I did a five minute loop and it still was a bit to much. Think i may be in overloadville at this point. Im yielding and going for an early washout.
Lack of sleep today alsof definitely didnt help. I had an incredibly early lesson and since it takes me like 2 hourd to get to uni to begin with…. Yeahhh my sleep is going to hell.
For as much as ive een complaining about recon, i am genuienly really happy with my stack and definitely wanna continue for quite a bit more time on it. The fact that it even brought up as deeply rooted issues as i mentioned above just shows you how deep these subs have already digged. I recon its only gonna get better from here (at least in the longterm lol).
I remember someone here saying “to someone insecure, confidence feels like arrogance”.
This is a bit what im also struggling with right now.
Probably due to WANTED, a feeling creeps up that to me, feels somewhat narcistic. It feels like a feeling that is extremely repressed after years of living with so much internal BS. I kinda need to embrace this feeling and fully develop my internal confidence.
Man i can really tell this stack is working on some deep shit. I can safely say that at this point WANTED is the main sub. Kinda makes sense given how much harder to obtain its goals are compared to the other two subs. Ascension and daredevil do a perfect job though of containing WANTED and keeping mme doing what i love doing and being who i am.
I can already tell, my live is about to make a big turn. Going from often feeling inferior to others, to healthy confidence and inner strength, with a hint of superiority.
The next step to really allow this confidence to fully develop, is with action (and acceptance). Allow this feeling to come, and act accordingly. Allow myself to do what i want and get rejected, and dont beat myself up over it. Accept that i myself already am freaking awesome.
PHYSICAL SHIFTING IS INSANE!!
So just now i got a peek of my dickey mouse down there. No kidding, i think it genuienly was like 1.5X as big. This is like actually insane and really proves how powerfull physical shifting is.
With this i do want to clear some cultural context. So i live in the netherlands. Im fairly certain here insecurities about dick size are barely a thing. Ive at least never heard someone talk about it at all and im pretty sure almost everybody here is satisfied with their size and its never a limiting factor. (i think were like the country with the biggest dick size or something on average?) . With this, this result was one i cared very little about (although id be lying if i said i dint feel like the fucking man rn) and probably barely had any ressistance for. This most likely made it a lot easier for me to get results in this area compared to americans, where people care a whole lot more about such a thing(if my knowledge that comes from sitcoms is accurate at least lol). But for anyone that wants this kind of result, just know that WANTED is damn powerfull and its 100% possible!
Mann, procrastination has been so freaking high lately. I reallt need to spend less time on my phone. The thinng is though, i really just dont feel like learning these subjects i currently have, and doing anything else while i should be learning feels wrong. So that keeps me stuck in a bit of a limbo where i just waste time on my phone doing basically nothing. I think im gonna limit my screen time for a bit, see if that goes better.
For the first time it seems like my washout is working as a major boost in results!
My shame seems to be very much reduced. I think this is a side effect from the increased confidence. I really just dont care much about what others think of me.
With this ive also just been hella social lately and feeling really good. It feels like im livingg life more for myself rather than to impress others if that makes sense.
Overall im feeling mighty fine! I cant say that im having invictus type of results, but considering my starting point, its still hella impressive! Im getting over a lot fo big hurdles ive held with me my entire life, and i can definitely tell that this stack is tremendously bettering my day to day!
I do want to clear up why exactly i use daredevil for my “foundation”. It may seem a bit of an odd choice, but in my teens ive felt incredibly insecure about my social skills. This was back than a major selfperceived issue. While luckily i grew out of this with age, but theres still a remnant of that fear inside of me. This is exactly why i want to truly experience being “the life of every party” for a bit. Im well aware that this isnt a longterm plan and i dont desire to party all day every day for the rest of my life or anything like that. I do greatly feel like i need to get this out of my system for a while though. This uninhibited kind of energy is exactly what im looking for to set me free from these kind of insecurities rn.
