Allowing is its own kind of activity.
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BTW, by passive I mean the effects are passive, not that it makes me passive.
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How about connecting and communicating with people? Any difference?
I’ve noticed greater empathy with all animals, including humans.
But I’m fortunate to not have to deal with people face-to-face much anymore. People are fucked up.
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I’ve also noticed I’m more likely to be truthful about what I think or feel, even if it offends people.
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I posted this in Saint’s journal.
Feeling angry this morning.
Lots of intense dreams last night.
In one I had a birds-eye view of the earth, and I could see bubbles of intense heat on the surface, and the land drying out and becoming a desert. A voice tells me that forces in he world are doing this deliberately, that the intention is to destroy the natural ecosystems through climate change. I don’t understand why anyone would do this deliberately and I ask the voice why they would. The voice tells me that by destroying the planet’s natural ability to provide sustenance, humanity becomes completely dependent on the governments and corporations for their survival, and so allows itself to become enslaved.
Other dreams are less clear now, but one involved taking up guns against an enemy. I don’t remember much about it now.
EDIT: I know people have their opinions on climate change, but this journal is not the place for debates. Kindly refrain from posting your opinions on it here. Thank you.
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I only ran CWN this morning, and the anger is finally starting to fade. I was going to run RM later, but I think I’ll skip it today to let my emotional state settle, and try stacking them again on Saturday.
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I’ve been noticing this one too. I’ve had to consciously temper my responses to people that are being annoying.
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Back to some emotional stability today, but felt generally withdrawn.
I don’t really understand my reaction to adding RM. But I’ll run the CWN/RM stack again tomorrow and see what happens.
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For Chosen Way of Nature, you seem to have exceptionally well-developed habits, conditions, and pathways already existent in your life. With Renaissance Man, is it more aspirational? Could be the normal shifting that occurs to adapt to a title, and then intensified by WoN.
(Or not)
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It could be. Several ZP titles gave me severe recon on the first loop, then become much easier on subsequent loops. The anger on RM was particularly bad though. Then again both RM and CWN directly affect the emotions.
I should get a better idea after my 2nd loop of RM tomorrow.
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I ran the CWN/RM stack this morning, and I’m feeling oddly emotional. It’s below the surface, but I can feel it there, like I want to weep. Over what, I don’t really know.
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Had an anger spike earlier, lasted maybe 30 mins or so, then faded. Just a faint sadness now, again indistinct and non-specific.
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I ran one loop of RM when it was first released (Qv2, I think?). And back then, I noticed no response. So, it’s a title about which I know very little and about which I’m very interested. And I’m interested to see how this experience evolves for you.
The sadness didn’t last long either, maybe an hour. I’m now feeling that same emotional stability I had before I first ran RM. This is a fairly common pattern for me when I run a ZP sub for the first time. Hopefully the worst of the recon from RM is behind me now.
Won’t get to spend much time outside this weekend, I have a bunch of work to do in the house.
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Sleep was a bit unsettled last night, with lots of unremembered dreams.
Feeling ok this morning though, so far the effects of the second loop of RM are far les than the first. Hopefully CWON and RM are finding some sort of equilibrium now.
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Lots of dreams again last night. The CWON + RM stack seems to intensify my dreams considerably.
In one from last night,
I was at some river in the wilderness with my brother-in-law. I had my rifle and we were going to do a bit of target shooting. I see a small float downriver and I sight it, but then see a person kayaking not far from it so I look around upstream and I see something weird on the ground. We go to investigate.
Getting closer, we see if it’s small chicken lying flat on the ground, half it’s body has been cut away and mutilated, but it’s still alive. Its eyes are milky white so it’s obviously blind. Next to the chicken is a mostly-eaten salmon. The chicken is quite fat but it’s voraciously feeding off the salmon, all it cares about it eating more and more.
It’s a grotesque sight, and my brother-in-law says the chicken is obviously suffering terrible and that he’s going to put it out of its misery, and starts beating it with a stick, which just causes the chicken to scream and suffer more.
I’m thinking the chicken symbolizes humanity. We’ve cut ourselves off from our natural selves, we poison ourselves with chemicals and waste, we hate and murder each other for idiotic reasons like politics and religion, we’re blind to anything that isn’t in our pinhole view of the world, and we’ve grown fat from relentless consumption of everything around us.
The salmon symbolizes abundance, prosperity and renewal and the natural cycles of nature - but it’s almost gone, consumed by zombie chicken humanity, who will just keeping eating more and more of it until there’s nothing left.
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CWON on it’s own is rather passive and accepting, but stacking with RM seems to bring out more of an activist mindset, reflecting how I feel about the wholesale slaughter of our ecosystems for profit.
Perhaps this is the source of that anger I had from that first loop of RM.
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More vivid dreams, and they tend to be particularly weird, which makes them difficult for me to interpret.
For example in one last night I was outside a department store, and there was a small pony in the parking lot. The letters of the store’s name on the outside of the building started floating up into the sky a few thousand feet, then came crashing down in the parking lot, and I was running around trying to save the pony from being crushed.
That could be symbolic of the effect corporations are having on our environment, or it could be something completely unrelated. My dream interpretation skills aren’t good enough, I guess. Maybe time to do some reading.
Emotions are pretty stable now. Not like when I was running CWON on its own, but stable enough.
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