, which turned into a washout eventually.
2. An effective washout has to be more than five consecutive weeks at minimum. A two week here a three week there just won’t cut it. There is no way to outrun the need to a long washout.
3. Genesis by itself did little to me. Previously I mentioned it brought out positive inner voice, it is not the case. However, what happened was Genesis enhanced the sub I listened to in prior (Chosen from Within at that time). By the way CFW by itself didn’t bring out inner voice neither. I found that out when I listened to a custom with the module Inner Voice. The module was quite subtle in day to day life until I listened to Genesis with the custom.
4. All kinds of cognitive subs more or less disturb my sleep, e.g. Limitless, Stark etc. It doesn’t matter if I listen to it morning or afternoon, it doesn’t matter if it is a full loop or 5 minutes, the disturbance will happen eventually.
5. Limitless (major title custom) instead of the beneficial objectives, I was experiencing quite the opposite. One of them was a worsen case of amygdala hijack. On top of the shaking I now exploded as a reflex, while before I at least could keep it to myself. One important info is I added Harmonic Conflux to it and the above still happened.
6. Probably due to the new tech, maybe due to the module I.Q. And Cognitive Booster in previous custom or Limitless, or all of them above, I cannot listen to as much subs and as frequent as I once used to be. The pace most comfy is three rest days with one sub on listening session.
7. Relationship with subs changed. There are subs that once worked nicely with me, e.g. no recon, somehow don’t work anymore, e.g. huge resistance or irritation now. Then there are subs that were irritating and difficult to run became a must have for me. I cannot rely on past experiences to determine which subs are right for me.

Edit:

8. The Art of Happiness and Joy is an sub enhancer. It helps prime the mind to relax and makes absorbing the subs following much easier.

[Chase]

A new cycle began last night following two weeks of listening sessions and three rest days in between, ended with a five-day washout. I am planning to focus on just EoG1+Winner Overdrive major title custom for this cycle.

Previously I listened to both EoG1+Winner Overdrive and Limitless+Harmonic Conflux and as noted in my last post a major issue was I lost control constantly as a reflex. It is likely due to Limitess recon and I simply haven’t got the bandwidth to process two customs for now. Hence I am dropping Limitess this cycle.

On the brighter side, these customs make me more grounding/have a stronger sense of self. I know it sounds contradictory to the above paragraph but…for example I overthink less when I write or ask something, and once I am done expressing I move on without lingering (e.g. replying the scenes) like I used to be. On top of that I gradually have a sense of believing all things will work out at the end one way or another.

A broken clock is right twice a day - I felt my pessimism was paid off, as in the advantages of being pessimistic show itself, e.g. never being disappointed and upset, after what happened to a female family member of mine. She asked a favor of a family friend, but the thing was to satisfy her request, he had to ask his friend instead, i.e. his hands were tied. So long story short her request was rejected whether it was by the family friend or his friend I don’t know. And this incident came as quite a shock to her and really upset her since she was used to getting her way all the time. Before that I told her not to do this but then not asking for help is my default mode so what do I know right.

[Chase]

Nowadays I take five rest days between listening sessions (full loop); still single track-EoG1 with Winner Overdrive.

Have had nightmares a few times for the past week. The one I just had was particularly haunting. It came with a complete plot so it felt like I lived a lifetime. I now forgot the very beginning but I think it was a nice normal daily life. Anyways not long after I was living in a period where an apocalypse was right around the corner. I was living in dorms and one day me and some others noticed there were animals those weren’t native appeared in the campus (e.g a human sized hairy bird) and they behaved weirdly (squeaked loudly and trying to break into the dormitory through the floor to ceiling glass windows). Right from the beginning I had this knowing/prophecy that the people in the dorms/campus were gonna be killed but didn’t know why or how. As weeks went by the world slowly realized something’s wrong but the people tried to hold onto normalcy. As usual there were opportunists under such circumstances and in this case there were murders and killers. Nighttime was a dangerous period and good people tended to keep a low key and hide. I was still working part time and was meant to be back to dorms before sunset. But was held back due to my boss asking me to repair the hot water system; it was getting rare to have such a functioning system. So now it was nighttime and I debated if I should just stay overnight there and wanted to let my friends in the dorms know where I was, but there was no cellular signal. As I looked out to the windows (the work place was like around 5th floor) I saw a few masked figures wandering around and instinctively knew those were serial killers. So I turned off the lights to keep them from noticing this place. I needed to alarm the people in the dorms so I decided to take the risks to go out at night. I was able to hide from a few of them as I was tip toeing. But when I was under a bridge/tunnel a lone serial killer was wandering by and it was a split second moment from him seeing me so I panicked and got clumsy, which caught his attention. And this made me panic more and let go of any semblance of being low key. I ran all the way to the dorms; as I was closing the entrance I could see him coming and everything was happening in slow motion-I saw the door swag dropped as the gap closing. My friend came to help push it and locked it as soon as it was closed. But somehow none of us realizing there were floor to ceiling windows; and now the serial killer was breaking in and as he (and us) made such noise other killers noticed the place and came to us. There was nothing we could do to stop them. That’s when it dawned on me that all this time I was the very reason everyone was killed. The dorms was actually in a secluded location, if not were me it wouldn’t be discovered so easily. I didn’t even understand at that moment why I came back to them. I kept asking myself nonstop “why did I go to them” and I think I was literally asking that, as in speaking with sound, as I woke up.