In a lot of ways this has already worked, writing this was hard for me for the simple fact that it im having trouble bringing these feelings i had in the past back.
To a much lesser extend they do sometimes still appear though in situations when i perveive myself being rejected in some form.
Shit i guess that this is the real reason im so keen on using daredevil. Im hoping that the feeling that is at its root caused by my fear of rejection will dissappear completely.
Well i really let my adhd (and lack of sleep) fully out while writing this lmfaoo, so it is quite all over the place. That said i hope for someone reading this may help in some form. I know writing this certainly helped me.
I like it, you know what one of your biggest blocks are and you use a program that addresses it directly. +++ idea 
In my early teens I just decided that girls was not for me, and I spent the next 15 years self-sabotaging around women. So now I use Wanted because it goes straight to the point and challenges that belief. Just as you I don’t have a lot of it left but sometimes it comes out subconsciously on autopilot, it’s like an invicible wall that comes up.
Thats a great call man! WANTED definitely sounds like the perfect sub for you. I imagine you may be in a similair place as i described above, where after all that time “missing out”, you wanna go and enjoy the player life for a while.
Hows this sub been treating you so far?
Technically ive done a five day washout now, but honestly, im enjoying it so much i wanna make it a few days longer. After this im continuing with the same stack and probably gonna do loops of 5 minutes
Usually when you have that hunch about a certain program I have noticed it is usually because it hits that blindspot you have.
It’s going good, I can feel after my first cycle how it is really digging deep. I’m on a washout now and will see about the bloom. Also started to get some hair back in my hair folds and physique is feeling on point.
Weirdly enough it seems that now daredevil is more integrated, it also allows me to be more confortable in silence, and letting others talk, rather than just talkingr all the time.
Either way though i feel hella confortable and not much pressure on me like i used too.
I also reread some of my old journals on this forum. Usually when i reread or remember things from my past i cringe quite a bit, bit this time was different. I genuienly really liked the way i write and what i experienced. It all also feels very… authentic when i read it, like im not trying to hide anything. This feels quite a bit different from my old norm where i felt shame about quite a lot of things about my personality, experiences, insecurities etc and prefered to just hide them away for nobody else to see.
I think this may be the ZP primer in action, or possibly something WANTED related, taking away all my shame and allowing myself to be more… myself. My life may not be perfect, especcially not in things related to seduction and discipline. but i genuienly really like myself right now and dont feel like i have much to be ashamed off.
(Ive apparently spend like 3 full cycles on love bomb ZP sonce release at this point so i guess it makes sense that i feel this way over myself at this point lol)
You know, in my head i always made this story that i was such a loner. Truthfully though, ive never really been alone in the slightest. A lot of days im actually kinda glad when i get some time for myself to relax. For mt entire life ive had a bunch of friends that i hanged out with quite often. Multible different friendgroups with all different kinds of people. Ive always made this story in my head that with time though i would lose all those frieends, never making new ones, and than id be completely alone.
While ofcourse i have lost plenty of friends with age as everyone does, over time ive honestly only ever made more and more friends as i started going to uni, getting a job, sports etc.
Theres a small part of me that still believes that with time all this will fall apart and ill be alone.
Truthfully though, its more about me in the past FEELING like im alone, rather than ever being alone in the slightest.
So guess its time for me to go to the store buy some new believes and get rid of these rusty old ones. They just dont match my reality at all but for some reason i never truly considered to challenge them directly.
Last update of the day, but also wanna give some praise to ascension. The inner power is definitely shining, i feel very… i wanna say mighty.
Like there is a very strong sense of self and confidence. Yet this is all without me feeling like im better than others or anything like that. This confidence is internal rather than external. I really like how this feels and am curious how this feeling will evolve with my next cycle.
Weirdly enough my results got a lot worse after my washout. I only did a 5 minute loop but that seemed to lessen the results i described above a lot and im feeling more anxious again. This could also be due to lack of sleep though, ive been waking up around 7:00 for whatever reason, wich means ive only been getting 6 hours of sleep lately. Its really freaking annoying.
