Changes - Subliminalguy

Journals - Major Programs
#278

RV,

Something you said made me try to be in your shoes for a minute.

For me, Genesis is one of least emotionally charged subliminals at SC. What was your reason for advising a slow startup with it?

Edit: I’ll give you one. It’s one of the strongest attractions to using Genesis: risk-taking and adventure scripting. By FAR, it is the only subliminal I’ve ever used which had me more interested and more curious about things I’ve never done. Bar none.

I’m completely serious. I rarely look at my history for motivation since I was trained to squash down curiosity and possibility thinking. Genesis woke that up.

#279

Because I’m thinking it might really shake things up in a good way, and I’m thinking slow might be better.

2 Likes
#280

Can confirm. I think I made a post about that in the product discussion for Genesis. It’s deceptive, you 100% grow on it but I think the analogy I used is it’s like that process when you clean a room sometimes. Midway everything ends up messier because you’re pulling crap out of places where it was shoved away out of sight.

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#281

Washout day 4

Recon is rough.

I’ve not wanted to cry about it, and it bothers me because I used to do this so I could live in this fantasy that others could and would take my problems away.

I know it’s a childish fantasy. I know I know I know. I’ve relied on its illusion of safety all my life.

I’m going to credit Regeneration here. I’ve desperately tried to hang on to it all my life, and now new thinking is showing up here and there, offering me new choices.

I’m in classic recon, trying to appease both sides. It doesn’t work.

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#282

I am having a painful insight.

I emailed someone today since I’d barely heard from him all week. He replied 15 minutes ago.

He asked me how I was, and I froze. I locked up.

I considered being real–but lying after this always shuts me down. I do that a lot with people I see regularly. I try to be honest originally, but I feel scared as I imagine people really knowing me and possibly rejecting me. So I lie about who I am quickly–so I’ll feel safe. I feel bad as soon as I lie, so I try to disappear (a still-used survival strategy. Seeing that now).

I also considered lying to him, but that’s a major mind-f*** for me. Because I must lie to myself first.

Why do I lie constantly?

Fear of rejection, or…yes, a fear of living out that original trauma. A part of me fights to face this, and old fears hang on with painful intensity.

Sadly, this is why I’m using Regeneration. I usually feel this, and I often dismiss it. I’ve never written it out.

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#283

My post this morning.

#284

Day 2
Rest day

I made a decision yesterday that wasn’t the best for me. I’m realizing why.

I listened to the new Emperor. I was trying to get busy, but what I was thinking was “I can avoid my fears”. I did 5 minutes, and all day I felt I’d muffled my emotions. It disconnected me from others too.

Being busy was easy. But I realized something.

I wasn’t in that Ascension-born independent mindset. I’ve been growing and appreciating the people around me, aiming and desiring to give back. I’ve wanted to be an equal among men, neither inferior nor superior.

And for this reason, Emperor isn’t for me right now. I need personal choice and ability to connect with people, as I’m seeing more and more how much of an empath I am. Big fears have blocked that for ages, but I enjoy giving to people. I noticed me listening yesterday to a sleep-deprived coworker, me valuing my ability to connect, relate, and empathize with him. Things like this keep my heart alive.

I did SE last night. Considering I’ll be with my ex and daughter on Thanksgiving, I’ll probably listen to SE that morning. Or maybe LBFH. I’m desiring to be open.

#285

I haven’t acknowledged Sanguine: The Elixir in recent posts. I’m noticing its value.

If there’s anything that trips me up while growing, it’s not feeling confident when in new and unfamiliar environments.

And the irony is that growing makes EVERY experience new and unfamiliar.

One of SE’s focuses is trusting one’s self with any new situation or decision. I’m off work today for a doctor’s appointment, and I’ve felt some insecurity and familiar fears.

It’s like I’m saying hello to a cashier this morning, and a clear part of me wants to not hide. I’ve lived behind facades all my life.

And here’s what I realized. I’m leaving old facades, and I immediately assumed I’d need another one. Because that’s how we do it? Right?

That’s my old thinking at work. And it’s not desired or comfortable.

Living free is my growth point now. SE seems to encourage this. Self-doubt has been normal for me, but SE is part of the solution. Leaving that comfort zone of fear is humongous to me.

A quieter point is it’s a great relaxer. Muscles are loosening up. I clench my jaw less. It actually reminds me it’s working continually.

