Changes - Subliminalguy

Journals - Major Programs
#723

Not gonna lie but that sounds like an excuse to run away from the obvious answer.

Just because a sub isn’t NSE ZPv2 max pro platinum edition, or whatever the latest tech is in use at the time, doesn’t mean it’s not gonna be as effective.

Ask my friends, and even Saint, and they’ll tell you that I’ve mostly been using Chosen, in one way or another, even though it’s not NSE, simply cause it’s still a great intense sub.

Don’t waste growth time, just because you wanna tickle your mind with “new tech”, if it will help you later, then it can help you now too.

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#724

I just want to point out, that there’s again a stack change just when you start gaining momentum.

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#726

My reaction to you was wrong @Invictus. You didn’t deserve that.

#727

I listened to 30 seconds of CFW an hour ago. I feel surprisingly light.

I’ll listen to Emperor tomorrow morning.

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#728

I’m writing since I usually just read other’s posts. I usually hide from myself.

I actually felt a little defeated coming home. I had a long day…

…and I’m pushing away thoughts of poor me, poor me. I noticed that and wanted to admit it. I considered moaning and…poor me. I felt an excitement due to the mindset shift and jumped on it.

I am tired, and I wrote too. I’m good.

That’s CFW at work.

#729

Day 6
Rest day

I’m beating myself up some. I owned part of Fire’s reason for transitioning to professional titles. I know I’ve lived as a person asking for help, and I’ve often rejected people’s advice.

And…I also felt sad. I’ve maintained a belief that I was a child and looked at other adults like they were parents. Like it was their job to parent me.

I’ve done that my whole life. CFW, maybe LB too, is pointing this out. I’ve had imaginations of breaking free, of seeing myself in a different maturity level.

I’m gonna let this brew. I see my subconscious trying to fight back as I’ve written.

It’s been a very long time since I’ve felt close to the edge of change WHILE wanting to actually make that change.

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#730

I listened to 30 seconds of CFW twenty minutes ago. It helps me feel secure.

Also, I think I found what’s underneath all my desperate and unresolved emotions. I’m unsure about admitting it because I’m used to admitting something hoping someone else will pick up my responsibilities for it .

So I’m not ready.

CFW is working on my mindset. I’m allowing it so I can take responsibility for this.

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#731

Day 7
Emperor this morning
2 minutes

I read yesterday how Saint only can handle microloops. If I’m getting results with only 30 seconds of CFW, I wondered if Emperor will show more if I dropped listening times.

2 minutes this morning. I look forward to this.

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#732

Wow, what an insight. Could be me…

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#733

Day 8
Rest day

I’m feeling something inside that I’m wanting to avoid.

It’s not an emotional issue.

It’s an old blame and self-belief that something’s wrong with me–which creates emotional issues.

I haven’t shared the root yet. And I was looking for help and resources last night on it. It’s an old anchor which has steered my life.

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#734

My main issue: I had no father to show me I was important, that I mattered, and that I had what it takes to be strong and capable. He left when I was an infant. Never met him or even heard from him until I was 17. I graduated high school, and lived with him the whole summer. He passed away 3 years later.

What I’m doing: I took action. I contacted a guy about 90 miles from me who hosts monthly support gatherings so we can not feel so alone. Based on the Wild At Heart movement.

I’ve lived in the problem, and I’m not comfortable. I’ve been ashamed mostly. I’m tired of resting there.

–CFW brought this up a few days ago. Very suddenly, it hit me. I’ve been searching here, searching there, and constantly expecting (and always resenting) men to be my father figure; to show me; to counsel me on life.

I’ve been monitoring my interactions with men lately. My resentments and subsequent isolation are making sense to me suddenly.

I’ll stop there. And this is what I’ve been seeking out as long as I’ve been with SC, and also, my whole life.

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#735

Day 9
CFW last night–45 seconds
Emperor this morning–3 minutes

I had a good day. Lots of little opportunities to care about people.

One thing I came to share was CFW was activating, and a unique thought came to me.

I see CFW sanding down the emotional rough spots. Everpresent fears and pain are steadily going away.

Today, I felt just a piece of something, and then it went away. I surmised it like this:

CFW is smoothing out the emotional sandspurs in my mind.