Overexposure seems to give me insomnia, I’m wondering if your brain is finally working on processing the ‘queue’ of subliminal input so it’s making you stay up for some reason.
The queue being processed could very well be whats happening. Ascension is also known to make ppl wake up early so the fact that that part is being processed could definitely be the cause.
In a dream its also been made clear what im currently experiencing recon about and whats changing. It is, like i mentioned a while ago, my rejection sensitivity (and thereby also my jealousy as its heavily related) thats being worked on.
In my dream i was in a big screening of some movie. Almost every seed was taken so i had to pull some strings to get a seat, than i suddenly notice some people i recognized sitting behind me. We started talking and having a fun time while the movie was actually playing. This ofcourse got on the nerves of other people and soon i noticed every person in the bio looking at us and they all said at the same time “shut up”. A bit ashamed i turned around and started watching the movie. Than suddenly a specific girl that rejected me a while Back appeared in the bio. She started being really excited to see my friend (that she doesnt know irl) and they started reminiscing. I assumed she hadnt moticed i was there so i just continued to watch the movie, untill she quickly turned her attention to me, said “and you need to shut up” (in a bit of a playfull way) and than moved back to the other side lf the room to have a seat.
I remember this, somewhat harmless remark, combined with the fact that she didnt really play any attention to me at all and just my friend, made me feel completely rejected and made me feel awfull. It was quite an intense emotions and till the end of the dream i was just there feeling really bad about myself and hoping to get her attention.
As you can see what i describe above is an extremely different reaction than someone who is truly WANTED would have.
Im quite confident that this is exactly whats being worked on right now. this feeling i get when i dont get the attention from a girl that i desire, thats the thing that i need to let go off and change. This is very much the same feeling that leads to my fear of rejection and sometimes jealousy.
Because of how intense my reaction can be (on the inside) to something seemingly minor, im almost certain its something trauma related in some way. What type of trauma i have absolutely jo clue, most likely something when i was extremely small that wasnt that big of a deal, but little kid me for some reason took to heart and created a believe out of.
Im getting sick and tired of waking up this early. Today i went to bed an hour earlier than normal, and now i woke up at 6:00…. I dont function on 6 hours of sleep, why does my body keep trying to make it work.
Ive been listening very very little so i dont think its anything related to overload. I think this may just be ascension pushing me to become a morning person like some people have been reporting. If this is the case than im considering removing it from my stack. (Possibly due to my adhd) i function a LOT worse on low sleep than most others do, i really just barely function. if this will be the new norm than this sacrifice just simply dont outweigh the positives.
The thing that scares me a bit though, is that becoming a morning person is also a report ive heard people have on stark. Stark for me is one of the major subs that building a foundation and all that leads to. I really want to express that sub properly, and its gonna be incredibly saddening if i wont be able to run it because of this.
Procrastination has also been very very strong, and im not really makinng my deadlines. Normally id be able to do it last moment, but on such low sleep i just cant.
Cant say much else as far as results go, low sleep has been fucking everything. My desire to be around people is absolutely 0.
I dont even gain anything by waking up early. The only thing thats happenign is, i wake up very early, feel so tired that im even more unable to get out of bed, and than when i finally am forced to get out of bed, its the same time it would be normally. The only difference is im far more tired.
I feel you, had a similar problem with waking up too early. The solution came unexpectedly.
I have this application on my phone which contains many isochronic(binaural) programs but what is most important there are many sleeping ones.
Like today I woke up at 6:16 still somehow tired. It is a weekend damn, so I opened my phone and played one of the sleeping programs which were bringing me back to my delta waves which are the deepest waves when you sleep. So I slept another one hour. It is also great if you could not fall asleep.
I am very glad about that because sometimes I woke up even at 4:50 or 5:30.
