Changes - Subliminalguy

Journals - Major Programs
#643

I went out, took a walk, got back and watered and weeded my garden, than came in, made breakfast and cleaned out my fridge, washed my dishes. I’m going with it.

Something came to me early in my walk. Self-love is an unused muscle right now. I feel incompetent in loving myself right now, but I’ve always put others on a pedestal. They were suddenly superheroes since they were giving me all I needed.

But the problem now is…I wasn’t born weak and helpless, needing everyone’s accepetance and hopes of love. I am loved. I am powerful. And looking at people like they’re all saviours—wow, it takes responsibility off of me.

Ok. I’m learning while I’m writing.

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#644

Having some expected recon, but barely. Maybe. Because I found something.

For the last couple of days, I’ve been drawn to Primal since I had new encouraging experiences on it 2 springs back. I’ve stayed in the discussion thread mostly since they’re inspiring.

But something shifted in my thinking over the weekend pushing me more to financial success. I’ve been on and off my crypto training videos this weekend, finding holdups and examining them at times, though I’ve still had some fear. I noticed I’m still holding back.

And…my mind was still wondering, not wanting to give up. I remembered some online products I’ve looked into…and I went searching tonight while wondering “let’s keep looking”. I found a sales page. Passed it. Remembered another product, one dealing with cryptocurrencies. I bought it, watched a training video for a while, wondered if I really wanted to do this. Just the same, I was encouraged by taking action.

And I pulled up the NR thread. Lots of good hype, stuff I know is true since I know these guys well enough from prior writings. I considered shortly…and wondered about switching Emperor out with NR every few days, starting tomorrow.

That’s when something hit me. I realized what I’ve repeatedly ran from.

The fear that’s hit me every single time I consider success is…a fear of being loved…or me opening my heart…to a woman. Financial success and romance go together for me since as a kid I saw happy relationships when money was flowing. I also saw pain and suffering when money fell away. For whatever it’s worth, I connect the two.

I’ve felt unlovable around women, and I’ve never really touched that wound. At my core, I just thought “I won’t allow myself to be hurt like that again…EVER!!!”.

It’s why I’ve always had opposite reactions to wealth and success that others did…and still do. I see myself guarded when I think of talking about money, thinking “don’t let the women know”. I imagine myself whispering that to others…since women have scared me at a deep level. This is the stuff I went on DR for (me not wanting to know at that time). It’s been my MAIN stressor when imagining wealth in my future. My main one.

I DM’d someone weeks back, and I spoke of HeartSong. I only consider it now since the guy I wrote had used it, saying it’ll deal with all the relational fears and hang-ups. It had for him. It just scares me. Right now I’m having a little flashback of a woman teacher I knew in the early 2000’s, who I looked up to…but I also desired some healing in me–from her. But I never vocalized it since she was only a peer, and me hiding this from myself was my regular survival tactic.

Why the f*** is it so easy to hide in feelings of fear when help is available? I. Do. That. I quickly saw her as an emotional threat and danger, and due to NSE presently, I’m simultaneously wondering what she was REALLY like. I kept her out then. And I’ve kept others out lately using those same tactics, both male and female. All I’ve communicated is “BACK OFF NOW!”

They have. They all have. I’ve pushed people away repeatedly.

I’m just wrestling with some fear of addressing this. I don’t know what to do now, but I want a solution.

@RVconsultant
@Prioritas
@Trader
@TheEmpress

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#645

For my relational issues that Heartsong started healing, I remember the recon being heavy because at the end of the day you are facing all that fear head-on.

Heartsong helped me realize that my issues with women and relationships stemmed from a lack of self love. A lack of self forgiveness. A lack of self trust. Basically I wasn’t happy with myself so I struggled to believe any woman would be happy with me, and if they were it was because they were unattractive and I was settling, so any woman I was actually really attracted to couldn’t possibly feel the same way about me.

With Heartsong the pain of that fear was real, visceral, and present.

With Love Bomb (paired with Sanguine since day 1), that same fear and pain is still there lingering and poking its head out sometimes, but now I’m working on it indirectly. The self-love is growing and now it’s not so hard to imagine that a beautiful woman would find me valuable and attractive.

To me Love Bomb has been the gift that keeps on giving, and I recommend it for 99% of problems, because I think a root cause of so many people’s sticking points is feelings of unworthiness stemming from a damaged sense of self-love.

Super happy that these realizations are coming to you though @subliminalguy keep on truckin’ brother

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#646

Day 8
LB custom last night

Pain and fear. I can relate.

I’ve not felt recon from my LB Sanguine custom lately, or I hadn’t attributed it to it.

Last night I listened to it while writing that post. I was going to listen to Emperor this morning.
But I woke up with a desire to hide. I didn’t want to face anything.

It’s like a young part of me is crying out “why do we have to face this?” I feel those young feelings, and more are flashing through my mind while I write.

