Chase’s freewriting journal

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#18

As soon as the morning began I was bombarded by unpleasant news from a family member (wasn’t bad per se, it was old ghosts lingering). While unpleasant that news didn’t bother me too much, what had been bothering me was how that member kept dissecting that news via mostly neurotic angles, and bringing that up non stop. I couldn’t catch a break.

On one hand I totally got them, I know what’s like being anxious and obsessing over something. Though I tended to do it in my head keep it to myself. On the other hand it is for this reason that I was really bothered by the over sharing; it was like I was being forced to be neurotic as I had to keep thinking about that news while I could have been relaxed. Additionally I am more nonchalant these days, obsessing over something no longer sits well with me, and I much prefer this new me. I feel like the situation is dragging me back to the old me and preventing the progression of my transformation.

The quote from Palpatine is right on point that (and I take a step further) if we want to change our story we have to get rid of those who bring up our old self.

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#19

IMG_0001

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#20

Has been having ear inflammation for the past few days. Apart from the usual pain, itching, swelling, redness and heat, I am also tired and having neck+headache. The inflammation first came a few years ago out of the blue; the first time was the worst to the point I couldn’t open my mouth. Since then it became a recurrent issue one that happened a couple times a year and it could be either ear by chance.

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#21

I had a similar infection in February, even with water leaking out of the ear. What helped me tremendously was Swedish herbs (or Elixir of the Swedish man) put on a cotton ball, plucked into the ear. It was gone after a few days instead of turning into a serious infection.

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#22

Thanks man I will see if I can get them.

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#23

Didn’t get a good rest as had had dramatic dreams bordering nightmares.

Not remembering them clearly. The first one was about a mother carrying a plot to revenge her daughter who was hurt (and killed?) by a group of men. She presented as a weak cleaner. She asked me, without me knowing her intention and her real identity, if I could help her clean and find something in the sewerage. The nightmarish part was the entrance was small and narrow, and revoltingly filthy; I was wearing shorts and t-shirt and white sneakers. I kept a brave face and sucked it up. After I got down I realized the tunnels were used as a hideout and suddenly understood everything the mother went through and tried to accomplish.

The second one was me and my friends were homeless people. We found shelter by breaking in into a mall at a raining night. Some workers came and we scattered and hid ourselves, a few hid in the fitting rooms some ran further in. I wasn’t fast acting enough and could only hid in the shadow and prayed that I wouldn’t be spotted. No luck as the two female workers looked at my direction then became scared and paled and were ready to scream. So I stepped out and reassured them I told them they were safe and I would be leaving immediately. I left the mall sitting outside and didn’t know what to do or where to go. One of the female worker came comforting me and I was suddenly hopeful and asked her if I could get a job but she said it’s impossible even though she wanted to help. The nightmarish part was I felt so vividly despair beyond and I lost myself and cried so very hard to the point I woke myself up.

The third one was I got a monkey’s paw kind of charm. It was an accessory with cat shape with long tail. There was a female spirit inside it. It helped me a couple of times but I slowly realized how dangerous and unnatural it was and kept it away in the wall. I got close to a girl and she wanted to see and maybe use the charm. I took her to it and after digging it out she dropped the charm accidentally and broke the cat ears. I was nervous but she didn’t take it seriously and was very casual with the charm even though she knew there was a spirit in it. The nightmarish part was when she put it in the table the charm turned into a goo/slime like thing and covered her face and slowly swallowed her head. I was right behind the girl and knew as soon as she was done I was next but couldn’t move and there’s nowhere to escape. I was so scared that once again I woke myself up.

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#24

The custom is probably in a deeper hitting phase. The first layer made me relax and playful, now the second phase began.

Came across a few post saying how Chosen was positive and changed one’s life, and I couldn’t relate to it inwardly. Don’t get me wrong Chosen did bring me nice external manifestations, there were times when I got special treatments, and those treatments made me happy and grateful for the time being. Yet inwardly I wasn’t that positive, in fact if anything sometimes the special treatment reminded me the chasm between how they conceived me and who I was/felt to be; I almost felt like a fraud.

It’s true that subs work through us in the sense that different individual processes or “wears” the subs in their own way. Tough minded people like Saint would find Chosen or Stark alpha when I who lacks a firm inner core found myself being swept by others’ opinions or actions. But then it is an unique me issue that I have to overcome.

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#25

As said before these days I mostly listen to techno. I now very much prefer music with zero or very little lyrics; the lack of lyrics keeps my mind quieter instead of having sentences or words repeating in it.

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#26

Speaking of music taste, another sign of subs influencing those around me is family member also changed their musical choice when I listened to this custom and Chosen off the top of my head.

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#27

Another huge discount manifestation for a relative. I began to wonder either I have a blockage, which actually makes sense, and/or I don’t have enough channels/desires to bring forth manifestation myself.