Those little irritations can wreak havoc in a day. I was allowed to not focus on negativity when those little annoying sandspurs were eliminated.

And it is beautiful.

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#736

Day 10
Rest day

Something I’m still seeing and feeling is a fear of rejection. I’ll share my thoughts.

Yesterday I had that positive experience, and after bumping into some imaginations of being rejected, I began writing during down periods at work.

I started 3 different times, and it was midmorning when I began. I finally posted last night lying in bed.

The core of this is me rejecting my own thoughts and experiences. I’ll paste other people’s faces and reactions in a situation, but it’s me doing it to me.

That’s a big issue. That’s what causes most of my holdups.

This is the 1st of 2 days rest. Weekends are rest days. I expect a lot of blooming, and I expect some turbulence. This allows growth.

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#737

Day 11
2nd rest day

My mindset is different this morning. I’ve usually been hesitant to write since being vulnerable has some uncomfortable associations and feelings tied to it.

Something is definitely being worked on today, and the feeling is freeing. Like I’m seeing in my mind me rising up from a squatting position. I see my legs and back muscles, and they’re visibly stronger and bigger than my actual muscles.

This strength is working into my personal views and mindset.

To be clear: I’m usually comparing old and new right next to each other. It’s done so I can hang on to my present (often dysfunctional) reality. And this morning, I’ve NOT wanted to retreat into the past–I can’t change any of this.

Gonna go now. I usually write for attention–for pity. That’s (normally) me. Nope. :+1:

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#738

Little gains today.

I’ve been home all day, and in my mind I’ve been both avoiding and approaching things I’ve felt uncomfortable around. I’m seeing a victory in suddenly noticing a slight aversion to running away from such feelings. I’ve usually ran from them when I imagine possible pain when on the other side, and that imagination has often been a panic alarm in my emotions.

I’m feeling slightly stronger inside, where the little boy resides. --I’m starting to view myself as an adult. Actually closer to “I can handle this”. It’s new. It’s growth.

And I felt something from CFW early last week which I feared writing about. On the sales page, it shares how one will begin to sense that “what happened happened” and we’d simply accept our past as it is.

I actually felt that clearly last Monday, and I’m admitting here and am open to discussion about the habitual disbelief of good changes happening in my life. Being miserable has been quietly conceded for years, and such changes can rock my world. Letting go of old beliefs has been my weakness.

And…I just remembered Ascension Chamber. I know it promotes openness to new things. I used it over a year ago with CFW and had some incredible remembrances on it–without the emotional trauma I’d assumed would happen. I was just remembering something powerful when I was less than two.
.
I’ll add one minute along with CFW tonight.

#739

Day 12
CFW and AC last night
Emperor this morning

I sense a change, and I felt it yesterday.

Yesterday I felt prompted to get up and face a small fear after imagining being rejected by my housemate. I listened to that urge and I helped create a positive experience with him instead.

I ended up sharing exactly what I was feeling. I owned my dishonesty to myself in front of him.

This morning, I’m imagining full on rejection at work. And I’m following that courageous urge to both face the fear and create new experiences.

#740

Day 15
Rest day

I’ve been experiencing changes which I’m liking (presently) and I’m also experiencing some new things. The new things have kept my attention.

Emperor’s focus on goals has kept me from hiding out in fantasy land so much, and I’ve consistently steered myself back on track. One clear example is I’ve spent 2 nights, back to back, watching how-to videos for my trading platform. I’ve been aiming this way for ages, knowing it’s good for me, and I’ve kept a focus on it. I’m wanting to move forward, not backward. I’m noticing my mindset while doing this, seeing old habits popping up at times, and I choose to move forward.

Important here is a mention of CFW’s work (since I just realized this while writing). Forgiving myself for succeeding has enabled this. I’ve had some trauma associated with succeeding, and I’ve denied myself that all of my life in matters effecting others. It’s difficult trying to define everything clearly just yet, as change is still underway.

The new changes I’m seeing are puzzling me, in a good way. I’ve always barely understood how someone, an average guy, could begin Emperor or any powerful title, and truly transform themselves. I’ve had this perspective of living life stuck in a rut, only watching others. I assumed successful people were pushing, pulling, and hurting everyone everywhere–just to succeed.

