Building a damn strong foundation (Asc, LB, Stark)

Journals - Major Programs
#28

If theres any time i could see daredevil shine it is right now. My friend just got corona so he cant go to the festival with me. Its a big holiday in my vountry so litterly everyone else already has plans, or is scheduled to work due to how busy everywhere is right now. Meaning that in a bit ill be going solo to a music festival. Im quite anxious about it ngl and in the past i probably wouldnt have gone at all. But it feels dumb to leave a possibly amazing experience just because im anxious about going solo.

Im already happy that i went at all, but ill have to see how it goes when im there. Worst case scenario i listened to some good live music while feeling anxious, even than it still beats sitting at home doing nothing.

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#29

I had a good time. Nothing to special. At first i joined a froend group, but i quickly found out that they werent exactly my people and i didnt feel that at ease with them, so i ditched them and just enjoyed myself. It was actually really fun, i didnt know anyone there and i wasnt gonna see anyone there again so i felt complete freedom to just do whatever the fuck i liked. I really liked that.

I wasnt being as social as id like though. While i did have a lot of quick conversations with people, i didnt neccessairly feel like i made much friends. I guess that what i desire, having an easier time making actual good friends with new people, rather than just a bunch of smalltalk with a bunch of people.

All in all i had a good time enjoying some techno and house and and all that. For now i decided to meet up with some friends tonight in my hometown to go into town, it did feel somewhat lonely so i wanted To get out with some friends too. Cant say that much about the effect of daredevil or ascension or whatever else as i didnt notice that much. Im sure a bunch of changes are happening under my radar though and its only a matter of time until i look back and realise just how much has changed.

#30

Im back in reconville. Im pretty sure its mostly caused by being unable to accept wanteds new reality its trying to impose. After a lifetime of feeling less than other ppl, its not easy to suddenly accept WANTED. The sub is digging deep and my mind doesnt like it. In a weird way recon seems to be getting especcially bad when girls are actually showing interest in me. At moments like that it feels like my mind isnt accepting what is happening and i just kinda wanna run away and be alone. Its very strange.

This pattern is somewhat also there with the other sub. Like externally i act way different than my thought. Like with daredevil for instance, i effortlessly talk to basically everyone around me and have a good time, and than i suddenly get hit by anxiety afterwards. Its very strange and really annoying.

Ascension has been the least noticable sub of my stack at this point. It doesnt neccessairly feel like the suit of armor that others have been talking about. I dont really “feel” any different to be honest. Im not saying it isnt doing anything as thats clearly not the case with all the recon it has given me in the past, but i am hoping to gain more of that internal sense of power

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#31

What solutions have you tried so far?

#32

Im taking it a bit slow. My washout is coming up very soon so im just kinda having faith in the process at this point. I dont think i can do very much aside from just letting happen what needs to happen.

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#33

What about 3 minutes per ZP title? See link below.

#34

In currently averaging about 9 minutes per sub as i did 7 on my previous cycle. My fear with dropping it much lower is that it hasnt been an official recommendation yet. The thing i love about subclub is how reliable it is. When you play a sub for long enough, youll know youll get the results, meanwhile my fear is by experimenting to much with a schedule that seemingly is still in the “testing” phase, i fear i miss out on that reliability and may just be wasting my time.

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#35

Saint mentioned in his journal that anyone who can is free to test 3 minutes. He is running it himself that way, apparently.
It’s not exactly an “official” recommendation, but definitely by one of the founders.

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#36

Hmm i may just compromise and go with 5 minutes. Currently it does seem slightly to much so a hit of a drop down could definitely be good.

#37

Now that i think about it i think it all just comes down to me beinngway to sensitive to rejection. Not getting attraction was never the problem now that i think about it. I got attraction, i just never dared to act on it as that opened me up to rejection. Its so bad that im realisinng ive never actually asked someone out aside from when i was 100% certain it was gonna be a yes, or i already felt like i got rejected.

And now that the attraction is increasing due to wanted im forced to confront this big fear.

The impact of this fear transcends seduction, almost all my problems are somewhat related to it. it has been such a gigantic nuissance on my quality of life in so many different ways without me even realising it. In some sense it has completely shaped me to who i am.

Me realising this is quite a big step. How im gonna get over it i have no fucking idea.

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Welcome to the Dark
#38

You address fears by challenging them head-on. I relate deeply with everything you said, it feels like you’re describing me actually. I feel like the only way to get over that fear of rejection is by constantly putting yourself in situations where you would be rejected.

It’s definitely easier said than done. I’ve become more comfortable with rejection in most spheres, but romance is the hardest one for me to overcome personally.

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#39

when i read this my mind came with a milion different excuses why this wouldnt work. This much ressistance probably means that this is indeed what needs to be done.

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#40

It’s what’s best worked for me in the past, in a variety of situations.

A good mental exercise would be to work through those million excuses one by one, and see just how valid they are as excuses.