#286

How about trying it for one cycle. Your initial results might have been manifestations of some internal work being done but the new Emperor goes through them fast and establishes you in your Zero Point firmly.

2 Likes
#287

Regarding that,

I’m so used to relying on other’s affirmations. Could Emperor loose me from this?

I know it could.

I’m also used to fearing being alone in a struggle.

‐-- damn. These are my “easy” excuses.

#288

That’s the main goal of it. Becoming the master of your own reality. It does it quickly as it taps into everything in you that helps achieve that.

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#289

Day 3
SE this morning. Emperor tonight.

@Sub.Zero,

I listened to SE this morning, and I’m going to listen to New Emperor tonight.

Reason: Since I began thinking about it, I’ve been drawn to it. My biggest motivation is personal power, being in control of myself, and taking responsibility for …well, myself. As anyone familiar with the emotional recovery field knows, taking responsibility for oneself is tricky as hell. We’ll show up, perpetually blaming and berating ourselves for people mistreating us, and there’s a strong push to stop owning everyone else’s shit.

It’s addictive. Easy af. But growth grinds to a halt when I don’t own what “I” did. The system often enables and encourages this.

In sharp contrast, I find owning my shit very empowering. …Having balance is another issue :wink:

Also, I woke up desiring that sense of personal power. I’d have listened this morning if I hadn’t had that experience earlier this week. I don’t want to puke my garbage at my family today. SE is a good “calming” sub.

Manifestations from New Emperor:

I said yesterday I felt insecure when talking to a cashier. Stuff was still churning, so yes. I pulled away, but it stayed on my mind. I felt more confidence and, to a lesser degree, driven to pursue women. All this was in my mind.
I then had my doctor’s appointment. I felt like one nurse was reading some aura off me, as her words were aimed at getting my attention (and I’ve never met this woman). Then, the check-out clerk, a cute young blond, locked eyes with me a few times, and our 2 minute conversation was laced with tension. I didn’t expect this, but something inside me felt right about it. Like it was completely normal and natural to me. I wasn’t nervous. I desired this.

And though this is very unusual in my experience, it felt very natural. As if it were part of my being vs. it being “pushed” on me.

And I hear the replies saying ZP brings out your own desires. Yeah. My habit is berating or even shaming myself for having sexual impulses around women (often, since I’ve felt clueless and unconfident about pursuing). In contrast, yesterday’s experiences were quite beautiful. Even organic.

Money-wise, I’m steadily looking at business opportunities and doing something I’ve never done: I’m wondering “is this who I am?” I’m wondering about passive trading and a few online businesses, and I’m wondering if I’d enjoy this if I made enough to quit my day job. Would this fulfill me? And what are my strengths I bring to the table?

Powerful stuff. Moreso than even my own internal shit :+1:

Question: Maybe I should allow this to help steer my future subliminal commitments? How so? Probably just giving it time to do that very thing.

@James

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Season 2: NFTW (which one are you?) [11.11.23]
#290

I did 5 minutes of New Emperor ultrasonic about an hour ago. It’s much quieter than in previous days. I don’t feel pained and stressed at this moment like I did my last loop.

Something I did want to report here is…wow. I’ve felt sad maybe twice since then, but it quickly went away. I feel sad on subs when it’s pushing something out of my reach, and this case, it’s my normal mental escape into mental irresponsibility, aka immaturity.

I’d even had desires days ago to write Saint or Fire, asking them to add a sense of personal responsibility for our actions (into the new Regeneration). But what I’m sensing now is what I was seeking.

So, no need. Emperor fills the void.

Ok, @James and @Sub.Zero. You’re on to something here. I’m not in that same childhood default pattern. :relaxed:

2 Likes
#291

Day 6
Rest day
New Emperor yesterday morning.
Rebirth last night.

I feel like just exposing what I’m trying to hide from myself. I haven’t posted in days, as old motivations are changing. Some are very opposite of my norm, so I’ve kept quiet about it.

  1. I’ve felt stronger, like my frame is capable of handling people rejecting me. I’ve rarely felt like this, and it was so easy. That’s also why I’m sharing this. I was feeling old fears prior to writing, and I’ve allowed fear to keep me quiet many times. This is the biggest change in me as Emperor keeps digging in.

