Chaos Dragon Reborn

Journals - Major Programs
#61

Alright. First off, thank you for always stopping me from running with the scissors. I feel rather foolish for always making the same mistake of wanting to overdo this in some way… Thank you for kindly slapping me in the face.

I realize that I first misinterpreted the new listening pattern, perhaps even (subconsciously) deliberately so… and then reverting back to the “Advanced Alternative Pattern”… But I am in no mood or state for experimentation and will subsequently heed your words and kill my darlings.

So for today and the rest of the week:
Tuesday : DRst2 x1, LD x1, LB x1
Wednesday : Rest
Thursday : DRst2 x1, LD x1, LB x1
Friday : Rest
Saturday : Rest
Sunday : Rest

Yeah I included it as I had already listened to it twice by the time I read the new guidelines. I will stop fudging around with that now, and will continue with only 1 loop per day from now on.

#62

This schedule looks very reasonable.

Thank you.

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#63

Another week, another update. This will be the last (planned) week of DR2. Not sure how I feel about that. I’ve gone through a tremendous shift the last couple of weeks, and I’ve been able to recognize my ‘traumas’ and the proper way to deal/think about them. The worst thing about having a victim mentality is that it comes with so many layers, and the mindset really tries to trick you in every way. I guess… It’s a sort of coping mechanism from childhood. Ah, anyway. I’m just happy that I can see it for what it is, and that I need to stay on my toes with regards to it. It’s so easy to revert back to a lower level of thinking at times.

I’m not entirely sure how I am supposed to ‘feel’ at this point after almost two months of DRst2. But I suppose that no one can really say how it’s supposed to feel. I am just excited about getting into stage three, to see what will happen. I feel like I am ready to try my wings. So, one last week of DR, then a week washout, and then on to stage 3 for two months.

This weeks schedule:
Monday: DRst2 x1, LD x1, LB x1
Tuesday: Rest
Wednesday: DRst2 x1, LD x1, LB x1
Thursday: Rest
Friday: DRst2 x1, LD x1, LB x1
Saturday: Rest
Sunday: Rest

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#64

The past week’s washout after ST2 was really needed, and I’m glad that I waited before starting ST3. I wondered if i was ready but after the first loop today it felt right.

Anyway, This week’s (and probably next week also) schedule:
Monday : DRst3 x1
Tuesday : Rest
Wednesday: DRst3 x1
Thursday : Rest
Friday : DRst3 x1
Saturday : Rest
Sunday : Rest

I’ll do it by the book, and no dicking around this time. I want to see what ST3 will do for me and not involve other titles or induce recon unnecessarily.

I’ll make a more detailed update tomorrow.

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#65

So here’s the update. I just started ST3 yesterday, and it felt good. During the last week of ST2 and last week’s washout I guess I felt down for a bit. I ran LB and LD in together with ST2 during the last couple of weeks of stage 2 and, well… I think I might have gotten heavy recon. I felt the opposite effect of LB and LD, so I guess that’s a telltale sign of it. I felt isolated, alone, and that I did not have enough personal power to solve my (immediate) problems, and felt really stuck and unhappy and hopeless with everything really. Everything sucked. I tried working it and change my perspective and attitude and such, but I felt stuck anyway. I’ve also been gaming more the past couple of weeks… while unable to enjoy it like I usually do. Guess I’ve been a bit depressed, maybe.

Conversely, after the first loop of ST3 I felt that shift I had tried to make, and it all felt a little lighter again. I felt that Yes, I DO have personal power, and I can see and solve all my personal problems and challenges. I also feel that the idea of what I need to do to progress (with my inner game) have crystallized. I was aware of all that before…but now I can feel what I need to do and what I have got to focus on. Strange, but welcome. I’ll be careful with DRst3 and not add anything to the stack for 2-3 weeks.

