Perhaps. However, I am more concerned that it has 4 cores in it.
Now you’re approaching or doing a washout, yes?
I have an idea. As you do your washout, think about what you want to accomplish in the next 90 days. Then put that into a sentence of 100 words or less.
Then look at your subliminals you already have and pick ONE that seems aligned with that. Of course, please post about it here to get input.
What do you think?
Yes, I’ve started my washout today.
I’ll be thinking about where I want to be in future. I’ve got an idea already. I just want to make sure I don’t short myself by going on a whim.
I’ve been thinking way too long term in my planning.
Healing and social growth have been my aims.
What would give me the most peace and fulfillment in the next 90 days?
EXACTLY! Wisdom! 
RIGHT! Focus on this. An answer will come.
For what it’s worth. Phoenix is insanely good for pushing me out of my comfort zone in a sustainable continual way. I’ve suspected for years traditional healing titles gave my mind a loop hole to not live out in the world more. It seemed like nobody addressed that in terms of subliminals until subclub did.
If you avoid, hide, escape, procrastinate, or compromise Phoenix is the one imo. It can suck but it leans on you with enough pressure to take action while simultaneously healing what holds you back from doing so. The result for me is that once a block is healed enough to take action, the positive experience does the rest of the heavy lifting to wipe it out completely. And the emotional regulation isn’t to be overlooked either, it’s an insanely useful feature of this title.
Gawd, yes. This is me.
I remember Phoenix pushing me to do things I’ve wanted to do, and yes, I tried fighting it. But…what was coming from Phoenix I’d never experienced. It was actually…peaceful. Which means my normal “Hell NO!” stance made absolutely no sense. Phoenix wasn’t fighting me. It was steadily and consistently encouraging me to step into something. So, my normal defenses were weak–and that was really clear to me.
I’d like to thank you for speaking up about this. I never heard anyone else speak about it, and I didn’t since it wasn’t Emperor or some “get it done!” sub. It was…a healing sub. So…why would I share about it?
This.
This is why I’ve felt like a leper of sorts, even here on the forum. I’ve been using healing subs since 2016, and paired with me escaping, life around me was conveniently brushed away. But I’ve learned that me hiding is hurting me most. I’ve had that “problem focus” (avoiding real life essentially), and it’s…fricken lonely. Which is why I’ve written less. I thought “I’m not like them”. It’s bred more isolation, not less.
So yes, Phoenix is my main sub next cycle. I’m imagining a LB/Sanguine custom along with it. Because me finding value in myself (vs. seeking everyone else to validate and value me) is my desire.
I do need to address these issues. Thanks for your supportive stance here. 
You’re welcome! I relate to a lot of your struggles. That’s why I felt the need to say something. We are meant to live and thrive, not fight to live. You deserve that.
I promise you if you run Phoenix long enough you WILL find the courage to explore new experiences that help you heal. There can be some ramp up time as your mind tries to push back on taking those actions but one day you’ll just start feeling like you can push yourself a bit more. And that one little push can be a huge catalyst for change. And it won’t seem like it in the moment until you reflect on it, but it’s permanent change.
Day 2 of washout
Thinking about Phoenix. I’m desiring some emotional control since avoidance and fear (sadness too) is what I woke up with.
I considered coffee, but I gave in last night, and I felt stuck in hyper-alert awareness that I was escaping, so I passed this morning.
Turned music on. Turned it off 5 minutes later since I’m not enjoying the dodging game.
And this is why I seek out healing subs. I’m trying to keep this mindf**king habit alive, and nothing ever changes. I survive another day of avoiding fears–avoiding awareness mostly–but my life shrinks and shrinks, inevitably creating MORE problems.
Stuck in circling and pretending pain isn’t there…just bites.
I began thinking about real solutions just now, not mental hideouts. I’ve wanted to do that. Cool. CFW and Emperor might be helping me there.
I’ve got to let this out.
I’m at work, riding to our first stop.
My mind’s extra aware of the avoidance I’m engaged in. It feels overwhelming since neither allowing nor avoiding processing it seem possible.
That’s when denial is allowed in.
Frustrated.
Emperor activated shortly after my last post. I slowly began feeling more confident and sure of myself.
And why I know it was Emperor was my emotions seemed like they were being handled, without any imput from me. As if I’d just stepped into a new set of clothes, and my whole perspective changed.
No feeling weak and powerless.
No victim thinking (CFW?)
Just a will to keep going.
No foo foo happiness.
Just confidence that I’d succeed if I kept going.
It changed my day.
Day 3 of washout
I’m going to go with Phoenix and LB next cycle. Phoenix is to change my core understandings and life patterns, and LB is… critical.
Maybe CFW is activating here, but LB is essential. In the LB thread, someone described who LB was made for.
Other things too. But I’ve always chose LB or LBFH for the quick fix. Never for real change (like #1).
I feel just like @James. Clueless. Scared of it (when I admit it). Just not really sure where it fits in my life.
Explaining scared: I equate love with being completely vulnerable. Which is why I’ve said people knowing me scared me. So Phoenix is a good ally here.
Hope that’s less than 100 words 
Day 4 of washout
I woke up with the same reluctance to face life once again. For the last week(s), I’ve woken up and…just not wanted to. CFW stripped some normal lies down, and the regular mask which has been covering my own eyes has been missing.
