Bujin - Call of the Wild

[AlexanderGraves]

I was gonna say all wealth subs are technically too focused on the shallow physical.

But be honest unless you live on a mountain in Tibet you need money. It’s a tool.

More money also means you can potentially help more ppl.

Plus ever since ZP it really depends on you how a sub unfolds. But again let your gut feeling guide you.

[bujin]

@AlexanderGraves

It’s a tool.

Yep. But I have enough money, I don’t need more. I just need a new direction.

@AlexanderGraves

More money also means you can potentially help more ppl.

However, I don’t care in the least about helping people. The environment, animals etc - yes.

Edit: I just want to point out I’m not against generating wealth, I just don’t want it to become my primary focus. If all I wanted was wealth I would stay in my current career - the finance industry pays exceptionally well. Money isn’t the problem. Lack of purpose and meaning in my career is.

[bujin]

@AlexanderGraves

I was gonna say all wealth subs are technically too focused on the shallow physical.

But be honest unless you live on a mountain in Tibet you need money. It’s a tool.

More money also means you can potentially help more ppl.

I wasn’t gonna say anything, but it kinda feels like you’re projecting a bit here?

[SaintSovereign]

@bujin

I know the subs are very much consciously guided, but that description is the complete opposite of who I am and what I’m interested in, so it puts me off every time I read it.

Follow your instincts. RICH is VERY MUCH rooted in the realm of materialism. Based off what I’m reading in your journal, you probably wouldn’t do well on it.

Something like Renaissance Man, however which has a bit of wealth scripting, but focused strongly on achieving this within the realm of your creative pursuits, would probably do better.

[bujin]

@SaintSovereign

Something like Renaissance Man, however which has a bit of wealth scripting, but focused strongly on achieving this within the realm of your creative pursuits, would probably do better.

I never even considered RM for a stack.

Develop an incredible, ambitious spirit that masterfully expresses all that makes him who he is.

That one really grabs my attention. That describes the core of what I’m trying to work through right now.

[bujin]

I thought I’d repost this from a couple of years ago, to give a little peek into what drives me.

@bujin

I’ve been thinking through a lot of things today while I was outside working, and I wanted to write them down to help get them straight in my head. It meanders a bit, and goes into some “spiritual” areas, but ultimately describes why I created Leonidas.

I might delete this post in a few days though, I don’t like revealing so much of myself. But sometimes you just need to write this stuff down somewhere.

I grew up in the suburbs, but ever since I moved out of my parent’s home I’ve lived in big cities - Sydney, London and New York. I indulged in what they had to offer - bars, museums, festivals etc. I hated doing any kind of manual work, and never enjoyed sport much. I entered a career that kept me in an office, where I parked my arse in front of a computer for 10 hours a day. Although I exercised somewhat, I was soft. But life was good, and I enjoyed both my professional and social lives.

Fast forward to around ten years ago. My career had progressed immensely, but there was something missing in my life, a sense of lack that drove me into depression, but I didn’t know of what. By happenstance (or not?) I met a traditionally trained shaman, now living in rural England of all places. I had doubts, but after some discussion I decided to do an Ayahuasca ceremony with them. The experience was profound. It certainly wasn’t the usual “tourism” Ayahuasca ceremony where you see lots of pretty lights and puke a bit, then go home feeling happy. This was deep and dark.

I felt my body driven into the earth and eaten by worms, digested and excreted to form itself anew. I spent hours with my head hanging over a bucket, delving deep into myself, unearthing and exploring the darkest aspects, and expelling indescribable substances each time I did. I could see energy parasites swimming in the effluence in the bucket. When there was nothing left, I saw a vine spring up from the earth, and grow through my spine and up to the heavens, and a bolt of lightening strike down from the heavens, through the front of my body, and into the earth. I was a conduit between heaven and earth, and was connected to and part of both, and their energies flowed through me. A blazing sun flared up inside me, and burned hot. This was my masculine essence, awakened and unleashed. I felt like a god, bright and glorious and immense.