On a different yet to me paramount note… here’s an excerpt from my personal journal, right before starting on ST3:

I experienced vivid hypnogagic imagery for the the time today, during a nap. I was half-asleep. It was like a colorful kaleidoscope at first, and I were being pulled towards it. Then it changed and morphed and became living. Now moving shades of black and grey. I saw an eye open up close. A dragon eye. Then it moved back and I saw the face as it looked straight at me. I could feel it was a something. A someone. The question is whether it was someone or something else, or a higher aspect of myself. The dragon reborn within myself.
I don’t know. But I know that answers will come to me. The mere fact that I was able to experience hypnagogic imagery so clearly and vividly… only shows to tell how far I’ve come really. At least… that’s how I chose to think about it. And while I were watching the shapes and forms morph and move around… It felt like my eyes were wide open. More so than when I am awake. Amazing. Now I know what to look for. How to replicate it. A landmark in my quest for lucid dreaming. And the Dragon Aspect? A bonus (although no small one!). I could really feel that it had something to do with me. Either being an aspect of myself, or someone I should or ought to reach out to, or someone I am already working with. Regardless, I will remain open. And I will keep practicing the hypnagogic state, without pushing it.
It feels great. An unexpected but very welcome progress.

It felt like the gaze of an apex predator, and I usually get that feeling of a presence when I am actually working with someone/something, so it felt significant from a spiritual perspective.

Anyway.

Sage Immortal.

I checked it out first when it was released, and again now after the recent newsletter, and I know it’s one for me. It checks all the boxes, and after 4 years of spiritual/esoteric practice and 3 years of heavy shadow work… and after completing Dragon Reborn in december I think I might be ready for it as a primary title. Although I wonder if I might be alright to run the ultima as a booster once every other week or so… But! I will wait a couple of weeks until I know/feel the effect of DRst3 for sure, before I try anything else.

I know the path ahead. Now I just have to hammer out the details and let Stage 3 do its work.

Onward.

Heavensward.

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#66

If you want to run some other healing type subliminals with DR, I think that should work well.

Limit Destroyer should work. What else do you have?

How are you feeling now?

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#67

Yeah, I think so too. Although I want to see the effect of ST3 first for a few weeks before I involve any other titles. And to follow the listening guidelines properly… :sweat_smile:

In terms of healing titles I currently have LD, AM, LB (ordinary and prototype), and Paragon. I would like a sub that works with DR to help transmuting sexual/root energy into action and creativity - though this is not a priority atm.

Right now I am feeling rather optimistic. I’m still not where I want to be, but I am aware of my own personal power and what limiting beliefs I currently have, and an idea of how to move things around. I have a better understanding of how the hell I got myself here, and a greater willingness to assume responsibility for everything in my life, good and bad. I’m starting to feel unstuck, which is nice.

Productivity at work right now is so-so, but that’s mainly because I’m out of sync with my current tasks and work environment. I did a push and looked for a new job some time ago, and even got to an interview at a national security agency… but nothing came out of that unfortunately. Maybe I should apply for a job at SubClub. I’ve got 10+ years of customer service experience :wink:

I’ve also started using an app with binaural beats to help with my meditations (it’s awesome), and have finally settled for an esoteric practice to focus on.

“You will take to the skies and see all your remaining issues, tensions, conditioning, beliefs from afar. You will gain true understanding of what holds these blocks together, and you will gain true wisdom in knowing that they are simply holding you back. […] You will feel deep within the absolute meaning of letting go and letting the wind guide your flight.”

:point_up: I am also really really looking forward to this.

So all in all it’s good. I’m making progress and that’s all I need :v:

#68

Sounds like you’re on track.

As for other healing subliminals with DR, sure. Just monitor for overwhelm, but I think you know what to do.

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#69

I missed Friday, so I only ran two loops last week. Still I’ve been feeling something akin to wind under my wings. A bit of optimism? Like things even though not optimal at the moment are still coming together, one way or another. I’ve become more patient with my own progress and I’m allowing myself the time it will take to change. And instead of getting mentally and emotionally pinned downed by the issues of the day, I am more focused on the coming months and a more long term perspective. That brings a sense of calmness as well. After all, the Work won’t be completed in a day.