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#41

I did a five minute loop and it still was a bit to much. Think i may be in overloadville at this point. Im yielding and going for an early washout.

Lack of sleep today alsof definitely didnt help. I had an incredibly early lesson and since it takes me like 2 hourd to get to uni to begin with…. Yeahhh my sleep is going to hell.

#42

For as much as ive een complaining about recon, i am genuienly really happy with my stack and definitely wanna continue for quite a bit more time on it. The fact that it even brought up as deeply rooted issues as i mentioned above just shows you how deep these subs have already digged. I recon its only gonna get better from here (at least in the longterm lol).

#43

I remember someone here saying “to someone insecure, confidence feels like arrogance”.
This is a bit what im also struggling with right now.

Probably due to WANTED, a feeling creeps up that to me, feels somewhat narcistic. It feels like a feeling that is extremely repressed after years of living with so much internal BS. I kinda need to embrace this feeling and fully develop my internal confidence.
Man i can really tell this stack is working on some deep shit. I can safely say that at this point WANTED is the main sub. Kinda makes sense given how much harder to obtain its goals are compared to the other two subs. Ascension and daredevil do a perfect job though of containing WANTED and keeping mme doing what i love doing and being who i am.

I can already tell, my live is about to make a big turn. Going from often feeling inferior to others, to healthy confidence and inner strength, with a hint of superiority.

The next step to really allow this confidence to fully develop, is with action (and acceptance). Allow this feeling to come, and act accordingly. Allow myself to do what i want and get rejected, and dont beat myself up over it. Accept that i myself already am freaking awesome.

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#44

PHYSICAL SHIFTING IS INSANE!!

So just now i got a peek of my dickey mouse down there. No kidding, i think it genuienly was like 1.5X as big. This is like actually insane and really proves how powerfull physical shifting is.

With this i do want to clear some cultural context. So i live in the netherlands. Im fairly certain here insecurities about dick size are barely a thing. Ive at least never heard someone talk about it at all and im pretty sure almost everybody here is satisfied with their size and its never a limiting factor. (i think were like the country with the biggest dick size or something on average?) . With this, this result was one i cared very little about (although id be lying if i said i dint feel like the fucking man rn) and probably barely had any ressistance for. This most likely made it a lot easier for me to get results in this area compared to americans, where people care a whole lot more about such a thing(if my knowledge that comes from sitcoms is accurate at least lol). But for anyone that wants this kind of result, just know that WANTED is damn powerfull and its 100% possible!

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#45

Mann, procrastination has been so freaking high lately. I reallt need to spend less time on my phone. The thinng is though, i really just dont feel like learning these subjects i currently have, and doing anything else while i should be learning feels wrong. So that keeps me stuck in a bit of a limbo where i just waste time on my phone doing basically nothing. I think im gonna limit my screen time for a bit, see if that goes better.

#46

For the first time it seems like my washout is working as a major boost in results!

My shame seems to be very much reduced. I think this is a side effect from the increased confidence. I really just dont care much about what others think of me.

With this ive also just been hella social lately and feeling really good. It feels like im livingg life more for myself rather than to impress others if that makes sense.

Overall im feeling mighty fine! I cant say that im having invictus type of results, but considering my starting point, its still hella impressive! Im getting over a lot fo big hurdles ive held with me my entire life, and i can definitely tell that this stack is tremendously bettering my day to day!

I do want to clear up why exactly i use daredevil for my “foundation”. It may seem a bit of an odd choice, but in my teens ive felt incredibly insecure about my social skills. This was back than a major selfperceived issue. While luckily i grew out of this with age, but theres still a remnant of that fear inside of me. This is exactly why i want to truly experience being “the life of every party” for a bit. Im well aware that this isnt a longterm plan and i dont desire to party all day every day for the rest of my life or anything like that. I do greatly feel like i need to get this out of my system for a while though. This uninhibited kind of energy is exactly what im looking for to set me free from these kind of insecurities rn.
In a lot of ways this has already worked, writing this was hard for me for the simple fact that it im having trouble bringing these feelings i had in the past back.
To a much lesser extend they do sometimes still appear though in situations when i perveive myself being rejected in some form.

Shit i guess that this is the real reason im so keen on using daredevil. Im hoping that the feeling that is at its root caused by my fear of rejection will dissappear completely.

Well i really let my adhd (and lack of sleep) fully out while writing this lmfaoo, so it is quite all over the place. That said i hope for someone reading this may help in some form. I know writing this certainly helped me.

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#47

I like it, you know what one of your biggest blocks are and you use a program that addresses it directly. +++ idea :+1:

In my early teens I just decided that girls was not for me, and I spent the next 15 years self-sabotaging around women. So now I use Wanted because it goes straight to the point and challenges that belief. Just as you I don’t have a lot of it left but sometimes it comes out subconsciously on autopilot, it’s like an invicible wall that comes up.

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