I’ve been making myself late for work regularly the last couple of weeks. Emperor was much quieter last cycle, as CFW overrode it.
I wrote this to admit that LB will be right on time. This low shows the love for myself missing from life.
I just flashed back to the mid-90’s when I was going to the local community college. My life, motivations, and fronts were very similar to where I am now. Being (or just looking) very busy was and is my shield to hide my vulnerability from EVERYONE.
Yeah. Then. And now. Today. Feeling melancholy. But I have this available to me. Some hope is there.
Fuck it. I’m trying to encourage myself. I’m feeling sad though. Closer to grief though, so I’m wanting to let something go.
Living in “now” seems difficult. It’s why I’m still in bed. Hiding.
First loop tomorrow evening before bed. Phoenix. LB Friday morning.
I’m feeling inhibited–but I’m unsure of the word.
I had an emotionally unexciting day–but I was in this mental denial all day…about…I am not sure.
I felt my mind dealing with things deep, like I sensed it and saw my body reacting–or even opposing it. Maybe it’s NSE recon. Deep mental “structures” were being worked on, and I got involved intensely in physical activities at work. It was like my body was saying “no, no, no…we’re not going there”, attempting to blow off stress through activity.
I did 2 very active jobs at the shop, me working alone, and if one was trying to discern what was going on, one could say something was at odds down deep. I worked my ass off physically, but tiredness has been mainly mental.
One BIG thing I’ll mention.
All my life, from childhood on, I’ve always been able to go somewhere else mentally when life gets tough. Today…I’m still absorbing this…I couldn’t find old mental hideouts. I must do this automatically since I believe that’s why I was so intense physically today. I even took a 15 minute break in the afternoon, and I sensed my mind craving for deep sleep–to find some peace. I felt my mind “blip”, where I felt myself in a dream state for a second. That stuck with me.
I don’t have answers. I only have experiences today.
Do you know the concept of key naps?
Just take a bunch of keys in your hand and hold it firm. Sit on a chair (or toilet if the job doesn’t allow it otherwise) and allow yourself to fall asleep. Once you’re in deep enough, your muscles relax, you drop the keys and wake up.
Its super effective because your body is waking you at the exact point you’ve needed for an effective nap.
That sounds exactly like what Thomas Edison did. He’d hold a metal rod in his hand and drift off to sleep. Just like with the keys, he’d drop it, and it’d wake him up.
He shared this because he had his biggest insights after these naps. He’d be stuck on an idea, unable to think of a solution, and an answer would come after a nap.
For myself, I discovered that my mind resets after such a nap. I had done a very physical route one day, and during our drive across town to the next stop, I took a nap with no alarm set. I woke up roughly 15 minutes later, and I felt completely recharged.
I usually take a nap during lunch for that reason. It often resets me–and my mood as well. I’ll be moody af, take a nap, and life will just be easier after that.
It truly works
It is good to write about those experiences. Naps have reset my whole day before. When working at the shop, I’ll go into this isolated storage area and just lie down on the concrete floor. I’ve done it hundreds of times, and I still do it.
Sometimes that’s my only mental escape. That breather is a lifeline when I’m battling something upstairs.
Yeah. A real reprieve when I can’t find answers. Relief has come many, many times.
Edit: I call it “shutting off my brain” when people ask why. It works for me.
Day 1
Phoenix last night
LB this morning
Feeling some grief now. Last night’s loop of Phoenix gave me some dreams (not remembered), but I remember my gut churning.
I’m uncomfortable presently since lying to myself has been my survival gear.
Simultaneously, I’m feeling hope and looking for more.
Writing is hard since I’m in conflict with myself. I usually dissociate
If it makes any sense, I’ve started posting maybe 3 times in the last 2 days.
I stopped and deleted them. Quickly. Even 5 minutes ago.
Because I felt that draw to hide in my old norms. And those norms strike fear in me.
Cuz I was willingly stuck there for eons. I don’t want to go there.
This started during my last cycle with Emperor and CFW.
Day 2
Rest day
I come here, and quite regularly, I’m faced with wanting to “hold on” to old ways. This makes writing difficult since I’ve lied to myself often to hang on to old patterns, fearing I couldn’t handle such a transition.
I faced it this morning, but LB…speaks differently to me. I feel bolder. I came here to share I’m motivated to go out and explore life. This isn’t that curious draw from Genesis. This is a heartfelt boldness which is vastly different from my normal.
Last night I messaged someone here about a LB/Sanguine custom he built, and I’m motivated to build one myself. I stacked the new LB and new Sanguine months back a single day, and wow, it was beautiful. I’d read Saint share his experience with stacking them, and he got me curious. When I stacked them, it was heavenly. I’m obsessing on that one 
And something I need to do, for me. My conversation with the member here made me question my continual focus on healing. Again, Saint admitted early on while testing NSE if healing subs were even necessary anymore. And I was pointed toward HeartSong and even DareDevil last night. NSE works right where you’re at, having you flesh out your issues, facing them in real life. I need to send a support ticket in to seek counsel. The big reminder I’ve gotten in past tickets is “what do YOU want to do?”
And I’ve been hiding from … just living. It was safe. Safe was comfortable…for a while. But it’s stagnant.
I want change. I want to not be afraid…to live life. I want that. I really do. That feeds my draw towards a LB/Sanguine custom.
I keep debating adding Sanguine to my stack. The constant negativity I am surrounded by is so draining