This week’s schedule will be simple:
Monday : DRst3 x1
Tuesday : Rest
Wednesday : DRst3 x1
Thursday : Rest
Friday : DRst3 x1
Saturday : Rest
Sunday : Rest

Today also for some I reason feel a ridiculous amount of optimism and a sense of love for all things and all people. Seems that LB did what it was supposed to do as well. Even one of my superiors at work that tried to get me fired last year for no reason at all is being polite to me now. What the hell?! :smiley:

That whole Neville Goddard “others only echo what we whisper to them in silence” -thing really is supercharged with Love Bomb! Just As Planned :tm:

:sweat_smile:

#70

Doing OK, though it feels like I’m being pulled apart and put together at the same time. Re-assembly? I also feel a lack of energy, but that’s probably because of lack of sleep and lack of physical exercise…

Anyway, I feel frustrated because I want to find a way to put together and to express everything that I’ve learned from personal growth and spiritual knowledge and experience obtained for the past 3-4 years… cross-referencing and connecting all kinds of things in a fun, creative and exciting (and coherent!) way… Yet when I try to think about it I fall short. The thought process is muddled and drained from all energy… Brain fog. And I just loose motivation to push on and distract myself instead. Though I think and feel that I do have something to contribute to the collective gnosis… that my experience could help someone else in their own growth…

Ranging from spirituality, new (old really) interpretation of scriptures, hermetecism, emotional intelligence, personal development, psychology, statecraft, personal power, health and (real sciency) nutrition and diet, comparative mythology, left-and-right hand path practices, manifestation modalities, psychic stuff, and much more…

I used to keep a blog in a ‘chaos magick’-spirit but I never had the time or energy to maintain it, and I have a gazillion amounts of (digital) notes about everything, everywhere. I keep thinking that all this knowledge, experience and personal gnosis is me pouring reagents into a proverbial alchemist cauldron, in the process of creating a sort of inner philosopher’s stone… Yet when I try to put it together my expression of it only feels immature and… ineloquent. It feels forced and superficial and quite frankly… rather boring and basic.

And yet this is my primary frustration at the moment… I have all this ‘stuff’ I’ve collected that I want to express, but I feel that I lack the tool to channel the creativity properly…

I have been thinking about just doing some speculative fiction-writing just to showcase some of the insights and curios angles that I’ve come across… while also dropping some hot hypersigils at the same time… I am certain there are limiting beliefs there also blocking the creativity…

I also realize that, beyond healing, I haven’t clearly and throughly defined my goals. Why am I doing all this? To improve, sure. But what’s the End Game? What’s the end I want to live from? I should have known better and defined that a long time ago. Everyone talks about it. Define the end, first.

Although, to be fair… my messy state of being kept me from clearly defining that, so I needed to do the healing first.

So now I suppose I just need to allow myself into the creative process of defining what the hell I want the rest of my life to be about. Though I am certain that it will be centered around spirituality and the ‘unseen realm’ one way or another…

#71

Over the years I’ve found that the contents of my dreams have a tendency to reflect my inner state of being. Like growing courage irl is represented by overcoming dream scares, etc…

Yesterday I had one of those dreams where you find yourself naked among other people. Usually shame kicks in, as I suppose it is like for most people finding themselves completely naked in a crowd. The veritable epitome of the expression of shame. Like a shame of being totally vulnerable and exposed; a shame of being who you truly are and showing that to the world.

But this time around I felt strangely unashamed. Unabashed of being totally vulnerable and entirely myself. I guess I’m getting more conferrable with the idea of expressing my core self more to the outside world, and not giving a damn about it. :v:

Today I will be running 1x loop of Paragon in addition to DRst3. I’ve been having pain in my foot due to bad shoes. I’m hoping it’ll subside quickly so that I can resume my jogging exercises soon… I need to channel this restlessness…

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#72

Amazing. With as little as ONE loop of paragon the pain is almost gone. WHAT KIND OF SORCERY IS THIS?!? :sweat_smile:

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#73

My foot is tremendously better today. I will run 1x more of paragon today, and then give it a rest.

I also had to help myself to Sage Immortal. I just had to taste it, so I’m running the Ultima ONCE. I will run it in stack a months or so into ST4 in November, or afterwards as a primary. For now I just wanted to get a small bite of it and know what it tasted like. Meanwhile I’m listening to Vivaldi and some dude on YT talking about manifestation and basically second and third thoughts, all while enjoying a mighty fine cup of coffee.

Today is gud, indeed.

#74

DRs3 is incredible. I feel as if I have wind under my wings, and I feel the strength of the entire dragon flight. I feel my limiting beliefs dropping more and more with every day, and gain more insight and wisdom about myself, as well as a more clear vision of what it is that I want, my purpose, and the path I need to take to get there - as well as the tools I need to help me get there. My current issues seems so small in comparison to the battles ahead!