I confess I have a limited view on manifestations; when I think of manifestations they are about “adding” or “gaining” e.g. extra money, and discard those about “subtracting” or “saving”. Logically when I think about it I understand they bring forth the same outcome at the end in practice yet feeling wise there is a hurdle I have difficulty overcome.

Lately it seems my intuition got stronger, its presence was extra evident when I didn’t listen to it🙃 to the point I got dizzy and nauseated and I am not exaggerating one bit. This had happened a few times now. I have a fantastical “explanation” about it - each time the decision/action would take me to an alternate pathway. It could be both the things I should’ve voiced or shouldn’t have voiced, or the place I should’ve been or not, or even I should’ve left my mobile no. to a charity/organization or not. The thing was the “hint” was so subtle, like a fleeing thought, and the window to make that decision was short, that only after I took the “wrong” action resulted in physical reaction and emotional crash, like a sudden anxiety came out of nowhere and I couldn’t let go of the should’ve been, then I felt undeniably a defining moment was missed out.

If I go full gnostic for this paragraph, then I will like to take this chance to apologize to Stillmind for not seeing or ignoring her; and pray that I have clarity and discernment from now on.

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#28

Have been wanting to say this - thank you all for making a journal here and sharing your life experiences and insights. There were concepts or ideas or understanding in my head I regarded as useless or unsophisticated, and I wouldn’t otherwise share for fear of being seen as unintelligent or simple. The same went to experiences I thought were lacking or boring to be recorded yet did. Your journals inspire, assure and encourage me. So once again thank you :hugs::handshake:

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#29

DEUS and Omnidimensional: I had customs without these pure result enhancers, for me the difference lies in the smoothness of custom absorption, in contrary to the effectiveness of execution. They are akin to lubricates, with them the modules/customs slide into the mind with less friction. Personally I also feel these two modules work similar to Mosaic (according to the description) in the sense that they help interweaving the modules together. Without them the modules were “blunter”

ARES: I had this in my first custom and it worked right away. It’s only after dropping it that I realized how much it helped and was right for me. I didn’t wanna confirm there were so much weakness, shame, fear, doubts and guilty in me so I pushed this module away while I needed just it. This module makes me braver, more open and more accepting of myself. It is definitely part of the reason I am participating here more freely.

I.Q. and Cognitive Booster and The Streams: The best way I can describe them is they are similar to prescription lenses, without them one sees but with them a clearer view emerged, and with clearer view one is able to move more accurately with less accidents. I was able to easily notice things that I had missed before; my peripheral vision expanded metaphorically speaking. There were day to day minor issues that I was able to tweak them intrinsically. During conversations I was able to spot and point out the key elements.

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Q Modules Experiences
#30

Stillmind: A member posted here on how he knew a movie character was gonna betray the main character based on his facial expression, credited that to E:TWTP. I raise that with me being able to know the big reveal of a comic plot (two characters would have an affair later on and one of them was the biggest pos) based on the body posture and seating arrangement in a single panel :laughing:

Stop Porn and Masturbation and Inner Gasoline: While the first couple of months of No PMO were achieved without them modules, having them in the custom help carrying out the resolution persistently and painfully.

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#31

I took things too seriously, and that wasn’t even the issue (it was), the issue was I took everything equally serious. Some weren’t mine, many were trivial at best, yet I spent so much time and energy on them all the same. Mind, the need to be right wasn’t about being egoistic or self righteous, it was me feared of not being useful or been seen as unintelligent.

Yet occasionally I have a glimpse of the freedom provided by humor and nonchalance. Like a thought telling me jokingly “eh…sir…please let me remind you you have no dog in this fight” or “who knows I certainly don’t this situation ran away from me” lol.

The insight for the day is sense of humor and lightheartedness go a loooong way.

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#32

Had been having recon, felt dim and suffocated. Occasionally had an intense fear of dying, be it mine or those around me.

Tired of helping others, or put it more precisely helping others was a tiring duty it’s time and energy consuming. I did the research for them, and sometimes did the action for them while fearing the end result wouldn’t be useful.

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#33

Don’t wanna mix bad feeling post with good feeling post hence put the higher note here instead. I had a think-and-you-should-receive manifestation, it was another discount manifestation but it finally happened to me :stuck_out_tongue:

The power of not caring and utterly detachment. That is the very foundation of manifestation but also, as far as my understanding goes, a core teaching of Buddhism-See the thing as what it is without any judgement, in the sense of whether you like it or not, whether you want it or not, whether you find it good or not etc. When I was thinking of the item, I wasn’t craving it nor needing it. During the time it crossed my mind, it didn’t make me anxious or obsessive, or happy or excited, it was merely there provoked no (emotional) reaction whatsoever. I didn’t care if the thought popped up or disappeared.

The principle certainly isn’t news to me, this kind of manifestation happened before but this time it was like it was in a slow(er) motion. Can anyone tell me a sure way for me to reach this mentality 24/7 short of me being a Buddha or a Saint?

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#34

Was quite close to relapse on PMO but thanks to Inner Gasoline and Stop Porn and Masturbation I was able to control my urges and actions. Don’t get me wrong it took conscious efforts but at least I am in control with their help. This also confirmed my reluctance to listen to Alpha subs.