That’s how I thought success was achieved: bulldoze everyone over, ignoring people’s feelings and outcomes since (imo) success demanded it.

It’s like I’m forgiving myself for believing that. I’ve hurt myself too.

I’m experiencing slight switches in my thinking, and I’m noticing they’re often very subtle. I noticed yesterday a very slight uncomfortableness, much less than normal, and it just passed after a couple of hours. Yet I felt freer after this, even motivated to do more.

I’m going forward.
Noticing my worth.
Depending less and less on other’s validation.
Building a picture of what I want (finally).
Not relying on excuses like before.

One step at a time. I’ll move forward easily, and when I push forward impatiently, I’ll see an old holdup. This is a learning experience, and I’m open to it. I just can’t force it.

It’s happening.

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#741

Day 16
CFW last night. 1 minute
LBFH this morning. 3 minutes

I had dreams of me consciously making decisions with people, much like normal life when around others. I know my emotional survival has had me shutting down around others when I didn’t know how to handle their expression (or expectations I put on myself). So these dreams showed me that something’s changing.

The thought of Emperor felt too heavy, knowing CFW was still cooking, so I’d planned on waiting until later. But minutes later I knew I desired some self-love. I used LBFH instead, knowing I’d feel it today via laughter and stress relief.

#742

Day 17
Rest day 1 of 2

I’m considering an Emperor/LB custom. Emperor and CFW are staying, and even today I admitted to a coworker that I’m in need of some self-love. I realized this while speaking.

I’ve been working with this guy for 2 weeks, and he’s big on communicating anything to help out our working relationship. We’ve got into some deep discussions, and I’ve opened up twice now, the second being today.

I knew Emperor was stirring me, pushing me to find a solution for something stewing–but for what I didn’t know. However, my feelings began telling me what it was, and I opened up to clear my mind and heart. (I definitely didn’t share everything I wrote below.)

I realized…that I’d been feeling guilty, and often I’ll withdraw. Most of my life I’ve withdrawn when I’ve felt guilty–and I’ve felt powerless over this unknown guilt. I began sharing with him, me seeking a connection–and I saw it.

I’ve been feeling a real lack of self-love as CFW has been clearing out headtrash. And I know that I’ve increasingly began drawing on others–since I needed some showing of love. What I admitted to him is I’ve been feeling guilty since I’ve been drawing on him, and I don’t … feel worthy of it (didn’t state that. I just said I felt guilty since I felt like I was leeching off him).

And the only, yes the only reason I’ve struggled accepting making a custom is I didn’t feel worthy of such goodness towards myself. Which clearly said to me “this is what you need.” Not feeling worthy means I’m not loving myself.

While writing this, I imagined RV speaking up and suggesting I alternate CFW and LB. I think that’s a great idea RV. That’d be smart. My only concerns about an Emperor/LB custom is it’s possible intensity–but double checking that concern, Emperor’s recon has been negligible since I’ve been taking action in both financial areas and relational ones. LB…has been rougher, but I also was doing 5 minute loops. I’ve been doing 1 minute of CFW and 3 minutes of Emperor, and it’s much smoother. Keeping LB at 1-3 minutes might really help.

It’ll be a week before having funds to build the custom anyway. I’ll start with LB tomorrow night, alternating it with CFW every other day.

#743

Day 18
Rest day 2 of 2

I was just reading on the forum, and I am seeing my own self-rejection more looking back.

About 3 years back I went with another producer’s offer to make my own subliminals. My first one was focused on self-love, self-worth, and self-acceptance. I had a bit of discomfort running that right from the start.

But when I changed it to only self-love and self-worth, it quickly blossomed in me. I felt like a king for a couple of days. I remember this woman meeting my eyes, and I was filled with knowing I was worthy of her attention and desire. It was amazing. A literal first.

I had diminishing results making other subliminals, as I carried this belief underneath that I wasn’t worth doing good things for. Denying myself was a very familiar norm.

I bring this up since I’ve suspected this same internal conflict causing recon with LB. It’s decreased as I’ve used it more.

Self-acceptance. What’s the block?

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