I feel like I am soaring. Not in a manic kind of way, but more of a “things look really small down there” -kind of way.

It also helps me crystallize the vision for what subliminals I will run after I’m done with stage 4.

And just to leave a note about SG-U… yesterday after the loop I went on scribd to look up an esoteric book, and happened to come across several other related titles as well!

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#75

I planned to run this week according to the recommended listening pattern, but I am not sure anymore.

External circumstances would have it that I need to rethink my priorities for 2022, and consequently I need to reconsider which titles I want to focus on (beside DR) for the remainder of this Dragon Flight. PCC, Aegis, and/or Commander. StarkQ might be prudent after DRst4, as I need to step forward and lead from the front.

I really do want to run Sage and AP, and I think it will have great benefits to my over all state of being, and my spiritual and esoteric development as well, but it will have to be bumped down in priority for now I think. I did want to do Alchemy and/or QL but… .priorities…gah…

Still undecided if I should throw in PCC into this week’s mix of DRst3. It’s an intellectual sub as it’s based on the 48 laws of power… compared to Aegis which also has physical components… I think Aegis might require more energy, and PCC should not compete with DR…? At least I hope. Either way I still need to develop that social and political situational awareness. Commander is an ultima so… I might get away with a loop here and there…?

StartQ would serve me best during or after st4, so that will have to wait…

I didn’t want this to be necessary, but I am beyond grateful that titles such as PCC and aegis exist. My edge will be the sharper one, for sure.

This is it.

Rise of the Philosopher Dragon Prince.

It’s all in now.

#76

OK, so the week’s schedule. I’ll be pre-occupied thursday and forward so I won’t be able to listen then. Hence the “heavy stacking” mon-wed.

Monday : DRst3 x1, PCC x1, Commander x1
Tuesday : DRst3 x1. Maybe PCC x1 and/or Commander x1 depending on how I feel.
Wednesday : DRst3 x1, PCC x1, Commander x1
Thursday : Rest
Friday : Rest
Saturday : Rest
Sunday : Rest

What’s coming is… inevitable… but even so, I couldn’t help myself smiling just now. My god, what a time to be alive! And the things we will be able to accomplish!

Alea iacta est.

#77

Ok, something very weird happened. Thought it could be the caffeine… but I did not consume more than the usual suspects.

I ran DRst3 x1, PCC x1, Com x1 yesterday, and during the night I could not sleep. I maybe got 3 hours total of proper sleep. I was so full of energy, both in my body and mind. I tried calming meditation techniques, but my mind just kept processing. I couldn’t stop! I had to get up at 4:00 and do some analogue reading… I was sleepy tired then, but I did not feel exhausted. On the contrary I felt like a racing car on nitrogen. What the hell?! And even now halfway through the work day I feel the regular tiredness, but not any fatigue. Even my daily brain fog seems lighter now in the afternoon. Really… what is going on?

Did Commander and PCC slap me in the face, basically telling me to stop slacking and get to work?! And the wings of DRst3 carried me along for the ride? Very curious, indeed!

I’ll be more careful tonight. And maybe remember to take a melantonin sleeping aid…

#78

Feeling a bit nauseous and exhausted now, but that may be to lack of sleep and buildup over a few days (most likely), as well as me skipping meals today at work. In retrospect that was quite stupid.

Anyway. Sleep now, with melantonin, and we’ll see how I feel in the morning. If its bad I’ll scale back on the stack or simply just rest.

But damn. With commander I feel as if I have a whole different frame. :v:

#79

Monday : DRst3 x1, PCC x1, Commander x1
Tuesday : Rest
Wednesday : DRst3 x1, PCC x1, Commander x1
Thursday : Rest
Friday : DRst3 x1. Maybe PCC x1 and/or Commander x1 depending on how I feel.
Saturday : Rest
Sunday : Rest

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#80

Last week went well so I’ll be doing this again. Commander really has that Executive kick and it’s really energizing. I mean… wow. And my personal frame is shifting in a desired direction, and I feel that Commander was the complimentary sub I needed together with DR.

PCC I see more as a proactive protective layer right now so can’t say anything about that yet. Time will tell.