Well then, that I’ll do. Thanks for the great input - I really appreciate it! 
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Thanks, man!
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So the update.
I started DRst1 in March this year and have done it fairly consistently except for a week here or there. Each break I’ve felt bad for breaking discipline but afterwards I’ve always figured that I needed it. In the end it worked amazingly, and I have to say that the improvements although subtle at the time, have been profound in the end.
I’ve done several other things as well during this time in order to heal. One was to deliberately take a good look at my shadow and my own toxic behaviors. I’ve had a victim mentality for years, but I never expected it to have so many layers… Once I thought that I had gotten over that mentality, another layer reared it’s ugly head. It’s all good though, cause it gave me the opportunity for that deep cleansing. Dragon Fire, oh yes!
I also started to heal and recover my masculinity, self worth and personal power in a positive way. I never could figure out why I never could get what I wanted, or get my life together. It’s always been such a mess, and failure after failure! Turns out I’ve suffered from the chronic illness called Niceguyitus. Yeah… it’s not nice at all. I’m currently reading No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert A. Glover and oh damn, now I get it. “Nice guys” self sacrifice in order to please others, so much so that they loose all sense of worth and personal power… and this behavior also puts others off (what partner wants a pleaser without substance or internal power or integrity?), as well as makes the nice guy resentful for not having his needs met. He’s such a nice self-sacrificing guy, after all. No?
This behavior according to Robert comes from having experienced abandonment (real or by the child imagined) in some form in childhood, and no way to integrate or overcome it properly (ie from healthy parenting). So we self -sacirfice in order to please others so that we won’t be abandoned… “again”. The mental mechanisms of a child trying to survive, still in action in the adult.
It’s also passed down from fathers to sons, who were also ‘nice guys’. It’s so glaringly clear to me now… But now I can continue to heal that, and do it properly. Another insight from the book was that as children we are inherently naive and ego-centered (it’s a survival thing). But that also means that everything that goes wrong in the family, the child internally takes the blame for. After all, it’s all about him, right? And if he in his mind is so bad because he is the “reason” for whatever trauma or disturbances occurring, why would anyone want him? Cue the subconscious abandonment issues… Not to mention attachment styles, oh god…
Niceguyitus is the reason why I never succeeded in anything, and tried to please everyone. And never got anything. And being dishonest and resentful for others not satisfying “my needs” in return. So much so that I had no personal power left at all. No wonder I’ve felt like a looser all my life. I’ve always been one. 
So now… I finally know what was wrong, and how to fix it. Indeed, it has only been a few days since this realization, but boy do I feel better about myself now than ever before. I feel like a whole person, for once!
I also started to tell myself that I do indeed deserve to feel good about myself, and my life… This has also prompted me to make better decisions for myself. It’s easier to eat better, and it’s easier to get out and exercise. I believe my resistance to those things before were rooted in a subconscious belief that I didn’t deserve to feel good, and thus sabotaged for myself to keep it tat way. Also in conjunction with a chronic victim mentality, vehemently refusing responsibility for myself or anything, overlapping with the niceguyitus.
All in all, having “Crushed all my deepest fears, emotions, traumas, beliefs and energies” - I now feel ready to proceed to Dragon Reborn Stage 2. I’m starting with it a bit carefully today as I understand that it can be quite heavy, but will keep at it for at least a month. We’ll see how much time it’ll take - I’m in no hurry… I’ll start out with a stack of just DRst2, but will add RICH and ascended mogul for healing my relationship to money - for now. RM is next on my to-buy-list 
I’ll keep writing in this journal for the entire DR multistage, to keep it all in one place. @RVconsultant is there a way to change the title of the thread? Just removing Wyrmling and the last part? 
Without the healing fires of Dragon Reborn, I’m not sure I would have grown this much in such a short period of time… and I’m eager to see what the Dragon Blood will bring out. I’m ready.
/Athax
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Just type as a reply to this post exactly what you want the title of your journal to be changed to.
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‘Chaos Dragon Reborn’ - ought to do it. Thanks!
A few days into ST2 and I feel great. I feel as if I have greater and more clear personal boundaries, and I can more easily see “what’s mine and what’s yours” in during social exchanges. When someone comes complaining, I can more easily see it from their perspective if I am the one at fault, and conversely, realize that it has nothing to do with me and all to do with the other person, if I had nothing to do with it.
In short, a stronger and more calm, confident and self-reliant core being. Exactly what I was looking for. I also feel like I am honing in more and more into what kind of subs I want to commit to as well.
AM and RICH has rekted my current limiting beliefs about money, so now I feel more comfortable having it. I will put a pin on that for now and get back to it later in full force with RM, HoM, and perhaps even EoG and all the other goldies… but for now being at a comfortable level about money I will re-align towards my other primary goal: reaching into the Unseen realms through Lucid Dreaming, and further down the line Astral Projection, and some other… related… projects. I do come from the esoteric side of things, after all
Initially I got Paragon to help with my year-round seasonal allergies but will drop that as it has all been more or less cleared now, having been on Dr Goldner’s (free) Hyper Nourishment program for a couple of weeks. Can healing subs also manifest and connect you to practices and diets that will ultimately lead to your healing? 