That’s just a fraction of what happened that night, but it’s the most relevant. The ceremony had, unexpectedly, initiated my journey into true manhood, and over my course of several months I changed, leaving behind parts of myself I had outgrown. But this transformation never stopped, just slowed down, and I’ve been changing ever since.

Fast forward again, to 4 years ago, I was living in a large luxury apartment on the water next to NY’s Hudson Bay, with stunning views of the bay. I used to go to some of Manhattan’s finest bars on a regular basis, and my commute to work was only a few minutes. I made very good money. I genuinely loved the lifestyle, and I was content.

But then, suddenly, I changed again. Over the space of a couple of months I began to understand that I needed to explore other parts of myself. I’d achieved what I wanted here, this part of my life was done.

I bought 20 acres of woodland in upstate New York, with a small house and lots of wildlife, and eventually moved there full time. I grew vegetables. I baked my own bread. I cut down trees. I chopped wood for the fireplace. I carved out trails around the property. I dug up and reformed the land around the house. I learned to do repairs and renovations on my house. I learned to fix and maintain small engines. I learned how to make things with my hands, from resources on my own property. I learned to work with wood. I learned how to shoot a rifle and a bow. I learned to hunt. I learned to safely forage for wild plants and fungi. I learned to be aware of possible dangers around me. I learned the ways and cycles of the land and the wildlife around me. This was the piece I needed, a primal masculinity, a (mostly) self-sufficient man who could take care of himself and deal with anything that happened.

Some things though, like digging up tree stumps by hand - that shit is fucking brutal.

When I looked at my friends and colleagues with their pot bellies and skinny legs, and their safe and contented lives, all I saw was their slow descent into infirmity. You’re either growing or you’re wilting - there’s no in-between. At 48 my health is still good, and I believe that I can still become the strongest, fittest, healthiest and most powerful version of myself.

I’ve said in the past that I use subs for self exploration. I created Leonidas to help me explore aspects of my masculinity. Martial, survival, physical and mental strength, independence and a sense of personal power. And so far I’m very happy with it. I’ve felt my vision of the man I want to become further solidify and come to the surface.

That’s why I’ve been out busting my arse this last week, doing shit I could easily just pay someone to do for me with machinery. Because I can. And because it’s hard. And because it feels good once it’s done. I’ve also started tackling those tree stumps. My rewards are the new blisters and callouses on my hands, and the aches in my body every night, that show I’ve pushed myself that little bit further each day than I have before.

And besides, if you always take the easy road, what do you do when there are no easy roads left to take?

(That last bit might be Survival Instinct talking)

[AlexanderGraves]

Not all speaking out loud of opinion is projection Yes this is my opinion but I also misread your goal with it.

[bujin]

Another example of the amazing emotional stability CWN provides. This happened last night:

I was woken at around 1am by the smoke alarm in my bedroom beeping periodically to signal a low battery. Fuck. Why does this always happen in the middle of the night? It was preventing me from sleeping. Anyway, I have vaulted ceilings and the smoke alarm is 15ft up the wall, so I go down to the basement and bring up ladder. I climb up and as soon as I pull the smoke alarm off the wall to change the battery, the alarm goes off in my face (I had inadvertently pulled the ground wire out). Fuck. So I disconnect it from the mains and take the battery out and put it to the side, intending to go back to sleep. There are several other alarms so no problems there.

But as soon as I’m about to get back into bed, there it goes again - beep. Wrong alarm. Fuck. I have two in my bedroom, the regular one networked with all the others in the house (which I just took down), and a separate one connected to the security system. I had this one installed because my neighbors are hundreds of feet away and won’t hear anything, and I have cats so if I’m out and there’s a fire, I want the Fire Department there ASAP. There’s a lake-side village only a few minutes drive away, so they actually aren’t far, although it’s purely a volunteer service.