  2. This morning I left my room finally, as I have no desire to be around my housemate who treats me like trash. I realized while getting my coffee that I have no reason to talk to him. I usually am always planning on how to avoid subjects or circumstances that will invite his unsought criticism. Yes. Exactly. I avoid him nonstop.

What bothered me was a feeling that seemed narcissistic. I quickly realized “he’s got nothing I want”, so I left the room without speaking to him.
That’s what bothered me, as my normal motivation is “can I get some emotional acceptance from him?” And I felt stronger than normal, so I walked away. I wouldn’t seek water from a dry well. That action is very unusual for me. I felt strong, and I followed through.

  1. Women and my mentality around them. Yesterday I was on route for work, and I saw a few women around their homes. I smiled and gave them attention and a handwave. But something felt very new, and very natural.

I’ll interrupt myself to admit that I’ve been the beta guy, the passive, submissive, no backbone man around women. I always was quick to defer my wants for theirs–so I would avoid rejection. Part of why I’ve not dated in years. My known ways make me feel inferior as a male. And keeping those “secrets” keeps it alive.

But yesterday, I felt different when around women. Very different. I was looking, and my thinking stood out to me. I was seeing myself leading women with a seductive, entrancing frame and mindset. What stood out to me was I was in charge. They were following me. The difference between that and what I wrote in the previous paragraph are miles apart.

I was like “Holy shit! Really?!” It’s freedom to me. I’ve never thought like this. WOW!

  1. That’s also what prompted me to use Rebirth for 5 minutes last night. I was remembering how smooth it felt while in CFW, so I jumped. I felt it moving for a couple of hours, telling me some familiar hang-ups are still in place. I don’t associate Rebirth with being stressed, so it’s inviting me to keep using it.

This journey is awesome. What might I allow or initiate today?

3 Likes
#292

Day 7
New Emperor this morning
Rebirth 30 minutes later

I’m listening to Rebirth now. Old fears and hideout patterns are trying to re-emerge, and I wanted to hit it.

The thing about Rebirth is it separates you from your old realities and beliefs, allowing you to sculpt your own vision of yourself.

Hiding in fear has never had me feeling good about myself, so I blasted it. I’m feeling better now.

#293

Something I’ll throw into the ring is about yesterday. I spent most of yesterday (and Saturday after work) seeking out possible online side businesses.

I’ve shared before how I’ve done this in the past, how I’ve mostly just dreamed.

My whole motive and perspective is changing though. I’m serious.

Before, my motivation was acquiring people’s approval. That motivation sucks. Now, I’m thinking of something long-term and beneficial to others.

I believe Emperor is working on my maturity levels. It’s aiming me towards something I can be proud of. And that’s incredibly beautiful to me.

2 Likes
#294

I would try Emperor+WB for an extended period of time, mate. There’s no need to run any healing title as the process you’ll be going through will heal you. Those titles are going to brush away all you’ve been struggling with for ages through the sheer power of the experiences that await you thanks to those subs. Give it a try.

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#295

I’m considering your idea Voytek. Lots of good reasons.

One is the slight uncomfortableness I’ve felt in my head all day. I usually only listen to one sub in the morning, but I tagged Emperor with Rebirth, and I’m just not feeling motivated and encouraged.

Healing by experiences is something I’d like to see.

Thanks for sharing that possibility.

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#296

Many people mistake WB for a pick up or strictly seduction sub whilst its base is the transformative journey into the depths of your masculinity and sexuality it offers by the means of experiencing beautiful encounters with women. That’s why I asked Saint whether it was a healing sub once. Just take a look at all those aspects that are mentioned as healing ones explicitly and look for those that are there implicitly. I suppose that in the nearest future healing subs will serve only highly traumatized individuals or those who cannot do any significant progress without healing. Obviously, you’re not one of them, given the experiences you’ve been getting on Emperor.

You mentioned the need of healing and developing your sexual side and relationships not only with people in general but particularly women. WB will help you with all of that, even your relationships with men. I saw it myself when running the previous version of WB. I was able to charm and build healthy relationships with men as well, and women just wanted to talk to me and would approach me.

2 Likes
#297

I just purchased it and downloaded it. I’ll run it Wednesday.

I’ll share that self-doubt and beliefs that I was a failure have run my life. That’s what I need healing from. I purchased it, felt good, and began scrambling for some crack, something wrong that I missed.

I’m also feeling (and holding on to) a sense of security. Everything’s gonna be alright.

1 Like