Anyway, I am currently running DRst2 now with AM and Dreams. I’m thinking about perhaps getting Mind’s Eye that I’ve read about on the forum for those vivid dreams/images and visualizations, and Limitless to more easily reach into my unconscious and to (i hope?) improve dream recall - a vital skill to the success of lucid dreaming.
Mind’s Eye would also help me visualize better with Reality Transurfing, and Limitless would help me with my cognitive challenges and ravenous consumption of knowledge, so both would synergize well with my current goals.
Still, I don’t want to crowd my stack. Why did I have to commit to a 4 stage subliminal? 
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I’ve been reading some of the other Dragon Sibling’s journals and felt a tang of fear. ST1 was no joyride, but it wasn’t bad either. Not as bad as other people’s experiences… Am I stonewalling this? Did I try to hard? Is it working or am I doing it wrong? I tried to pace myself, settling for 3 months of ST1 with huge breaks at times… I felt relief when starting on ST2 but did I really go deep enough with the first stage? It felt right when changing to ST2, but was that perhaps a big recon? It felt like progress, but now I’m not sure…
Either way, I have lost all but the absolute minimum required motivation to function. I have zero motivation to do any kind of job-related work (This forum is a great way to spend my time instead ), my long-lasting relationship is crap and have been for a long time now, and I know I’ve been crap like it’s no joke, and I feel trapped by my current reality. Like the life I was trying to heal and get away from is still holding on to me, and it feels… heavy. The feeling? Pending between crazy optimism and despair… I don’t know… I’ve felt it so many times before that I’ve been at my breaking point, that it just feels normal to me now… ah… I guess the big issue… is still that the One Big Issue that I’ve refused to address, for many years now.
I try to stay chipper here, but part of that is just me heavily intellectualizing all the feels and shit that I carry with me. “Ah I am this and oh, this is what causes that blah blah blah…” The curse of reading to many “self help books”. Meh.
Altough, it feels as if the Dragon is nudging me closer and closer towards facing That One Thing, and setting me up so that I cannot not face it.
Perhaps it’s working… after all…
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Yup. It’s working.
My run of DR was quite similar.
Keep going 
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ST2 is by far the worst of the stages. I’d recommend dropping every other sub to focus on it.
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Thanks for the encouragement mate! 
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Yeah, I might just do that. Perhaps I’ll just run Dreams once as I go to bed… Man having tasted LD’s recently I so damn want to get at it again
These were my exact thought after completinr stage 1 too lmfaoo. Truthfully though, while its true you can always go deeper, youll see all these stages back again combined in the final stage, so might as well spend a little bit extra time on the final stage. Also for me stage 1 wasnt super bad either… st2 is way harder
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This run reallyyy seems similair to my run, i had that exact feeling on st2 too, and trust me, it gets better. Take all the time you need though, st2 comes with a lot of ups and even more downs.
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Its gonna be worth it though
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Thanks mate! I’m seeing it through - though I will take it easy with the loops on the more heavy days, and run only DR.
Today I am feeling more optimistic. Like I know that I am standing in the midst of the chaos, but I know that it’ll be alright. I re-read the description of DR just to feel assured in the results to come, and also thinking about what I want to accomplish once I’ve taken flight. 
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Only two runs today of ST2 and I’m feeling better. I’ll manage one more and then I’ll be done for the day. We’ll see about tomorrow. After lunch I can focus better at work, and will keep hydrating like crazy the rest of the day. I also slept abominably, so I’ll be sure to remedy that today.
Also yesterday and the day before that I made some small moves towards That One Thing that I have put of for so long… and today I saw some results of that. Will keep at it for sure, and will also give the healing time as well.
It’s like being in a really really Finnish sauna doing a crazy deep cleanse. Only the steam is not water it’s dragon fire and it burns like a fugger but also feels good
That’s crazy, I even had a “one thing” during ST2 and I was wording it just like this.
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Dragon Reborn sounds daunting. It’s good that you’re feeling better. Take care.
That some serious sauna stuff.
@Hoppa, what do you think?
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Maybe it’s the Dragon that’s pushing us to face That One Thing that we’ve shied away from for so long, and by facing down THAT monster we will finally able to push through. As The Thing has grown so much over time that it’s now an expression of, and a symbol, of all the limitations and mental/emotional chains combined that we’ve placed upon ourselves out of fear and our own 4-year old’s coping/survival mechanism brought into adult life… Like a Personal Final Boss Encounter Egregore… before we can proceed to assume our Final and Ultimate Forms…
Just me musing a bit about it. Nothing to see here, move along folks 
Doing much better today. I figured I can intuitively feel when I’m “satiated” from running subs and know (kinda) when to stop.
I also started the morning with Executive, and it really helped me push through that resistance-to-action at work and I started the day with great flow. It’s really been a boon!
Also one of my favorite bands appeared on my Release Radar with an awesome new single, which I found to be fitting theme song for my current journey:
Carry on that Fire, Shed that skin. Dragon up and Dragon on
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