I am hesitated to write this but it seems Inner Voice isn’t doing much. I remember back when I was listening to LBFH and CFW, one of the lesser thing noticed was I didn’t get the positive effect of their version of inner voice. I was hoping the module version would be much pronounced. I wonder if it worked like mathematics in the sense that for those who have okay inner dialogues to begin with, adding Inner Voice would be like 1+1 while in my case I was > -1 to begin with so adding it to it = <0 or something like that.

On a slightly higher note, while I was having really racing bad thoughts or intense fear, which happened when I woke up suddenly, compared to what I used to be (went full on panic mode and insomina), I could go back to sleep and woke up relatively placid, thanks to Stress Displacement and Deep Sleep.

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#35

Time flies hardly fathom the last entry was almost 2 weeks ago.

Let’s get the lesser news out of the way I relapsed on pmo. It’s been a long time coming; days preceded to the relapse I had been edgy, restless and distracted. However, a small consolation was compared to the past I was less harsh on myself and accepted the failure steadily. Probably due to ARES.

While listening to the custom and meditating on the sound, Inner Voice finally came to me. It told me I was good enough to be successful, to have a good life. In fact I myself was more than good enough that I didn’t need any role model to follow or mimic; this was my personalized life and I was capable to carve my own path my own ways. It told me I had every quality in me to make anything happen. Mind, not just the good qualities, but the message was as I have all the qualities in me, by extension I have all the possibilities in me, anything is possible for me and I can be anyone I choose to be.

Since this custom, my relationship with my family seems to improve quite a bit; it is harmonized. People seem to be friendlier and more chatty around me.

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#36

What I learnt regarding Subs for the past months.

  1. A long washout is a necessity to me. The length of it is related to the period running subs and the number of subs. E.g. the more different subs (subs hopping) I ran, the more rest days I needed, which turned into a washout eventually.
  2. An effective washout has to be more than five consecutive weeks at minimum. A two week here a three week there just won’t cut it. There is no way to outrun the need to a long washout.
  3. Genesis by itself did little to me. Previously I mentioned it brought out positive inner voice, it is not the case. However, what happened was Genesis enhanced the sub I listened to in prior (Chosen from Within at that time). By the way CFW by itself didn’t bring out inner voice neither. I found that out when I listened to a custom with the module Inner Voice. The module was quite subtle in day to day life until I listened to Genesis with the custom.
  4. All kinds of cognitive subs more or less disturb my sleep, e.g. Limitless, Stark etc. It doesn’t matter if I listen to it morning or afternoon, it doesn’t matter if it is a full loop or 5 minutes, the disturbance will happen eventually.
  5. Limitless (major title custom) instead of the beneficial objectives, I was experiencing quite the opposite. One of them was a worsen case of amygdala hijack. On top of the shaking I now exploded as a reflex, while before I at least could keep it to myself. One important info is I added Harmonic Conflux to it and the above still happened.
  6. Probably due to the new tech, maybe due to the module I.Q. And Cognitive Booster in previous custom or Limitless, or all of them above, I cannot listen to as much subs and as frequent as I once used to be. The pace most comfy is three rest days with one sub on listening session.
  7. Relationship with subs changed. There are subs that once worked nicely with me, e.g. no recon, somehow don’t work anymore, e.g. huge resistance or irritation now. Then there are subs that were irritating and difficult to run became a must have for me. I cannot rely on past experiences to determine which subs are right for me.

Edit:

  1. The Art of Happiness and Joy is an sub enhancer. It helps prime the mind to relax and makes absorbing the subs following much easier.
#37

A new cycle began last night following two weeks of listening sessions and three rest days in between, ended with a five-day washout. I am planning to focus on just EoG1+Winner Overdrive major title custom for this cycle.

Previously I listened to both EoG1+Winner Overdrive and Limitless+Harmonic Conflux and as noted in my last post a major issue was I lost control constantly as a reflex. It is likely due to Limitess recon and I simply haven’t got the bandwidth to process two customs for now. Hence I am dropping Limitess this cycle.

On the brighter side, these customs make me more grounding/have a stronger sense of self. I know it sounds contradictory to the above paragraph but…for example I overthink less when I write or ask something, and once I am done expressing I move on without lingering (e.g. replying the scenes) like I used to be. On top of that I gradually have a sense of believing all things will work out at the end one way or another.

A broken clock is right twice a day - I felt my pessimism was paid off, as in the advantages of being pessimistic show itself, e.g. never being disappointed and upset, after what happened to a female family member of mine. She asked a favor of a family friend, but the thing was to satisfy her request, he had to ask his friend instead, i.e. his hands were tied. So long story short her request was rejected whether it was by the family friend or his friend I don’t know. And this incident came as quite a shock to her and really upset her since she was used to getting her way all the time. Before that I told her not to do this but then not asking for help is my default mode so what do I know right.