[Chase]

Taking a 7 or 9 day washout. In theory since I already take 5 rest days in between listening sessions these days, I could go on like this forever - no more cycles.

I feel like I am ready to add a second sub to my stack. When I was listening to EoG1+Winner Overdrive, I had a hunch about adding Ascension (with Essence: the Art of Happiness and Joy) to it. I don’t have Ascension major title but it was one of my first major cores in customs. I listened to it for a short while in custom until I dropped it all together due to overloading. My subconscious mind made random associations between my conscious one got the logic - very old posts pointed out that Natural Winner module was in Ascension (and it makes sense Overdrive is there too); current EoG1 has (some) AoHJ in it. Hence EoG1+Winner Overdrive x Ascension+AoHJ = an enhanced version of both subliminals, as in they synchronize with each other if you got me. I am deciding whether I should go for it now and remake the custom later which is not really cost effective, or I should simply wait until it is updated which may take a couple more months

Another option is I use Emperor instead (just store version with no added module). Again this came as a hunch and it made it clear that it is a second choice ( though still a good choice). The thing is my OCD in this case wants to match store Emperor with store EoG, which I don’t have as the very reason I made a EoG1 major custom was because I only wanted Stage 1. It is also why I don’t go for any multi stages titles at all - I don’t connect with stages beyond stage 1. Decisions decisions.

I had been using AI to interpret my natal chart for fun; I didn’t paid much attention to astrology as I didn’t really understand and couldn’t bother to understand the jargons/technicalities (I still don’t). Anyways once I got the results, out of nowhere I have this sure feelings that nothing is set in stone, with the help of EoG and faith/knowing, even the stars can be realigned/rearranged, and ancestral limitations/chains can be broken (even to the point of DNA level). Whatever challenges or karmic rooted limitations presented in chart mean little to me now as I don’t have to be this person. This is clearly due to the manifestation of EoG1, e.g. Roots of Scarcity and Inherited Wealth Stories. I still don’t know much about astrology but again out of the blue I knew Capricorn traits and energy were what I strongly wanted to be (I don’t have it in my chart). I don’t know whether it is the cause or it is the effect but I know it links to me choosing Ascension or Emperor as my second subliminal.

[Chase]

Have been having presults of varied subliminals simply by considering listening to them. My mind was racing non stop on imaginary Stark Black (which I don’t have and never listened to it), I was more humorous but also less secure more pulled towards external factors. On imaginary Wanted (I have and used to listen to it) a few pictures or songs related to its theme came to me via social media, also sex drive piked. On imaginary Emperor (I have and used to listen it) I got impatient and became perfectionist; I was really bothered by tasks not being completed or without closure, e.g. not only my msg or emails had to be cleared, I would be bothered by family members’ msg or emails not to mention tasks not being cleared.

Having said that I think I will listen to Emperor as my second sub stacking it with EoG1. I was already doing full loop for EoG1 but with Emperor I will go back to 3 mins EoG1 with 1 min Emperor.

[Chase]

After reading the new microloop guideline and the replies by Saint, I decided to make a commitment to it. Just did my first ever microloop (30s). Since last year I haven’t had a regular or fixed listening routine, I think it’s good for me to have one now. It almost came as a relief to my mind as full loop with many rest days in between is harder than shorter loop with less rest days to it. At least it seems to be the feedbacks I am getting.

[Chase]

Well I was so sure that 30s was a piece of cake and now I am having reconciliation. I feel like it has got more to do with my past full loops being released with the crack that is microloop if that makes sense. I am currently feeling anxious, easily triggered (e.g. sensitive to noises) and slightly overanalyzing. I kept thinking/trying to fil the gaps in the microloop guideline. For example, I was thinking when recon if one should further lower the exposure or increase rest days or both of them, if yes for how long etc. Also if one was in recon for sub A but not sub B, since both subs were meant to have the same amount of exposure, would it mean sub B be held back by sub A? How about if sub A reached say 7m but then a new sub was added, would it mean A had to go back to 30s to match the new sub?

Then a thought popped up and told me to “do” instead of overthinking any of that. All these overanalyzing mean little in real life, all I need is “just do it”; I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it and anything else before that is just my mind playing armchair philosopher.

[Chase]

Still on 30s. Originally I considered moving on to 1m but after reading Saint himself was on 30s with his subs I decided to stick to 30s for another session or more, depends on the amount of recon. The recon I am feeling is less than the last session, though clearly it is here.

I am not rushing to higher loop; I am determined to do it properly this round with fixed schedule (discipline) and pay attention to what, when and how recon is brought up (clarity). I have a clear goal of what I want to achieve out of EoG1-to reinvent myself fundamentally. The background, the upbringing, the brainwashing, the experiences etc. don’t matter, they no longer define what I am or what I can do, and I am as fortunate and capable as any big shot. With EoG1 I am not looking for wealth ideas or opportunities, they exist in my life because they are the incidental effects of me being a fortune person if it makes sense. In fact EoG1 installed a few keywords in me: shake off and shave off, beyond and transcend.