So I take this smoke alarm down too and remove the batteries. I’m about to put this aside as well and get back to bed, but decide it’s better to have one alarm working in the bedroom. So I put new batteries in, but the light alternates between yellow and red, which isn’t normal. So I press the test button - and the alarm goes off in my face. Not the test alarm, the actual alarm. And since it’s connected to the house security system, that siren goes off as well. Fuck.

I reset the security system, remove the batteries and put it aside to deal with in the morning. Then the phone rings, my landline. It’s the security company checking if it’s a real emergency. I tell them it’s a false alarm so everything is ok. They say they rang my cell first and I didn’t answer (I was messing around with the smoke alarm in the other side of the house and didn’t hear it) so they had notified the emergency services, and they were on their way. Fuck.

They said they’d notify emergency services that it was a false alarm and not attend. I thanked them and hung up, pottered around for a few minutes then went back to bed. That’s when I noticed the flashing lights outside my house. Fuck.

Luckily it wasn’t the fire truck or police, they had turned back. But a guy from the volunteer fire department had decided to check in anyway to make sure I was ok. I thanked him and apologized for his trouble, and he left.

I finally got into bed. And of course couldn’t get back to sleep. Took me another 90 minutes. To make it worse I had to go into the office today, a 2 hour commute each way, so I had to get up at 5am and leave early, so it was just the worst possible time for all that to happen.

Normally something like that would make me irritable as fuck.

But there wasn’t a single moment throughout all of that where I wasn’t completely calm and simply accepting of what was going on, and just dealing with it.

No annoyance or frustration or negative emotion of any kind. Even lying in bed afterwards and not being able to sleep would normally annoy the hell out of me, but not this time. I did sigh a few times in resignation though.

That was from only 1 week of listening. Just amazing.

[Avengers68]

Yes this sub is building a strong resilience

[bujin]

@Avengers68

Yes this sub is building a strong resilience

More like it’s helping you accept what is, without judgement.

Just float down the river, don’t swim against the current.

[bujin]

@SaintSovereign

Something like Renaissance Man

I’ve decided I’ll give this stack a shot. CWN + RM.

I should probably wait until the next cycle before introducing it, but fuck it, I’m running it right now. I already have a nice taste of what CWN does on its own.

One loop of each every listening day.

[bujin]

I notice both subs work on enhancing emotions, so this will be very interesting.

[bujin]

The objectives of CWN and RM sound very compatible, but while CWN feels passive, RM sounds like it’s more active and expansive. So how the two integrate will be fascinating to experience.

[Sub.Zero]

@bujin

CWN feels passive

Does it make you procrastinate or kill your drive?

[bujin]

@Sub.Zero

Does it make you procrastinate or kill your drive?

Nope, it reduces procrastination. Procrastination comes from some resistance to doing what you need to do, but that resistance goes away once you simply accept what is. You accept without judgment and just do what you need to do.

I can’t speak about drive, since I don’t really have any these days. I’ve mostly achieved what I wanted so I’m fairly content. I mostly just do what interests me, I’m not really trying to achieve anything in particular.

Edit: By drive I assume you mean actively working towards goals, like wealth etc. I do have things that “drive” me but they’re more experiential, not hard goals.

[Malkuth]

Allowing is its own kind of activity.

[bujin]

@Sub.Zero

@bujin

CWN feels passive

Does it make you procrastinate or kill your drive?

BTW, by passive I mean the effects are passive, not that it makes me passive.

[Sub.Zero]

How about connecting and communicating with people? Any difference?

[bujin]

@Sub.Zero

How about connecting and communicating with people? Any difference?

I’ve noticed greater empathy with all animals, including humans.

But I’m fortunate to not have to deal with people face-to-face much anymore. People are fucked up.

[bujin]

@Sub.Zero

How about connecting and communicating with people? Any difference?

I’ve also noticed I’m more likely to be truthful about what I think or feel, even if it offends people.