No Emperor today. I’m going to let this cook. I’m thinking of Saint’s words, saying that ZP will naturally dissolve such issues.

Because I don’t want to face anything right now.

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#647

Because it’s easy. You know your anxiety. Help? Probably not as much.
Anxiety is safe because it’s an old friend. It’s know. A friend that bullies you and kicks you in the nuts. But he doesn’t kill you.
Help on the other hand is unknown. It might look like the savior. But is it? Truly? Or will it slit your throat once you’re relaxing and sell your organs on the black market? You don’t know it, so it’s an unknown factor, an unnecessary risk.

Did you ever hear about Existential Kink in here?
I’d propose you’d get it and read it. @TheEmpress speaks very highly of it as well.

Edit

Should you build a custom in the future, I just read the copy of Achilles Heel

Achilles Heel helps you find your weaknesses – be it physical, mental or spiritual, while also cultivating within you a sense of allowance for help. You will find it becomes much more easier to ask others for help, and others in turn will be a thousand times more likely to lend you their hand – sometimes without you even asking.

Might be a module you might find helpfull

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#648

A solution presumes a problem. In 100 words or less, how would you conceptualize the problem?

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#649

This made me think. Here’s 100 words:

I’ve lived in a cage of my own making, and it’s been easy to return to. I’ve used a victim mindset to justify it throughout my life.

But LB is helping see my heart’s been closed off, and I’ve been open to something new.

The problem is I’m used to my cage. I’ve used it to protect my heart, and that aim conflicts with anything that’s free and loving.

I’m using childhood rules to live.

I’d like to love myself, trust myself, and finally step out my cage. The cage helped me survive, but my life is hindered by it.

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#650

Even when thinking about writing, DRLD came to mind. I’ve been in my own way, but I’ve allowed it. I sometimes insisted being in my own way.

Because I knew the outcome. It kept me from changing and growing.

I’m not so positive I want to stay there.

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#651

As I’m reading this, I’m wondering “how would you describe your comfort zone”?

Sometimes problems are familiar and predictable, so we keep them as a sort of comfort. What do you think?

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#652

Yep. Exactly. No change, no challenge means I can stay where I know what to expect.

I could write pages of my thought process, but what it all points back to is:

I never have to grow up. That’s been my unspoken goal since I was a kid. I still feel and see myself like a young boy.

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#653

What are you listening to this week that you think will help you change that in the direction you want to go?

If you woke up tomorrow and had the changes you wanted, how would you know?

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#654

Subliminals?
I’m staying with my LB Sanguine custom as one, and I’m tempted to jump to DRLD, having been on Emperor a cycle.

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#655

Let me think about that. I keep dodging it in my mind, so I’ll write in the morning.

Part of me is afraid of the changes.

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#656

What if you did one microloop of 30 seconds a week for 3 weeks to notice what happens?

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#657

@RVconsultant Only 30s once a week? Really? @SaintSovereign mentioned running a 30s loop once a week. I’m having a really hard time wrapping my head around such a short amount of time

So for example run 30s on a Sunday morning then nothing until the following Sunday seven days later?

RVConsultant: Topics, Ideas, and maybe Q&A
#658

So you’re impatient but find it hard to accept shorter amounts of time? See what I did there, lol.

Honestly though, it’s the advanced technology that they use. The subliminals are super potent, they’re not like other competitors subliminals. If the potency of the script is higher, then you require a smaller dosage for long lasting effects. See, the trick is to let go of this “time” and “subliminal” thing, and think of it in different terms. It becomes easier to wrap your head around it that way.

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#659

That has to be it. I keep thinking there are only so many ways to say , speed up ,alter or whatever else affirmations or whatever the wording is …

It’s just mind boggling. I think a question I had in another thread probably last week still has me curious. I asked about people that are able to run the entire loop with no recon. I think I worded it wrong because what I was asking is that if a person can run an entire fifteen minute loop with no recon is that person on a higher subconscious level than someone who can’t run a minute twice a week without recon?

@SaintSovereign @Fire

I think of the weirdest stuff I know

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#660

I get it. Not necessarily easy to do but it is something to continually work on

I have been reading support articles tonight

#661

Why do you recommend such a low exposure and frequency?

I ask since I’m anxious. I’ve jumped subs before, feeling regret later, and that same desperation is pushing me.

I’ve been imagining dropping Emperor. My reason?In the last 48 hours, I’ve been looking through a child’s eyes.

My desire is to grow up. The problem is what you last asked me: how would I know it’s happening?

First thoughts: Tears. Regular challenges to my normal reality. Confirmation from both inside and out. New desires.

But the biggest indicator: emotional healing. Letting go of lifelong holdups. Letting GO of old ways would indicate real change to me.

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#662

Yeah. That’s why I’ve been with SC so long. I’ve gotten in my way, and am presently in my way, but they offer real solutions.

I desire real change.

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